How Do You Deal With Holidays?

[Cecilia]

I love to make the holidays fun for my kids, but for they suck. No matter how much effort I put into being happy and trying to make everything perfect for my kids; they have always been a source of stress and anxiety.

I am disconnected from my family and my husband's family is deceased. It is a time that I feel alone when so many others have parents and grandparents.

It is awful that I feel horribly jealous of my friends, but that is not the only problem. Growing up our holidays were not really joyous.

I feel so disconnected. anybody else?

[hjpalm]

oh yes. I live with my sister ( I pay rent) and her in-laws are her and they don't know quite how to deal with me. So unconfortable. all of this really contributes to the feeling of not belonging anywhere

[Cecilia]

hjpalm,

That is exactly how I feel. No matter how hard I try to "fit in" and contribute, there is always this underlying feeling of "not belonging anywhere."

I hate that feeling.

[pandora]

Feel exactly this way too......I bought eater stuff and still haven't put it out...feeling like a bad mom but i am having a really bad day....all i want to do is sit and be alone. That is my only option right now anyway. At least my son has a friend over until tomorrow and when he leaves i will do the easter egg hunt...a little late but i do have his gifts. My son called my Mom yesterday and said happy eater...she responded with well what do you want from me. he only wanted to wish her a happy easter. I can understand she hates me but he has done nothing wrong!!!!! Holidays are for happy families and people that care. It is just us and we are all alone!!!! All because I have chosen isolation to protect myself and it is turning around to bite me right in the ass. I don't know what to do anymore....i wish i wasn't me.

[pandora]

I belong nowhere!

[Damiea]

I believe each person makes their own family regardless if it is relatives, pets, friends or who ever they choose. A family is the people you care about regardless of blood relations. And the center of that family is you individually and radiates out from that. I grew up with my friends as my family and the people I turned to when I needed a family.

To celibrate a holliday... I don't believe you need your real family around to make it a "holliday" Most all hollidays are old traditions that have evolved through the years anyway.. so why not change how a holliday is spent so that it sutes you. Start your own traditions and spend it how ever you like with who ever you want doing what ever it is that makes you happy.

[She Cat]

IMO......I just wish all holiday's would take a vacation, and we could just pretend it was "Just another day." I hate them..........They suck, just like every other day lately.

Gee can anyone tell I am having a bad time right now. Life sometimes sucks, and now is my time......

[TLight]

I've spent 25 years walking alone doing holidays, pretty much in deep depression constantly, not even a call from anyone.
Then, I decided to trust a few people for a couple of years. They pretty muched trashed me.
Now it's Easter, me and my cat, got some birdseed at the store. I sort of feel like I'm just waiting to die really. Just waiting out all the long lonely hours...............

It's always been this way, until I trust someone, then I have to do through all the mourning all over again. Not worth it anymore. I really am just waiting............

[Nicolette]

You know, I think too much pressure is placed on 'how you should act' during a holiday. Holidays have become very commercial and the expectations are huge.

Holidays are what you make of them. If you need to make them just another day well I say do so then. It doesn't really matter what others think, it does matter what you think and how you are though.

[ladybug08]

I don't care for holidays too. My sister invited me over for dinner. I did not go. I feel the holidays are for families, not for someone who is alone. I have a 16 year-old, so it not like I refused to hide easter eggs or something. He did go to the dinner. I told him that it was okay for him to go just because I did not feel like going. I feel like I do not belong when I go to dinners, and I try so hard to fit in, but I feel numb, cold and awkward.

[Grama-Herc]

After years of feeling the need to be sure my mom always had a nice holiday, I don't have to worry about it anymore. We have agreed to "just skip it"

In my younger days I could not comprehend how my mother would not celebrate the holidays. I just did not understand.

When I was living isolated and alone the holidays would push me right to the edge. I did not handle them well at all. So when I returned to my home town and could celebrate cuz I was no longer alone it was fun.

As I have aged it has gotten to the point that "NOW" understand why mom would not celebrate the holidays. Our holidays have become so commercialized that I feel like screaming. My mom and I acknowledge the religious holidays of our choice and let the rest of the junk go>

Holidays are difficult on people who are alone because we are letting others dictate to us what is right and proper. Our society has somehow gotten the idea that if you are alone for a holiday there must be something wrong with you.

Where did all of this come from? Why as a society have we created this painful and quite frankly, isolating ritual?

[2tired2deal]

I finally discussed this issue with my therapist before Christmas last year; and I chose a new strategy dealing with holidays. I agree with everyone in that I feel like an island during a major 'family' holiday. For me, it was determined that all the horrible things happened to me during those times; my mom always made a big deal of Christmas, Easter, etc., but then if I received anything, the underlying messages were that I didn't really 'deserve' to have fun, presents, etc. It always killed the day.

I am lucky in that I raised my kids and forced my way through each holiday, hiding (I thought) my depression and the sick hollow feeling inside. Now that I am completely cut off from my family, I choose to non-celebrate. My kids are grown and I've tried to explain why I feel like I do; they're good kids and they try to understand.

I told them I wouldn't 'celebrate' Christmas, and I didn't. Instead, (although I objected) my oldest son and his wife bought stocking things and a present for everyone and we still had a mini celebration, low key and more fun and focused on things like watching old movies and taking walks.
This Easter, I made reservations for my husband and I (who is a wonderful spouse and supportive of me in every way, so I am fortunate) and we went to the beach. No eggs, no chocolate, no bunnies, no false frivolity. I am more relaxed than I've ever been

We all have to decide what is important to our health and recovery and balance that with what our immediate family/friends can tolerate, I guess. That's my view, anyway.

[She Cat]

I think the deal with holidays for me is this......


I was always a giver. I LOVED to give gifts, whether hand made, bought, or freshly baked I loved to give. I always went over board, spent way to much, and went into debt to provide my daughter and grandkids with things I wanted to give them. Now they don't speak to me, I am alone, and they have refused me to ever buy them anything again. For the last 5 yrs, I have been denied the one thing in life that I truly enjoyed.....Making others happy through my giving.

I now hate what has been taken away from me....The pleasure of giving, so I hate holiday's.......

[Grama-Herc]

Oh She

I am so sorry things revolving around the holidays has become a source of saddness for you.

I was the same way with my daughter, when she was with me. When I moved back to my home town I did the same thing for my mother, so I know exactly how much you enjoy the giving.

Family dynamics can get so tangled. I hate that your family is all tangled up in this mess. At least ya got "US"