Does Therapy/Therapist Really Help

[canucklady]

I have been so down these past few days. Everytime I wake up I think that I would be better off dead. It is a fleeting thought sometimes, sometimes have to fight it a bit more.
I have been going to psychologist, but havent told her this yet. I am wondering would it even help if I told her, she knows how depressed I am. She knows by just talking to me. How can telling her I am suicidal, help wiht the thoughts in the morning.
I know she will ask me if I have a plan etc. So I am afraid to tell her the truth. Don't want her to freak out and then I end up in hospital, that would make me feel even worse, that woudl be another thing my family would have to be ashamed in me about.
I dont know, what have others done when they felt this low.

[She Cat]

I think that we all tell our T's what we want them to know. How honest we are with them is an individual thing, and how comfortable we are with them.

I know that going to the hospital may seem scary, or even a pain in the ass, but if you really need too, it may just help. You might just need a med overhaul, if on meds, or more therapy to help you through this rough time, and the hospital can help.

Depression sucks, and it's hard to face on your own. It makes us want to isolate because we feel that no one else understands.

The decision is ultimately yours.....I hope that you feel better soon.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

"I know she will ask me if I have a plan etc. So I am afraid to tell her the truth. Don't want her to freak out and then I end up in hospital, that would make me feel even worse",

I told my doctor that I felt like I wanted to commit suicide once and he freaked out and wanted to put me in the hospital.

He asked me and I told him the truth. At the time I didn't have a plan and these were fleeting thoughts that come and go.

I had to tell him that I've had these thoughts for years and I can control them, and if he put me in the hospital it would only make things worse. I had to convince him I wasn't going to kill myself just because I felt that way.

I used an example that made him understand what I was talking about. I said to him, "Maybe you feel like going out and getting drunk after work today, but it doesn't mean your going to do it" I told him that is how I feel, just because I want to do it, doesn't mean I'm going to. What I want to do and what I'm going to do are TWO different things.

He got the point and didn't send me to the hospital. I told him that if he pulled that crap again I wouldn't never admit to my suicide thoughts, and that I knew when I needed to be hospitalized.

I'm not sure what your situation is so it's up to you if you want to tell him/her. If you feel you have the thoughts under control, and don't need hospitalization you can tell your T the same thing I told mine and hope he/she understands this.

IMHO I think it's best to be honest with doctors and therapists, that way they can better treat your symptoms.

Peace
Tammy

[veiled]

They are pointless and a waste of your time and their's if you are not open and honest. Absolute no use in going if you are not getting help you need which can only happen if you are honest.

Maybe some people are not honest but spending my hubby's retirement on it I sure as hell was not going to waste my sessions.

Admitting suicidal thoughts is not the one way ticket everyone seems to think it is to the looney bin. It is NORMAL with PTSD and they are used to hearing it and helping people work through it, that is what they are paid to do. If you are not actively trying to knock yourself off then it is no worry at all. That is exactly why they are there and are trained to help you through. Be honest. Be blunt. They are doctors, but not mind readers.

Very hard to admit to, but once you do you will see it is not as bad and they truly can help. Again these are what they are taught to deal with and teach you how to. Good luck, feeling this way is not a joy ride ever.

[veiled]

Also, have to add the part of not wanting to freak her out. Just my opinion. But we develop a relationship we have to fight as we divulge so much we actually worry about our doctors. This will backfire on your treatment. You are paying them for this time. They are not close friends you need to worry about how they personally feel. They are our doctors we pay for time to do this. So as Nike says... Just do it :)

[canucklady]

seeking nirvana, thanks for your advice, you understand exactly how I feel. What I want to do and what I will do are two different things. It is hard to explain when I see her thought, it is almost like I lose my voice when someone asks what I am doing.

