Deployment - I Am Stressed

[Kathy]

My son is deploying OS very shortly, and today we are saying good-bye to him, as he is going to spend the remainder of his time before deployment with his unit.

Being a military wife for many years, I am quite "seasoned" when it comes to the cycle of deployment. I cannot count the number of times Jim has been deployed prior to his retirement. Additionally I have other sons in the military who have been deployed more than once. Usually I take it in stride. However this time I seem to not be handling it well. I suspect it is because of my son Brian, who died as an indirect result of his combat PTSD. I am dealing with my issues surrounding Brian's death currently. I feel as though I simply cannot face another death, or the prospect of another person with PTSD in our family.

Additionally, it's been quite a well since I've seen such a young family member deployed. Colin is barely 20. Technically a man, however a boy still in many respects. He is very excited, this is his first time OS. He has no idea what he is getting himself into, and my heart aches for him. He is going to grow up extremely fast.

I haven't any idea what else to say, perhaps I simply needed to vent my feelings a bit. Frankly, I am not looking forward to the next few months. I am frightened.

[pandora]

I am really sorry you are having such a hard time right now...I am not sure what to say other than i know you and your family are very strong and you will get through this together.

[jolene]

Kathy, I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time with your son's deployment. I don't know what you're going through as I do not have children in the military but I believe it must be harder on a mother than anyone else to send her son away. I'll be sure to keep him, as well as you and your family, in my prayers.

[batgirl]

I'm also having a hard time with this. I'm trying to stay positive about it, Dad gave me a pep talk and all, but I'm really scared for Colin too.

[Nicolette]

I feel for you all :Hug_emoticon:

[Jen]

We can stress together on this one Kathy! I said goodbye to my boy physically a couple of weeks ago he flies out about the 5th Feb.
He is still here in Aus doing training for the next couple of weeks.
But I wont be seeing him anymore before he goes.
I was a typical bawling Mum at the airport.
:kiss:To both the boys!

[mouse]

Kathy, Jim, Evie,
This is a hard time and I wish you all the best I can see your concern Kathy, and nothing I can say will make you feel better other than we are thinking of you , your family and Colin, soon I will be saying good by to some very dear friends as the ship out in Feb. I know you are all very close to each other and I hope that helps during this time. My thoughts and Prayers with you, as they are with you Jen.

[grace5555]

Kathy :Hug_emoticon:

[grace5555]

Evie :Hug_emoticon:

[Kathy]

Thank you all. Jen and Mouse, I believe they are probably all leaving around the same time or close together. Colin has physically left us today however like your son Jen, he is remaining with his unit for a time before the actual deployment. We will not see him again until his return however. It is difficult however also good to know there are others with friends and family deploying, so we are not alone.

I was a typical bawling Mum at the airport.
:kiss:To both the boys!

Yes kisses to your son as well Jen and I was also the bawling mum this morning!

[anthony]

Kathy, I can absolutely understand what your saying, and the best thing is... your feeling and expressing what you feel. I agree with you, that Colin is going to growup extremely fast from this. He will be a different person when he comes home, we all know that from military backgrounds / family. Nothing I say will lessen your concern Kathy, though all I can say to prevent further complications with PTSD is to not let Colin get away with not talking about his emotions, what he feels surrounding any events he is involved or witnesses during deployment and so forth. It is off absolute importance that the family not allow him to get away with it, as you all have plenty of experience what occurs when a person lives in trauma, witnesses trauma, and may have a part in trauma, and not speak about what they feel afterwards.

Your a mum.... your supposed to be concerned, your supposed to be worried, your supposed to have sleepless nights when something like this happens. Just accept and recognise what is normal for you as a mother compared to anything irregular. Your doing just fine Kathy and I am glad Evie piped up and agreed she felt the same, as I knew she did. No doubt Jim has some feelings surrounding it, though his will be different due to his background.

Keep talking, keep venting, and glad your doing it already Kathy. Well done.

