Being Triggered Left and Right

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm not sure if this triggering goes on all of the time and I just handled it better, or if the holidays and the anniversary of my assault is causing me to be verbally abusive.

I just got two horrible letters today. One said I was denied for disability and the other was about my son, who was arrested in another state about 3 weeks ago, for possession of pot. I knew he was up to no good when he said he was going to Missouri, and I told him not to be doing any drug deals.

I kicked him out of the house about 2 weeks ago for other issues, and now I feel he needs some guidance and no one will talk to him for me. If I talk to him he will hear static, and hang up on me.

Some one said two things that I usually would just ignore but I almost made a war out of it (luckily I caught myself and didn't say anything). I can't get it out of my head and I want to lash out at her for something so petty. I don't know why it bothers me so bad.

Then someone else said that I was making the thing about my son, about me. He said I was having a pity party and I feel I have to get upset about it, or I wouldn't think I was being a good mother. I think he is having a PTSD moment and using semantics on me.

I am taking this out on my husband and verbally abusing him for not wanting to talk to my son. I have got to get a grip or I will end up in a fight over something trivial.

So is this irritation about my son, the holidays, my anniversary, or is it just too much at once? Anyone?

Tammy

[She Cat]

IMO when we are at our worst with PTSD flaring up, everything becomes worse than it actually is. This is only my opinion....When I look back to when I was at my worst, everything or anything that happened I would blow it out of proportion. So this may be where you are coming from. I think between the letters, your son and PTSD you just have a lot going on right now and are having a hard time coping with things and everything is starting to get to you.

As far as your son.....You're a mom and have the right to be upset with your son about his choices, but you also have to remember that they are his choices. He knows right from wrong. This may be a blessing in disguise...He may just have gotten the wake up call that he needs. This may scare him enough to come to his senses. Let's hope so.

PS...Just about everyone gets denied for disability on the first try. Reapply!!!!!!

[veiled]

To me it sounds like way too much at once. Your cup is full. And I can certainly relate on the kid front of stress. The kid thing alone can do this and you have an anniversary and holidays too. That is really a train wreck in the making but it is good you recognize it. You know where the issues are and that is the first step in over coming them and sorting it out.

I had my anniversary pass and as I came out of it my daughter did some really bad moves (again) and caused me to have a relapse. It was not fun. And it certainly was not because I thought the only way to be a good mom is be upset. These are our kids! Our flesh and blood. Little boogers that gave us heart attacks when they tripped and missed a sharp corner by just a hair, well, we could go pad the whole room and keep them safe. Now when they get bigger it is only natural to want to pad the world and make it safe, though they seem to seek out the sharpest corners life has to offer.

My daughter moved in with her dad as I could not handle this daily. She has managed to make my entire family and extended shun her. Drug problems and charges, sexual issues, STDs, assault charges, theft charges... You name it, I left some out. And she is only 14 heading for a grave or prison before she is an adult. I prayed, I screamed, I cried, I got very sick, I begged and pleaded, grounded, bribed, therapy, medicate, I tried to reason with her... She like your son hears static. I moved her out after I slapped her as I saw what it was turning me into. I was always angry, physically ill, and hurt and my whole family caught it.

Finally what has been the only help for me as it is more than obvious nothing I, family, police, or counselors and doctors can do to help her... Is put space between us. She did a lot to make me sick with full blown panic attacks everyday. Once she went to her dad I had space. I get updates and get sick. But since there is space I am not sick daily. My family and my oldest son spaces out updates.

This is a very hard decision, but if it effects your health all the time and he is anywhere as thick headed as my daughter it may be your only option. Yes, I had to put myself first over one of my children. I was left a worthless mom to 3 other kids. So they are being put ahead of her too. Everyone in my family, kids too, put her first for years because of her issues. She was ripping everyone and this family apart.

Has it changed her? Not at all. I really have lost hope anything will. I think if she goes to jail she will be even worse. I know she won't graduate. It kills me to think about so I know how bad this hurts you. You can't help but it to hurt, it is your child. But you can space out your hurt by putting space between you. I know this idea may sound off the wall, but you have to decide where a line is. How sick is too sick for you? How much damage can you allow to others you love and yourself?

