Holiday (all of 'em!) Stress

[Marlene]

I've been reading here and there that the holiday crap is starting up again for a lot of us. So I'm starting a vent thread for anyone who wants it. I'll start.

**There are only three people in my husband's family (my family is all out of state) that have homes big enough to host Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. One is mine. Last year there was no way in hell I could have hosted a meal. Even though one of them was my turn. Well this year, my husband told me that his mother had said she was having the meals at her house because she wanted all of her kids to come to visit her (a real rarity). OK...then the emails started flying about no one wanting to travel, isn't it Lisa's turn?, I've got visitors and can't do it, what do we do?, etc.

I just sent an email to all parties this morning stating, although I'm much better this year, I'm not up to having a house full of people. Actually the thought of that makes me feel sick to my stomach. I typed it, gulped down my fear of appearing weak in front of my in-laws (sometimes I feel like a lamb with a broken leg in front of a pack of wolves..they can be that bad) and hit the 'send' button.

At this point...I could care less about all of this. I refuse, absolutely refuse to let these people stress me out again. I'll stay home and eat a can of spaghetti-o's first! I was proud of myself that I said what needed to be said for myself and they (in-laws) can deal with it or not. I don't care.

Lisa

[becvan]

Oh yes the holidays are rearing their ugly head again! Thanks for starting this thread Marlene!

Although my Thanksgiving is done.. X-mas is already an issue. Getting pressure to go back to Fort and I'm just not ready to go back there. My son is homesick to go to Fort but again.. I just don't think I can handle it. I feel guilty from numerous sources but going back would mean getting really sick again!

I've boughten almost all the X-mas gifts already to cut down on the financial crunch. I have my dinner planned out. Ham, potatoes, corn and pumpkin pie. It would just be Matt and I here but I'm happy with that.

I can't stand the pressure that a person gets for this holiday. The self-guilt is enough without the extra's from family!!

bec

[Kathy]

With all my children, grandchildren, various extended family and friends, I truly am feeling like Santa Claus this year! I have had to make a list and check it twice to make sure I haven't forgotten anyone. It is thankfully not a monetary issue for me however it does get rather tiresome in any event. Not to mention all the Christmas cards we send out every year, which I haven't even started yet. And we are going away this Christmas, so I must have everything prepared extra early, which only adds to the pressure of it all.

[veiled]

Ahhh, love the pressures of being around the groups. Already fended off some of the Thanksgiving and Christmas "assaults". My mom called and I said do not even try, ain't happening.

But now I have hubs family. I think I will be feeling worlds better by then (I hope) but I see it as coming out of this phase to go and do Thanksgiving as potential for disaster. Many of his family tease him that they do not think he really has a wife as I am a no show for holidays and have never met any beyond his sister and husband and his parents. I plan to bake and just send a lot of warm wishes with hubs when he goes with the kids.

Christmas. Hell, no. Not sure why but this one just really freaks me out. I prefer to hide in bed after the kids do the Santa thing at home. They go to inlaws and to church for the plays and have a big thing over there. I will bake and send warm wishes again. Holidays and I are most certainly oil and water.

I think I would just rather not be in a room full of many strangers and drop out sick in front of people I just met. I do not like the holidays and see no reason I should have to go fake it. Like when I still spoke to my dad and family from all over would go to my grand parent's. You wander room to room to hear them gossiping in the next room about various parts of the family. Never could wrap my mind around why such a huge group would always gather to "celebrate" when it was so clear they could not stand one another and thought so little of those people they are related to. And it was really mind blowing how I could hear them bad mouthing a person and then when they were face to face act like they just loved this person dearly. Again, someone can wake me when it is over!!!!

[ruddy]

I guess holidays are fun for people who have families that work and play well together. My family members should not get together at the same time and place. It's downright dangerous!

I've developed my own holiday tradition. I volunteer to serve food and clean up at the local homeless shelter. After working my butt off doing that, there's no way I'm buying my mother's guilt trip for being a no show. It's not as stressful; I've yet to see any of the homeless or volunteers physically assault one another. It's much better than spending the day with a friend's family; that only reminds me of the happy loving family I don't have. And at the end of the day, I feel pretty darn good, instead of having the urge to swill several glasses of beer. . .

That's what works for me. As for the rest of the holiday stuff, bah humbug.

[vera]

i'll go over to my parents' (they live 6 hours from here, on the state border). it's usually funny... with children and young people and some very nice old people... it's not formal at all, the kind of friendly party where people group by age/interest to "eat drink and be merry" and hug eachother a lot, and you have a long table with children playing with their microscopes while they eat on one end, adults catching up on their lives in the middle and all the youth on the other end, with a laptop on the table. (last year, in between dishes, we took the family teens (17+) on a ride through sex-ed websites, and discused with them std rates and safe sex and sexual orientation tolerance... it felt so natural, and we all asked losts of questions and looked them up, and i guess it was great to use the very little time we have around eachother to try to give them info to keep themselves healthy. it was like out christmass gift to them).

so, in a way, i'm excited about going. even though loud noises like fireworks trigger me.
on the other hand, it's the family's first christmas without grandma. she died recently, and she was like the head of the clan, so i'm hoping it doesn't end up with everybody crying drunk and looking at old photos of her. that makes me kinda anxious.

