Evie Ill Once More - Simply Venting!

[Kathy]

This is simply a vent on my part as Evie is ill once more and I am ever so frustrated about it today. She had her appendix out last week. Usually an appendectomy is a simple procedure. With Evie though, it seems no procedure is simple. :wall: She had a very bad reaction to the anaestetic, and now they tell us she has an infection, likely due to her having a compromised immune system (from the cancer treatments). She has been quite ill and vomiting frequently though she is thankfully in good spirits.

What frustrates me is this; it is not her PTSD making her ill! PTSD wise, she has been doing very well. We are so proud of her. She has made huge accomplishments in the past year. She has every reason to hope for a bright future. However she continues to become ill! I see so much promise in her for her life, yet there is one physical illness after another and I simply am so sorry for her. It frustrates me to no end to see her continually suffering. I realize this sounds quite negative however I cannot count the number of times she has been to hospital in the last year and I simply wish it could all be over for her. I am frustrated and want her to be well.

[2quilt]

Oh, Gee, Kathy! You have been through enough your whole family has been through enough this past year! I sure wish you could catch a break! Gentle Hugs from me and I am sure from many of us all over the whole world to you and the whole family!

[Marlene]

Vent away, Kathy! Sometimes it's the only thing we can do about a sitution.

Sending hugs to you, Evie and everyone else there.

Lisa

[Kathy]

Thank you both. I am feeling rather upset about it all and as a result I am going to take a couple of days' break.

[upstream]

Kathy, my heart goes out to you and your family. Hope things get better soon!

[grace5555]

Thoughts and prayers with all of you especially right now - Evie, I understand being sick all the time...feel better soon. =)

[pandora]

I am so sorry to hear this but she is tough and with her family support she will get though this. Please take good care of yourselves and please give Evie a GENTLE hug for me if she`ll accept it. I hope she will. Let he know she is in my thoughts as you all are.

Take Good care of yourselves.....all of you!
Pandora

[jods]

Hi Kathy

Damn these rollercoaster rides at times. I'm sorry to hear about Evie. Hope she is better soon.

I understand your frustration. I am feeling the same way about hubby & his other health issues at the moment also. I think it's the extra pressure of more appts, new docs etc. It is unsettling for our loved ones & hard for us to watch & try not to show how we are feeling about things.

:Hug_emoticon: & know you are in my thoughts

[Awakening]

Oh I am sorry to hear all of this. I'm sorry for both of you. It seems some people get all the rotten luck with illnesses and complications. I had noticed Evie hadn't posted as much, please pass on my get well soon wishes. Pleasing to hear though that she is doing so well with the PTSD aspect.

Perhaps it's all that freezing cold Canadian weather? Perhaps a trip to sunny Melbourne is in order?:wink:

[Lisa]

I'm sorry to hear this!

Thinking of you, Evie, and the rest of the family also... and obviously, sending Evie well wishes.... I hope she gets better soon.

[hodge]

I'm so sorry, Kathy! I haven't been around much lately and didn't know this. Man oh man, enough is enough already. I hope Evie feels better soon!! Please let her know I've been thinking of her.

[Jim]

Much appreciated all. However. Best part of this - Evie's frame of mind is positive. She's taking this latest illness in stride. Much better than her parents.

Jim.

[Sapper]

Yeah that's for sure.. she seems pretty happy considering. I guess that's good for Evie though. If being positive helps you to get better that is.

Im worried about her too though.. I guess we can do all the worrying for her and she gets to relax for a change. (;

[morgan]

I really hope things get better for you and your family. You all deserve it. You are in my thoughts.
Take care, Morgan

[Kathy]

Thank you all for your wishes for Evie and our family. As my son and husband mentioned however, Evie is in good spirits and it is myself more than anyone who is really upset about this latest development. I suppose I am simply tired of it all. Thank you all for being so gracious in allowing me to vent.

Jim has taken Evie back to hospital today, she is having another surgery tomorrow morning and hopefully after that she should be able to recover nicely. Jim is remaining in the city with her for a couple of days however he insisted I stay home and rest. I came online merely to update everyone; I am still having a bit of a break from the forum, for a couple more days. Thank you all for the good wishes.

[Nicolette]

Take care Kathy and warmest wishes to all of your family :Hug_emoticon:

[jolene]

My best wishes to you & your family! I hope Evie is recovering well.

[pandora]

Please let Evie know we miss her here on the forum and I hope she recovers quickly from this last surgery.
Take Care.
Pandora

[Kathy]

Thank you ladies, Evie is home as of today though resting. She hopes to visit the forum soon.

[Kathy]

I decided to revive this thread rather than begin a new one. As some of you have gathered, Evie is ill once more. It is partially a continuation of the surgery for her appendix, as she required a second surgery on her bowel. However a large part of it is also stress related. She is having major anxiety regarding Colin being in Afghanistan. After the news a few days ago of the suicide bomber close by to Colin, she had a complete breakdown. She was on the forum a bit up until 2 days ago, however not really herself. She now says she never wishes to return to the forum, as she feels embarrassed and humiliated, however she may change her mind. She has said such things before.

