Bewildered by Unexpected Relapse

[dshanks]

Just as I thought I was feeling better, I had a relapse . I gave my husband a hard time again today and it was due to feeling I am not listened to. Sometimes I think he may be tuning me out and then I go thru all those nagging questions in my head...all dealing with my insecurities with this condition. I really get scared that this condition will lead to him pulling away and then I will lose him forever. What is going on...I was doing so well. I feel like I am such a monster when I express how I feel . It is as though I don t know how to express myself without feeling guilty and sometimes I don t even know what to say because I cannot find the words:wall:

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi D,
I'm not sure what to say. I do know that your not alone in this and that I've been doing the same thing. I believe it's part of our illness, and all we can do is have faith that our husbands love us enough to stick it out. Blind faith through this journey of uncertainty.

Peace
Tammy

[Felicitas]

I am new here. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I can relate to the fear of loosing my husband. Have you had good experiences before with this fear? Is it all new?

[batgirl]

I hate relapsing myself, but like Tammy says it's part of our illness. I don't think you ever totally "escape" from it. Though the longer you work on yourself to manage your symptoms, the relapses get fewer and shorter. At least I'm starting to notice that now in myself. The really important is to not get too down on yourself for relapsing. I tend to be really critical of myself, berate myself for it, feel hopeless and so on... just last night I got "bad" again with some of my symptoms and I felt pretty guilty about it. This morning I am not feeling that much better. My tendency is to want to lie in bed and hide, and beat myself up because I am not perfect, but I forced myself to get up and keep going.

My suggestion from my own experience is just keep working at it, don't give up, and don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself the time you need to recover but then keep working and try to learn something from the experience. I hope you feel better soon.

[EmoxxKid]

Oh I go through that too with my girl, it's so hard...
I am worried all the time that she will not be able to deal with me anymore and just be done.....

But they love us.....and love is amazing and strong...

[hodge]

I go through this, too, with my husband. I go through bad times and worry he can't take it anymore. I'm very fortunate that he insists he's not going anywhere. For my part, I try to make sure that whenever I have a blowup, I talk to him as soon as I cool down, explain what I was feeling and why, and assure him that I love him and that I know he's doing the best he can and I'm doing the best I can, too.

[batgirl]

Oops I guess I should clarify, I am not in a relationship!! I was just answering in general about relapses. And I do go through similar things with my family members, though not with a partner.

[dshanks]

Thank you so much everyone for your responses. So it IS part of the illness...Ahh haa! I thought maybe it was, but I wasn t sure.My therapist says I never allow myself the right to feel angry and that I always feel so guilty for standing up for myself. I had really major brainwashing when I was growing up and it has really screwed me up. But thankfully I have a great husband who swears he isn t going anywhere. Thanks again

[dshanks]

Thanks for the support. No this isn t new but when I do blow up at him I seem to feel worse each time.Thankfully it doesn t happen all the time