I Am Over It!!!

[Jen]

:mad:
Yes he has PTSD yes he is depressed but it is starting to wear really thin with me!
This is me having a vent I need to get this out sorry!
I have been away for a week visiting my parents.
Hubby looked after the business which wasnt probably a good idea but I needed a break so it will take him ages to get over doing that extra work?
Xmas will be quiet our daughter will come over for lunch and our son will be home on Thursday for a few days which will be nice. It will be nice to have company in the house!
I noticed in our ceiling this morning that we have a water leak from our air cooler it looks pretty bad I woke him up his reaction was he walked out looked up at it said a few words and them went back to bed.FFS!!!!
I wonder if the roof falls in he may do something about it I just hope it dries out without to much damage and I will get the son to have a look when he comes home?
Sorry for ranting but I had to have a whinge to someone!!
Merry Xmas and thanks for all the support through the year!!!

[Bella78]

Hey Jen, I feel for you and know just how you feel. I wish there was an easy answer or solution, but I think we all know there isn't. Perhaps all I can offer is my sympathy and to let you know I am sending happy vibes.
Perhaps also just remember to stay on track in a time like this and don't lose you cool (hard I know). Remember if he has been left with a big responsibility (looking after the business while you were away) he could be a bit burnt out. He probably just needs a little rest and also reassurance that it's OK to do that, for the moment. From what I am learing, the less you try to force him to fix the leak, the sooner he will get to it.

I am by no means an expert on any of this as I have not even had the chance to practice caring for my PTSD husband properly yet. I am just waiting for him to come home so that I can.

Best of luck and Merry Christmas.
:Hug_emoticon:

[Jen]

Thanks Bella its weird that he reacted like he did when he saw the leak.
But I cant compare him to someone without issues who would have dropped everything and tried to fix it hey?
Merry Xmas to you as well:hello:

[Jen]

Well we got through Xmas day ok I sort of expect nothing much out of him over the next couple of days?
Our son will be here tomorrow with his girlfriend to meet us he has 7 days leave so I hope hubby will get through this next week?
I bought him a Playstation 2 for Xmas he spent all day playing the poker game on it. You know it annoys me that he spends all day in front of the tele but at least his mind is doing something?
It would have been a waste of money buying him Gym Membership or a pushbike thats for sure:wink:

[Bella78]

Gald you got thru Xmas Day OK. Just don't forget hoe emotionally stressful it must be for him. Your patience is to be commended and venting on here will help maintain that.

And yes, it sure is better to have him sitting in front of the telly rather than sleeping, right?

Also, perhaps before your son arrivee, have a chat about the whole 'meeting the new girlfriend' thing, about if he has any feelings about it. He may be a bit overwhelmed about it and not even saying so. So perhaps of you establish that before they arrive, then if and when he begins to feel overwhelmed by it, he may feel safe and secure to lean on you about it.

You could also set up a plan for what he can do that you both feel confortable with if he needs to have a breather from the situation. He may like to take a ride down the shops with only your son, have some time alone somewhere, just have a 1 hour nap (but set the rule that it's only to be 1 hour and if he breaks the contract you will no longer "meet him half way". Seems he has a familiar sleeping issue...).

Perhaps if you set this all up, he will not only react better when overwhelmed and be able to recover easier and sooner, but also, it may reduce the liklihood of anything going pear shaped in the first place.

Good luck.

[Jen]

Thanks Bella those are very good points and yes he probably is overwhelmed with the Xmas thing and with our son coming home. BUT he does not tell me about his feelings I have tried before to help this way but am greeted with a brick wall?
I know he wants to take him to show him his ute that he is getting done up.
I can only hope that he makes an effort he has just dragged himself out of bed at 3pm says he has a headache but that excuse wear thin after a while?
Our son is going to Afghanistan in Feb so he really needs to make an effort!!

[Bella78]

Jen, don't forget he probably really does have a headche.... But oh geez! He and my hubby sound so similar!!

But that's what I mean about chatting to him gently about your son's visit. Don't rely on him expressing his feelings. Perhaps instead begin by saying, "Now, I understand this may all be starting to stress you out a little, so would you like to come up with some ideas how we can ease your stress if it starts to get a bit too much? And set up some ways you can let me know you are feeling that way, so we both understand eachother better if and when it happens."

