New - My Husband Diagnosed With PTSD in Iraq

[Zaphara]

My husband came home from Iraq in late January and since he is getting out of the army next month, we both thought it would be better if I stayed in our current home state while he finished out his time in service back at Ft. Lewis, Washington. He was told he had PTSD while in Iraq and when I went to visit him back in February, he seemed fine, the only thing that was concerning was he hated large crowds and had to sit facing the door whenever we went somewhere in public to eat. He drives very reckless and it was very unsettling to me, but it was something I knew would take time to get back into driving again after the way they drove in Iraq. Now, here it is March and he has been delayed once again in coming home. He has grown very distant towards me and quite possibly the rest of his family. He doesn't ever want to get online to talk to me and never really calls unless he has something to say, which is usually only about a 5 min. phone call if I don't have any other business to talk to him about. He'll ignore messages from me, if he gets online its only for a few short minutes which then he'll state outright that he isn't going to be on long, because he's busy, even though its 8 o'clock at night and he isn't working, its like this every time I try to talk to him or message him, I always get the same response. I have done so much research on this to educate myself on PTSD, but have not found that many people experience the distance of a loved one to the point where you just feel like they're not interested and you constantly question if they still love you. This is what I'm having a hard time dealing with. We were so close and now he's so distant with me, its hard not to take offense. Its hard to be patient with someone when you have absolutely no idea what is going on with them, because he just does not communicate with you on anything. I find myself talking to those that are around him at the moment and they all say the same thing, he's not the same, but then again no one comes back the same either. Its a HUGE change and I don't think they realize this. I cannot get them to understand that he's probably trying to act normally, because he doesn't want people to think he's crazy, but towards me he just has the hardest time with showing any kind of affection. I can understand him distancing himself from me, because he thinks I want him to talk about what happened. I don't want him to think this, but I can't get him online or on the phone long enough to tell him such things. I just want to communicate again. I want him to want to talk to me, about anything and everything, even if its to joke around. I know he's not himself and he knows he's not himself either. Please if anyone has any advice for me, please feel free. I am almost out of hope. More importantly, I want someone to ease my fears and tell me that their loved one has done the same thing to them, so I don't feel like I am all alone and its my fault and that he does still love me.:dontknow:

[She Cat]

Hi,

It will take some time and some patience on your part. It will be very hard on you, but remember what he has been through was even tougher.

There is a great carers section here on the forum that i suggest you start reading and posting questions in also, to get their prospective. Plus you can ask questions from the suffers too.

He needs to reach out for help from a therapist, or a Chaplin. Until he does there isn't much that you can do other than try to respect his wishes and to be there when he needs you.

Please take care of yourself too, and seek out therapy if you need to vent your frustrations also......

[sisu]

Hello and welcome,

My boyfriend (currently ex-boyfriend) is doing the same thing. He has shut me out, won't take my calls, sporadically answers my emails and always has an excuse not to do something with me. He says that he is not good enough for me and that I can do better than him because he is flawed, crazy a liar, etc. Funny thing is...all this stuff is recent. We had the perfect relationship until the end of January when his downward spiral began. He was diagnosed with combat ptsd 4 years ago. He was an officer in the Army in desert strom and afghanistan. He was last overseas in 2004. He is working on his medical discharge.

Your husband is acting the same way. I am not getting any where with my ex-boyfriend so I have no great advice in that area. I can only say that you should not allow him to disrespect you. PTSD is not an excuse to treat someone badly. And take care of yourself. Exercise will make you feel good. Do something special for yourself. Make sure he gets treament when he gets home. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts.

Sisu

[armyvet]

hello
i'm an afghanistan/iraq vet and i did the same thing to my wife, we are currently seperated. when i returned from my second tour i was very withdrawn and was to the point of not wanting to even touch my kids( i personally felt as though my hands were dirty) i did'nt want to be around my wife and just totally withdrawn from life in general.
my point is that it had nothing to do with me not loving her anymore,i was just so overwhelmed that i could'nt cope with it all.
just give it some time and let him have his space for awhile until he gets back and gets settled into his new life and calms somewhat.it will be hard,trust me i am well aware of what you face,i've put someone like you through the very same thing.
good luck and god bless
armyvet

[Nicolette]

Welcome Zaphara

What a lovely name!

Feel free to join us in the Carer's section as good advice can be found. I look forward to speaking with you further.

[Cowgirl]

Welcome! I hope you find the help and support you need here. This is a good place to learn.

Sitting facing a door. Yup. That's pretty typical, I think. My DH cannot have his back to a door.

Major depression is a part of PTSD, and when someone is in the midst of a deep depression, it takes too much energy to connect with another person. He cannot joke around when he's in a deep depression.

I know how hard it is not to take it all very personally. Sometimes I do too, especially when my DH flies into a rage. If you can step back from it and tell yourself that it is not about YOU, but about him processing some very horrible and emotionally scarring experiences, it may help you.

The carer's section on this forum is helpful.

Hope your DH is able to get treatment.

:Hug_emoticon:

Cowgirl

[Zaphara]

You guys have no idea what a relief it is to not be the only one who is feeling this way. Thank you for the advice. I did go and read some in the carers forums. They were very helpful as you were too.