Linda
28-11-2007, 10:39 PM
Hi everyone, glad to see you, I am back here for a short while mostly to discuss some issues related to my husband. As those who remember me know, my hubby Jose has PTSD, too. I am pretty concerned with him lately, mostly about his attacment to me.
That looks like I had became the primary source of comfort and calmness for him (surprise, surprise!), which is a rather good thing. However, it is becoming too much and does put limitations on my freedom. For example, while I was on my own 2-weeks vacation in Mexico with my friends, Jose had been calling me every day and asking if I can come back earlier than planned. He even tried to talk to my mom about her convincing me to change the flight. According to mother, he was restless and anxioues while I was away. Knowing that he is not a very expressive man, obvious signs and an attempt to get me back mean distress.
Also, he says that he can not sleep well without me, and is trying to get me back from work early, which is impossible with my irregular hours.
Anotehr thing is that he is overreacting seeing me tired, sick, or, especially, injured. He is firstly reacting wih anger. For instance, when I got a minor first-degree burn while working with autoclave, he angrily said that it was a result of me being uncareful and my bossed not creating a safe workplace. He even refused to help me with bandage change at first. Later he apologised and said that he just hates to see me injured.
Another example: not too long ago, I got in a car accident, when some lady rear-ended me on a slippery road. No one was injured (thanks whoever), but my car was totally smahsed from the rear and reqired a long repare. Jose's reaction was an extreme anger toward the lady who had rear-ended me. He said that he just wants to kill her with his bare hands :( He had calmed down later, and said that he was greatly disturbed from the fact that I was in a dangerous situation.
I know that he had observed how his old girlfriend was killed with the grenade in the battle, and suggest that he may have a fear to lose me, which create a base for his anger in such situations (according to my theory :wink:, anger is coming from fear).
It just do not like a pressure of any kind, and do not want to be a sort of "baby blanket" for him. Finally, I was always attracted to Machos, not to babies. I sometimes even feel as losing my respect roward him, since what he does is not 100% "manly".
What do you thing - is it normal for a male to see a mother figure in his wife? Can I be right that his war traumas and a fear of losing me are related? And is there any way to make his attachment not to be a burden for me?
That looks like I had became the primary source of comfort and calmness for him (surprise, surprise!), which is a rather good thing. However, it is becoming too much and does put limitations on my freedom. For example, while I was on my own 2-weeks vacation in Mexico with my friends, Jose had been calling me every day and asking if I can come back earlier than planned. He even tried to talk to my mom about her convincing me to change the flight. According to mother, he was restless and anxioues while I was away. Knowing that he is not a very expressive man, obvious signs and an attempt to get me back mean distress.
Also, he says that he can not sleep well without me, and is trying to get me back from work early, which is impossible with my irregular hours.
Anotehr thing is that he is overreacting seeing me tired, sick, or, especially, injured. He is firstly reacting wih anger. For instance, when I got a minor first-degree burn while working with autoclave, he angrily said that it was a result of me being uncareful and my bossed not creating a safe workplace. He even refused to help me with bandage change at first. Later he apologised and said that he just hates to see me injured.
Another example: not too long ago, I got in a car accident, when some lady rear-ended me on a slippery road. No one was injured (thanks whoever), but my car was totally smahsed from the rear and reqired a long repare. Jose's reaction was an extreme anger toward the lady who had rear-ended me. He said that he just wants to kill her with his bare hands :( He had calmed down later, and said that he was greatly disturbed from the fact that I was in a dangerous situation.
I know that he had observed how his old girlfriend was killed with the grenade in the battle, and suggest that he may have a fear to lose me, which create a base for his anger in such situations (according to my theory :wink:, anger is coming from fear).
It just do not like a pressure of any kind, and do not want to be a sort of "baby blanket" for him. Finally, I was always attracted to Machos, not to babies. I sometimes even feel as losing my respect roward him, since what he does is not 100% "manly".
What do you thing - is it normal for a male to see a mother figure in his wife? Can I be right that his war traumas and a fear of losing me are related? And is there any way to make his attachment not to be a burden for me?