sgtanon
17-12-2007, 03:17 PM
Hi. Obviously, I'm new-and still a little shaky about posting here. I'm not even sure if I should be posting here. I'm a little different than most of my buddies with PTSD.
First of all, I'm not actually diagnosed with it. Not by the docs, anyway. I only started realizing I might have it when my buddies who had it started noticing some really uncanny similarities.
See...I didn't get mine from combat. That's what you're supposed to get it from, if you're in the Army, like me. That's not where mine comes from. It's weird. I'm not scared of combat. I'm not scared of a known enemy coming out of nowhere with a gun.
I'm scared of an unknown enemy, of someone I love turning on me.
My ex husband went psycho on me several years ago. He went crazy, and started talking to himself about how I needed to die. He went and got his gun, loaded it, flipped the safety off, and went chasing me through the house, trying to kill me. I was pregnant at the time. I was pregnant and lowcrawling through my own house, because all of a sudden my husband was the enemy. And then he had found me, and had a loaded gun pointed at my face, and had grabbed me, and was holding me, and not letting me go, and I had to talk my way through to him to save my life and my unborn child.
I know a lot of people are probably reading this and saying that is nothing, nothing compared to what they went through. I know I've heard it before from army docs, that this is nothing compared to combat and if you didn't get PTSD from combat it is not valid.
But I can't deal. anything relating to this man triggers intense panic. I can't deal with being grabbed. I can't deal with being grabbed when the person won't let go, no matter who it is. I'm so angry all the time. Even about stupid things. I can't deal with anyone. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. I can't remember anything. Sometimes I think it's a miracle that I can still manage to pull myself together and function, and it's all for my kid.
I don't know. Maybe you guys will think the same thing, this isn't valid, I'm not even diagnosed, this is useless. Maybe this will be the only post I write here before someone nicely asks me not to come back.
at least it's out. At least I've said it, once. And if everybody laughs at how weak I was to let something like that upset me when I'm trained for real enemies and am the toughest fighter in the company and all that..well, it won't be anything I haven't heard before.
First of all, I'm not actually diagnosed with it. Not by the docs, anyway. I only started realizing I might have it when my buddies who had it started noticing some really uncanny similarities.
See...I didn't get mine from combat. That's what you're supposed to get it from, if you're in the Army, like me. That's not where mine comes from. It's weird. I'm not scared of combat. I'm not scared of a known enemy coming out of nowhere with a gun.
I'm scared of an unknown enemy, of someone I love turning on me.
My ex husband went psycho on me several years ago. He went crazy, and started talking to himself about how I needed to die. He went and got his gun, loaded it, flipped the safety off, and went chasing me through the house, trying to kill me. I was pregnant at the time. I was pregnant and lowcrawling through my own house, because all of a sudden my husband was the enemy. And then he had found me, and had a loaded gun pointed at my face, and had grabbed me, and was holding me, and not letting me go, and I had to talk my way through to him to save my life and my unborn child.
I know a lot of people are probably reading this and saying that is nothing, nothing compared to what they went through. I know I've heard it before from army docs, that this is nothing compared to combat and if you didn't get PTSD from combat it is not valid.
But I can't deal. anything relating to this man triggers intense panic. I can't deal with being grabbed. I can't deal with being grabbed when the person won't let go, no matter who it is. I'm so angry all the time. Even about stupid things. I can't deal with anyone. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. I can't remember anything. Sometimes I think it's a miracle that I can still manage to pull myself together and function, and it's all for my kid.
I don't know. Maybe you guys will think the same thing, this isn't valid, I'm not even diagnosed, this is useless. Maybe this will be the only post I write here before someone nicely asks me not to come back.
at least it's out. At least I've said it, once. And if everybody laughs at how weak I was to let something like that upset me when I'm trained for real enemies and am the toughest fighter in the company and all that..well, it won't be anything I haven't heard before.