Veiled I know that I need to be honest, and I have tried. Just when I get up the courage to tell her the truth, I sort of freeze up. I think maybe I will print out this thread, maybe that would help me explain things better. I always write better than speaking anyway

[becvan]

If you've read anything about my psych, then you know that I generally can't stand the woman. Despite that, the second last appointment I had with her, I literally screamed at her, " I just want to ****ing die!" She didn't bat an eye. She didn't recommend I go to the hospital. She changed my meds to something that would help me sleep and in time bring down my anxiety and lift my depression. The last time I seen her, she discussed further sleep meds if this stuff stops making me sleep. She recognized how important it is for me to sleep because all my symptoms go way beyond my ability to control them without it. She knows I won't go in a hospital. I'm a single mom and there is no one else to take Matt if that happens. I told her that the very first time I met her. I set my boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable for help. She's accepted those. Ugh, god she almost sounds nice here! lol

Anyways, my point is you don't need to trust your therapist even to broach this subject. You just need to set your boundaries with your therapist. It's not easy to do.

Hope that helps some.

bec

[canucklady]

Anyways, my point is you don't need to trust your therapist even to broach this subject. You just need to set your boundaries with your therapist. It's not easy to do.

bec

Thanks Bec, you post makes alot of sense. How do I set boundaries with therapist? I guess I just have to tell her how I am feeling and try to reassure her I wont act on my thoughts, and if I feel in real danger I will take necessary steps, but I am not sure how to get her to believe me. I sort of freeze when am in panic mode in her office.

[Claire]

I can honestly say I have told my therapist everything. I take the view that he cant help me if he doesn't know. I have also spoken to him about suicidal thoughts and thankfully it didn't panic him. It took a long time to get to the stage I'm at now though and I sometimes email him the really hard stuff. That way he knows it and I dont finish a session wishing I'd been able to tell him something.

Good luck and if it doesn't work maybe try someone new.

[TheDeepestScar]

I don't trust the therapists and psychiatrists at the VA. Though they won't hospitalize you without your permission which I think is kind of futile. But the problem with being hospitalized in the VA psych ward is that they don't do inpatient counseling.

With my therapist I have her cell number and the only days she is unavailable is Thursdays and Sundays. But she has told me that if I'm in a crisis that I can call her. If I don't reach her right away she calls me back as soon as possible. I also have her email if I need to use it too. But she uses dial up so that usually takes awhile.

But I'm lucky to have a therapist that is an expert in PTSD. I also have her workbook which she has told me to only do up to the safety chapter which I need to finish before next Monday when I see her again. (Not tomorrow).

And I am pretty certain that if I do get suicidal really badly again that I can't deal with I can tell her and she won't instantly lock me up in a psych ward which always feels like a prison sentence to me. I've had bad experiances with psychiatric hospitalizations.

But I do know that I'm really bad about dropping out of therapy and that defeats the purpose. I've also learned that if you feel like you can't trust your therapist or if you don't like your therapist that you need to find one you can trust and be open with for therapy to work.

I think that I finally have a therapist that I can work with that will help me to get to a healthy point, I don't expect it to happen overnight and I think that's what alot of people have to keep in mind. It took years for me to get this way and it's probably going to take just as long to get better.

[canucklady]

It took years for me to get this way and it's probably going to take just as long to get better.


I have heard my T say this many times, just when I read it tonight, it clicked. I have been struggling for 30 yrs, I guess I cant expect to heal overnight

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thanks Bec, you post makes alot of sense. How do I set boundaries with therapist? I guess I just have to tell her how I am feeling and try to reassure her I wont act on my thoughts, and if I feel in real danger I will take necessary steps, but I am not sure how to get her to believe me. I sort of freeze when am in panic mode in her office.

Bec might answer this better, but boundaries are the line that 'YOU" set and no one is able to cross.

When you go to your T tell her you have some boundaries you want to discuss first, and then tell her under no circumstances are you to hospitalize me unless I say it is OK (or whatever it is you feel) If she agrees then that is an example of a "boundary" that YOU set and MUST be respected.

She should stick to her word because she understands these things being a professional.

If she doesn't stick to YOUR boundaries, which I think she will, then you can give her the example I gave in an earlier post. Also if she were to break her word you could ask her to get another opinion of another therapist in the office before she makes a decision like that. I think a doctor would be the final decision maker, and usually one or the other will figure out what is in your best interest.

Peace
Tammy

[txmomof3]

As others have said...honesty is key. I have spent quite a bit of time either focusing on the smaller issues or not putting all my cards on the table. I am finally at the point where I have nothing to lose through complete honesty. It is really hard sometimes...especially when asked to talk about individual traumas. I don't think I could do this without a therapist.

[Glaucus]

I think there are some NOs.