It will probably be better received if you say it is so he enjoys the visit, or he may think that you are doing it for the benefit of his son and not him. Remember when they need to feel secure it has to be about them (within reason).

[Jen]

Thanks Bella I will see how it goes our son arrives soon so I am of to work for a little while then to the airport!

[Jen]

Well our son and his girl have been here for a few days and it lovley having them here!
Hubby still is not getting out of bed until late which is a shame but I went in before and asked if he was going to try and get up earlier today and got my head bitten of so FH!
Its his loss I enjoy having the kids here and I think our son wasnt expecting anything different from his father somehow?
He didnt get out of bed until 4pm yesterday?

[Kathy]

Oh dear. I am sorry he is still sleeping so late Jen and missing the opportunity to visit with your son. Is it typical for him to sleep so very late? I knew he was a late sleeper however I did not realize it was that late! Has he had a medication adjustment lately, or is this simply stress from the holidays?

That is a good attitude however Jen, it is indeed his loss, and a good thing your son does not expect much. The important thing is you enjoy having the kids there!

[Jen]

Hi Kathy yes quite often its mid afternoon before he surfaces. My New Year Resolution is more ME time I dont wait for him anymore!
I had a talk with him last night and asked him if he can remember the breathing and relaxation exercises he was taught on the PTSD course and he said he cant remember!
It was only 12 months ago!
Anyway while I was in the mood I asked why does he stay in bed all day?
He just kept saying "I dont know"
so I didnt push it!

[Kathy]

That is a very good resolution Jen, you come first! I am glad you have come to realize that point. There is only so much we can do if our loved ones don't cooperate!

[Jen]

That is a very good resolution Jen, you come first! I am glad you have come to realize that point. There is only so much we can do if our loved ones don't cooperate!

Thats right Kathy he has to want to help himself as well!
Our son goes home tomorrow then flies out to Afghan in 4 weeks it has been great having him here I miss the company that he provides when he is home even if its just helping me to go to the dump or little things around the house that his father does not do!
Hubby has his ute at home now this was always going to be his pet project it will be interesting to see if he works on it like he says?
I am back at work on Monday which is a good thing at least I am not sitting around stewing waiting for him to get out of bed!

[Jen]

Well our son went home yesterday it was an emotional farewll I was a mess all afternoon. But I am back at work today and I spoke to him last night and he said he really enjoyed his time with us and that I am a sook:wink:
I am not expecting much out of hubby this week he had his butt planted to the chair in front of the tv yesterday.
One worry is that the last 4 nights his sugar level has been 9 or 10?
He cant get in to see Doc till next week. But as we all say he could help himself in this area by a little exercise hey?

[Kathy]

Jen, do you think perhaps his sleeping in and low mood is somehow related to his diabetes not being well controlled? I am not an expert on diabetes by any means however it would seem to me that not having one's physical illness properly managed would affect one's mood. Though as you say, it is up to him to exercise and also eat properly!

I imagine it was a very emotional farewell with your son! I am not looking forward to mine with Colin. He leaves for Afghanistan in 3 weeks.

[Jen]

We can cry on each others shoulder that week Kathy I think my boy flys out about the 5th Feb?

[Kathy]

Yes it seems they are deploying around the same time. It lovely to have someone else to comiserate with at least!

[Jim]

Interesting. Dates are very close. Certainly do comiserate with you Jen, as Kathleen mentions. Wish all the best for your boy.

Jim.

[Jen]

Yeh Jim it is ironic that they are going around the same time but he is not going to tell me to much about locations etc for obvious reasons.
All the best to your son while he is over there!
And I hope the time goes quickly for Kathy and yourself!:hello:

[Jen]

Hubby was not good yesterday I knew this was going to happen after all the holidays and family time?
I was thinking about this yesterday?
I know there are sufferers that know they have PTSD and hubby KNOWS he has it but maybe he does not ACCEPT it?
I feel some sufferers accept it as they get on with their life and are learning to live with it?
When Hubby did the PTSD course the counsellor told me that hubby was at the early stages of PTSD and she found it hard to communicate with him as he had a barrier up and wouldnt let her in?:wall:
Surely when you accept that you have problems they should be easier to deal with?
I hope this isnt to confusing?

[Kathy]

I believe I know what you mean Jen. He has to be at a point where he is willing to work upon himself and perhaps he isn't there yet? Perhaps in denial? I suppose it is different for everyone. Some begin almost immediately, others take years. Evie didn't begin work on herself until about a year ago, yet she was diagnosed in 2002. How long since his diagnosis Jen?

[Jen]

He was discharged from the Army 10 years ago and was diagnosed around the same time.
So it has been a while it just seemed weird when the counsellor said she thought he was at the early stages of PTSD last year? Maybe those first few years of denial are taking their toll as I believe these last few weeks he has been worse than ever?
Thanks Kathy!

[Nicolette]

Hi Jen

I can't offer much but from memory it took Anthony around 5 years to be able to manage himself better from first being diagnosed. And from the little I understand I think he went downhill before he got better.

Hang in there and take care.

Nicolette

[Jen]

Hi Nicolette thanks for that.
The difference is that Anthony wanted to get better and he has learnt to live with his PTSD as hard as it may be for him at times.
Hubby just does not seem to have that willpower to want to better himself?

[anthony]

The problem also is that the older and longer the duration, typically the harder it is for them to want to really change. Sometimes impact upon themselves is the only way, though then most will cut their nose off to spite themselves regardless.

[Jen]

The problem also is that the older and longer the duration, typically the harder it is for them to want to really change. Sometimes impact upon themselves is the only way, though then most will cut their nose off to spite themselves regardless.

Sorry Anthony you lost me? Impact upon themselves?

[anthony]

"Impact upon themselves" simply refers to the sufferer often needing something quite impacting upon their life / lifestyle in order to change for the better, ie. sometimes the act of separation does it; another accident does it; etc. The sufferer often needs something that impacts their personal choice before they will make a significant effort to change themselves for the better. Often a sufferer will just lay in the lifestyle and surroundings they have become accustom too and accept that, though if changed dramatically to no longer favour them, can make them change for the better.

Again, sometimes these significant events only make them more stubborn, sometimes makes them worse. Risky, though typically the way in which a person makes change from their "normal" and safe surroundings.

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony I understand now!
The 'act of separation' sounds good:wink:
I was looking at some old posts of mine back when I joined the forum early 2006 seems like nothing much has changed?

[Kathy]

So Anthony what you are referring to is similar to "hitting bottom" in alcoholism, at least that is what Jim and I call it? I know Jim's bottom with his alcoholism was when I left him. That was the jolt he needed to begin work about himself. The unfortunate part is, that would not have been enough for some. Their bottom might be lower, losing not only their family, but also their job, becoming homeless, their health deteriorating and so on. Some never hit a bottom and drink themselves to death. It is a risk as you say, however totally up to the individual in question.

This point did get me thinking though Jen, are there ways in which you might be enabling your husband? By enabling I mean doing things for him which he should be doing for himself? Doing things which keep him from addressing his problems? I apologize for using alcoholism as an example as it is not exactly the same, however - with Jim, I used to enable him thusly: if he was hungover from being drunk, I would ring his superiors at work, lie and tell them he was ill, rather than letting him call them himself. If he made a huge mess whilst drunk, I would clean it up whilst he was sleeping it off, rather than letting him see what he did whilst drunk and cleaning it himself. He often would not come home for dinner with no explanation, yet I would not complain and I would make up a plate for him and keep it warm. Those are just some little examples of my enabling.

[Jen]

Yeh thanks Kathy I can see what you mean.
For years I have put up with him not getting out of bed and I would make excuses to friends ( which he doesnt have any more) that he wasnt well and needed his sleep?
Its only in the last couple of years that I dont keep it to myself anymore where is he is concerned I tell people that he is bed whereas I used to be embarrassed to say he was in bed.
Only recently my Mum said that they knew what was going on but she is glad now that I talk about him to her?

I went through a stage of waking him up earlier to try to get him going for the day but was just met with anger from him and if he did get out of bed earlier he would be back on the couch by lunchtime!

[anthony]

That is exactly it Kathy. By all means I am not telling anyone to leave their partner, I am just using that as an example about the jolt required sometimes. As Kathy stated though, some will just drink themselves to death. I nearly did. I flipped out end 99 and just out of the blue left my first wife and kids. I have no idea how I didn't die in the following six months of that year. I pulled myself out of it as my room mate really slapped the shit out of me to look at what I was doing to myself. I partially came good, though was still pretty much on a rampage. I had no idea all that was PTSD, but it was. Went through a myriad of relationships to follow, thinking I was doing something wrong with the type of woman I was meeting. So I went the opposite to what personality I was normally attracted too, hence the second wife ending in failure also. I was ill then worked hard on myself for years, found a new and improved me who was actually honest with myself, honest with others, had to right a lot of wrongs in my life, remove a lot of self guilt and so forth. Kerrie threatened to walk or me get help earlier in that relationship, which was the jolt for me to really get cracking and work on myself as I thought that is what was best for me at that time. Unbeknownst to me though is that she also had her own serious issues which she never really worked through, so I was at a place far better than she was. That is how you can help yourself but then do you choose to live with a destructive person in nature? All these are choices of both sufferers and carers, risks, evaluations, constant analysis and risk assessment if you like.

Sometimes a jolt works, though as you know, it can bite the person on the backside at the same time if they are also not prepared to heal any issues they have, being the carer that is. If a sufferer heals, then all around them must heal even the pain that sufferer has caused them. It is like someone who cheats in a relationship. If you forgive them then you do so and you do not use it against them the rest of their life. If you did, the relationship would end. PTSD is no different. PTSD causes all concerned a lot of pain, and if the sufferer heals so must the carer and even family. Apologies are often just not enough by that stage, where we must learn to forgive for the illness and providing the sufferer is working on themselves and learning how to manage the illness, we must forgive and work through that pain also for a healthy relationship to continue.

Some give the jolt and it just bites them on the backside. Some give the jolt and it works. Some give the jolt, it works, but then forget about healing their own past or PTSD related pain which defeats the purpose entirely. It really is a risk, it really is often used when unfortunately at the last minute, and things have typically moved to irreparable by that stage. The most important thing though is that it is a joint effort of healing, not one or the other, but both must heal all their pain to come together at individually mentally healthy points in their lives.

[Jen]

I feel that if I said to him thats it I have had enough he would do himself in! I dont think I could bear the thought of being responsible for him hurting himself? At the end of the day this would be the reason?
Only last night he said to me he waits for me to come home every night from work?
I am living my own life as much as I can but I really needed him to help out with work today I just rang him but he was so groggy on the phone I was so cranky I just wanted to rip his head of!

[anthony]

Jen, nobody can tell you what the right choices are for you, only you can decide those things yourself. Those of us with PTSD will say those type of things though to make our carers feel guilty, it is merely part of the emotional abuse cycle really. If it works, use it basically, so he is. If you live with it, then he will keep doing it. Maybe you need to start making him realize that if he doesn't begin pulling his finger out of his arse and doing, instead of talking, then maybe you just won't be coming home every night. He will try and make you feel guilty, trust me on that. I did it myself for some time until I got my kick in the arse.

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony
I have decided that one step I am going to take is get someone else to help me with the business I just cant rely on him at the moment!
I am going to tell him this tonight.
Whether or not this will push him deeper down his hole that he is in or not time will tell.
I am getting a bit to stressed over this EVERY day with him not helping me.
And we cant afford the two of us falling apart!
Just something else he does know what buttons to push as I dont like conflict I never have I will sooner walk out of the room than argue with someone?

[anthony]

You said it yourself Jen, he is manipulating you because he knows what buttons to push. Because we know our partners vulnerabilities, does that mean we should exploit them though? No..... so why is he allowed to get away with it? You allow this Jen. Carers are often too easy on their sufferer, simply allowing them to get away with things to avoid the conflict. At the end of the day though, all that occurs is that all concerned are typically unhappy and become set in a mundane relationship and environment.