She is resting now and feeling somewhat better however she is so very down on herself. She said to me this morning, "what is the point of trying to get better Mum, because I just keep getting sick". She is ashamed about her latest breakdown. I think it was especially difficult for her as she had been doing so well for the last 2 months, she had made much progress and now she feels defeated.

In any event, I simply felt to write about it. We are trying to encourage her that she is not a failure and not to give up on herself. However I have not seen her quite so down on herself in a long while. I am a bit worried.

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry to hear all of this Kathy. It sounds like a lot of the stress lately has taken it's toll on Evie and her positivity. May I ask why Evie feels embarrassed/humiliated here? My thinking is that it is at these very times that Evie may benefit from a chat/venting post or two, and some support. There are a lot of people here who care about her. I sometimes think she may not actually know this.... so please let her know that I care, and I know she has other friends here that she has closer contact with that also care a lot about her.

I hope you don't mind me speculating here, but I wonder if Evie tried so hard to be positive that she simply wore herself out? Because although positive attitude is absolutely important to keep up in tough times, sometimes there is no getting away from the depressive reality of some things and in those situations perhaps she needs to allow herself sad/negative feelings because those are natural and equally important and deserving acknowledgement and compassion from herself?

The appendix, then following surgery on her bowel, Colin being in Afghanistan, the suicide bomber, the grieving process and everything else... I simply couldn't expect anybody to stay on top of things, let alone somebody with PTSD on top.

Please let Evie know from me that I don't think she has anything to be ashamed of, or feel humiliated by at all... she is and has done a wonderful job of late keeping herself as healthy as possible. She is not to blame for her recent setback. It is the very nature of PTSD and stress to drag us down and make us crash, no matter how hard we try, when stressful life events are beyond our control. Stress does this to everyone eventually. It is not her fault that she is struggling, life has been giving her a hard hand out recently and there is nothing she could do about that. Things will get better. But I also think learning to cope with setbacks is also a part of keeping herself healthy... learning to let some things ride out, and learning to accept herself (not blame herself) when she is in a setback is as important as 'doing well'.

However, I can certainly understand why she would feel defeated right now. Life just doesn't let up for her these last few years, does it?

And how are you holding up Kathy? Things are so very hard for you too, and your family... I am glad you come here for the support and venting space.

Sending my thoughts to Evie, you, Jim and the whole family.

Best wishes
Lisa.

[Kathy]

Thank you Lisa. Jim and I are doing quite well lately, we are communicating well with each other, and my therapy is progressing very well also. Though the loss of my son is still difficult to bear, I can definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Jim and I both feel things are falling into place for us once more, and we are relieved and happy about that.

Thank you also for your thoughts on Evie. I was hoping someone would comment on what was going on with her. I had thought to begin a thread in the PTSD section however I didn't wish to embarrass her further. She seems extremely worried at the moment, about drawing any attention to herself. You are quite correct Lisa that it would be beneficial if she would come online and start a thread of her own. However I honestly don't think she has the energy nor the trust of others to make herself that vulnerable at the moment. She is frightened about being hurt. She has felt hurt on the forum lately, especially in one particular thread. Jim and I have read what hurt her and we both feel it is quite minor. We really are at a loss as to why it is hurting her so much. Perhaps it is simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back? In any event, she is hurting.

I do agree with you also, she was trying very hard to be positive about everything, perhaps a bit too hard. She was very supportive of me when I was not feeling well, and perhaps that was a bit much for her as well. Also I believe she still wishes she did not have PTSD, and perhaps hoping it will go away! All speculation however, as she won't speak to us much at this point.

With your permission Lisa, I will print out what you have written here for her, perhaps it will cheer her a bit. Thank you once more for your thoughts.

[Lisa]

Hi Kathy,

I am very glad that you and Jim are doing well lately, and that you are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I understand that Evie at the moment feels hurt, though I do not know which thread you are referring to, nonetheless I can understand that if she feels hurt by something here then she would naturally not feel so trusting to come here and speak about the things on her mind. Perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back, yes...perhaps whatever it is that hurt Evie is touching on some kind of raw nerve. If it is a raw nerve, I know that for me if it is touched on a good day I react badly... on a bad day, (whilst I may logically know it is my raw nerve and it may not be a huge thing realistically) it's a different story and I'll bite or retreat with such raw feelings it knocks me sideways.

As you say - only Evie can answer on the subject of these things. And only Evie can reach out and get help/comfort/reassurance (even if just from family right now) and say what is hurting her so much.

Of course, you have permission to print off what I have written here for Evie to read.

Evie ~ I hope things look up soon. Try to reach out to someone right now... you deserve and need some support, and your family and others can only help you if you let them. If things are too raw here on the forum for you right now, then family is always a good place to start if looking anywhere else is too hard... But either way, don't suffer alone.

