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View Full Version : Advice is Very Much Appreciated - Does This Sound Like PTSD?


ShatteredMolly
29-12-2007, 04:58 PM
Hello. I’m 19 and female. I live in the UK.

I wondered if anyone might be able to offer advice. I know this is a long post and thanks to those who’ve given the time to read it. I’ve been bottling it for a long time.

My father was alcoholic, kept disappearing and I used to have to watch him physically abuse my brother. He rarely turned on me, but often threatened it. My mum was bulimic and had violent mood swings. By the age of six, I started having nightmares, disturbed sleep, hallucinations, food phobias and social anxiety. When my grandma died, I was eight, and I became suicidal. I was sent to a therapist. Eventually I learnt to keep my mouth shut and everyone thought I’d ‘recovered’. I stopped going to counselling. I still have the dreams now and sleep is just as problematic.

I stopped all contact with my father when I was eleven and I never saw my brother again (my father forbid it), but I’ve been told my dad carried on beating him and I’ve been told my brother is now in a lot of debt, self harms and he is a cocaine addict. I abandoned my brother and now I can’t even face contacting him.

I started self harming. My eldest brother (I have two brothers) began attempting suicide. I went to high school, but left after a year. My mother became more verbally abusive and hit me as well. I left home a lot. I started drinking and smoking weed.

But, when I was fifteen I was accepted into a school for ‘kids with problems’. I even stopped self harming. I felt I had a chance at getting a job and a life. I thought my problems would disappear.

It was months later when something I heard triggered these memories. More and more memories came back to me. In the earliest memory I was 3. I can’t remember how young I was when the sexual abuse began. I know I don’t remember all of what happened, even now. I also fully acknowledged being raped a year earlier by another man. It was realising this, above everything else, which I’ve tried to escape.

When I realised I’d been sexually abused I started questioning the rest of my childhood. I carried on with my education and because for the first time ever people were proud of me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about everything all of a sudden. I became promiscuous and by the time I was sixteen I was using up to 3 grams of amphetamine and drinking daily, but I still managed to finish college. I even got into university and moved away to escape

I was clean, but my sleep pattern didn’t improve and I began to lose control. I would get drunk, smash bottles, get into fights...I tried to run away to France too. Sometimes I was so scared everything I locked myself in my room for days and didn’t even eat or drink. I would just stare at the walls not sleep or move.

I started using heroin. A friend committed suicide (the 7th friend to die in three years). I started smoking crack too and failing university. I wasn’t eating and I was self harming again. I had raging mood swings. I took so much heroin I overdosed numerous times. At first heroin stopped the feelings and memories, but eventually I couldn’t control either.

I have been clean twelve weeks. I went cold turkey on my own. I didn’t speak to anyone and it is since going through withdrawal that things have got worse than they’ve ever been. Experiencing withdrawal and facing everything that has happened and everything I’ve done has been horrifying. I can’t put it in words. I started drinking again instantly and it resulted in physically fighting, criminal damage and promiscuity. I cried for the first time in years that week...and haven’t really stopped since.

I don’t drink or touch drugs now, not because I don’t want them, but because even heroin doesn’t stop the thoughts and memories and everything anymore. I can’t even try and ignore it anymore. I don’t want to fail my degree because I’ll be homeless and really have nothing, but I can’t even function anymore. I don’t speak to people or see friends, or have many left. I can’t bear them, or this or myself anymore. I don’t pay my bills or go food shopping. I haven’t attended university. I find it impossible to even go out now. I’m at rock bottom.

I wondered if anyone here might be able to tell me whether this sounds anything like ptsd? I know talking on the internet isn’t to be taken as diagnoses. I would just be appreciative of any advice. I can’t express the fear I feel. I don’t even say it all to myself until now. I did go to therapy when I was sixteen, but every time she spoke I wanted to scream...or pass out, but instead I just sat there and said things which I weren’t true or changed the subject, then I ignored the appointments until they stopped ringing and decided it was all the therapist’s fault. I don’t know how to speak to a doctor or a counsellor, but I’ve run out of drugs and coping mechanisms. I know I can’t make it go away , but I can’t cope with all this being here.

becvan
29-12-2007, 05:13 PM
Welcome to the forum Molly.

Yes it does sound like aspects of PTSD. However, that said, there is a lot to confirming that. PTSD encompasses many aspects of anxiety, depression, etc..

My suggestion is you get into a therapist as soon as you can. It sounds like you haven't had really great experiences with them however, your gonna need some help with this.

Also, is there some kind of drug rehab program you can reach out too? Twelve weeks (well done btw!) is not long overall, and a support group and some help would be a great thing for you.