[Kathy]

Thank you Anthony, we will certainly keep talking amongst ourselves, here upon the forum, and also to Colin, as much as we are able. With the advent of the internet we will have a great deal of contact with him. I am determined that nothing happen to him, in the way of PTSD that is. Physically speaking we cannot help him, however all of us in the family have made a commitment to his mental health, for now and for when he returns. Thank you for confirming our decision is correct.

The situation has turned out to be far more difficult than we imagined. Evie was worrying over it for several days before Colin departed, however Jim and I were feeling quite smug about it, telling ourselves we have handled deployment so often before. Up until this morning that is. Seeing Colin off at the base was incredibly painful, it then hit us I suppose, the reality of it. I won't speak for Jim as I don't wish to embarrass him, however Evie and I have both cried many tears off and on all day long. Jacob has been very out of sorts as well. Dinner was a silent affair, which is unusual for us. Evie then mentioned how sorry she felt for Colin, for the rude awakening he was going to have, and what he was going to see, being in a war zone. At that we all resumed crying.

At this point I am mentally exhausted.

[Jen]

Yes Kathy I think my boy is in for a shock when he jets there. He is keen on going all I can hope is that the training that is given will kick in and he will cope ok?
He said once he is there we should be able to keep in contact via email which will certainly help!

[Kathy]

Your son is in the Air Force, is that correct Jen? I seem to recall you saying so. Colin is going to have email and he wants a blog as well, Evie may set the blog up for him if he doesn't have time. Apparently many soldiers now have blogs. In any event, we plan on keeping touch with him as much as we can.

[kers]

Kathy, I empathize with you and your family, and your many mixed emotions. There are s many different facets to his deployment--your exhaustion is understandable.

[Jen]

Yes thats right Kathy he is in the RAAF its great that we will be able to keep in contact. I keep thinking when I said goodbye to him at the airport I should have had one more hug even though we had heaps!
One thing about my boy is he is ok showing his feelings to his Mum in public and I love him for that he is always up for a cuddle in front of his mates and I an glad that is something he has and will never outgrown:smile:
In todays paper it said that it has been getting down to minus 15 in Afghan I dont know how a kid from the tropics will go with that?

[jods]

To Jen & Kathy my thoughts are with you & your boys & family during this.

I have not been in the position that you are both in & don't envy the wave of emotions that you both must be feeling.

Please know that you are in my thoughts.:Hug_emoticon:

[wildcritter44]

Hi All,

To All of you military moms...I pray God be with you and your families..:Hug_emoticon:

The young men and women will grow up fast... They come home different because of it...

I have talked with lots of Moms...(of military guys & gals) It's a common bond you all have to "worry" about them. :Hug_emoticon:

I'm a mom too, tho my daughter commutes daily round trip 130 miles.. It scares me that she is on the road... She is an EMT/firefighter and is careful about driving...yet we all know ____ happens that we can't control... So I worry about something a little different and try not to stress.

In no way am I trying to take away from your fears, saying I have my own..

I commend you all and your families of loved ones that have to go through the pain/stress/fear/etc. You are strong and you have each other and tho I can't wrap my arms around you for a hug know that if I could I would...:Hug_emoticon:

Take Care Thoughts & prayers are with you ALL !!!

Donna

[Jen]

Thanks very much Jods and Donna!!

[hodge]

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, Kathy. It's good you're all talking about it and have plenty of experience to help Colin avoid PTSD. Wish there was more I could say to help.....hugs.

[hodge]

Oops - pushed post too soon:

Jen, I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, too.

[Kathy]

Thank you Jodee, Donna and Hodge, it is lovely to know people are thinking of us at this time.

[Marlene]

Kathy,

I can understand your feeling two different ways. Being a veteran and an army wife and a mother gives one two different sets of feelings and priorities. I know if one of my daughters were in the military I would be very proud of them and worried about and for them at the same time.