[Jen]

You know what to say hey Anthony?
It certainly is a mundane environment especially now the kids have left home?
I have just spoken to him on the phone he is really concerned about our finances ( probably because he put us in the situation) he is all doom and gloom.
I suggested to him how about he lets me worry about the business until he feels better? He didnt put up to much resistance. I will get someone to help and he knows when he is up to it he can come back in to work (I wont hold my breath)
This may make or break him I dont know? It really is up to him?

[Nicolette]

If you are in an early relationship it probably wouldnt hurt?

To be totally honest Jen, we have a large part to play and have some responsibility in the way that people treat us.

If you let someone treat you badly then they are likely to continue to do so. Right from the word go I have not allowed Anthony to use his PTSD as an excuse to treat me badly nor any other reason. If he did I would leave and remove myself from an abusive situation...that is what I own...the power to decided whether I allow it to continue to occur if it happens. My life is worth more than being treated like that. If Anthony was to tell me he would kill himself if I left that in my opinion is emotional backmail and manipulative.

There are times when Anthony has been sick and I have been more accommodating to his needs and tolerated more than usual but I still will not accept him being mean or nasty and I hold him accountable for his actions. He also has his own commitments and responsibilities which I consider him to be accountable for the same as I am with my own. However, I am happy to help Anthony if required if he is not well but I will not take on his responsibilities permanently due to his laziness.

[anthony]

Both your lives are uniquely up to yourselves individually, as you are first an individual then a relationship (partners) supposedly. Not really about knowing what to say Jen, more just telling it from experience. I look at my past quite honestly, knowing where I was a shit and what my faults where, and I can admit them without issue. I use them to learn from each and every day now in order to better myself. Denial is a wonderful thing, we all do it. Your partner has been doing this for longer than me now, yet still lounging around doing nothing. See my point? We make choices as individuals on whether we heal and learn to manage PTSD, whether we force ourselves out of bed and into life or not. He is responsible for his choices just as you are also for yours. He chooses to manipulate your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, you choose to allow him to exploit them by walking away and not causing conflict. You have gotten better I must add though, in that atleast now you go and have a life of your own and no longer wait for him to fix himself, because that just isn't the case at present. Again, he must want to heal and must want to learn how to get back into life, how to manage PTSD and his lifestyle.

Who wouldn't lounge around all day if allowed? I would... thats for sure, but I choose not too as I know it isn't productive for my health, mental or physical. I force myself into life each day, and once I get going I am ok providing I manage my day and not ensue myself with stressors that I know will overload me and make me ill. Choices Jen.... its all about choices, both carer and sufferer.

[veiled]

Anthony. We are not all the same though. How do you know he is not doing this because his PTSD is just that severe and has yet to meet a therapist who can reach him? Who would not lounge all day if allowed? Me. My hub does not pull me out of bed ever. If I am ill he lets me be for days and brings food to bed. This is not often but I have learned something here. I have bad symptoms, worse than many, yet I have seen if I can be this bad why would others not be worse? Just seems very conceivable others can be worse than me and I know how I get and I do bust it. Maybe it is not always a choice, maybe it is a matter who can reach us and show us hope we can come back out?

[anthony]

I don't agree because of the past history. When Jen was ill, her husband suddenly prung into action and took over the business, though as soon as she was better again, back to bed her went. History is a big factor here veiled.... and bed is not an excuse when ill with PTSD. Just because it feels right to lay in bed when ill from symptoms, doesn't mean it is right. Laying in bed for days at a time is not helpful to helping oneself learn how to manage PTSD. If symptoms are that bad that you physically cannot move, then something else is wrong. A sufferer can force themselves out of bed with symptoms and to help themselves by going for a walk in the morning. This is actively taking control of oneself, because I guarantee that after the fact off going for a good 5km+ walk, which equates to atleast an hour walking at a very easy pace, the body will feel better which also helps increase one's mental state near instantly. Exercise increases blood flow, blood flow increases mental capacity and ability, which then reduces the feeling of illness, sickness, symptoms, thus one gets going and does something during their day. Again, it comes back to choice. Bed is not the answer though, sorry.... I will never say to someone they should make a habit of staying in bed if ill with PTSD symptoms, because it just isn't an effective method to help the sufferer at all. They must get up and become active to help themselves reduce symptoms.