[She Cat]

The holidays are so much fun....Around here they start in Aug. The Christmas decorations are starting to be put up, and by Halloween we have pumpkins under the fully dressed trees. Cute......

By the time Thanksgiving has come and gone the real fun starts. Black Friday.....People are now officially nuts on this day as they gather at the stores at 2 am in the morning to get the latest and greatest at 1/2 price. All 3000 people standing in line for the 1 T.V or the 1 computer, or the 1 whatever. 3000 people all fighting to get that 1 item....

The people, the sights, the sounds....all of the assaults on my senses....NO THANKS!!!!!!!!

I think that there should be open season on the fat man in the red suit, give Frosty a blow torch to play with, and someone PLEASE pull the plug on the radio stations that play Christmas songs till I want to puke.

It used to be fun as a kid to take a late night drive around the neighborhood to see all of the beautifully decorated houses....NOW OMG!!!!! They are way over done, some are on the edge of hideous, and some could light up 3rd world countries with the lights they have in their front yards...

Thank god for online shopping, and gift cards is all I can say.....

[Marlene]

Thank god for online shopping, and gift cards is all I can say.....

Oh Amen, sister!!!! I've done a great deal of my shopping already online. Actually the first box arrived yesterday in the mail.

If there are a few gifts that I have to purchase in the 'real world' I make sure to time it just right to have the fewest people to contend with and take a family member with me to run tackle for me. Even my family can't stand the stores anymore. The stores are overheated, overloaded with crap (yeah, I want to buy reindeer poop candy or a statue of Santa sitting in an out-house...get real!), over filled with loud, obnoxious, pushy people, the Christmas music is too loud. Nothing like retailers to catch the real spirit of Christmas!!

Does anyone else out there have a radio station that starts playing 24/7 Christmas music on Thanksgiving day? Can you say just a BIT too much???

Do the terms 'subtle' and 'low-keyed' mean anything to these people anymore???

Lisa

[2quilt]

I have a related thread, and I am not sure if the powers above want it here in this CHAT area or in the PTSD subject area. I will attempt to start my own thread question, asking for advice.

[ovation228]

I will most likely avoid rlthe family gatherings this year. I don't think I will be allowed to visit my in-laws in Loisiana. I hardly know my family here in Maryland.

[2quilt]

I am going to spend Thanksgiving with married friends, one who is supportive and one who triggers my PTSD badly.
Christmastime with Darling Husband alone just the two of us as usual, since I have abandoned my biological family long ago, and he prefers not to spend holidays with his, bless his heart, because he knows how crazy human beings can get.

[veiled]

I think that there should be open season on the fat man in the red suit, give Frosty a blow torch to play with, and someone PLEASE pull the plug on the radio stations that play Christmas songs till I want to puke.

LMAO, way too true!

[illuminating_anchor]

why don't you js ditch the night all together

[veiled]

Most of us do, thanks though...

[Grama-Herc]

Well, here I go again, stirring the pot and causing problems. When the holidays come along, people start turning into monsters. Gripping about their family, long trips, buying gifts and causing chaos in general!

I have a daughter I have not heard from in almost 15 years. I don't even know if she is dead or alive. She has chosen to cut me out of her life because of the way I raised her while in the middle of my "Problem" before I got help. She has every right to feel this way BUT those of you who have family and relatives should be on your knees thanking your higher power that youm have them

Were it not for the REBUILT relationship I have with my m om I'm not sure I would even make it through the holidays by myself-alone!

Now that I got that off my chest.!>!>! Mother and I have the perfect plans for the holidays. We plan to pig out on good food tomorrow, begin to decorate our new townhome, put beautifully wrapped EMPTY packages under the tree and sit back and enjoy the holiday sights and sounds with NO STRESS OR PRESSURE. Niether one of us needs or wants anything and besides since moving in together WE Got No Room for anything.

We both are actually looking forward to quiet and relaxed time. I wish all of you Happy Holidays from HERC and her Mom and her 3 Cats

[kers]

I'm glad you've got a good relationship with your mom to help you through the holidays, herc.

You're not stirring the pot, but please be aware that the folks here have many different family situations. It can hurt to be told to be grateful for having family members if those family members were the ones who caused the PTSD.

[Grama-Herc]

Kers

How right you are and how insensitive of me to forget that fact. I may actually fit into that mold but just can not remember .