Echoing others advice here of keep talking, stay open and don't keep things inside. This on top of what you're dealing with right now probably makes this feel more stressful than before.

Hugs to you and Jen for being military moms and worrying. When I was stationed overseas I knew I didn't have to worry because my mom worried enough for both of us. Now that I'm a mom I understand why.

Lisa

[Jim]

Have a confession - been avoiding this thread. However. Pleased to see so many being supportive. Thank you, much appreciated. And Jen, much good wishes to your boy as well.

Jim.

[batgirl]

I posted in this thread initially, but I've been avoiding it too sort of. Colin hasn't been gone long but the short time he's been gone things have been really up and down for me. My feelings are all over the place. Anyways though, thanks for all your wishes everyone.

[Lisa]

Kathy, I want to send you my thoughts. I can tell how hard this is hitting you. My thoughts are also with Evie and the rest of the family.

I can't speak as somebody who knows anything about this, as I have nobody in my immediate family in the military. But I wanted to at least say that I can see that you are in a lot of pain and to at least acknowledge that in some kind of support.

I am glad that you are talking about this. I think that's really important, and I'm really glad that you are looking after yourself first, and this forum second.

Evie... the same goes to you. Like I said, I don't profess to know what this is like... but I can see that this is all incredibly painful for you and can only imagine that of course this would be incredibly difficult. But it is good that you are talking about it, and that as a family you are supporting each other through this.

I'm sorry I can't say anything brilliantly supportive... but my thoughts are definitely with you.

[grace5555]

My 17 year old nephew just joined the military and will head for boot camp before he is even graduated from high school...I don't even want to think of him deploying...covering you all and Colin with prayers for strength and safety...

[Kathy]

Oh dear well that is a worry definitely Grace, especially with the current wars, however it is his choice. Part of being in a military family is learning to accept that they may be deployed at any time. It is never easy, however should he be deployed in future you have many here who understand the process and can offer you support. Thank you for your prayers for Colin, they are very much appreciated.

[Jen]

Well my boy flies out tomorrow morning?
He has given me a bit of reassurrance over the weekend we had a talk about it all.
He says that he is going with a really nice bunch of people its surprising how many girls are going as well? And as soon as gets there he will set up email to keep in contact.

[Nicolette]

I have no idea what you and your families are going through Kathy, Jim, Evie and Jen but my thoughts are with you all and your loved ones.

[Kathy]

Thank you for your thoughts Nicolette, I am glad you don't know what we are going through as I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Colin has also left now Jen, and yes many girls go over from Canada as well. We are all looking forward to hearing from him as soon as he's able to write us. Evie dreamt last night that he was killed. Anxiety obviously, however it is a real possibility given that Canadian ground troops die in Afghanistan quite frequently. I haven't much else to say at this point except that I hope and pray it all goes well.

[nie]

Kathy,

I am praying for you and your family.

nie

[Kathy]

Thank you for the prayers Nie, they are always appreciated.

Jen, I forgot to say that Jim and I absolutely loved the joke (Jim especially!) and I am wondering if we shouldn't perhaps post it in this thread? Do I have your permission to post it?

[grace5555]

I am thinking and praying for you all, Kathy, and especially praying for Colin's safety...

Grace

[Jen]

Hi Kathy thats fine to post that joke I thought Jim would appreciate it!
My boy (JJ) left today I spoke to him 3 times on the phone and bawled 3 times. He said he lost it and started crying when he said goodbye to his girl which is understandable.
Its a shit week I had a good friend pass away from cancer on the weekend her funeral is tomorrow.

[Nicolette]

Sorry to hear of your loss Jen.

[Kathy]

I am very sorry to hear about your friend Jen, my condolences. I will post the joke a little later on as I'm on only very briefly this morning. Evie is ill and we are taking her to the doctor in the city.

[Kathy]

Well, Evie had appendicitis and had her appendix out, and is now recovering in hospital. I am feeling a bit stressed as it was all rather sudden, the surgery was an emergency. Evie will be fine, not certain about myself though! :rolleyes: I seem to become stressed very easily these days!

