8yrsold
12-01-2008, 09:43 PM
Hi, this is my first time being here. I am a PTSD survivor for the past 8 yrs. Tonight is my 8 yr anniversary and I am having a hard time. Earlier today I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety but was unaware of where the symptoms were coming from. I thought it was other things that are going on in my life but was confused as I have been dealing with 'other life stressors' for years now and didn't understand why it was 'hitting me' tonight? At about 8pm I realized it was my anniversary. I am startled that while I did not conciously remember the day my sub concious did. I thought I had it all under control, I thought after 8 yrs I AM in control. PTSD owns me and it is pissing me off. I don't want to do this, don't want to be this, I want my life back.
I decided about 3 yrs in that I was never going to be the person I was before. I accepted that fact and decided that I would try to recover what I could of my old self and maybe add better attitudes, but if I couldn't get it all back...that was okay. I would build a new ME. I felt like that was a healthy attitude to have. To recognize my limitations and work with what I had. I was/am willing to accept that I've lost more than anybody deserves to loose, life's not fair. I am angry that I am 8 yrs in and while I've tried to take the 'healthy' approach I'm still plagued by heart palpatations, sweating, headaches, lack of concentration...just because it is Jan 12th...AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
I decided about 3 yrs in that I was never going to be the person I was before. I accepted that fact and decided that I would try to recover what I could of my old self and maybe add better attitudes, but if I couldn't get it all back...that was okay. I would build a new ME. I felt like that was a healthy attitude to have. To recognize my limitations and work with what I had. I was/am willing to accept that I've lost more than anybody deserves to loose, life's not fair. I am angry that I am 8 yrs in and while I've tried to take the 'healthy' approach I'm still plagued by heart palpatations, sweating, headaches, lack of concentration...just because it is Jan 12th...AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: