Fears About Travelling During Christmas

[batgirl]

I'm going away for Christmas with my family, we are travelling to another country. I'm sure it will all be very nice when we get there, but I'm really starting to dread the trip. The flight is going to be long, 3 transfers at what I assume will be very busy airports considering the time of year. One transfer is going to be within the United States, and I have never been to the USA and feel nervous about that, rational or not. With the last transfer we only have 20 minutes to go from one concourse to the other, in a huge airport, so we will really be rushing. The flight we are on is booked solid too, so it's going to be packed on the plane and the thought of that is freaking me out. I'm going to be sitting with family members but I'm worried I'm still going to panic because of it being crowded. I also have no idea what the house we are staying in looks like, and that is also bothering me. I like to know where windows, doors and so on all are in a building.

I travelled to London UK earlier in the year, but it was not during a peak time, and we were able to see online what our hotel room looked like. I did okay in London, so I'm hoping I will be okay this time too, but I am really nervous. There are so many unknowns. We leave on the 20th and already I am getting very worried and can't seem to calm myself down.

[grace5555]

Evie,

Flying is always challenging to me, but there seems to be no way around it at times. I always keep headphones in whether I have music on or not. I can still hear everyone around me as I need to to feel safe but it helps give me a sort of "space" from them. Flying with your family will have its advantages since you can have them on either side of you both in flight and in airports - and they can be cautioned and probably already know when not to touch you. Escaping for a few minutes to a locked lavatory when on the flight helps me - sometimes just a few minutes standing in there and rocking where I know noone can touch me helps calm me down enough to not freak out. I always have to have an isle seat and memorize the exits immediately. Rough, rough challenge but it can be done. I will be flying on the 19th and will be thinking of you and your flights on the 20th.

Grace

[Lisa]

Hi Evie,

I was going to mention the lavatory for space too, so I'll second grace's advice :)

I can imagine the dread... I'm okay with flying, but I don't like crowds either and I dread the London Tubes every time I go home. Can you think of some things that calm you down and distract you? Whether it be playing a game, music, a teddy... sounds like you need a plan to help reassure you and make you feel a bit more secure in going...

[anthony]

Oh yes.... don't we all just love airports.... yuk! Going to see them a few times myself during the holidays, though I have no idea about my birthday surprise just yet, as Nic is taking me somewhere unknown to myself for a few days. Looking forward though to going and seeing my family.... that will be nice.

[batgirl]

I knew you were going to a surprise location, I think that's cool and I am curious wherebut I guess I have to wait until the new year to find out! ;) I have to say though, I would personally be totally freaked if I didn't know where I was going. I'm not sure I could handle it.

And thanks Grace and Lisa. I don't mind flying, actually I mostly like it, but only during off season. It's the crowds that really bother me badly. Not sure about the lavatory Grace... I've never tried escaping to one before but I will try that, thanks. I think I might have to really plan this in detail, the more I read what you guys are saying the more I feel even more freaked, thinking of different scenarios!! But thanks though I really appreciate the input.

[grace5555]

Evie,

It does help to plan for every scenario you can think of - at least it helps me know that I have thought through ways to survive it without be hauled off in an ambulance or totally freaking in flight. I hate both the flying itself and the people, but the worst is the people and who is sitting next to me, etc. People probably think I have a very sick stomach on flights running to the lavatory but if it gets me through it, oh, well. The nausea meds I have to take also have a calming effect sometimes in large enough dosages.

I hope that knowing you have plans and back-up plans for every scenario will help. Can you take the video games that you enjoy? I don't know if they are via laptop or handheld or what. I spend alot of time on my cell playing Tetris - but that can't happen in flight but helps in the airports themselves. Oh, yuck - I dread this for both of us but we shall get through it. =)

Grace

[baileysemt]

I just wanted to pop up and say how proud and happy I am for you that you are doing this trip! I won't step foot on an airplane, nor will I travel > 300 miles away. I can't be away from home more than 48 hours or I seriously melt down.

It is all PTSD ... and none of it is what I categorize as "rational," it is either my hypervigilance, or extreme insecurity, causing these feelings. I certainly wasn't this way pre-PTSD!!!!

So I just wanted to offer you a little perspective :smile: that you are doing something that not all of us can do, and that is pretty awesome!!!

I do hope that it all goes better than you expect, and you have a very enjoyable time. :smile:

Bailey

[hodge]

Wish I had some advice, Evie, but I think others have made good suggestions. I haven't flown for a few years, and I do avoid it. I'm a white-knuckled flier myself.

[batgirl]

I
So I just wanted to offer you a little perspective :smile: that you are doing something that not all of us can do, and that is pretty awesome!!!


Wow thanks Bailey, honestly I didn't think of it in that way! Really good point though, thanks for reminding me to be positive about it!