[Nicolette]

Warmest get well wishes to Evie and I hope your stress eases Kathy. I think being very emotional tends to make you more sensitive to other things but remember you are doing an amazing job Kathy. Regards to Jim also.

[Kathy]

Thank you Nicolette, both Jim and I are feeling badly as Evie had been complaining about pain her side for a few days now. However, because she has been tired and grumpy we assumed it was something related to her PTSD! Basically we had been ignoring her, due to Colin and being busy and so on. So we feel rather guilty now. She truly was ill, she was trying to tell us about it, and we weren't paying attention! :wall:

Btw Jen, I decided to post the joke in the joke thread:

http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread182/23.html

[Jen]

Kathy try not to kick yourself over not listening to Evie she is going to be ok!
Gee if I listened to all of hubbys aches and pains I wouldnt have time for anything else!
Give Evie my warm wishes and dont make her laugh because it will hurt her:wink:

[Jim]

Yep Jen, bottom line she will be fine. That's all that matters. And. Maybe a tiny laugh wouldn't hurt. ;-)

Jim.

[Lisa]

Sending Evie my best wishes and a speedy recovery! So sorry to hear of the appendicitis...

Best wishes
Lisa.

[Jen]

Got a phone call last night from my boy he sounds fine. Except he said it is freezing!:smile:

[Kathy]

That is most amusing Jen, as we received a phone call from Colin recently as well, only he reported that he found the weather nice and mild, as our part of Canada has been quite nasty and cold the past couple of weeks! :rofl:

Evie came home today and is fine, the surgery went well. She will naturally be resting for the next few days.

[Lisa]

Glad to hear Kathy, thank you for the update.

[grace5555]

Please tell Evie I am thinkiing of her as she recuperates and ya'all as you adjust to Colin being away....

[Jen]

That is most amusing Jen, as we received a phone call from Colin recently as well, only he reported that he found the weather nice and mild, as our part of Canada has been quite nasty and cold the past couple of weeks! :rofl:

Evie came home today and is fine, the surgery went well. She will naturally be resting for the next few days.

Glad to hear Evie is doing ok!
Kerry I suppose the difference is my boy went from Adelaide where it gets very hot this time of year!
Glad that Colin could ring you!

[Kathy]

Yes you are having summer right now Jen, correct? We are in winter currently, and our winter has been particularly harsh this year.

[Kathy]

Oh and thank you Grace for your wishes for Evie.

[grace5555]

you are welcome...

[Jen]

Hi Kathy we are in Summer now. The local paper had a picture on the front page of some of the local troops throwing snow balls at each other a bit of a novelty to them! I suppose you guys are used to snow!
I wish thats the way the war was just throwing snowballs at each other hey?

[Kathy]

Oh that sounds like a lovely picture Jen! Jim would probably enjoy seeing it, he has some interesting photographs of troops in Afghanistan which Evie is going to put in an album for him here, when she is feeling better. Yes, we are very used to snow. Evie has an album with photos of Newfoundland including a couple of very snowy ones (it is a private album, available to friends only, however I believe she has you listed as a friend):

http://www.ptsdforum.org/album.php?albumid=17

[Jen]

Kathy they are great pics that looks like a beautiful area!
If you want to PM me your email I will send you the page about the troops in the snow!

[Kathy]

A little late in the season for this, however Jim wished me to share this picture of a soldier in Afghanistan with Santa Claus. :smile:

[Jim]

Yep that's a great pic! Looking forward to the snowball one. :-)

Jim.

[Kathy]

Thank you for sending the page from Townsville Jen. Jim and I very much enjoyed it!

[Jen]

Glad you enjoyed it Kathy!

[Jen]

Got a quick call from my boy tonight! About 30 second call!
He is now at his final destination( so to speak) and wont be able to contact us for a while now I feel more anxious now I know he is actually there!