My reasoning... My daughter is self destructive no matter the intervention. She is going to fall on her face because that is what she wants to do. She has, but she keeps pushing it again. She refuses and fights help as "I am leading her life". So do I keep her close and when she does this she takes us all out with her, or do I put space between us and not speak to her so she falls alone. This is the last choice option obviously. I just stand back now and hope where ever she falls won't be too bad but hard enough to change her way of thinking.

This is not my idea of tough love. It is showing love to the rest of my family and myself. We all deserve love and care. I still love her, I am just not only giving it to her and her alone now.


OK, woops, I did not mean to get that long winded on the kid thing, sorry! But the anniversary. Some people seem to have different reactions. From experience on my end they can last a month with no other stresses. I don't know what happens to you during anniversary, but during it you need to really try to take gingerly care of yourself. Really get into all the self help you have learned and implement it to get you through the rough ride.

Holidays - Not a damn bit of advice I can offer.

[2quilt]

I wrote an article some time back on how i got social security disability in 30 days, for this forum. It's somewhere here archived, but i don't know where to find it. Social security just sent me a letter this weekend telling me that they are reviewing me again to see if i am still disabled. (laughter) Let me know if you want me to help you reapply, SN. Never give up. You deserve disability benefits!

[veiled]

it is in information under entitlements... http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread5099.html

[Seeking_Nirvana]

All I can do is cry right now, especially after reading your story Veiled. I feel like that is where my son is headed, and hearing what happened to you makes it more real. I don't want space between him and me, and the thought just kills me. I love him so much and tried so hard to help him. I paid a lot of money for him to go to a private school so he could get well from having to deal with my PTSD over the years. I feel like his behavior is a result of my issues he had to deal with growing up. Now that I've gotten better, I can't reach him.

This is my second time being denied for disability. I applied for it when my father was murdered back in 1996 or some time around then. So this is my last shot at getting it, and I'm nervous.

I will ask for some help from those of you who offered, but I will have to get my head clear first and I'm not sure if it will be today or next week.

Thanks for your replies Veiled, She Cat, and 2quilt
Tammy

[Cindy]

The holidays always are rough with the added stress they bring in all parts of out lifes - financial, relationships, social settings, expectations of others to be met. It's tough. I also am going through some rough times right now with my job and constantly being triggered by a colleague. I am regressing to many symptoms. But recognize that is what they are! Once you recognize they are symptoms you can begin to isolate each one and create an alternative. Go easy on yourself (easier said then done - I am my biggest bully).

Do something nice for yourself. Spend time doing something you enjoy in a safe place. I just took two days off from work to remove myself from the stress and to get out of the hypervigelance stance. I know when I return tomorrow it will all begin again BUT I TOOK CARE OF ME -this is rare.

Go to a library and journal, listen to music curled up in a blanket, take a bubble bath, do something that will distract you for an hour or so - BREATHE! It may give you a fresh perspective on the issues and the ability to prioritize the ones you can control and the ones that you can't control.

Good Luck!

[Awakening]

You definitely have a lot on your plate. I'm not a mother so I can't advise there, but just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts, have patience with yourself, and try and take good care of yourself.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm in such a bad state when I logged on and seen my avatar I was pissed. I've been crying off an on today, but went to get my hair cut anyway. My hairdresser asked what was wrong, and I broke down a cried and told her my personal business.

I never, ever do that. My close friend's rarely see me cry, and acquaintances don't hear my personal business in real time. I don't know how this happened. I am so embarrassed that I told the lady who does my hair, about my son.

I know I have got to calm down about my son. I just can't believe I cried and told some one I hardly know about it.

Is opening up to strangers some type of horrible side effect of healing?

On the flip side, at least I didn't argue with her about my hair, but the after math feels the same. I feel sick!

[She Cat]

You can always blame the talking to the hairdresser on hormones, that time of the month, or a blue moon. What's done is done, you can't change it. Besides better out than in....

You are a mom that is worried about her kid, it's normal. Hang in there, try and get some sleep, and I hope the hair came out good.....

