I Need a Life

[Grama-Herc]

Back in the days when I was out in the world I would hear the phrase "Get a life". Never really knew what it was referring to until now. I, in deed, need a life.

You could set your watch by my so called life. I do the same thing every day at the same time with little to no change. I am merely existing, noy living! I am to scared to live. I am to frightened to go out and get the life I deserve.

It has really been a long time since I have been so depressed or in such a truly negative state of mind. I am lonely, truly lonely. The part that is so hard to take is that this is self imposed. Granted, I do have problems as we all do, but where is it written that we need to be so lonely??

Oh never mind my funky mood guys. God night

[hodge]

Herc, just trying to respond...is there anything in particular you would like to go out and do that you don't do? You mention getting out and getting the life you deserve. I just wondered if there are things you'd like to explore. Maybe if you talk more about what you might like to do, we could help you overcome fears of doing it?

Oh, and by the way, no worries about funky moods. Boy, am I in one tonight;)

[She Cat]

Herc,

I think that to a degree we all have those funky mood times. They just drag you down, and zap the life out of you. You get caught up in the rut and then don't know how to get out of it. Then you have been out of it (life) for so long that it's hard to get back into life.

I also think that life for all of us is what WE consider normal for us. Everyone is different, and has different comfort zones.

If you truly want to get back into life....My suggestion is whatever you do or try. Start small and make sure that it's something that you truly love and have a passion about.

Hope that you have a better day today.

[Marlene]

Herc,

Raising my hand for the funky mood crowd. We all get them and they do pass...thank goodness!

As for you getting a life (or as Wendy put it 'getting back into life') then I, too, would suggest you start small and slow. I know that you enjoy working with orphaned baby animals, but you're not able to do it in your new home like you wanted. Is it within the realm of possibility that you go, say once a week for a couple of hours, to the animal shelter and work with them there? That would be a way to start getting out of the house a little more and pushing the edges of your comfort zone.

I know that this is difficult to do. But small steps are the best way to start.

Lisa

[Grama-Herc]

Well Ladies, seems to be us alone who respond to funky moods these days. I went to the animal shelter 3 days ago to take pass along a donation that had been given to me for them.

My first impression of my visit was that for some reason I seemed to be trespassing on their precious ground. So I decided to go to the adoption center--with an open mind-- and I apparently was not welcome there either.

This may be a small cause of my mood? ? ? ? ? ? It certainly hurt my feelings to know that after being a shelter home for almost 9 years and saving some of the most critical orphan kittens they had, That I was not welcome to return let alone even be there. It did hurt, a bunch.

But, at aleast I tryed. So guess I need to find some other way to get out and about. I could never make a go at getting myself to the SPCA. Have tryed many times---just to far from home! ! !

I have however, taken my funky mood and used it for good. I have been cleaning and sorting and junking junk for days now. Mom can't decide whether I have not taken my meds or if I have taken to much. But I really am doing better. I have always vented my moods by cleaning and sorting , etc.

So for now, the mood has passed and I have a new problem. Miss Fancy Pants, my youngest cat has decided that the new easy chair belongs to her and she is getting rather pushy about it. Whinning and head butting me to GET OUT OF HER CHAIR. It would be funny if it wasn't so annoying. Considering everything I am doing pretty good and I know I am lucky So guess that is all for now Thanx guys for listening

[She Cat]

Herc,

As far the experiences with the animal shelter and the adoption center....Could it have been their mood and not yours???? Why do we always assume it just has to be us? Other people have off days too.

You did great and if at all possible try again to find your little "nitch" in the world to get you out more. Now I want you to know that this wonderful advice is coming from someone who spent the entire day on the couch yesterday. I probably have bed sores to prove it too!!!!

I did go out ALL day Sat. with a friend though.