[Jen]

Thanks guys for all your input it makes a lot of sense and helpful information!
I spoke to my Mum tonight and told her I was getting someone else to help me at work as hubby was letting me down and I was getting to stressed about him not helping me?
I told her I feel guilty that I have done this?
I spoke to hubby tonight and said to him once he is feeling better and can manage to go to work one day a week we wont need the help this was greeted by a shrug of the shoulders and whatever!
Maybe me doing this may open his eyes that I need his help?

I know what you are going to say Anthony:wink: that now he will have no reason to get out of bed.
But I have kicked his arse so many times over the last couple of years to no avail!

And thats what my friends are saying how come when I was sick he picked himself up and did so well! Because he had to!!!
Sorry about all the jargon I got carried away!

[Kathy]

Well I must say Jen I am very pleased you decided to get some help for the business in spite of him not really wishing it. I remember you wanting to hire someone quite a while back but hesitating, so well done! You should not feel guilty in the slightest! Your needs are just as important as his, and I remember you saying you could afford the help in any event. The world did not come to an end, he seemed to agree with little protest? Well done, I believe it is an important step.

[Jen]

Thanks Kathy my new year resolution was to look after myself a bit more.
A lot of my sickness last year was contributed to stress build up over the years.
I dont understand why I feel guilty? Maybe its because deep down I dont want to upset him any more?
But it will make my life a bit easier and if he doesnt like the idea its up to him to fix it!

[anthony]

Jen, as I always say though.... you cannot help them unless they want to help themselves. He doesn't want to help himself, he wants to sit in self pity, sympathy, and cry poor him. When he wakes up one day and realizes that his life sucks and only he can change that, maybe he might do something.... unfortunately he is dragging you down. Again though, atleast you are doing your own thing now and not worrying about him so much. He is manipulating you, he is abusing you by pulling your emotional strings, but you own that one, not him, by allowing him to do it. Both people in the relationship must change if the relationship is going to actually be something of balance, equality, love and respect for one another.

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony he certainly does wallow in his own self pity and feels sorry for himself.
You say he will wake up one day and realizes his life sucks?
I wonder if that day will ever come?
As I said yesterday I am to much of a softie a lot of people would have left him years ago and maybe deep down he knows this?

[anthony]

Well, I wouldn't say leave him because that is not necessarily the answer. That is only your decision. What I know from my experience though, is that I also used all the things you mention he does against the vulnerabilities of those in my life, ie. if you leave I will kill myself, etc. Because I was ill, people did take notice even though I wasn't going to do it. I exploited them because I wanted the sympathy.

Being a softy is fine, nothing wrong with that. I say be yourself.... all I add though is that if being yourself means being a doormat, maybe that is not a good attribute to have. Change that aspect and standup to him, maybe he may standup and take responsibility of himself them also! His action when you where ill that time just screamed pity, being the moment he "had" to help, he did so and lived through it all. The moment he could be lazy again, he took it and did so once again. It is those moments you can use to help your cause to get him to see what destructive behaviour he is doing for himself.

Again though, atleast you are out having your life now and not being as held back by him and his misery. That just isn't healthy for you, and you have enough unhealthy aspects already within that relationship I believe.... mostly from his doing, some from your doing. Chipping away though is still the best thing, and there is never a time limit on change....

[Jen]

Thanks Anthony all your words make sense to me and I appreciate your input as you said you have been there!
I can only hope that me taking the step of getting help at work will open his eyes to the fact that I am not waiting for him any more!

[Jim]

How are things going the last couple of days? Hang in there Jen.

Jim.

[Frankie]

Good for you Jen, you really have to think about you ! And you have to take care of the business, you can't let that go bad ! In getting help, you are helping yourself too ! And good for you for taking a stand ! We all have to be responsible for our actions !

I am sure you have been taking care of him all these years, and have been careful not to hurt or upset him more.

But it is so true, as in everything, we HAVE to want to get better ! He has to want to get better, and start making the efforts himself, there is so much you can do for him, but there comes a point when you say "enough" !