I know you've said you can't speak to a doctor or a therapist. Many of us have and/or do have issues with this. We have a few tricks up our sleeves. Write out what it is you need from them. Write out your symptoms (nightmares, pain, flashbacks, anxiety.. all of it.. don't leave any of it out) and how often you have them. Write out (just point form is fine) the basics of your past. Hand them the written sheets! Tell them you can't make yourself talk about it and ask them to read it.

I know that sounds crazy but I had and still have to do it myself. And it works. It breaks that ice for me and helps them know what to ask about and what I need help with.

Also please check out this section: http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum45.html as it will help you getting started with the forum!

bec

becvan
29-12-2007, 05:27 PM
Oh and I wanted to add that this is a diagnostic tool to help you determine if you should seek help from a professional to diagnose PTSD. If you take it and print it out, it's very helpful with doctors and therapists.

http://www.ptsdforum.org/forms/ptsd-diagnosis/

bec

She Cat
29-12-2007, 10:45 PM
Hi Molly,

Welcome to the forum.

Harry
30-12-2007, 06:39 PM
Hi Molly, I agree with becvan, congrats to your 12 week success, but I think a rehab program, something like what the 'The Gilead foundation' provides in the UK would really benefit you. Hang in there. There is hope for a good future! Many people in this forum proof this to be right. There is hope, and there is a way out!
Harry

Seeking_Nirvana
30-12-2007, 09:04 PM
Hi Molly, it sounds like you have PTSD but it is hard to say for sure. I think the advice bec gave you is excellent with regard to writing your issues on paper and giving it to the therapist/doctor. It is a start in getting comfortable with a doctor/therapist so you can get the help you need. Good luck and welcome to the forum.

Tammy

ShatteredMolly
31-12-2007, 12:40 AM
Your replies have been very kind / non judgemental and are appreciated. Really, thank you.

I know the reason I havent seen a doctor is because I’m even more scared and ashamed of not only what I am, but what happened and...

I know eventually my remaining friends and family will find out, if i get help. I still see my mum and she’d hate me if I talked about the family and her. She doesnt know about the sexual abuse. I could never tell her someone she knew sexually abused me and although that person scared me and hurt me, I loved them. I did then and I still do. I hate them, too, but I feel like I made them do it somehow. I cant imagine ever being able to say who they were and I’m scared a therapist will try and make me.

I wrote everything down (not my past, but how I was feeling/ drug use /what I was doing ) when I was sixteen and saw a therapist. The Dr looked at me like I was trash. He implied I was being melodramatic, though he refered me to a therapist. I never went back there, even with unrelated medical issues. I couldnt face him. I will consider trying again. I want help.

I dont need rehab though. I’m clean and I mean it this time. If i went to a program I’d have to leave university. If I went to a program people would find out and it’d cause so many more problems. I’ve lost so many mates who just consider me a stupid junkie, the ones who dont know about all that...I dont want them to know.

salome05
31-12-2007, 09:05 PM
hello molly,

i am really sorry for what happened to you... you must be a very strong person to cope with all this alone...

i don't think that your mum will know what you talk about in a therapy... i go to therapy for about 3 years now - and my mum doesn't know... and i surely will never tell her...

welcome...

s.

ShatteredMolly
01-01-2008, 03:59 AM
Thanks for the kind words. I’m not a very strong person; I’ve desperately avoided facing my demons all my life, but I’m hoping this is the first step towards becoming a stronger person.

Knowing you haven’t been forced in to telling your family you’re receiving help is reassuring. You must be a pretty strong person to have had the courage to seek help.

It’s amazing how kind strangers can be, thanks to all of you.

secondchance
01-01-2008, 04:32 AM
First thing first. This is NOT about your mother. YOU did NOTHING wrong!:think: You had a BAD doctor. Guilt is hard to shake but it is neccessary. A qualified therapist will not betray your trust and here in the states is legally bound not to repeat anything you tell them. We have Heppa Laws that protect us. You need to get one you feel comforatable with. I too had a bad one once. Any one that you should be able to trust..when they betray you it adds to the pile of damage that causes PTSD. Don't fall for the guilt game. It is not your fault that you were abused. I know because I was too. I always thought if I were better behaved or prettier or..it never ended. It took me 56 years to get help. Do it NOW Molly.:crazy: Good luck and God Bless...hang in there and stay on the forum.