Do not threaten to commit a crime or to commit suicide. The Doctor will want to cover himself by putting you in a secure place where somebody else will get the blame.

[hollyberry]

but if you have a therapist that you've worked with and knows you....this will not happen....I just told my T last week thoughts I had had the week before...Also told her I knew I could not and would not and my reasoning why I would not could not....it is important we have someone we trust when these thoughts come up because we must have someone who knows us well enough if we are feeling this way.....talking about this is a call for help....those of us on here can not help....we do not know you and can not help you.....if you are feeling this way you must talk to someone who can help you.....

[pandora]

I have been totally honest with my psychologist, finally now. I have had about 50 cognitive behavioural therapy sessions with her. It took me a long time to trust and open up to her but I hold nothing back now.

She also told me......it took more than 20 years for all of this to build up and that it would take a long time in therapy due to the severity and the number of traumas as well as the trauma that caused the PTSD. I thought I was going to go in and have about 10 sessions and then I would be cured! wrong! Be honest it helps.

[michigangrl]

Well, all I have to say is that I have yet to find a therapist that I like. I've fired 8 of them for various reasons. Think about it: do you want to trust a complete stranger with all of the details of your life? I don't. I mean, you have to build trust before I'll tell you my life. If I don't like the therapist I am not going to waste my time. If I don't like the office setting, I won't go again. I have to feel totally comfortable. That said, I know that if I had a GOOD cognitive therapist I would benefit from it. I'm open to that, but so far I've only encountered dorks who say you have to go every week or twice a week, for the money part. That's sucky. I'm hopeful that my next counselor is going to be good : ) Good luck with yours. If you're not comfortable, fire your counselor.

[baileysemt]

Well, all I have to say is that I have yet to find a therapist that I like. I've fired 8 of them for various reasons. Think about it: do you want to trust a complete stranger with all of the details of your life? I don't. I mean, you have to build trust before I'll tell you my life. If I don't like the therapist I am not going to waste my time. If I don't like the office setting, I won't go again. I have to feel totally comfortable. That said, I know that if I had a GOOD cognitive therapist I would benefit from it. I'm open to that, but so far I've only encountered dorks who say you have to go every week or twice a week, for the money part. That's sucky. I'm hopeful that my next counselor is going to be good : ) Good luck with yours. If you're not comfortable, fire your counselor.



Mmmmmm, I'm not sure I entirely agree with this.

I fully understand there are bad therapists out there. I fully understand that not every therapist is going to be a "match" for every patient.

But 8? Eight? Come on now.

I can't help but expect a pattern of excuses which conveniently prevent facing tough or painful issues.

No office setting is perfect. Not every tone of voice or facial expression is perfect. Not every response is going to be what you are looking for. In fact, some sessions, you are going to walk away feeling like you were on two totally different pages, and/or you will be pretty pissed off with your therapist. That's how it works!!

You will feel totally comfortable when you allow yourself to be totally comfortable. It is a choice. We as humans do have the ability to filter the important from the inconsequential. Office setting does not have any bearing on your innate ability to face your issues... office setting is an excuse to not feel comfortable, so you can justify avoiding the tough stuff.

I can't tell you how many times I swallowed a lump in my throat over the fact my T's door was so close to his co-workers' doors, surely they could hear what I was saying, and were listening to me! Or how I inwardly shuddered at the scary-looking people who sat in the waiting room, in the same chairs that I was sitting in... was I one of them, was I scary-looking too? :eek: Gahhhhh. Sucky stuff.

But this is the paranoia of PTSD. It is not rationally justified ... it is simply our brains running overtime being hypervigilant and hypercritical; it is the condition itself in its purest sense.

You will never get better 'til you suck it up, swallow the paranoia, stop allowing excuses, plant your kiester in that chair and COMMIT. Swallow your misgivings and put your story out there. That's what this exercise is about. It is going to be really frickin' hard. And scary. But at some point, you will be sick enough and hurting enough where the pain of continuing without therapy is worse than facing all these misgivings about talking to and trusting in a stranger. When you reach that point, all these excuses will not matter. The desperation will be so distinct and so strong that you simply cannot continue another freakin' day in the hellhole of PTSD... you will know you have to get help, NOW.

