Do You Have A Conscience?

[Nicolette]

I have been privy to some interesting situations of late & have watched people act out of greed & hatred with no concern to the consequence to others involved. I am interested to see what people think.

Do you act out of emotion or greed in personal situations or are you respectful of others?

[Cecilia]

It is always my intention to be respectul and charitable to others, but sometimes I fail. When I realize that I was greedy or selfish I feel very guilty and try to make it right.

Yes I have a conscience. For my children and husband this is my slogan:
FAMILY = Forget About Me, I Love You.

It works well in friendships as well. It is good to focus on others.

[spiritofnow]

I have the BIGGEST conscience! Sometimes it definitley has worked against me as I would respect other peoples' personal boundaries and well-being more than my own.

I have/had the biggest fear of upsetting people, I guess this is triggered by acceptance, not feeling accepted or that I don't totally accept myself.

I can be much more rational about it these days but I still defnintely have my moments.

I was chatting to someone about this the other day. I treat others, with kindness, compassion and respect as that is how I wish to be treated. I guess the problem here is that I do not bestow those important qualities upon myslef, so when someone does negate to observe these quailites with regards to me. I get so hurt by it!

I dislike how badly people behave towards one another, with little or no regards to the consequences of their actions. I have a close friend who was treated terribly by some mature Uni students. I was the only person in the group to stand up and say NO! I dissociated myself from the people who had behaved so terribly and told them quitely and calmly when they asked me why I was not hanging out with them. I just said 'I choose to dissociate mysllf from you and your behaviour, they pushed for more reasons and I told them that I did not have to justify my actions to them and wished them no malice. Fairness and justice in life is a integral part of who I am! (This was a huge step for me in terms of setting my own boundaries and sticking to them. It was very hard and I did second guess my actions for a while).

If I am having a really bad, bad day, the anger and frustration, I can behave less like this. I do try not to though, I just feel to bad about it!

Spirit x

[2quilt]

Yes, I do have a conscience that works overtime.

[Damiea]

I am extreamly rational over emotional. Regardless if its about me or someone else I think about all the ways any action affects any person involved before I do anything. I also do this when I need to tell someone something important.

I do this not out of fear of hurting someone or myself but rather what all the possible outcomes could be and decide if the outcome might be worth the issue that is at hand. Like say someone said or did something to me that bothers me, I decide if its so important and what it will change, good or bad, if I do or say something to this person.

[She Cat]

Well... When I was out of control with PTSD, and my behavior was also out of control, NO!!!! I didn't give 2 craps about anyone or thing to be quite honest. All I cared about was drinking, drugs, parties, and running from my demons, and myself.

Now that I have been through therapy, seen the damage I left behind. Yes... I do care very deeply about people and I try not to hurt others. Sometimes I fail, but I do work toward being a better person, and having a conscience.

I have a lot of guilt, and remorse for the hurt that I have caused others in the past.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I agree with She Cat. When I was younger and drank and did drugs I didn't care about anyone but myself unless I was sober.

After 3 years of therapy I stopped the drinking and drugs. I found I had a conscious and it was in over drive because I felt so guilty about what I had done. This guilt had carried over for many years and I'm just now starting to let go of the shame and guilt over what I did.

I have to forgive myself or I will remain sick.

[JustJane]

I do. But I have to think about me and how much hurt I can handle. If someone hurts me or crosses one of my personal boundaries once, I'll put a red flag up and proceed with caution. I will also tell the person what boundaries I have and that they just crossed it. If that same person hurts me or crosses my boundary a second time - I'm gone. I will not accept an apology, read an email from them, return a phone call. To them, I'm as gone as if I were never born. Right or wrong, it's the only way I know to remove myself from further harm.

[Grama-Herc]

Along with She Cat and Seeking Nirvana I to could have cared less about others during the height of my downward spiral. I was all about ME! I gave no consideration to others at all.

I can proudly say that I am more aware of other feelings and think before I act "most of the time".

Becoming aware of how nice people behave and having my poor behavior pointed out to me has also helped my conscious. I would like to think I have become a good and caring person.

The old Grama-Herc was not very nice or considerate. I don't like her very much. I certainly would not hang out with her "now". She is not someone I would chose for a friend now.

[linasmom]

There have definitely been times that I was not very nice under the influence of drugs and alcohol however the next morning my conscious would kick in and I would feel badly. When I'm sober (and that's always now, besides my prescribed meds) I'm overly conscious and basically live my life to make sure that everyone I care about is okay and not feeling hurt in any way.

[sunnydaze]

I have a Conscious. In fact even when I dream I find myself doing the right thing. Once I dreamt, I saw a penny on the floor of a woman I was visiting that 'could have been worth something'. I picked it up than thought about it and gave it to the lady. I try to do the right thing to people but find even my sister can lie right to my face time and time again w/o a conscious and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. I tell her I know she is lying and she will swear right to my face she's not. Even when I verify the lie she will lie. I chose not to socialize with her or anyone else that continually lies to me. How can one have a friendship with anyone when they are not telling the truth. It makes it a 1 way conversation. Therefore, they have no conscious if they can do such a thing.
sunnydaze

[sunnydaze]

I act out of emotion. Guess I got carried away in last post about conscious.
sunnydaze

[nic]

Growing up with a mother who has little to no conscience and who lied ALL THE TIME, I find myself to be the exact opposite. My best friend says that my honesty is both my virtue and my vice. I can't lie. Don't get me wrong, I've tried. But no matter what, my conscience always gets the better of me and I spill my guts. I think, for me, part of it is that I'm so afraid I will be like my mom, so I do whatever I can to make sure I never end up like that.

[Grama-Herc]

I have noticed a common characteristic we all seem to have which I find interesting.

