Another Scare with Evie

[Kathy]

As the title suggests, we had another scare with Evie. A couple of days back, she came down with a mild case of pneumonia. She has very severe asthma also, which makes this quite tricky. She was being treated for it, however late last night she informed me the medication was not helping her to breathe much better. She had a violent coughing fit and was literally gasping for air, so we rushed her into emergency. Once there, they attempted to stabilize her however she soon went into respiratory arrest and had to be intibated. They got her breathing again immediately however for about 30 minutes they were worried she might go into cardiac arrest, due to the massive strain on her heart. It was most distressing.

It took the hospital staff 8 hours to stabilize her to the point where she could breathe without assistance. We have brought her home again, thanks to the lack of beds in our suffering health care system. She is stable but heavily medicated. It was a very tense night. I burst into tears as soon as I arrived home, which is not something I normally do. I will likely not be as active on the forum now for at least a day, Jim and I both require rest from being up all night, and we are keeping a close eye on Evie.

[Kathy]

I originally posted this in Private Carers, however then I realized that is not fair as perhaps her friends who are not carers would like to know how she is doing as well. Additionally, I have a question for the sufferers.

Since returning home from hospital, Evie rested peacefully for a couple of hours, however she was then awakened due to coughing. The coughing is nothing serious. However Evie has worked herself into such a state over it. She feels she has ruined our trip; she is catastrophizing thinking the trip is going to be cancelled and Christmas will be ruined all because of her. This is untrue, the doctor informed us she will be able to travel regardless of this.

I realize this is anxiety on her part, however, she has been crying over it, quite intensely. Crying irritates her lungs and will make her situation worse. Therefore Jim and I have been discouraging her, literally telling her to stop the crying as it hurts her lungs. She can cry again in a couple of days when her lungs have had a rest. She has listened and stopped crying for the most part. However my question is, are we being unreasonable to ask her to not cry? We are only concerned that she not make herself more ill, however it sounds odd to tell her not to cry, as it is also an emotional release for how she is feeling.

[Nicolette]

Oh my Kathy. I cannot answer your questions however my thoughts are with you even more so. Poor Evie and how difficult it must be for you and Jim. Please take care.

[becvan]

Kathy, there is a big difference between being told not to cry because you don't have the "right" to have feelings and between being told not to because it's putting you in physical risk.

You have clearly stated it will be fine in a few days. You have simply tried to get her to delay it.. not stop it as she would probably end up in the hospital again.

My suggestion. Ensure you stress that you simply need her to delay her tears for now and that it's okay for how she is feeling. Push that it will physically cause harm at the moment. I would also recommend trying to get her involved in helping with some aspect of the trip to help her feel that it's a reality.

I do hope she is feeling better. And thanks for sharing with us.

bec

[pandora]

Oh my goodness....I just had a chat with Evie last night and I knew she was sick but what happened after....that is awful. I am so sorry to hear what you all went through....that is awful that they intubated her and then sent her home due to a lack of beds.....healthcare....uugghh....

I think that asking Evie to not cry is a good thing as you don't want the strain on her lungs and heart...you are not being unreasonable ......you just want her to be safe and that is ok...if Evie is able to do this then it is even better and it will help her. Give her positive encourragement (as I am sure you are already doing) Kathy and Jim......You just love her and want her to be well. You are not doing anything wrong. She is lucky to have you!

I hope things settle down soon and she becomes well enough to travel...the warm weather help her too. Please take care.....all of you.

[grace5555]

Kathy,

I have been where Evie is right now - having my carer ask me not to cry for the sake of my lungs in order to keep me from another trip to the ER, hospitalization for lungs' sake, etc. From our perspective, it is probably as difficult as you are already aware it is. The intense need to cry and the frustration that doing so puts us at more risk. But as my godmother states, the lungs trump the emotions. At this point, breathing has to be the priority above all else including PTSD. Deep down and maybe even on the surface we understand that and I know Evie is sensible enough to understand it. It just is kind of a double whammy because even if I wasn't going to cry, being asked not to was emotionally painful but definitely worth it trying to keep out of the hospital and breathe. I am thinking of you all and praying for quick relief for Evie's lungs and spirit.

Grace

[anthony]

Well, I am glad that everything is now all ok once again. The crying..... I see it personally as treating a symptom, which can be done IMHO. Evie needs to be speaking about the cause though and working herself around this negative thinking style of catastrophically thinking. I agree with you though Kathy, in the cause is the holidays and the trip.

