Walking on Eggshells

[Sairadance]

I've got another question for all you fellow carers out there.
My BF finally answered my call yesterday. (I have been great with not calling him, and decided it was time to try again). He was light hearted and sounded good. Even called me by the nickname he gave me. He asked about me and my kids and what's new. I think he's still feeling a little guarded (women's intuition)...but said he would call me Sunday night. I didn't bring up anything that would be considered stressful and he didn't provide any info as to the last week and a half of shutting me out. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I don't know if I should let him know what has been going on with me, how I feel ect. In fact I'm still assuming that we are still in a relationship! He answered my call after all (and has call display). When I talk to him Sunday night (hopefully), I want to know if I can see him next weekend but I don't know if that's pushing it. He's coming to my city in 2 weeks, just not sure where to go with all of this. I'm a person who is very good at expressing herself, suddenly I feel like I'm holding my breath. I guess I should just be thankful he's coming back emotionally.
Anyone been there..done that??

[blueeyedgirl]

Saira,

I'm hoping that this evening has given you a little more clarity as to where you stand in your relationship.

I can only relate too well. 'Walking on eggshells' appears to be a common thread with all of us carers. We know that there is just too much that we can't say, but we also don't know what we CAN say. So, it just drives us crazy. But, as Nicolette's thread points out, we really need to evaluate what we need. Are you getting what you need from this relationsihp Siara? I'm not trying to tell you what you should do, because I also know how hard it is to try and break apart from someone you feel so strongly tied to. But, also know that if you aren't getting what you need, that it's OK to say so. The point is - take care of yourself! Try not to worry so hard about what you can or cannot say to this person in your life. Be who you are and love yourself for it.

~Hugs!!
Lindsay

[Sairadance]

Thank you for the replies. much appreciated.
I definately need to be aware if my needs and wether or not they can be met in this relationship. My BF and I had a really good talk this a.m. He apologized over and over for disconnecting. I know it's something he had to do in order to get through a recent major stressor. He said he is just trying to get through day by day. He told me that I have been his rock, his main support and that he thinks I am an amazing person. He also said he can't make promises for the future and that he is still disconnected. I told him that he needs to communicate in some way to me so that I can work with what he's going through. he agreed. He still wants me in his life (in what capacity I'm not sure) and to keep frequent contact with him. It feels good to tell him what I need even if I don't talk about all that has gone on with me right now. He wants to know, but I am patient and will tell him when he's a little more connected. Thankfully he is beginning to see the light at the end of a very long tunnel. It's not over, and I know that this is a life long process. It has really forced me to deal with my own issues, and for that I am grateful (though it's really hard). I am strong and I know that I can't let myself down most of all. I don't know what the future holds....but all of your support and advice helps me to keep my witts about me. I'm so glad I found this site. Thanks again.
Saira

[Nicolette]

Sairadance, what you are asking is very common. If you read past posts you will see there are some posts from Carers who speak of 'walking on eggshells'. It seems to be most common when the Sufferer is ill and the Carer has to try and judge what is going on and how to react.

It is good that you did not bring up anything stressful in the phone conversation with your boyfriend and I do hope things get better for you. Do be careful of trying to rush things and asking your boyfriend to see you as, while you are excited, he may only move slowly and your excitement may cause him to regress.

Saying all this, what Lindsay says is also relevant in that you need to work out if coping with this situation is right for you. You may find that your boyfriend may need to call most of the shots while he is unwell as he is the best one to ascertain what he is capable of and anything outside of that may be stressful for him. How you can cope with this will be for you to decide. Remember, you are important too and only you can decide whether your needs are being met and whether you can deal with what the relationship requires of you.

Do take care.