Thinking of you.

[Claire]

Hello Kathy, I'd guessed Evie was finding things tough again. Wish her well from me. I think we all hope PTSD would just go away! When I go through a hard time with PTSD I tell myself its NOT like 1 step forward, 2 steps back, its more like 2 or 3 steps forward and 1 step back. Its hard but we'll get there in the end.

I like and care about Evie too, PTSD or not, autism or not. It makes no difference to me. It all makes her the person I know and like.

Tell her I'm still ready for that chat too, when she's feeling up to it.

Take care
Claire

[Jim]

Thank you Claire and Lisa for your thoughts, much appreciated. We are worried. Evie's been down before. However. It is 5 days now. Quite long for her, hence our concern.

Jim.

[grace5555]

Kathy ~

Speaking from a PTSD perspective and coming from someone not doing so well myself right now...I can understand Evie's hurt over those threads and now she feels very exposed and humiliated. I would too and actually have to a smaller extent from the same threads. I do not post much now for that very reason - I know it is PTSD speaking and not rational but there nonetheless. Please tell Evie she is not alone...

[Kathy]

Thank you for your wishes Grace, I will pass them on to Evie.

I do have a bit of positive news, in that this evening Evie had a very good discussion with me, opened up to me far more than she has been lately. She is still struggling with feeling down and upset however she seems to be realizing it is her illness and she admitted she is not thinking clearly. I take such insight on her part as a good sign. She has been much calmer this evening.

[morgan]

I've noticed Evie struggling lately and saw the threads she was hurt by. I wanted to help and felt helpless. Please let her know That I too am thinking of her and that I hope she comes out of it soon. I miss her input here on the forum. I hope she does come back.

Besides she's on my friends list now, so I'd like us to become friends.:wink:
Best and warmest wishes, Morgan

[Kathy]

Thank you Morgan, Evie will be returning, she is simply having a break at the moment. Things are a little improved for her now as she is eating solid food and has been sleeping better. She is not ready to come back online however, still resting.

[pastrychefarmywife]

hi kathy and jim,

i am so sorry that your daughter has had to go thru this, two surgeries, and ptsd on top of it.

although i don't know much about whats going on with the threads, but please let her know i wish her all the best, i dont know her personally, but tell her that my thoughts and prayers are with her. I assume that colin is her bf/hubby? let her also know that God has his angels watching over him, and it will be alright.

if i may tell you a story of my hubby. he hadn't called for almost 2 weeks, which isn't out of the ordinary, but when he did call, he said, oh ,i got hit with a IED on the 15th, which is 2 days before our anniversary. any normal wife would have cried her eyes out, but i remained calm. all i could think was that God had his angels with him, and won't let him die. Might have been immature of me to think that way, but to me, God only gives us what we can handle, and he knows i couldn't handle not having him in my life. He has since been to iraq again, 3 times total, and there were times i cried and cried in the shower, cause it was too much. but i knew God had all the angels watching over him, and that he would be ok. I don't know if thats tooo optimistic for you, but he had a little pouch that i made for him, it had 3 angel stones in it. He told me he took them everywhere he went. i might be superstious, but i think those angels saved him.

[Kathy]

Pastrychef, thank you for your wishes for Evie. She is around the forum a bit however having a break at the moment, so I will pass on your wishes to her.

I assume that colin is her bf/hubby? let her also know that God has his angels watching over him, and it will be alright.

Colin is Evie's brother. To explain, we have had 3 members of our family, other than Evie, suffering from Combat PTSD. One drank himself to death, one committed suicide, and the third, my eldest son, died in an accident as an indirect result of his PTSD. So to put it briefly, because of the experiences of our family, to Evie, Military equals PTSD, and PTSD equals Death. We feel the same way as Evie, in that we almost worry more about Colin getting PTSD than we do about him dying! Though obviously for Evie it is very intense as she does have the PTSD herself and does not handle stress as well as we do.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is good that you remained calm, I was that way most of the time as well, even when Jim was shot 15 years ago, I was very calm and collected. Though I'm not certain I would be now. In any event, I am thankful your husband was unharmed.

[pastrychefarmywife]

ah! thank you for explaining. I am so sorry for your loss. i can see where ptsd could scare and frighten anyone in that situation.

thank you for your kind words, its nice to hear your story and get a insight into the ptsd that surrounds you.

[hodge]

Kathy,

I'm so sorry to hear that Evie's been going through such a rough time. I think Lisa expressed my feelings very well.

I am glad to hear your therapy is going well. Keep up the good work.

Please tell Evie I'm thinking of her and hope she can once again feel as good about herself as so many of us do.

Hodge

[Kathy]

Thank you Hodge. She is feeling quite a bit better now however still resting and not too active on the forum. She requires an extended rest as this "attack" was quite severe, the PTSD part of it that is. The weather has been quite nice here so she was out with me yesterday and may go out with Jim today.