Grace you are totally right... I'm going to plan everything. I just got a Nintendo DS and I will definitely be playing that on the plane! And woohoo another Tetris fan? I absolutely love Tetris! :)

Thanks to you too Hodge, you don't need to advise me, it's enough just to know you are thinking of me.

[Nicolette]

Hey Evie

I hope you will feel better about it closer to the trip....our thoughts and good wishes will be with you.

though I have no idea about my birthday surprise just yet, as Nic is taking me somewhere unknown to myself for a few days

What Anthony fails to understand is how difficult keeping his surprise a surprise is for me as I am just bursting at the seams to tell him. After a tough year it will be something he deserves and will be very restful........ :wink:

[batgirl]

Must be nice to not be worried about going to an undisclosed location. I'm flipping out like crazy about this and I know exactly where I'm going. I'm leaving in 8 days. God I hope I'm not freaking out like this for 8 whole days. I'm having trouble sleeping tonight thinking about it and I can't calm down enough to sleep.

[vera]

I also have no idea what the house we are staying in looks like, and that is also bothering me. I like to know where windows, doors and so on all are in a building

maybe you can get all the top drawings and some pictures from the people you're renting it from. i have sometimes done this when travelling with my family. i find it's extremely helpful so when i get nervous during the trip i can calm down planning what i will do when i get there (eg: "1.- leave little books suitcase by fireplace 2.- bring clothes suitcase to room, leave it under the window, use drawer 1 for blah" etc)

i find that i'm ok travelling alone, i feel, small and unprotected but calm. but my family just gets to my nerves. i've gotten into some terrible arguments with them during long trips. i always swear it's the last time i will join them.
so sometimes i pretend i'm a hitch-hiker and they picked me up next to the road, and i imagine my life and theirs in this parallel universe to calm down.

also, i don't sleep the night before leaving, so i'm tired and i sleep more during the trip. and i take long walks by myself so we rest from eachother and nobody ends up wounded... =/

hope this is of any use... also hope you have a great trip. take it easy on yourself & enjoy!

[Marlene]

Evie,

I've found that the anticpation of the event (what's going to happen, what could go wrong, who's going to be there, etc.) is always so much worse than the actual event. I also know saying that doesn't help one damn bit when the anxiety is up.

So much good advice given here. I'm with hodge...I haven't flown in three and a half years and I have no idea how I would react to it. But remember-you've got your family with you and they'll be making sure that you're doing ok. And they'll help you if you have a tough time. And if you have an issue in the middle of the terminal...don't care about what others think. You'll never see these people again in your life-screw em and what they think. Taking care of yourself is #1 priority for you.

I know you've used a code word in the past when things are getting to you and you need some extra help. Maybe using this again for the trip. If you're in an airport, there's lots of little out of the way nooks and crannies to get out of the main flow of the crowd. For the plane, you could take your ipod and just block it all out for a bit.

I hope you and your family have a great trip, Evie.

Lisa

[2quilt]

I have an idea. Make a CD of you fav music. Music for dancing and music for calm moments too. That's what i use to get me through. I put on my music and close my eyes so I can't see the crowds and it's just me and the music.

[batgirl]

maybe you can get all the top drawings and some pictures from the people you're renting it from. i have sometimes done this when travelling with my family.

Hmm that's an interesting idea Vera... actually the people who own the house are family friends, maybe they would be able to email me some pictures. I like the detailed plans you make, that sounds so much like me! I get along all right with my family but I like your visualization of being someone else or parallel universe or whatever, I think I might try that too. Thanks!

I've found that the anticpation of the event (what's going to happen, what could go wrong, who's going to be there, etc.) is always so much worse than the actual event. I also know saying that doesn't help one damn bit when the anxiety is up.

Yup, that's what I'm having right now. I realize it too, and I'm trying to be "rational" about it, but like you said it is really hard to get out of that "mode". I'm glad my family aren't the kind of people who say trite stuff like, "Oh don't worry, you'll feel better soon" or I might have to rip their faces off right now!! :p And you hit the nail on the head about me worrying about other people in the airport and what they think of me. I am majorly worried. And not much for them staring at me but for my family, that they will be embarrassed by me and I will cause trouble for them. I'm especially worried about my little nephews seeing me in that state (they are also coming). I was crying about it a lot last night, I barely got any sleep, I really worked myself into a state over it. I couldn't even play my video games and that's BAD! I did talk to my family about it though this morning and they said I am worrying for nothing as they would not be embarrassed. I am feeling a little better today though the lack of sleep obviously hasn't helped.

It's funny but I honestly didn't realize just how upset I was about this trip until I started writing about it and reading people's responses. I think because of how busy we've been I haven't had much time to think about it at all. Which is good maybe but now it's really upsetting me.

I have an idea. Make a CD of you fav music. Music for dancing and music for calm moments too.

