Comatoze
21-11-2007, 10:42 PM
I've known for a while that something was wrong with me, but none of the mainstream disorders really matched. It
seemed too good to be true when I read up on C-PTSD and that there might actually be a disorder that describes
what I have (which means I can have the courage to go see a psychologist!).
WHAT THE TRAUMA WAS
- Domestic violence from birth until the age of 20.
Members of my family are:
father (who has Borderline Personality Disorder, among other things)
brother (who has Asperger's syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder)
mother (who has C-PTSD)
sister (no known mental illness or disorder)
My father, brother and mother all had regular psychotic breakdowns. Usually the breakdowns involved smashing
material things like windows, furniture, doors, and crockery, and sometimes there was violence between 2 or more members of the family. I was usually just a bystander, but occasionally I was attacked. I felt my life was threatened during all episodes, and kept weapons under my pillow in case I was attacked at night. The episodes happened most often when I was in high school. Reasons for their psychotic breakdowns were varied and complex - most of them were related to my father's bullying antisocial behaviour and inability to cope with the fact that his eldest son had Asperger's. During one attack (which I have no memory of and don't know how old I was) my brother tried to murder me through suffocation.
- Psychological bullying and alienation throughout highschool and university. Since I didn't have any emotional family support and already had (I believe) symptoms of C-PTSD, this made the bullying harder to cope with.
- A lot of other traumatic but probably less significant things (like, the day after my last long-term relationship ended, I discovered my ex having sex with someone else)
WHAT THE SYMPTOMS ARE
recurring memories of the traumatic event which you can't seem to get out of your mind - Intrusive Thoughts
Yes
recurring dreams of the trauma - Bad Dreams & Nightmares
Yes
feeling that the traumatic event was happening again (hallucinations, flashbacks) - Reliving The Trauma
No full-on flashbacks but I do get that feeling
things or events act as triggers which remind you or resemble your traumatic event - Flashbacks
Yes
these triggers or reminders make you feel nervous, tense, generate panic attacks - Panic Attacks
Yes
purposely avoiding thoughts, feelings or conversations about trauma - Withdrawn
No - I think it's good to talk about it
deliberately avoiding activities, places and situations about the trauma - Phobias
Yes
when trying to recall the traumatic event you are unable to recall or remember certain things or important aspects that had happened - Memory Loss
Only in one incident
losing interest in people, things and activities (family, friends and hobbies) which were important to you prior
to the traumatic event - Lack of Motivation
N/A - the trauma was chronic so there was no specific event
feeling more emotionally estranged, separated or feeling cut off from others - Alienation
Definitely
feeling a markedly reduced ability to feel emotions, especially those associated wtih intimacy, tenderness and
sexuality - Lacking Emotions
Used to be the case but I've worked on this one a fair bit, still have difficulty with intimacy
difficutly falling or staying asleep - Poor Sleep
Yes
experiencing irritability or outbursts of anger - Rage
When I've been drinking yes
difficulty concentrating on tasks or completing tasks - Poor Concentration
Yes
feeling overtly alert or watchful when you don't need to be - Ever Watchful
Yes
having strong startle reactions - Edgy
Yes
worrying about coping with everyday situations - Lack of Confidence
Yes
difficulty keeping a regular job - Work Difficulties
Studying at uni so I'm not sure but most likely I would if i was working
C-PTSD symptoms
Difficulties regulating emotions, including symptoms such as persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive
anger, or covert anger, which is characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior
- All of them
Variations in consciousness, such as forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes
of dissociation (during which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body)
Dissociation and reliving traumatic events
Changes in self-perception, such as a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being
completely different from other human beings
- guilt, stigma, sense of being completely different from other human beings
Varied changes in the perception of the perpetrator, such as attributing total power to the perpetrator or
becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, including a preoccupation with revenge
- preoccupation with revenge
Alterations in relations with others, including isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer
Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of
hopelessness and despair
- all of the above
seemed too good to be true when I read up on C-PTSD and that there might actually be a disorder that describes
what I have (which means I can have the courage to go see a psychologist!).
WHAT THE TRAUMA WAS
- Domestic violence from birth until the age of 20.
Members of my family are:
father (who has Borderline Personality Disorder, among other things)
brother (who has Asperger's syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder)
mother (who has C-PTSD)
sister (no known mental illness or disorder)
My father, brother and mother all had regular psychotic breakdowns. Usually the breakdowns involved smashing
material things like windows, furniture, doors, and crockery, and sometimes there was violence between 2 or more members of the family. I was usually just a bystander, but occasionally I was attacked. I felt my life was threatened during all episodes, and kept weapons under my pillow in case I was attacked at night. The episodes happened most often when I was in high school. Reasons for their psychotic breakdowns were varied and complex - most of them were related to my father's bullying antisocial behaviour and inability to cope with the fact that his eldest son had Asperger's. During one attack (which I have no memory of and don't know how old I was) my brother tried to murder me through suffocation.
- Psychological bullying and alienation throughout highschool and university. Since I didn't have any emotional family support and already had (I believe) symptoms of C-PTSD, this made the bullying harder to cope with.
- A lot of other traumatic but probably less significant things (like, the day after my last long-term relationship ended, I discovered my ex having sex with someone else)
WHAT THE SYMPTOMS ARE
recurring memories of the traumatic event which you can't seem to get out of your mind - Intrusive Thoughts
Yes
recurring dreams of the trauma - Bad Dreams & Nightmares
Yes
feeling that the traumatic event was happening again (hallucinations, flashbacks) - Reliving The Trauma
No full-on flashbacks but I do get that feeling
things or events act as triggers which remind you or resemble your traumatic event - Flashbacks
Yes
these triggers or reminders make you feel nervous, tense, generate panic attacks - Panic Attacks
Yes
purposely avoiding thoughts, feelings or conversations about trauma - Withdrawn
No - I think it's good to talk about it
deliberately avoiding activities, places and situations about the trauma - Phobias
Yes
when trying to recall the traumatic event you are unable to recall or remember certain things or important aspects that had happened - Memory Loss
Only in one incident
losing interest in people, things and activities (family, friends and hobbies) which were important to you prior
to the traumatic event - Lack of Motivation
N/A - the trauma was chronic so there was no specific event
feeling more emotionally estranged, separated or feeling cut off from others - Alienation
Definitely
feeling a markedly reduced ability to feel emotions, especially those associated wtih intimacy, tenderness and
sexuality - Lacking Emotions
Used to be the case but I've worked on this one a fair bit, still have difficulty with intimacy
difficutly falling or staying asleep - Poor Sleep
Yes
experiencing irritability or outbursts of anger - Rage
When I've been drinking yes
difficulty concentrating on tasks or completing tasks - Poor Concentration
Yes
feeling overtly alert or watchful when you don't need to be - Ever Watchful
Yes
having strong startle reactions - Edgy
Yes
worrying about coping with everyday situations - Lack of Confidence
Yes
difficulty keeping a regular job - Work Difficulties
Studying at uni so I'm not sure but most likely I would if i was working
C-PTSD symptoms
Difficulties regulating emotions, including symptoms such as persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive
anger, or covert anger, which is characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior
- All of them
Variations in consciousness, such as forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes
of dissociation (during which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body)
Dissociation and reliving traumatic events
Changes in self-perception, such as a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being
completely different from other human beings
- guilt, stigma, sense of being completely different from other human beings
Varied changes in the perception of the perpetrator, such as attributing total power to the perpetrator or
becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, including a preoccupation with revenge
- preoccupation with revenge
Alterations in relations with others, including isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer
Loss of, or changes in, one's system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of
hopelessness and despair
- all of the above