[Jen]

Got a phone call from my boy yesterday to tell me that we will probably see it on the news that a suicide bomber blew himself up in Afghan and took several people with him!
He wanted to let us know that he is fine and it was about 10ks from where he is stationed.
Suicide bombers F###ING WACKOS!!!!

[Jim]

Yep that was quite the bomb. Killed 37 civilians according to our news. Our son was close by also. Thank Christ both boys are OK.

Jim.

[Jen]

Yes Jim thank God they are ok I didnt talk to JJ as I was at work he spoke to hubby about it.
I think this event will have him nervous and understandably so!
His GF told me the other night that he told her he was scared about going over there when she took him to the airport to fly out.
This was the first time he had spoken about his fears of the place? I know they have been trained for the environment that they have gone to but doesnt make it easier especially for us parents.

[batgirl]

That bomb thing really would have scared me if not for the phone call we received! I'm really glad Colin was able to ring us, you too for JJ Jen.

[Kathy]

Yes it was good to hear from Colin before we heard of the bomb on the news! I feel terrible for those poor people who lost their lives, however I am very grateful Colin and JJ are all right.

[Jen]

Yes Evie at least their units have the sense to let them ring families when things like that happen.
I remember when hubby was overseas years ago in Germany I heard about a bomb blast on the news in the area he was. He couldnt ring me I sat up all night trying to find news until I got through to his unit that he was ok!
I am glad we have modern technology in times like this!

We must have posted the same time Kathy:wink:

[Kathy]

Oh yes Jen I remember years ago when Jim was deployed, I was fortunate to get a letter once monthly, if that. The news was something I tended to avoid in those days, far too stressful worrying about my husband. Modern technology is quite marvelous.

[Jim]

Modern technology is a mixed blessing. On the one hand - good that you can keep in touch with family. On the other hand - bad. Towards the end of my career, really dreaded speaking to the wife and kids as oft as I had to. Was thinking every time, maybe this is the last time I will speak to them. Was bloody tough.

Jim.

[Jen]

Gee Jim that must have been hard on you to have those thoughts?

[Jim]

Yep wasn't fun. However. Got through it OK. I'm still here. ;-) Worry for my boy though.

Jim.

[anthony]

I think that is one of the reasons Jim soldiers tend to pull away from their families before deployment, during and then struggle afterwards, as they try to save them some pain but we often only create more for ourselves and our families. Interesting how you raised that though...

[Jim]

Yep agreed Anthony. Tough to know what's best to do. You would think talking and being open is best. However. It's bloody painful. Colin is getting a taste of that now. Lot sooner than I hoped. Hence partly why I raised it.

Jim.

[anthony]

I do certainly hope Colin learns from his families experience surrounding PTSD and talks you all to death with what he feels surrounding all and any traumatic events that take place in his life.

[Jen]

I will be so encouraging JJ to talk when he comes home I think he gets a couple of weeks leave so he will come home to us after spending time with his girl in Adelaide.
But I know what he is like he will think Mum doesnt need to listen to a lot of things!

[Kathy]

That is excellent Jen, we are certainly going to encourage Colin to speak to us as well. He knows how we feel about him being open and honest with us. In a recent email to us he mentioned he did not want to end up like Brian, which was very encouraging. We are proud of him and it seems he is already maturing in the short time he has been over there. Though of course we still can't help but worry.

[Jen]

JJ rang last night he sounds fine said he is sick of the dust and sand already:wink:
He still has to get a laptop so he can start emailing us. I think he said the Americans have a shop of some sort that he is going to get one from?

[Kathy]

Oh yes he does need a laptop if he wishes to email you regularly! Colin has one, and we have received a few messages from him already. He is also considering starting a blog.

[Nicolette]

While I can only imagine what your families must be going through Jim, Kathy and Jen, I find it difficult to find anything constructive to contribute having no appreciation for your situation and hoping I never will :rolleyes:.

I am reading and my thoughts are with you even though I do not post in this thread.