Thanks 2quilt, that's also a good idea. I use an iPod actually but I'll make sure my iPod has all my favourite songs loaded on it before I go. I really have appreciated everyone's ideas, I'm going to save all of them and maybe I'll even write an article for the information section (in the new year) based on travelling. I don't think there is one. Thanks again for all the ideas and for saying you understood as I really have been feeling like a loser for how scared I am.

[batgirl]

Must be nice to not be worried about going to an undisclosed location.

Oh and sorry about this, reading it this morning, it sounds really bitchy and I didn't intend for it to sound that way at all. I was really upset last night.

[hodge]

Actually, that post made me think of Cheney (snort) :)

[batgirl]

Huh? Haha, I'm not sure what you mean Hodge? You mean going to an undisclosed location?

[hodge]

Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you wouldn't get the joke. After 9/11 and the Bush gang was issuing terror alerts left and right, Cheney was always being moved to "an undisclosed location." It just struck me funny.

[batgirl]

Ohh okay haha. I'm not sure I realized that. I don't watch the news much. But that is funny now that you explain it. :)

[hodge]

But that is funny now that you explain it. :)

Oh, good!

Yeah, there haven't been any terror alerts like that here in a long time. I guess they finally realized we weren't buying it ;)

[batgirl]

Is that like the yellow alerts and orange alerts? I vaguely remember that and something about duct tape... I thought it was all pretty dumb personally. I wasn't paying a lot of attention to the news back then though, as 2001 was the year of my trauma. I did watch the twin towers going down on Sept. 11 and felt like the world was coming to an end... it was pretty surreal. But at the same time, I was still underage then and on the run from my family... I had just run off a couple of months previous to that. So Sept. 11 has less significance to me than my own personal trauma, which was on January 4th of that year.

Hmm, that makes me think also, maybe I am starting to feel bad because my trauma anniversary is coming up??? It is less than a month away now. I was really ill from it last year.

[hodge]

Is that like the yellow alerts and orange alerts? I vaguely remember that and something about duct tape... I thought it was all pretty dumb personally.

Yup, all that. The duct tape one was particularly stupid.

Hmm, that makes me think also, maybe I am starting to feel bad because my trauma anniversary is coming up??? It is less than a month away now. I was really ill from it last year.

That would make sense, Evie. Try to take extra good care of yourself. Maybe being away will help with that? I really hope so, anyway.

[logan]

i hate the the crowds but i just look at their not coming with me to my freinds house
and they all lost their lugage on the corsell
keep your head up the hardest part is over the booking and arangements

[batgirl]

the hardest part is over the booking and arangements

Really logan?? Not for me. Arrangments don't freak me out at all actually. They can all be done online now, you don't have to speak to anyone. Anyways, I didn't have to do any arrangements... Mum did everything, for all of us.

The crowds, the rushing, all the unknowns... those are what's bad for me.

[grace5555]

Yeah, the arrangements are the easiest part for me...it is the rest that is damn near impossible but we shall do it, huh, Evie? =)

[Nicolette]

The crowds, the rushing, all the unknowns... those are what's bad for me.

I don't know whether it will help Evie but is there some way you may be able to shift your focus and think about the tranquility of Angel falls and things of like - trying to not think about the crowds etc? I personally hate unknowns but it is just an idea. You know, like when you are at the doctors and they tell you to envisage yourself lying on the beach etc?

My thoughts are that the things you do know are that you will be with your family and they will protect you as much as they can and I am sure the plans made were done so with you in mind. I am not saying you have no need to worry, but perhaps reminding yourself of these things may help ease your stress a little.

Did you have any luck finding out what the house looked like as I thought that was a good idea?

As I don't have PTSD this may all be stupid but it was just some ideas I thought may help :)

[batgirl]

No it doesn't sound stupid Nicolette. I appreciate your suggestions. Visualization has helped me in some instances. Not sure about Angel Falls specifically though, I want to see it but I am super scared to go to Venezuela at all (because of the Colombian guerrillas and the military aspect of Venezuela in general). Actually I might not even be going to Venezuela. Travis and Krista are staying in Curacao because of 10 month old Lucas, just too hard travelling with him... and I might just stay behind with them. I'll see how I feel once I get there.

Yes I am going to try to remind myself that my family is there, I'm going to stick really close to Dad during the actual travel, as he makes me feel more safe than anyone. The only problem is I really do have a phobia of crowds. I'm going to try hard to apply everything I've learned though. I sometimes have no troubles in busy shops.. usually I do but once in a while I am okay, and right now I'm trying to figure out for myself what was different, the times I had no trouble. I'd love if I could figure that out and use it before I go.

The people who own the house promised to send photographs by email, but I haven't received them yet. I hope they arrive soon. Thanks for your help Nicolette.

[Grama-Herc]

Het Batgirl!