[Awakening]

Don't beat yourself up - hairdressers would get this all the time.

I'm not a hairdresser but in my role as an account manager I would say at least 3 times a year I get someone break down in tears - usually about their child or a relationship breakup. I mean serious breakdown, that's not counting general tearing up and/or confiding personal information. I don't think anything of it, other then I hope they feel better soon & that I was able to offer them some comfort.

It's perfectly natural, and I think it's a positive thing that you were able to release some of the pent up tension & emotion. I hope your hairdresser was sensitive, and I hope you are enjoying your new haircut!

[vera]

there's nothing i can say except i hope things turn out allright. you're in my thoughts. good luck & hugs,

v.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thanks to everyone for listening. I think all of this crying has made me relax, and feel better (for now)

My hair dresser was very nice and understanding. She dominated most of the conversation with how bad her daughter is, but shed no tears, so that kept me from saying too much.

I guess crying in front of strangers is more common than I thought?

Tammy

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thank you for checking up with me. It really helps to know that there is at least one person who is really by my side in this whole mess.

Tammy

there's nothing i can say except i hope things turn out alright. you're in my thoughts. good luck & hugs,

v.

[2quilt]

Tammy,
is there a time limit by which you have to reapply for disability this last time? I am asking because I do really want to do the best job I can to help you, and there's a very good probability that I will be in surgery next week, then I am going away until the first week in January if my body can take the travel. I have been really sick for the past two weeks. I have pancreatitis. To really form the strongest case, we will need more than a week to get a mountain of medical records, build a history, get a list of providers and sources who can verify your side of the story,
get records other than medical records (police, employment, etc.) to show patterns.
Don't give up!

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi 2quilt, the letter states I have 60 days to appeal the denial (the denial date was 12-10-2007. Should I wait to submit the appeal until I have the medical records etc?

I'm sorry to hear about your pancreatitis. I had a ruptured pancreas with hemorrhaging when I was in a car accident, and could only eat a certain amount of fat a day. I had to take Vistiril everyday.

I really appreciate your help. Thanks a bunch.
Tammy

[2quilt]

okay 60 days. I am probably going to have laproscopic surgery this weekend, to unblock the ducts, so I cant get email, so here's what I think you should do: read that article I wrote on how i got social security disability in 30 days in the entitlements area of the forum, then make a list of every doctor, therapist, social worker, police incident, roommate breakup, job firing, job quiting, court or legal battle, traffic violation, restraining order, ...get these things in a list. This may take a day or two to complete as you remember it all, so just keep adding to the list as you remember things. Get complete mailing addresses, phone numbers, fax numbers, dates that you saw these people or dates of the events.

Then you have to fill out the release forms so that records can be sent from the doctor or police or old job or wherever to the Agency that's going to Damnwell Award You Disability When We Get Through Here! So you need to call or go over there to the Agency and get those release forms now. In your reapplication you are going to list that you have sent requests for records to specific places so that the Agency knows to look for records in the mail.

Then you write your narrative, if the Agency has a place in the reapplication forms for you to do so, telling what happened when, in chronological order, how your illnesses progressed and you tried to hold jobs, show how you tried to hold jobs, list them, but that they did not work out and why not. Tell how your illness has stopped you from having quality of life. List your medications you have tried over the past ten years, if you can remember them, and list hospital stays if they involve your illness. Anything you can add to this that will show that you have tried to help yourself heal and you have tried to rejoin society, or not leave it in the first place, but that your illness keeps you from being a productive citizen, and that is devistating to you. Tell them that you have sought help, tell them when, list dates and specifics, and say whether or not it was successful. Dont leave anything out, go back as far as you can. I am sick, I will write more later.