[Kathy]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am very happy to know everyone agrees it is all right to tell her not to cry. Truthfully we knew it was, the doctor warned us against her crying, shouting, laughing - anything that puts a strain on the lungs. However I was feeling a bit guilty about it all the same. Bec your explanation of the difference was most helpful and of course you are right. Anthony, we are slowly talking things through with her, unfortunately she gets only so far, then wants to cry, so we stop. We are encouraging her to sleep. She has been quite good about controlling her crying though, that is a relief.

[Awakening]

That's awful. It must of been so scary for all of you.
I agree with Bec, there's a difference in being told not to cry because the carer can't 'bear it' and not crying because of her physical health. I think you are being completely reasonable.
Maybe to get some of the feelings out she could try journalling, get it all out, and only re-read it in a couple of days when she can cry if she so feels?

[Bella78]

I hope that Evie is feeling a bit better now. Hopefully her crying is behind her for now too. But if she is still having trouble, let her know that I said that I'm sure she can push the tears back just a few more days until her lungs are stronger since she got thru what she has got thru in the first place. If she wasn't strong enough to ward off a few tears, she would never have been able to achieve what she has.

Does Evie mediatate, that may help right now too.

[Kathy]

Evie is quite a bit better today, I believe in part due to speaking to her friends on the phone late last night. :wink: Sometimes she will not speak to us about various matters, so thank you Anthony and Nicolette! She is still coughing a fair bit however she is up and was helping me in the kitchen and seems happier. She told me she is less worried for our trip on Thursday. So fingers crossed she keeps her spirits up.

[pandora]

I am so glad to hear she is doing better. Have a great Christmas and a safe trip!

[Kathy]

Does Evie mediatate, that may help right now too.

Sorry, meant to answer this in my first post. Evie is actually quite loathe to anything like meditation. She says its "flakey". It would be nice if she at least tried though (hint hint Evie :wink:), perhaps in the new year you may try to convince her Bella. Jim and I haven't had much luck.

[Damiea]

Something that might achieve the same result would be a massage! It relaxes and helps you focus inward if you relax and just experience it. I learned meditation during massage school and found it to be quite helpful when dealing with migraine head ace's and falling asleep when I'm over stressed. LOL and besides.. most people love massages after they go the first time!

[Marlene]

I'm so glad to hear that Evie's feeling better. I hope all of you enjoy your trip!!!

Lisa

[anthony]

Welcome.... it was great that Evie didn't hesitate, and just rang to chat.

[Bella78]

Evie is actually quite loathe to anything like meditation. She says its "flakey".

I thought that may be the case. She sems to me like someone who is no BS. A strong willed character. There are similar things she could try, I will give it some thought and chat to her about it in the New Year. Be prepared Evie!!! :wink:

[Kathy]

Sounds lovely Bella. We appreciate any help we may receive from others! :wink: And you are quite right, she is very strong willed, always has been.

[Nicolette]

I must say it was enjoyable being able to speak with Evie and I am glad she felt she could call :smile:

[hodge]

OMG, I've been sick myself and not on the forum the last few days, so I had no idea! I'm so sorry Evie (and you and Jim) had to go through all that, but very glad she's better now.

I hope you all have a great trip and holiday.

[Linda]

I am glad Evie is feeling better now. Pneumonia is of course dangerous for people with asthma. Does she have a pneumonia shot?
I wish Evie a further improvement, and you all a safe trip!
Take care,
Linda

[Kathy]

Yes Linda, Evie receives a pneumonia vaccination every 5 years, however it only protects her against the life-threatening strains of the illness. Unfortunately she may still develop milder pneumonias which can lead to life threatening asthma attacks. :crazy:

On a happy note however, she is far improved since the weekend, the antibiotics and prednisone are working rapidly as usual. Her cough is almost completely gone this morning, so likely the travelling tomorrow will be uneventful for her, at least from the standpoint of her lungs. Her attitude has far improved as well.

Thank you all for your wishes, please do have a safe and happy holiday, and I will speak with you more in the new year.

[Linda]

Yeah, unfortunatelly there are different causes for pneumonea :( However, I am glad the meds helped Evie. Hope she will enjoy the trip.
I have asthma, too, and cold wleays make things worse. Once during my trip to Russia I got a pretty severe cold. And the goal of the trip was to work in animal shelters there. Well, I could make it to the shelter, and even could work, although could not talk... But finally was treated by the shelter vet, who gave an epi shot and prescribed steroids. Guess I am the only American sucessfully treated by Russian shelter veterinarian!:thumbs-up

[pandora]

Have a safe and wonderful trip....a merry christmas and happy new year to you all!


I am so glad to hear that Evie is feeling better and strong enough to travel!