Do You Have Difficulty Recognising Your Emotions?

[Lisa]

I am recently recognising that I have difficulties in identifying emotions. I feel them... but my initial recognition of emotion is usually pre-verbal. I have found myself describing feelings as "bleugh" and "uuuugghhh!" initially, and though I can find the words for them, it takes me a lot of thinking to try to find the right word. The emotions that I find easy to recognise are the obvious feelings like terror, and I only recognise that by physical sensation otherwise I'm confused!

The fact that I can only get at emotions by writing, journalling, and thinking a lot makes me wonder if others have to spend so much time just identifying what they are feeling too...

The psychological term for this difficulty is Alexithymia.

Anyone struggle similarly like this? Research suggests a high rate of those with PTSD suffer with recognising emotions specifically (up to 40% from what I have read), and I am wondering if those here on this forum feel this and reflect the research?

Thanks!

[Auburngirl]

This is one of the things I find the most distressing. It seems like I've forgotten how to feel, or to recognise what I'm feeling - so I feel kind of disconnected from myself. Sometimes I'll be upset but have no idea why, or I'll just dissociate instead of having a real emotional reaction to anything.

[kers]

I struggle with this big time. When I first started counseling, I could describe only two emotions: I felt either "okay" or "bad." What a range!

My counselor has been helping me describe my physical experiences and then name them. Now I'm really good at knowing when I'm scared. I still struggle a whole lot with knowing when I'm angry.

[upstream]

Yes, some periods of my life more than others. Often times I don't know how I feel about something until I say it out loud.

[Shoshin]

Yes, often. And this makes it particularly difficult to have a conversation with my wife when she is dealing with her emotions in "real time" and expects me to do the same. We have often had "disconnects" over our ten year marriage, and at those times I have been numb or angry or just frustrated, at which point I am tempted to head out to the woods or off to a pub. As I learn more about why I have disconnected with my feelings, I am hoping to recognize and integrate them so that I am more connected with those around me. Not attached, but connected.

[nic]

What, I'm supposed to have emotions...what are those??? (JK)

nic :-)

[tude]

Currently, learning to identify how I feel. It's rather remedial but I am making progress. Hopefully, I can grow beyond cavewoman and become a little more emotionally evolved and sophisticated. I have never put much value in emotions. Recently, I have become fully aware of the consequences of this. I am seeing some potential value in learning to identify how I feel. It isn't clear to me yet as to how, except to help me become more whole as a person.

[SoloJade]

I do find it hard to recognize my emotions. A lot of the time I won't know that I am sad until I am crying and even then, I won't know why I am sad. Sometimes I work on recognizing why in therapy. In therapy, I'll talk about something then start to sound sad and my therapist will mention that I sound sad and ask me what made me sad and I'll say I don't know, then we try to find out.

[Cecilia]

Yes. I have a very hard time recognizing emotions. I have a tendancy to just "numb out". When asked what I am feeling, many times I end up extremely frustrated and angry just over the question.

Communicating feelings is even more difficult than recognizing feelings.

[linasmom]

oh my gosh, I have the hardest time knowing how I feel!! And I always say that I feel "ugghhh"!!! Funny thing is that I'm a writer! I can write about feelings using metaphors, but when it comes to recognizing my own feelings, I'm at a complete loss. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one.

[nor]

Just Friday I had to ask my T to list what the "emotions" were. He stated there are four. Angry, Sad, Happy, and I forget the last one.

I have a terrible terrible time separating the behavior from the emotion. I try to verbalize "how I feel" when I am in therapy-but it becomes more of a question and answer session. I ask....."I feel.....angry? Is that an emotion?" And he will reply "yes". I have no clue what the "feeling" is-none.

I often wish I could feel the sadness and pain which is associated with crying. I would like to cry, non stop, so that he can tell me "what" it is I feel.

Sounds ridiculous-but........I am not familiar with feelings at all.

[nie]

I struggle with this a lot. When my T asks me how something makes me feel, it often takes me a long time to answer. He is very patient, and sometimes offers options if I am really struggling. Other times, I ask him to ask his question in a different way, and sometimes that helps too. However, because I spent many years trying to not experience any emotions, not it is difficult to know how to verbalize which emotions I do feel.