Linda

sally
01-01-2008, 09:20 AM
molly
my names sally and it's not about what your mother thinks. most of my life I felt that I was the black sheep in the family. But when I needed her the most my mom was there, Not all therapist are meant to handle ptsd look around for one who is!
Belive me Becky has brought me a long long way.I pray you find strenght to keep going because you just took your first big step sally

salome05
01-01-2008, 07:54 PM
hello molly,

it is interesting that no one sees herself as a strong person... neither do i. expecially my seeking help was not very brave: i was about to kill myself (as i am a perfectionist it surely would have worked) - suddenly i thought: "okay, one minute for brainstorming - what alternatives do i have?" --- strange rational thoughts in such a situation... i had a baby at that time - put her in the car, drove the highway to the capital (faaaar journey) straight to the biggest hospital in my country and told them right away what i almost did, and that the reason for all this is that i cannot find another way to STOP what the doctor there called flashbacks... so this is not a very brave way to get help... but today it is of NO IMPORTANCE at all HOW i got help, most important thing is that i found an alternative to committing suicide, at least for the moment... ;)

i think the right moment to get help is different for every person... for one person it is at the age of 20, for another one at the age of 50... i think for everyone comes the day, when the symtoms get more scary than facing the problems...

>Knowing you haven’t been forced in to telling your family you’re receiving help is reassuring.

i do not think that forcing me to ANYTHING in the world would help me - i am a grown up person, if there are good arguments, i can see for myself what's right. i would not go to a therapist who thinks that he better knows what my best is than i know - this is part of the ideas that BROUGHT me to my trauma. my mum is not an encouraging or helpful person to me - so why tell her???

all the best, i wish you a happy new year!!!!!
s.

ShatteredMolly
02-01-2008, 09:22 PM
Linda

Thanks for your advice. I always thought if I was better behaved or more loving then it wouldn’t happen. I even started dressing like my brothers because I knew he wouldn’t have touched a boy. Of course, it never worked.

A friend has let me stay at their place (they’re away. I turned up after they'd left and will leave before they return. They dont know what's gone on with me) for a few weeks so I am hundreds of miles from my home at present. I’m trying to tell myself when I return I’ll go straight to my doctor’s and not my dealer’s. Returning is going to be the real test. I can’t imagine how someone could cope for 56 years and still find the courage and energy to get help. That’s amazing. I hope it’s helping you get where you need to be

Sally

Thanks. I’m not really the black sheep in my family. (Unfortunately) Most of my family are drunks, anorexics, bulimics or have abandoned each other. Even if they knew I was using heroin, after the initial shock, it’d just become another subject to be avoided. The problem is in ‘my family’ there’s always been this stupid code. I wasn’t allowed to cry as a kid or discuss what went on within the family. There are a lot of secrets, and lies and abuse. My cousin spoke out about it at fourteen and spent the rest of his teen years in foster care. His name is just another taboo word now, like ‘alcohol’ or ‘abuse’, nobody mentions his name.

ShatteredMolly
02-01-2008, 09:46 PM
Salome

Yeah, definitely is interesting how people don’t see that they’re strong. I still think people who’ve asked for help at all are damn strong. You could’ve killed yourself, but you had the strength to stop and even try and be rational. You could’ve bottled it on the way to the hospital, but you didn’t. Yeah, I see that as pretty brave.

Last time I reached the point where I was ready to end it all I also I considered going to hospital or even just ringing a mate and telling them I was thinking of killing myself. I hadn’t seen my old mates in nearly a year and they kept asking what was wrong with me. They were worried. I could’ve tried to talk to them, but I didn’t. I didn’t have the guts. I spent £80 on heroin and crack and consumed it all that day…not only did I fail to have the strength to get help I wasn’t even brave enough to kill myself in the end. I just spent £80 on drugs and didn’t pay the bills again.

I think you are right about there coming a point when everything is scarier than facing the problems.

I thought a therapist might tell me I need to be honest with my family and friends in order to get anywhere or start dealing with stuff…I’ve been told that before and know if I’m told it again I’d stop going to therapy rather than tell my family or friends anything.

Maybe I’m over thinking it. I haven’t even been to the doctors yet.

Thanks and Happy New Year to you too...and everyone here!

salome05
03-01-2008, 12:27 AM
hello,

>I thought a therapist might tell me I need to be honest with my family and friends in order to get anywhere or start dealing with stuff…I’ve been told that before and know if I’m told it again I’d stop going to therapy rather than tell my family or friends anything.

i have had plenty of doctors and therapists in the past years... good ones and bad ones... and i have learnt to tell them right in the first 5 min., what i WANT and what i DO NOT WANT. if telling your familiy doesn't make sense to you (because you know that it will worsen your problems (never do it) OR because it would take more energy than you have right now (do it later)) - tell the therapist right away that you do not want to hear this. the relationship patient-therapist is quite difficult... so i think both of them should have the opportunity after a few meetings to say: "i have the feeling that we do not fit together."

>Maybe I’m over thinking it. I haven’t even been to the doctors yet.

you will see: the first time is the most difficult... i wish you good luck!!

s.

vee_dog
04-01-2008, 05:35 AM
Molly,
My heart really goes out to you. Please seek some help. Don't give up. My wife and I have been to 4 different professionals trying to find the right one for us. The things that happened to you were not your fault. Don't worry about what others will think. Take care of Molly first and foremost. Welcome.