And as with any human relationship between two people, you will extend consideration and respect to your T, and give him/her a fair chance. Nobody's going to be perfect. Nobody. But most therapists are going to be at least somewhat helpful, and that's a whole lot better than what you've got right now. :wink:



This is a kick in the pants encouraging constructive behavior and moving forward :) it is NOT written in a hurtful or mean way. Sometimes we need someone who'll prop us up with a stick and push us forward. I am here with the stick. :Hug_emoticon:

:) Bailey

[vst]

Michigangirl,

Therapists can help, but you must open up to them.

My therapist's name was given to me by a friend who is a therapist. My friend told me that everyone who saw this therapist was healed. I remember so well that first time I walked into the office. The clinic was a University clinic and there was so many people and so much going on I wanted to run. Everyone was great though. The receptionist told me if I was too stressed to go sit outside in the hallway and they would come and get me.

Luck was on my side because much of her work was with sexual assault victims who developed PTSD. This information and my friend's recommendation gave me the confidence to open up to her. That is not to say that that I opened up immediately. One of the first things I blurted out was that my thoughts had turned to committing suicide or cutting myself. She told me that since I had told someone that I had been molested, I wouldn't kill myself or cut myself. For some reason I believed her. Sometimes she was tough with me, but I understood it wasn't personal. Her job was to help me heal.

What I am trying to say is, if possible, get a recommendation for a therapist from someone who has either seen them, or knows their reputation. Be open with them, but at your own speed. Trust that they know their job so when they are pushing you, you understand they are seeing an opportunity to heal a part of you.

Good Luck in finding a new therapist,

vst

[canucklady]

Hello everyone,

So I finally got the nerve to tell my T what was going on. I couldn't hold it in any longer and figured I am paying her to help me, so I told her. I told her how I feel hopeless somedays and just want to stay in bed, how somedays don't want to face the world, I dont want to be here, but I dont want to kill myself as I know that is cowardly thing to do. I told her that I stop myself 99.9% of the time and it when I am most tired and scared with flashbacks that I am afraid something bad will happen. She was able to follow my crazy train of thought, and she was able to calm me down. We have a plan in case I feel really down, but for now she trusts that I wont do anything. I do have to check in with her everyday, jsut quick telephone check in, which I didnt want to do, but am doing anyway. I am glad I told her, just waiting for the nightmares/flashbacks/depression to end.

[kers]

Good for you for letting her know how you were doing. I hope you're feeling better soon.

[Cindy]

When I have been in your place in the past I e-mailed the Samaritan's in the UK. They are great because they ask thought provoking questions and try to help you to isolate the idea's that are overwhelming you. I too have used them to prevent hospitallization. There is usually a twenty four hour turn around time for replies. But the great thing is you can get a lot off your chest and feel safe. It will give you another outlet and someone to discuss what you share with your counsellor. PLEASE, continue to reach out - don't shut down.

[anthony]

I know she will ask me if I have a plan etc. So I am afraid to tell her the truth. Don't want her to freak out and then I end up in hospital, that would make me feel even worse, that woudl be another thing my family would have to be ashamed in me about.
Time and time again people ponder whether they should disclose this or that to their therapist. Well, my thought on that is why are you seeing a therapist in the first place if your not being 100% honest with them and disclosing everything to them? Your wasteing your money if you're not. Your not helping yourself at all because if they are left to guess what is going on, their treatment will be less than effective with you.

Regardless how you feel at any given time, if you want to be in therapy you must be 100% honest with them at all times, regardless how much it hurts you or your thoughts are telling you other things, if you're not 100% honest with them then your wasteing your time and money. Your wasteing their time also, as they could be helping someone who does want to be honest with them.

You will only get out of therapy what you put in. It is the same as if you where dealing with me, in that anything less than 100% disclosure would result in less effective outcome for yourself. My method differs though from therapist, in that I can push a person to their breaking point so they do get it all out, were a therapist won't typically do that because they are being paid and don't want to lose you as a customer. End of the day, your a customer so they are trying to please you, not always just help you.

The ideal therapist is one that will never sympathise with you, only show empathy when required and be very tough on pushing you, making you angry to release your trauma. That is how you get trauma from a PTSD sufferer, by making them angry and knowing what is already going on inside their head to help them find it.

Therapy can help you, but only if you want to help yourself more so.