[Awakening]

Yes, I drive my T up the wall by answering "I don't know" when asked "and how did that make you feel" or "how are you" or "how has your week been" or "what do you need right now?"

"I don't know" is my most used expression in therapy!

[Auburngirl]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I often don't know, or will know that I was down for part of the week but not why. I try to guess, but it's like guessing why another person might be upset, I don't inherently "know."

It does feel like remedial "learning to feel."

[morgan]

There was a thread recently called "How do you feel today, not think but feel" or something like that. Anyway, I wanted to post in there so badly but I just couldn't get in touch with my feelings. The only feeling I could come up with was frustration that I couldn't post. Maybe I should've posted that huh? It's strange really, I'm not really numb but, I can't put my finger on the exact emotions either. Bahhhh!

[Lisa]

However, because I spent many years trying to not experience any emotions, not it is difficult to know how to verbalize which emotions I do feel.


That is me too. I don't know is also my most commonly used answer!

I always say that I feel "ugghhh"!!! Funny thing is that I'm a writer! I can write about feelings using metaphors, but when it comes to recognizing my own feelings, I'm at a complete loss.

I am so like this too! I am fairly articulate when it comes to writing, and I can express emotion via words (though I have problems with expressing within myself)... but finding those words to put the metaphors and descriptions to is difficult for me! The problem seems to be initial recognition of emotion. I sometimes spend a few hours simply trying to identify what I'm feeling and why, and then trying to write and express that. Then I'll change, change and change the words until they finally 'fit' and describe correctly. Often it is a backwards process... I start of with basic words, and work my way back into more descriptive words, then realise I'm wrong totally and change it. Sometimes I never quite get there, sometimes I do... but it is a lot of effort! Simply asking me "how are you" is the a painfully difficult question for me! I actually spend a fair bit of time before going to therapy trying to find the right words and expression for how I feel, because I know he will ask that dreaded "How are things?" question that I simply can't answer without preparation for it. If I don't try to figure it out before I usually just say "ok" because it's easier and I can't be bothered to go through the questioning to try to clarify how I am if I say "I dunno"... the times I have said I don't know, trying to work on what I feel, why, how I've been and why has actually taken up the majority of the session and I come away having only described my week!!

[spiritofnow]

I struggle terribly with this!

If I feel something I tend to second guess it, perhaps 3rd, 4th and so on! I like to ask a friend or just use them as a sounding board. I have found that as I post on here my feelings are revealed whilst I am trying to comprehend or explain something. This place has been good for me!

But yes I do struggle - when I was with my partner and if we had one of 'our' relationship chats, sometimes (actually a lot of the time) I would address what had been said about a week later. I am starting to see a pattern to this behaviour;

Trauma = delayed reaction - Emotion = delayed reaction. I seem to experience most of my emotions in a delayed response. That is when I recognise I have an emotion - which is getting better as I work through healing.

Spirit x

[nightowl52]

I would have said no 4 years ago but I have been studing me for a long time, using breathing , etc. to calm. I know the signs & it starts with a dull pain on my right ankle, that means I must calm down. The other is when I can't spell or remember the difference between their & there .

[reallydown]

I also struggle with this...A LOT! As many have already said, whenever the T asked how I feel about somehting 99.99% of the time it was "I don't know!"...and the 0.01% it was soemthing like "meh" or "ugghh"...Such eloquence, eh? It helps to know I'm not alone though.

[cypher]

I voted yes, it's difficult. Most of the time I don't know. I ignore myself, avoid myself if that makes any sense. I always have, and have no idea what to think or how to respond when my T asks. Really the only time I know what I'm feeling is when I'm very angry. Jumps from numb to furious.