[veiled]

I have a question, and hope not to thread jack here. Will this work for those of us who did service industry or are and have always been civilians? What if our attacker was acquitted? Do we qualify? Is it just military? Do you know who exactly I contact to find out? As hard as y'all have it it seems even harder for us to be counted. I did have jobs but most paid less than min. wage as I was relying on tips and had to report those. I only held a job I got paid full wages for about a year before I stopped working completely. I have not worked in 6 years. No welfare either of any sort but my husband's entire retirement is gone because of therapist, shrink, meds, and hospital bills. What if we get so confused we can't do paper work? I am just now getting prepped to get an updated SS card and DL so my son can get his DL (hub has to do paper work and walk me through). And it is the only reason. Is there really help available for my husband's finances? Or are we SOL?

[2quilt]

HELL YES you qualify! You deserve disability benefits just as much whether you are civilian or military!
I don't know if SN is trying to get benefits from Social Security or Workman's Comp or VA or where, yet. But it doesn't matter, she deserves it. And so do you, Veiled! It also does not matter if the attacker was acquitted or not, as you know, there are innocent people in prison and there are sure as hell guilty ones outside! And it does not matter what jobs you had, how much those jobs paid, or how long they lasted, what matters is that they show a pattern of your illness. For example:
I worked a job for 5 months, but I did not get along with coworkers, so I got fired, that is documented, and I need those records sent to the Social Security office to bolster my case for PTSD. I tried to get another job as a receptionist part time, because I cant hold a full time job, and they offered me the job at one rate of pay at the interview, then, when I got my first paycheck, it was way short, and i complained, and they told me that they never promised me that rate, and unfortunantly, I didnot get that nicer payrate in writing, so I got screwed, and then they fired me because they decided that they only wanted me for full time, not part time. they were just screwing with me. So i reported all this to Soc Security. All this adds up. It's a pattern, it does not look good, does it? Well, it shows that I have a mental illness. I am not proud of it, but this is not the time to be proud, this is the time to get what we deserve. Advocate for yourself! I will help you! I am having my MRCP test in a few hours, then I find out when my surgery is going to be. I will keep you posted.

2quilt

[Seeking_Nirvana]

2quilt
I have a question. My last job won't give any information on me except the date I started and the date I quit. (this was due to hospitalization) Should I send the old job a statement that they can give out information on my work history with them now? They don't like me because I collected unemployment from them, so they may do more harm than good.

I will start documenting things that go way back to 1992. I have a file at mental health so big that it weighs 5 lbs.

Also, I tried to get SS about 6 years ago and they told me I didn't qualify or it because I hadn't paid enough in, and that I have to work to gain a certain amount of money to be paid in. Therefore, I went and got a job because that was the only way I would qualify, which I lost. But kept getting jobs until I had a nervous breakdown. Now I qualify by having paid enough money into SS.

I don't understand their reasoning. If I'm sick and can't work how do they expect me to pay into SS in the first place to qualify?

If they hadn't made me get a job back then I wouldn't have had this nervous breakdown. (it was job related and that is documented in my last doctor files or it should be)

I'm going to PM you with some other questions.

Love you for this
Tammy

[2quilt]

Should I send the old job a statement that they can give out information on my work history with them now?

Yes, because the hospitalization will show that you were not able to hold the job successfully, and that will bolster your case for disability.

I have a file at mental health so big that it weighs 5 lbs.
Great! That's what I want to hear! The heavier the better because it shows that you have more evidence than any reviewer would want to ever spend time going through, so they will approve you! That's how I got my award!

until I had a nervous breakdown. If they hadn't made me get a job back then I wouldn't have had this nervous breakdown.

Find those medical records-those are valuable to your case!

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thanks for your help 2quilt. I hope you feel better soon and make full recovery

Tammy

[2quilt]

My MRI was negative, so now I am waiting for the blood labs to come back. The pancreas ducts are not blocked, but i still dont' know what is causing all the terrible pain. I am still on clear fluids. I have lost 14 pounds in 14 days.
At least I am not going into the hospital this weekend, like the doctor had wanted me to do, as long as I stay on clear fluids, I can stay out of the hospital for another 7 days.

[veiled]

I hope they find out what is going on so you can get through this soon.

[grace5555]

I am sorry - it is a rough ride and I really hope they find something soon they can fix!

[She Cat]

2quilt,

Sending hugs, and I hope they find out what's wrong with you soon......

Hugs, hugs, hugs.....