And also true that in sickness, (any kind), some of us tend to take advantage and manipulate the people we love ! It is so much easier to just lay there and have everyone do everything in our place !

My bf pushes himself out of bed, he knows if he lets himself, he would sleep all day, and he also knows it wouldn't be good for him. So he gets out of bed and gets busy, he has a seasonal job, and this season has been a very busy one ! BUT he is making the effort !

I hope your husband wakes up !! and makes the efforts needed for his own good and the good of you as a couple and family !

Like I always tell my bf.."I love you, I will support you, I am here for you BUT, "PTSD is not an excuse for bad behavior, there are certain things I will not tolerate"

Good luck Jen :)

[Jen]

Thanks guys!
He was almost human yesterday for the day.
He has a doc appt tomorrow but it is mainly about his diabeties.

[Kathy]

I hope he continues to be a little more human Jen! It must be difficult for you, however I am glad you are doing some things for yourself now.

[anthony]

Very good that he is Jen.... remember, it is up to you whether you enable his behaviour or not. Whether he likes it or not, he will more often change if you force him too in more indirect behaviours, ie. not enable his behaviour or allow him to hold you back from life. He will either feel left out, left behind or come to the party and begin helping himself. Amazing what love can do Jen..... even when it is at the lessen end of the scale.

[Jen]

I went with him to the docs yesterday and spent some time with the doc before Hubby came in. I told the doc about a few home truths that I am sure Hubby wouldnt talk to him about.
When hubby came in the Doc had a talk to him in his own funny way ( you know the Doc I am talking about Anthony)
He is a GP but I would rather him than a Pysch any day.
He has changed hubbys antidepressants for a month thats when he goes back to the Pysch.

[Kathy]

I hope the change in antidepressants helps Jen. I have never been a huge fan of medication however the correct medication and dosage does seem to do wonders for some! Fingers crossed for you and hubby.

[Jen]

I am not a fan of it either Kathy! But as you said if it works for some!
You wouldnt believe all the different tablets he is on!
You can hear him rattling when he walks:wink:

[Nicolette]

I guess if the tablets/meds work enough for hubby to have a change in attitude, and then perhaps he decides to make some changes, well it was then all for good...... Lets hope the tablets help!

[Jim]

Good luck to you both Jen!

Jim.

[Jen]

Thanks Jim things are a little better between us this weekend. No change on his part at the moment I am trying to be patient but we are talking about things?

[jods]

I hear you about the rattling Jen, my hubby is the same!

Just remember it takes a while for them to kick in so just keep an eye out for side effects.

Hope your health is improving & you are getting closer to playing on that golf course :wink:

[Jen]

Thanks Jods nice to hear from you!
Planning to start back at golf next Monday Australia Day Holiday if all goes to plan!

[jods]

Thats great news Jen!

Hope you get a nice day to get back out there, enjoy!

[Jen]

Yeh thanks Jods back in to it on the weekend.
And I am seeing a guy today who will be doing the business for me one day a week. I dropped the hint to Hubby several times in the last week that I was going ahead with this and gave him the chance to jump up and down if he was going to attempt to help. Not much of a response at all so I am going ahead!

[Nicolette]

Good on you Jen. Do what you have to do to protect yourself including financially. You gave hubby his chance, now you must follow through...well done!

[Jim]

Well done Jen. Must be a load off your mind.

Jim.

[Jen]

Thanks very much guys!
You have helped me to gain confidence with your replies and advice:hello:

[Kathy]

Great news Jen. I am delighted for you. Well done on getting back into your golfing as well!

[Jim]

How are things now Jen?

Jim.

[Jen]

Hi Jim thanks for asking things are no different with hubby he still stays in bed all morning. I spoke to the Doc about this things havent changed after change of meds.
I cant see a light at the end of the tunnel as far as he is concerned but I am keeping myself busy.
He came in and took over from me at work the other day when he came home he said he was starving. I had a good go at him along the lines of
"FFS you are 51 years old surely you are capable of feeding yourself!!!"
It fell on deaf ears I am sure but I dont care it had to be said!
Thanks again!

[Kathy]

It is unfortunate Jen that matters continue to be frustrating, however I do like your new attitude, that is very good! Take care.