[Kathy]

You are welcome to post in here anytime you wish Nicolette, we are happy to hear from you, and it is not an exclusive club. :wink: Though I do understand your hesitation given you are not in our situation. I share your wish that you never have to be, and thank you for your wishes for all of us also.

[Jim]

Yep agreed, always good to hear from you Nicolette.

Jim.

[wildcritter44]

Tho I don't have a personal situation of someone over there, I do understand some of the stress involved... the unknown, the waiting, the worrying... etc

:Hug_emoticon: hugs to you all here & there...

Donna

[Jen]

Thank you Donna and Nicolette!!

[pastrychefarmywife]

jim, i never thought of why soldiers dont call often, as to think as if it would be their last call. nice persepective, thank you.

i remember when jed was over there, when a attack happened they had a 24hr period where they couldn't call till the decesed (dead) persons family was contacted, especially if it was in the same company. but thats the united states army. there was a time i didn't hear from him for over 4-5 days, no missions, i started to get worried, but i remember what he said, NO news is GOOD news.

[Jen]

Had a really good chat with my boy on the phone tonight!:smile:
He sounds well and seems settled he said it got up to 30 degrees today talk about extreme weather changes?

[Kathy]

Yes we were teasing Colin that he might as well be in Saskatchewan! :wink: Saskatchewan is an area of Canada which can also have very extreme weather, very cold in winter and very hot in summer, and often extreme rapid changes.

[Jen]

So glad JJ rang last night or I would have been worried after reading todays paper about Aussie troops coming under fire the other day!

[Jim]

Yes Jen that was quite the gun battle they had with the Taliban. Well done to them, though worrisome for you no doubt.

Jim.

[Jim]

jim, i never thought of why soldiers dont call often, as to think as if it would be their last call. nice persepective, thank you.

Your welcome. Can't speak for every soldier. However. I've heard many say the same. It is bloody tough at times.

Jim.

[Jen]

Yeh Jim JJ is a Raafie so hopefully he wont have to fire his weapon as he doesnt do patrolling. He said he can hear the gunfights at night when he is in bed?
I think his main problem at the moment is there is only yank stuff on TV:rolleyes::rofl:

[Kathy]

I think his main problem at the moment is there is only yank stuff on TV:rolleyes::rofl:

Oh dear what a tragedy that is! :rolleyes:

I am glad he is doing well however Jen. You must be very proud of him!

[Jen]

Yes thanks Kathy very proud!

[pastrychefarmywife]

hi jim, i asked hubby, just in the conversation today if he ever thought that calling us would be his last time, he said every time i did, it brought tears to my eyes! today was a good day, he talked so much about his stuff in iraq, and i asked questions, and got lots of answers and he just talked and talked! 45 min worth!!

[Tactman]

If I can be of any help I will try to help you out as much as I can. Im in the sandtrap atm as well.

[Nicolette]

today was a good day, he talked so much about his stuff in iraq, and i asked questions, and got lots of answers and he just talked and talked! 45 min worth!!

That is really lovely to hear. I am most pleased for your pastrychef.

If I can be of any help I will try to help you out

Very nice of you Tactman. Support is essential and it is nice to see people offering it to each other.

[pastrychefarmywife]

thanks tactman. hubby was over 3 times. the 2nd time he got home , stayed for 3 months, then went back again. he volunteered for it, i somehow think it was his way of 'not dealing' with reality, just going back to what he knows how to do. he wasn't around me and our son for 3 yrs,so i don't think he knows how to be the 'family' guy. just the soldier. ya know what i mean?

[Jim]

Well. Guess it's about time for an update on Colin. Still in Afghanistan. Doing extremely well. No harm of any kind. Seems he was born to be a soldier, like several others in the family. ;-) Told me last time we talked, he is now considering going career. Don't know whether to be proud or cry. In any event. Has a couple more months over there, then back home. Looking forward to seeing him again.

Jim.