[hollyberry]

I have thought for years I had a life. Working any wheres fron 60-100 hours a week. Paid off, best manager in 2 districts, probably highest paid too. But realizing its not a life. Im a workaclohlic (god I wish I could spell) Been working so I didn't have to deal with life. Realizing I have everything I lost as a kid right here in dover delaware, have 3 sons, 2 daughter in laws and 3 grand kids and a pretty great husband of 28 years. cant wait to deal with the past stuff and start enjoying what I have. Spent last 20 years going back to maine and trying to get what I lost in 73. This past summer we all went up in 3 cars, kids are stuggling to make ends meet so paid most of the cost out of our pockets. go back twice a year, just trying to get back what I lost but its not there its here.

[Grama-Herc]

Well She, While I am very sensitive, trust me when I say I was not welcome at either facility I went to. Would love to return to them and help but it IS NOT an option. I have enough problems. Trying to volunteer in a place with that much stress, tension and not feeling welcome is not something I can handle. Adding that kind of stress is not my idea of fun---Don't need it! Maybe my niche is right here at home, caring form my mother and trying to m ake up for being such a crappy kid. Making mom comfortable, safe and happy is not such a bad way to live. Especially since my mom is neat and extremely undemanding, considerate of me and always showing me how much she appreciates everything I do for her.

Not such a bad life I guess. I think the post from hollyberry made me realize just how really lucky I am. What is that old saying? "Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees?'" Thanx guys for keeping me on the straight and narrow HERC

[cactus_jack]

Herc, tell me. What kind of life do you want?

[Grama-Herc]

Well hey there Jack!

What an interesting question you purpose! I have never been asked that question before. Now I have to "think". Thinking has always gotten me in trouble. When I said I wanted a life my sense is I wanted a "normal" life. But what exactly is a normal life? That in itself is a question many can't answer.

I have since discovered that a life is what you make of it. You can't order one, you can't invent one, ya just have to live the life you feel safe and comfortable in. I think that I was in the middle of my very own personal pity party. Posibly even a little lonely too. I have always known that another person can not make you happy. You make yourself happy and that is really the life I want. Just a happy one!

Thanks for pushing me into actually facing this question. You are a very smart person to see into my post. Keep track of me and help keep me on the right road.

Good wishes to you Many Thanx HERC

[cactus_jack]

Well Herc, look like the time is now for you to decide what kind of life you want. If you want we can discuss this here or in PM.

[veiled]

I for one would like to see this continue here. Not often someone puts that mirror up and makes us look.

[cactus_jack]

Agreed Veiled.

[Grama-Herc]

OK we can continue this for a while, but I would like to see others in this forum place the mirror in front of themselves. Who else wants to jump into this.

I must admit that I thought the term" get a Life" was always a form of an insult directed toward others. Never, ever thought it would apply to me! But exactly what does it mean anyway?

Can you answer that one Jack?

[cheezehed]

It's funny that this issue is a topic in the forums because I was just thinking about this issue today. Before my father passed he said two things: I have done everything I wanted to in life, and I have lived a good life. My interpretation is:

1) I have done everything I wanted to - I have travelled, experienced, felt, loved. Basically have done all the things for one's SELF that he needed.

2) I have lived a good life - I shared resources, goodwill and time to causes I believe in. In other words acts to OTHERS that would benefit them.

I think that life means both. I think that you have to be balanced in both one's self and giving to others to "live". I certainly haven't, and can't even get myself out of the house most of the time. I totally understand needing to get "a life".

[Grama-Herc]

Hey "Chez" I see you are new to our little corner of the world. So welcome and jump right in. We may all be a little "off" but we are friendly and willing to help.

Your interpretation of what a life is has really touch me. Much to my surprise, I think that I may actually have a life if I use your guide lines.

As for getting out of the house. How do you explain how it feels to other people. Been trying to explain this feeling to my mom for years and I know I'm not getting my point across. I find it very difficult to explain how all the "stuff" feels. Words just don't seem to get my point across. OOPS! Wondered off onto one of my own side issues. Sorry! I am easily side tracked.

Thanks for your input and interpertation of A LIFE! HERC

[hollyberry]

hey chez, thanks for your interpretation of life. #2 I do to much always taking care of everyone else. #1 don't really do at, and don't have any type of balance in my life. But I'm a work in the making so maybe some day I'll get there.

[hollyberry]

opps, forgot to say welcome Chez and hey herc. Happy thanksgiving to you all!!

[cactus_jack]

OK we can continue this for a while, but I would like to see others in this forum place the mirror in front of themselves. Who else wants to jump into this.

I must admit that I thought the term" get a Life" was always a form of an insult directed toward others. Never, ever thought it would apply to me! But exactly what does it mean anyway?

Can you answer that one Jack?
Nope. Only you can define it. What kind of life have you wanted? What kind of goals did you have, and do you have now? What was your dream of becoming?

[Grama-Herc]

Good morning Sir Jack I always wanted the kind of life every little girl dreamed of. A husband, kids and a nice home and happiness. Guess you could say the kind of life you saw on TV in the 50's and 60's. My mom says my childhood was full of stress, stress and more stress. She says I had a father who treated me like shit and was very cold and unloving me. Never found my happy ever after married life. never had a place to call my own and my kid will have nothing to do with me. My life was full of some really bad choices which have lead me to my current life

It was only late in life when the fog of drugs and drinking cleared that I found my true calling. Unfortunately due to my limited education and the amount of education needed to fulfill my dream, it ain't gonna happen! ! !

All that sounds a bit on the morose side but it is actually a real,true, exact and matter of fact description of my life. I have, however, been given a second chance so I can repair the damage I did to my relationship with my Mother. The most important part is I am now able to make up for the misery I put my mother through over the years. She is a good woman and deserves to be treated with respect which I am now doing.

I have moved mother in with me and I am taking care of her with all the love and respect she deserves. To my surprise I am actually enjoying our new found relationship. We seem to be growing closer with each passing day and our line of communication is better than ever. Each evening we sit down after dinner and TALK! We talk about anythng and everything. We both are enjoying the the path our lives have taken over the past few months. We actually have fun and laugh at the dumb things we do. I know my mother is enjoying watching me get old and forgetful. It just seems to be a perfect fit for both of us.

I always wondered what my purpose in life was. Why was I born. I felt many times that I was wasting my life, and I was--back when! I don't worry about any of this anymore because I now know! My mother deserves to be happy, safe and secure for the first time in her life and now she is! She is no longer alone and hell I AM NO LONGER ALONE EITHER!!!!!!!!!

So guess that is it in a nut shell Sir Jack(a nickname of respect) My wishes and dreams. IMHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep talking to me because you are causing me to think in areas I have not visited in a VERY LONG time and I like it. You are good therapy for me and I look forward to you input

[vst]

The purpose of my life keeps changing as I go through my healing process.

Some people say they want a life like mine, but they don't really know me. These are happily married women who have children. What they don't know is I don't connect with people, I don't trust and I don't even know if I have ever loved. :dontknow: Who would want a life like that?

Life, as I see it, is looking up my PTSD buddies. Knee surgery took me away from all the things that kept me so busy. Time to think gave me new perspectives on my life. I learned there are people who do like me for me and were there for me. I live alone and taking care of myself was not possible at first. My friends have not allowed me to disconnect. Even though most don't know I have PTSD, they know I will disconnect and they didn't allow it to happen. This has helped me learn to trust a few of my friends.

I'm also learning what love is. Not a love between two people, just the feeling of loving life and loving myself.

Being able to love, trust and connect is what I want to do with my life at this time.

vst

[cactus_jack]

Good morning Sir Jack I always wanted the kind of life every little girl dreamed of. A husband, kids and a nice home and happiness. Guess you could say the kind of life you saw on TV in the 50's and 60's.
But was it the real 50s & 60s, or just that of Hollywood?
What is it specifically about that time period, no matter if it's Hollywood or real life, that you wanted?
Sit down and mellow out. I like listening to some Jefferson Airplane, to mellow out. And the start writing. Write these answers out. You will surprise yourself.

