Micop
18-12-2007, 01:50 PM
Holiday Greetings to All Here,
I was dropping through the net and I found this site and so here I am.
I am a 23 year Police Officer, diagnosed with PTSD. I was not a guy that had the best of luck, as I seemed to be always in the action.
After a broken back, two shoulder replacements,closed head injury-with seziures and a neck fusion from a police chase gone bad, I found it difficult to stay focused and then after a shooting, things seemed to just get worse.
On top of all the internal investigations and no psych intervention at anytime, I found myself in a situation that I never thought would be knocking on my front door. I had so many times, had all the right answers for others, but now I am alone in a room wondering what were all these feelings I did not understand and why were sitting on my door step ?
I had no defined answers.
The times of deep depression, there were many times of thoughts that were so many, I did not have any answers. I many times just could not concentrate to the point it started affecting my common sense factors. Not in a criminal way but in decision making situation.
After the investigations in which I was cleared, I found myself questioning everything I did to the point, I knew someone or perhaps myself would be injured or killed due to the time it took me to make a critical decision.
Well in short I went off on disability. Workers Compensation
denied me immediately and I was not compensated for 5 years. Two bankruptcies later and I lost everything I owned, going on public assistance the pride I had, was gone.
I was also elected to political office, for three terms, now I stand in a welfare line. I was given a food card for groceries standing in a grocery line, trying to hide who I was.
Those same departments I use to vote to fund out of our budget, I now stood in their lengthy line in a small town.
People were great to me, but I was humbled and had no pride left. I had to get food from a church and the government helped pay my utilities. There was no pride left.
I attempted suicide, had everything set then after a stay in the hospital and profesional help, I once again stand tall with my head high.
However with me, the PTSD never totally leaves and so I learned to cope. PTSD can only be described as hell with a twist, mixed with deep depression.
I guess, what I am saying is, that like many others I consider myself a survivor, no different than someone that was a cancer survivor.
One always wonders if the PTSD will come back with force as one does with other diseases ie alcoholism, cancer.
What might be a situation that would put you in a relapse? I found that there were many more questions than answers.
I can only use the old saying "everyone is their own person and everyone is unique in their own right."
I am a survivor and I believe you can be also.
This is not something to deal with on your own, believe me I tried and once I better understood the condition, I was better able to adjust my thought process.
I bid everyone a Great Holiday.
I was dropping through the net and I found this site and so here I am.
I am a 23 year Police Officer, diagnosed with PTSD. I was not a guy that had the best of luck, as I seemed to be always in the action.
After a broken back, two shoulder replacements,closed head injury-with seziures and a neck fusion from a police chase gone bad, I found it difficult to stay focused and then after a shooting, things seemed to just get worse.
On top of all the internal investigations and no psych intervention at anytime, I found myself in a situation that I never thought would be knocking on my front door. I had so many times, had all the right answers for others, but now I am alone in a room wondering what were all these feelings I did not understand and why were sitting on my door step ?
I had no defined answers.
The times of deep depression, there were many times of thoughts that were so many, I did not have any answers. I many times just could not concentrate to the point it started affecting my common sense factors. Not in a criminal way but in decision making situation.
After the investigations in which I was cleared, I found myself questioning everything I did to the point, I knew someone or perhaps myself would be injured or killed due to the time it took me to make a critical decision.
Well in short I went off on disability. Workers Compensation
denied me immediately and I was not compensated for 5 years. Two bankruptcies later and I lost everything I owned, going on public assistance the pride I had, was gone.
I was also elected to political office, for three terms, now I stand in a welfare line. I was given a food card for groceries standing in a grocery line, trying to hide who I was.
Those same departments I use to vote to fund out of our budget, I now stood in their lengthy line in a small town.
People were great to me, but I was humbled and had no pride left. I had to get food from a church and the government helped pay my utilities. There was no pride left.
I attempted suicide, had everything set then after a stay in the hospital and profesional help, I once again stand tall with my head high.
However with me, the PTSD never totally leaves and so I learned to cope. PTSD can only be described as hell with a twist, mixed with deep depression.
I guess, what I am saying is, that like many others I consider myself a survivor, no different than someone that was a cancer survivor.
One always wonders if the PTSD will come back with force as one does with other diseases ie alcoholism, cancer.
What might be a situation that would put you in a relapse? I found that there were many more questions than answers.
I can only use the old saying "everyone is their own person and everyone is unique in their own right."
I am a survivor and I believe you can be also.
This is not something to deal with on your own, believe me I tried and once I better understood the condition, I was better able to adjust my thought process.
I bid everyone a Great Holiday.