I got a good idea for you to handle the crowds. Years and years ago a music teacher told me to just imagine that everyone is dressed only in their underwear! You will so busy giggling you won't have time to worry or get frightened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good trip to you. Happy holidays GRAMA-HERC

[batgirl]

Oh haha Herc, I remember getting told that too, in school when we had to do speeches. I haven't heard anyone say that for ages. Who knows, maybe it would help? If I was laughing I likely wouldn't be as afraid. Thanks I am going to try it! I hope you have a very nice holiday too, hope you get to see your daughter and grandchild.

[batgirl]

Well, just a quick update. I leave for my trip tomorrow morning. I am still nervous, but feeling way less afraid. Thanks goes to Anthony for talking to me on the phone for over an hour!! I realized during the conversation that I have travelled many, many times and nothing bad has ever happened to me. In fact, pre-trauma I used to very much enjoy travelling. So now I'm trying to hang on to those good memories and think positively about my trip. I've decided against taking the valium, I'm going to deal with this head on. I've no doubt I'll be ill for a day afterwards once we arrive, but I am going to try my hardest to get through it. My family will be there for me. I'm even reconsidering going to Venezuela now. I think I might regret it and/or consider it a failure if I don't go, so I'm going to try very hard to push past my fears. This morning I woke up thinking, screw you PTSD!! Haha. I'm really going to fight it. Have a great holiday everyone!

[becvan]

I haven't commented much on this.. I haven't been on a plane in years and certainly can't go on any trips right now.. but.. in my narrowed knowledge on this one.. I think your doing great! I do hope you work through it all!

bec

[batgirl]

Thanks Bec, just one more thing to try and accomplish I guess! Not sure how you feel about travelling, I can't remember if we've discussed it or not, but you'll have to work on it so you can come visit us sometime! ;) I hope you have the best holiday possible!

[becvan]

Short trips from home.. I'm not bad. I get a little nervous. Long trips.. omg, I'm a mess. It's a huge trigger for me.

bec

[Claire]

Hello Evie, just back from my hols and read this briefly. I got back last night after a 30 hr journey back (dont ask!)There are always quiet corners of airports, no matter how busy. You just need to find them. I go walk about in the plane a lot too and usually prefer to stand by the door area where there's more space for a bit of time out. Take lots of distractions too, my nintendo came in handy:smile:

Have to good holiday and Merry Christmas to you and the family.

[batgirl]

HOLY 30 hours... OMG. Our trip is going to be very long too, about 14 hours I think? But 30? Wow. I hope you are resting lots.

I just got a new Nintendo DS myself. I'm definitely taking it along. Have a good holiday yourself, I'm interested to hear how it all went for you but I guess I will have to wait until I get back!

[Lisa]

Good luck Evie, love the kick ass attitude! I hope you have a good trip... I look forward to hearing about it when you get back!

[batgirl]

Thanks Lisa. I'm still on my trip but since I'm online I thought I should do a quick update. I made it through the flights, airport and so on just fine. I was ill for a day after arriving at our destination but I was expecting that. I did a lot better than I thought and really surprised myself. I went to Venezuela as well and really enjoyed myself there. The falls and the jungle were amazing. I have another trip to contend with, going somewhere unexpectedly tomorrow, but I won't share details until I am back home again. Anyways just wanted to say thanks to all who encouraged me, I did well, one more fear conquered!

[pandora]

I am so happy to hear that the trip is going well! Look forward to chatting with you when you get back....have a safe trip home.

[Kathy]

Evie has done extremely well, we are very proud of her!

[Nicolette]

Awesome work Evie ...you should be proud

[batgirl]

Thanks! :) Mum, Pandora and Nicolette.

[Grama-Herc]

Hello Bat girl Welcome home--when you get there

Hope your holiday and trip were all you hoped it would be. And see, you survived. Was it to difficult for ya? Hope not. The airport is always so crazy, but I bet you imagined all the people in their underwear, right? LOL Love Ya Grama-Herc

[batgirl]

Thanks Herc. Yes to the underwear. :) Talk more when I am feeling better. Some trouble communicating now.

[pandora]

I am glad to see that you were able to post even this!!!!!Pat yourself on the back....you will get through this......take care Evie.

[batgirl]

Thanks Pandora. I'm feeling quite a bit better tonight. Overall my trip went really well. I made it through the busy airports, taxi cab rides, busy cities and so on, with way less trouble than I thought I would have. My main issue was worrying that someone in the crowd had a gun and was going to start shooting, so I was checking people for weapons a lot (in my mind, not literally). It really helped though to play my Nintendo DS, wear my headphones and have my family there. Of course I crashed and had to rest in bed for a day after arriving at our destination but I was expecting that. I got through it, I even spent 4 days in New York City, totally unexpected! I'm confident that I can travel more in the future.