[ChrisB]

Lisa- Emotions? I think that I am flat or numb. Yet I do have a memory of wonderful emotions but just can't seem to get their. The doc will say "Describe how you felt or are feeling?" Huh? I seem to have lost my grasp of language and am at a loss for words. I am willing to face my fears and hope that healthy emotion will bring color to my life. Good Luck

[brokenchild]

Sorry to bring this back to the top as it hadn't been replied to in a while. This is a big issue for me as well. I just name feelings I figure I should be feeling, but I actually "feel" very few emotions. Most people I say this to just don't get it. It was refreshing, in a sad way, to see others struggle with this as well.

[Marlene]

My biggest problems with emotions is that they are delayed (still!). Something happens and it takes anywhere from hours to days for me to recognize the emotions that I'm feeling about what happened. By then it's pretty much too late to say or do anything about an incident or issue.

It's not as bad as it was before...but not by much. A lot of my emotional reactions are still pretty new to me. Too bad they don't match up with where I am in life.

Lisa

[judyandsus]

I have no idea what I am really feeling unless it is anger fear or a mixture of both. I just seem to stay disconnected most of the time. So I would have to say I seldom recongnise any emotion in me. Great thinking question! Thanks:)

[dedic8edmum]

I have no idea what I am really feeling unless it is anger fear or a mixture of both. I just seem to stay disconnected most of the time. So I would have to say I seldom recongnise any emotion in me. Great thinking question! Thanks:)

This sounds so much like me! I'm often overwhelmed with fear and anger, that being said I rarley deal with those feelings or address the causes. For me I just learned from a very early age that what I was "feeling" was unimportant. For me, no abuse is unforgivable because, I am able to totally evade any honest feeling. Like another contributor said... "I yearn to feel the pain burried deep inside me and finally cry! I honestly feel that my emotional development was totally stunted. I've only recently sought help for my "issues" but I'm trying to be hopeful! Hey that's an emotion.

[void]

I find that I can talk about my emotions(with no feeling) easily. I have difficulty just feeling my emotions. ???dissociation???

[shiraz]

I do emotion 'off-line', I go through the experience like an android and then at some point; anything from a couple of hours to a couple of days, begin to feel something - that is actually progress, it used to be a couple of decades late! Presently, I am learning to recognize that I am not feeling when I should be and to my surprise have even had a few moment of intense feeling actually in a moment when I should have them. Progress, but they get scared off too quickly. It is quite funny actually ... one moment - intense anger with tears in the middle of an argument - and then .. back to the android.

[Annie]

I know I have them...but I am not always aware of what they are. I find that a lot of the time I can rationalize why I shouldn't feel a certain way, but I certainly can't label most.

It's ironic though, I have books on every emotion, that I read to my kids, to teach THEM how to recognize, now if only I could do the same for myself!?
:)

Annie

[Bettespaghetti]

How ironic. My therapist and I were covering this topic last week. I grew up not being able to display "negative" emotions and so learned early on to numb, avoid, and disassociate myself from my feelings. So now I will do almost anything to avoid any feeling. I have no idea how to put a name to things going on inside me much less what to do with it.

Glad and sad to see I'm not the alone :I

Hugs!

[rallynut78]

Yes! I thought it was a function of my gender. my wife always asks me how I feel about situations and things that she tells me. she can't comprehend that I really have no idea what my feelings are. I take a loooong time to process.

[JustJane]

Numbness is my general emotional status. I know if I feel happyu that something is right around the corner to take it away and hurt. Better to not feel anything at all so there is nothing to lose.

[Dylan]

My default state is numbness with a dash of vague unease, a sense that something is wrong and I'm missing it...I need to find out what it is, something is coming and I'm missing it.

I was relieved to read that others go through the time-delay, as well. When I was 21 my dog died a very unpleasant death and it was years later that I found myself crying over the incident and the loss. I have many such incidences like that.

I am sometimes baffled by emotions, and even hate them at times - wishing instead to be like Spock or Data from Star Trek. To me, they too often seem like a complete liability, tripping me up, making me unable to "act right". In fact, years ago, before I knew what was going on with me, I contemplated actually requesting a frontal lobotomy to try & just get rid of them for good and all.

-Dylan

[void]

Dylan,

If I was Data I'd throw my emotion chip out the nearest airlock. Sucks to be human!!

Void

[Annie]

Emotions??? What are emotions???