We all seem to have been fairly uncaring and selfish people with little to no concern for the feelings of others. Once we were diagnosed, medicated, treated, and psycho-analized we suddenly became nice caring people.

Now, don't anyone take offense to this. I may not be stating it exactly the right way, but I mean it in a good way. I am NOT being a smart ass.

Did we just suddenly develope a conscience or were we just finally brought to a state of awareness. Did the fog just finally clear? I use to be a bitch with no concern for others feelings! I'm not that person anymore.

I am just curious why it changed, that's all

[TLight]

I've always been over conscious of how other people feel, to the point where I was constantly being harassed by men, just wanted to be left alone, but didn't want to hurt any of their feelings.
My overdrive in this area has caused me great distress because others have taken advantage repeatedly.

The motto I still live by is "Do No Harm".......I guess because so much was done to me. Then when people do it to me, I'm just devastated because I'm under the silly belief that others live this way too..........You'd think I'd learn....

[Shoshin]

I have a finely tuned conscience, and am always concerned with not hurting others...or doing something unethical...but I have my weak moments...some occasional minor road rage, e.g.

My big struggle is not to focus on guilt. My friend at work jokingly calls me a martyr, always looking out for others but not myself.

I love what TLight said, "Do no harm." As a Buddhist I embrace this to the point of giving up my childhood passion of fishing and also choosing to live as a vegetarian. But there is more to doing no harm than just not eating meat. I think we can harm with words, silence, body language, and lots of other things...

How do we as people who know suffering conduct ourselves in a way that does not punish ourselves as we strive to get along with others and show them patience, kindness and respect?

And like Spirit of Now said, "How can I show myself the compassion I show others?"

[dlross]

Did we just suddenly develope a conscience or were we just finally brought to a state of awareness. Did the fog just finally clear? I use to be a bitch with no concern for others feelings! I'm not that person anymore.

I am just curious why it changed, that's all

Perhaps it is just that once we begin to have a little compassion and respect for ourselves, it is possible to offer them to others as well. :smile:

[Roo]

Conscience...yes...mine is a constant presence, a prickling in my mind. My concern with it lately is that when in the midst of a major depression (as right now), my ethical sense is ... dormant, passive. I don't give a damn -- inertia takes over even as I sense the clock ticking...time sliding by...moments wasted on being numb and stupefied.

[tude]

Nicolette,

I am not responsible for the reactions and behaviors of other people. I am only responsible for my own.

I do have a strong conscience. Admittedly, it is stronger in relation to others than to myself. I make an effort to treat others with respect. I do not say or do anything I will have to apologize for later.

When it directly affects me and is important enough for me to confront another person's behavior, I do so respectfully and gently. I have a habit of choosing my words wisely and it's not in my nature to emotionally react. There have been a couple times recently, I refrained from confronting the other person because I could not do so in a respectful manner. If I cannot say it nicely, then I don't say anything at all. Talk about feeling like a damn passivist. I'd rather feel like a passivist than react in the same ugly manner in which I am confronting. Respecting myself while respecting others isn't always easy.


How do we as people who know suffering conduct ourselves in a way that does not punish ourselves as we strive to get along with others and show them patience, kindness and respect?

Shoshin, my best guess is through awareness and practice.

Nicolette, I am curious as to why you posted this question. What was your reaction to the greed and hatred? How does it affect you? Did you respond to it and confront them at all? I am just curious...

tude

[Nicolette]

Nicolette, I am curious as to why you posted this question. What was your reaction to the greed and hatred? How does it affect you? Did you respond to it and confront them at all? I am just curious...

Hi Tude. They say curiosity killed the cat :wink:!

I posted as I am watching a situation where a person is hurting both children and other adults through what seems to be hatred and resentment. What intrigues me more is the person claims that their whole purpose is to act in the best interest of the children where they actually demonstrate money to be their focal point. It also is a situation which could be settled if the person concerned would look at the whole situation and the effect they are having versus going after just one more dollar.

From what I see, this person has no conscience as their judgement is clouded by greed and hatred. I don't think the person concerned can objectively sit on the other side of the fence and contemplate the seriousness of their actions and the hurt they are causing.

[upstream]

My overdrive in this area has caused me great distress because others have taken advantage repeatedly.

The motto I still live by is "Do No Harm".......I guess because so much was done to me. Then when people do it to me, I'm just devastated because I'm under the silly belief that others live this way too..........You'd think I'd learn....

TLight, sounds like we have a lot in common!

Nicolette, I'm so sorry about the situation. It's unfortunate that some people are not capable of seeing past their own needs and desires, or just don't care.

[tude]

Nicolette,

I am sorry you have to be witness to this situation. Thanks for sharing and curing my curiosity. I have always had a soft spot for kids, so I can imagine why this is difficult to deal with.

tude

[pandora]

There are some people that are in fact narcisitis...I don't know if it gets this bad. There are other syndromes where a person does not get born wi th natural instincts for being nice due to a problem in brain development....if caught at an early age and only if in an adult if you can make them beleive they might need some help. That is just my take on it. There are differend neurogbiological, and biochemical things that can be looked into as long as the person is willing...just my opinion of course.

[Portabella]

Nicolette, I too am sorry you are dealing with having to look in and see this and are helpless to change it. I just hope to God that its not super close to you, If it is a friend tell them what you are seeing, sometimes honesty helps. If not ignore it as best as you can because you cannot change the situation obviously and it will eat you up. If it is very close to you, Godspeed and I hope all works out in the long run. (((Hugs))))

[Nicolette]

Thanks Upstream, Tude, Pandora & Portabella.

They say money is the root of all evil and I have to agree with that.