My mom says my childhood was full of stress, stress and more stress. She says I had a father who treated me like shit and was very cold and unloving me. Never found my happy ever after married life.
I'm sorry to hear that. No one deserves to be abused.

never had a place to call my own and my kid will have nothing to do with me. My life was full of some really bad choices which have lead me to my current life
What do you mean a place to call your own?
Rent?
Own?
Your own private refuge?

It was only late in life when the fog of drugs and drinking cleared that I found my true calling. Unfortunately due to my limited education and the amount of education needed to fulfill my dream, it ain't gonna happen! ! !
Sorry to hear that it took drugs to find yourself. But I really do want you to tell me more about your dream and why it won't happen.

All that sounds a bit on the morose side but it is actually a real,true, exact and matter of fact description of my life. I have, however, been given a second chance so I can repair the damage I did to my relationship with my Mother. The most important part is I am now able to make up for the misery I put my mother through over the years. She is a good woman and deserves to be treated with respect which I am now doing.
Morose? Reality can be harsh, dear. I'm glad things are going well with your mother. Amazing what peace can bring, isn't it?

I always wondered what my purpose in life was. Why was I born. I felt many times that I was wasting my life, and I was--back when! I don't worry about any of this anymore because I now know! My mother deserves to be happy, safe and secure for the first time in her life and now she is! She is no longer alone and hell I AM NO LONGER ALONE EITHER!!!!!!!!!
Who needs a purpose? Honestly, until Hollywood started making movies, no one carried about a "purpose". You're born, you live, you die- such is life. Live it for yourself. Want a purpose? MAKE a purpose! Who says you can't? I have. My goal in life is to provide whatever services I can to the volunteer arena. I have done a lot and in the past two years my volunteer services meant a lot. The supervisor thanked me telling me I saved the USFS $32,000+ dollars in the first year alone. Had a professional been hired, they would have charged $65,000 and the quality of labor would be 1/2 at best. Now I have that office wanting to renew my contract, and two additional districts as well.

Keep talking to me because you are causing me to think in areas I have not visited in a VERY LONG time and I like it. You are good therapy for me and I look forward to you input

I'll keep talking, though my replies my not be right away.

[Grama-Herc]

Well Jack

You certainly have given me quite a lot to think about. Maybe to much. Especially after what has happened. Friday evening my daughter called me. I have not heard from her in 10-12 years. I didn't know if she was dead or alive. Out of the blue the phone rings and it is her. As with all kids, she is in tears, crying so hard I can barely understand her. I am not going to go into detail again cuz all this is posted in the general chat forum. but I just became a grandmother of a baby girl. A lot of info has been dumped on me in the last 24 hours and I am brain dead. I now know what shock feels like.

I will reply to you questions but it may take a while. I have a lot of adjusting to do.

IK'll keep you posted GRAMA HERC

[cactus_jack]

Print it out then. But keep it so someday you can think about it if you feel the need.

[hollyberry]

just wanted to say hi herc....still brings a smile on my face thinking about the miracle you had this week. I'm soooooooooooo happy for you.

[Grama-Herc]

Jack

I just found this thread. I had forgotten all about it. A life. The life I was wishing for was a fictional TV illusion fed to the masses. It is possible to achieve? NOT! TV created a false impression of what life "should" be. I grew up thinking life was always fun and that there were no real problems. It created in me a very distorted view of life.
Dads don't leave, Moms don't cry, nothing ever changes. Life is always happy! No one ever fights!

I sometimes wonder if this is the reason for the high divorce rate among the people from my generation--Baby Boomers! Our expectations are way off.

[cactus_jack]

Yeah, when you compare real life to television one always comes away disappointed. With TV you see life one hour. Maybe 1/2 hour and maybe 2 hours. But in real life you see it 24-7, including holidays.

[Grama-Herc]

And our 24/7 real lifes don't come with the side comment---and they lived happily ever after, like the other fairy tales