Hope my post has not caused you any discomfort or stress. Especially during the time of year that is hard on all of us. Chin up my friend We all step on someones toes in here once ina while.. Sorry HERC

[kers]

No problem at all, Herc--it's nice to be able to deal with it so politely and kindly! Have a nice holiday.

[Nam]

So...did everyone make it through?

[Grama-Herc]

Well, Hercules did survive and quite nicely I might add

I did all the cooking--which is a joke cuz I can not cook! Put up the tree and started decorating it. Mom had a day of rest and relaxation and simply enjoying watching me look for an hour for the stupid hooks that hold the decorations on the tree. A stupid package of 99 cent tree hooks almost drove me nuts. My OCD kicked in and I would not give up untill I found them.

I set a beautiful table for mom. Even had real napkins and candles. We enjoyed our meal together and "THEN" she fell! ! ! ! DAM IT This is not a new problem She has been falling her entire life but it still unnerves me. Table, lamp, decorations, a glass of water all went flying but SHE WAS NOT HURT and is fine this morning.

So how was everyone else's holiday????????????????

I on the other

[She Cat]

I survived, and actually enjoyed it. Spent it with a couple of friends. We talked, laughed, ate, and had fun.....

Now Christmas will be another story.......Still think that there ought to be open season on the fat man in the red suit....

[nor]

Well, I made it-even with the son of my abuser, sitting at the head of our dinner table. My family (husband, son and I) sat at a separate table in the family room, just off from the diningroom. My explanation was that it gave everyone more room to move around at the big table. I guess it was my way of not being so close to my abuser's entire family. Even though he is dead now, his memory is definitely prominent during the holidays. My sister always freaks out around now, and I fight a lot of OCD habits as well.

Anyway, I made it through. Washed dishes in the kitchen the entire time. Thank god there were a lot of them!

We cut down our Christmas tree yesterday, and I just wanted to do nothing today-had a hard time getting up out of bed. But my husband and son got me to put the lights on the tree, and we are going to put the ornaments on later.

My mother was going to help me out a little, financially, with the cost of Thanksgiving-but it looks like she has forgotten-great.....

Next up, I have 25+ people over for Christmas Eve. Not sure how I am going to handle THAT! But, I don't want to think about that just yet-just want to be relieved that I made it through Thanksgiving.

nor

[Marlene]

I survived...but I'm so glad to be home. Thanksgiving this year was a lot smaller than usual (people wise)...thank goodness. Even with less people it was tough for me to be in the room with all of them. But I still found a way to do it...in a chair out of the main flow of people.

Usually on Thanksgiving my husband's family will all do a name draw for Christmas gifts. Since there are so many people, it gets expensive. This was everyone just has one gift to buy another. When I brought it up to my MIL, she said they weren't doing it this year. OK...that was odd. I found out from talking to my husband and youngest on the way home that my MIL is tired of just a few of us doing all of the planning and such each year and everyone is one their own, basically, this year. Not quite sure how that's going to be managed, but I'll have to figure it out.

I was proud of myself. I had told my SIL's and my MIL via email that I wasn't up to hosting a holiday meal this year. I told my husband I didn't know if I was ever going to be up to having almost two dozen people in my house again. I told my in-laws on Thursday this bit of information. They didn't say anything, but I got it out without stammering. So that's something.

Lisa

[Nicolette]

Good for you Lisa that you set boundaries for your own well being.

Proud of you :occasion:

[txmomof3]

Is it January yet?:eek: I made it through Thanksgiving...but now starts the Christmas season. I would love to just simplify the whole thing as we have gotten so far away from the true meaning of Christmas. However, the rest of my family doesn't see it that way...so we meet in the middle.

I think the biggest thing for me right now is the amount of social activity that occurs during this time of year. I am doing good to go for coffee once a week with a trusted friend...and all of a sudden I am supposed to do several social events a week?

[Marlene]

Good for you Lisa that you set boundaries for your own well being.

Proud of you

Thanks, Nicolette! I made sure my husband was sitting right next to me (moral support) when I made the announcement.

It is for my well being...but man, that was a tough one.

Lisa

[Nicolette]

I made sure my husband was sitting right next to me (moral support) when I made the announcement.

Good work Lisa for being strong and smart enough to use the resources around you to get through a difficult situation and turning it into an empowering one :thumbs-up

[Marlene]

In an effort to keep the holidays as stress-free (or as close to it as possible) I talked to my family about changing the normal decoration and location of the tree. I got the ok to do whatever I felt I needed to do. I went to the store with my youngest and we found a simple tree of lights. I put it on the side board next to my dining table.

That way it's out of the main family area (and I didn't have to move things to put up the usual tree) and if I don't want to look at it, I don't have to. It's surprising how much just two changes have helped me so far. Plus buying all gifts online this year and avoiding the shops is one of the biggest help.

My oldest daughter was asking about Christmas dinner. I told her that I was thinking about buying it from a deli or a take out place. Got a big 'thumbs up' for keeping with the simple theme.

I wish I'd thought of this years ago.

Lisa

[Grama-Herc]

Good for you for your thinking. Mom and I have put up a beautiful tree and the packages are all under the tree.

They are all empty! ! ! ! Neither one of us need anything, but she enjoys her tree so much we decided to just enjoy the season and avoid all the other shit.

Oh Yea, the meal. The best holiday meal we ever had that we "pick up" was from Boston Market. Good prices and fantastic side dishes and pies and cakes and baked chicken or turkey. Just thought I would share! Anyway, glad you are doing ok and handling this holiday pressure. Mom and I are enjoying our pretty tree, the holiday music and programs on TV and experiencing "O" stress. Of course our tree looks like Santa came for a family of 6 because of all the "presents" under the tree. LOL!

Anyway, have a happy holiday with your family and keep me posted on the baby when it comes.

Your buddy GRAMA HERC

[goingonhope]

I've been reading here and there that the holiday crap is starting up again for a lot of us. So I'm starting a vent thread for anyone who wants it.
Great idea, Marlene! Apparently, I had forgotten the ridiculous added stress that the holiday's can bring. For me, the worst of this stress results from things that occur or happen outside of my control.

Take this coming Christmas, for example:

Who would've thunk it, that in the last 20 min. not only did I trip and fall over a laundry basket in my basement and land sprawled out across the room, but moments later while carrying more 'x'mas stuff down to the basement, I nearly slipped, on my stockings, and could've easily have broken my back, given the type of fall I almost took. It was certainly a some real scare! It sucked! And, then I was so ticked off, for some absurd reasoning, I couldn't think straight enough to measure my distance between me and the walls and twice I banged into them. Now it would appear, I'm currently on overly prescribed medications or something; (which I haven't needed any medicine lately, or perhaps I've hit the bottle, (which couldn't be further from the truth.) The whole damn thing has me PO'd off.

What it is is frustration, lack of sufficient time and me feeling I must race around this house in order to accomplish what needs to get done before I leave to pick my children up in about 15 min.

Damn', it's too often a race against that clock. Especially, mornings and having to complete holiday forms and checks, gifts and such before we walk out into the land of ice, to head to school.

Marlene, I too need this vent thread!

I do not stop and stubbornly refuse to have a good day, months or longer, when there is chance of it, but I guess I forget how damn overwhelming holidays can, and often do become, and I get into the sorta' wishful thinking type bologne.

Oh' ya, great....Yippie, that's right, I also had to open my son's present in order to find the seriel # on it, in order to register it online, in order to fail to find the #, in order to call and wait several min. to speak to someone from the co. that I paid to protect it, in order to have them register me over the phone ...............and so I ended up registered twice, in the process discovered a cd' rom pckg.'d w/ product badly scratched if not cracked ....and then to be told, even if they don't have a single one on the shelf for an even exchange, don't call us, bc where you just bought it, they must be responsible. Never mind though that the protect. plan begins from purchase date.

I better get going. Glad this is a vent thread, bc that's exactly all I've just done - VENT. As I certainly didn't brush me teeth, or hair, or pretty up any to get ready to go out the door. (lol) As, you can see, I'm trying hard now to lighten up some and relax, after that pain in my arse' stress.

Stress..............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Must'ntt forget anyone!................grrrr
Must'nt wrap one present more for one child then the next. ...............grr
Must make sure presents are of nearly equal value. .....gr

I'm beginning to feel a bit better, now!

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I have one to add Hope. Make sure you spend all of your money on presents so that your broke and in debt. This is enough stress to drive me over the edge since I'm not working and got denied disability last week. Then to receive presents from others that I don't need or want. Whoohoo I love the holidays.

I wish I could sleep through all of them, and wake me when they are over, or better yet, don't wake me at all. Oh crap I just got myself started into angry mode.

[Grama-Herc]

Well folks this "lovely" season of sharing and joy and all of the other irritating "happy" words we hear this time of year. As a group of people who can barely make it through the day WHY DON"T THE PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE UNDERSTAND WHAT HIS DOES TO US? ? ?

If I hear "Oh come on and go, it's only for a couple of hours and then you can leave" one more time I am gonna go postal on somebody.

There, I have vented and feel much better LOL I hope each and every one of you have a holiday that you truly enjoy and survive the ones you don't. Say a pray, take deep breathes and TAKE ANOTHER PILL (it seems to always help)

Bless you and your families during this holiday season. Fot those of you who are alone, remember that WE are here for you and are a kind of family! Hang in there and this will all be over very soon. Thinking of all of you and sending love.

A Very Proud New GRAMA-HERC