Can You Cry? If So, What Do You Cry About?

[spiritofnow]

For a long time I unknowingly held back my emotions.

If I hurt myself I would internalise the pain. If I was hurting emotionally I would hold it all back.

Eventually, all of that holding back became a sea of swallowed up emotions, which settled deep down inside of me. I became as barren as the arid desert.

However, although at times my crying is still a delayed reaction to an emotion or event I can and do cry. I guess the strange thing is that this 'crying game' takes me over at inopportune moments. It feels uncomfortable to be walking down the street and feel overwhelmed by the urgency of oncoming tears. Sometimes I cry so hard that it physically hurts.

I think I am grieving, grieving for lost innocence, lost opportunities, a lost life!

I am grieving, but I am also crying for what I can see ahead of me, I can taste it, smell it and all of my senses are alerted to what is out there, a future perhaps? I just want this 'future' that I never dreamed of, so bad that it makes me cry.

Can you cry? And what do you cry over?

Spirit x

[nic]

I tend to cry more over other people's hurt more than I do my own. I was thinking about this today as I watched the news. I started crying over a story I heard about a family that was killed in a fire yesterday. I always seem to get really emotional over hearing such things, but for some reason, when I think of things that happened to me, I get more numb than anything else.

[morgan]

Hi Spirit. Yesterday my mom told me my step-sister is coming to visit and she is bringing a friend. That triggered me and made me cry. I was afraid and I wanted to get myself a motel room in order to avoid a stranger in my home... my "safe" place. I cried because I was hurt that my mom said yes knowing I don't do strangers very well. I cried cause I felt like nobody understands me. And I cried cause I just didn't want to deal with it all.

Today my step-sister called and said her friend is not coming. Thank God. It seems I cried for nothing.

[pandora]

I used to pride myself on the fact that I could hold it together so well...I think my emotions were somewhat shut off. Although as a kid my mother would scream "STOP CRYING" My father had just died and I was raped by a stranger.....damn who wouldn't cry at 15. Today I cry when i see my son hurting or having a hard time due to his aspergers and tourettes.....today i cried because i feel so alone, abandoned and hurt by people in my life.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I cry when I see horrible things happen to people on the news or in movies. Especially kids. I rarely cry over my pain. I've been trying to make myself cry when I feel pain because it would be releasing a lot of anxiety as apposed to internalizing it.

I'm still working on this like I'm working on trusting my T. Neither of these will happen over night but I've been putting forth the effort. It's not as easy for me to cry in front of people or trust them.

But I believe in time with all of the hard work I'm doing I will over come these obstacles.

Peace
Tammy

[spiritofnow]

I can really relate to you all crying at others peoples' musfortune.
I am also trerrible for crying while I am watching moveis. I watched 'King Kong', the remake with my ex. I cried, sobbed actually so hard that he had to hold me until I settled. he said, 'I don't think we shall be watching that again'. I felt silly for having such an emotional reaction to a story.

It really had an adverse effect on me! I think it was because he was misunderstood and the world responded badly to him, perhaps rather like I feel at times?

Spirit x

[dlross]

I could not cry for many many years. I think I was around 42 when I regained the ability to do so. These days many things will bring me to tears. I have a lot of grieving to do, but it is still hard to allow myself sometimes. I know that if I have not cried for more than a few days I am shut down somehow and will deliberately try to reconnect with myself. Music can be the quickest path back to myself and my tender heart.

Not all tears are tears of pain and sorrow. Sometimes a just the blueness of the sky, or the sparkle of new snow will remind me of a lost awareness that the world is in fact a benevolent place, full of wonders. That can leave me sobbing as well....

[Cecilia]

I have learned not to cry. At my dad's funeral my mother stated "Nobody is crying at this funeral." and we didn't; not even her and they had been married 58 years.

Sometimes I cry if I am angry or extremely embarrassed, but I try to hide so nobody knows.

[Cindy]

I think a good cry is a good release. There have been many times I wished I could cry rather than be so depressed. But honestly, I rarely cry. I think this is normal for us, WE HAVE ALL HAD TO DISCONNECT FROM OUR EMOTIONS FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER.

Reconnecting with our emotions first with other's situations (movie, newspaper, news) I think is the beginning of the emotions returning on test runs.

No cry is a wasted cry, it is releasing something even if we don't know what.

[goingonhope]

Hi spirit x, like this thread.

I cry differently depending on what it is I am crying about and how safe I feel, in doing so. Here at home, I cry over sad events in other people's lives and awful injustices or misfortune and loss, I both witness in the community, and/or watch in true-life movies and on film. When I read a diary here within the forum, I cry. Chiefly I cry over others and mine deep pain, injustices, grief and loss.

When I'm in a lot of emotional pain I cry!

When or if, I believe or feel a loved one, is being seriously indifferent or irrational with or toward me I cry; This type of cry is different however, if ongoing, after too much, I end up sobbing loudly until it hurts, and it's so hard if not impossible to stop crying then; and I can then get so upset with myself and feeling seriously depressed. I can't help but cry with indifference. I know not to pretend and suck it up anymore, it hurts to much and I give myself permission to be natural and let it out. I like to feel alive, connected, and human. I like the hope, insight and clear thinking I find on the other side of a good cry.

I sometimes cry when I'm really, really afraid for someone else, and feel helpless.

When I go on retreats, I pay for a safe opportunity to share with, to be open to and with others, emotionally honest with myself and then I will cry, mostly as much as I need to and can. There, I also witness a great deal of others pain and trauma, and with this I will cry silent tears, because to do otherwise would unfairly create a distraction.

I believe I have developed a great deal of self-control within myself regarding this emotion. Permitting it when it is necessary, acceptable and safe and disallowing it, or regaining control over it when perhaps I would feel humiliated or I have reason to fear others would likely capitalize on, or feel a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment or even empowerment with me and my deep sense of emotional pain and sadness.

I would do everything within my willpower still, ......even feel as if I were choking to death on tears, ......if I had too, and this has been true now for many, many yrs., ......before I'd cry in front of one single member of my family of origin.

The times in which I cannot always cry, only sometimes, and I accept the times in which I can, as a gift half the time, and half the time I'm hard on myself for it, is when I'm wading and wandering all alone in my trauma unable to communicate, having flashbacks or reliving trauma; then to cry in my mind is equal to an invitation to doom; Almost as if someone could and might suddenly appear and remark, "What are you crying about, for ******'s sake, you have nothing to cry about. You want something to cry about. I'll give you something to cry about. You selfish, spoiled, rotten f'n brat, you."
Hey, it sounds like my mother just got her quarter of a cent in.

Anyhow, back to crying. Crying is a wonderful release and a very healthy, normal, natural response to pain!

[sunnydaze]

I have cried when I have read some of the threads and what others have gone through. Sometimes it reminds me of my pain than I cry. I have in the past cried when someone I know was going through bad times but found out as I was crying for them their lives would go on and mine would not. Many these people created their own problems. I am working on letting those things go and not get so involved. I cry when someone has hurt me deeply or when I'm very stressed out. I wake up crying when I have a dream or nightmare about my childhood and the things done to me by my family. Being on anti-depression meds seems to hold back alot of tears that when I want to cry, I can't.
sunnydaze

[pandora]

I cried when my Dad died and my grandpa died, when i found out my grandmother has alzheimers, I cried when I was a teenager that was mostly from fear and ther had the fact that the other people there were inthere 40's 60's, schizophenic..I didn't understand at 16. i am upset a and cried when my dads family abandoned me as well as the youth group leaders and then my Mom. I cried when I left my first husband, and following two relations,(escpeciall my second husband) I cried when my son was diagagnosed with atismn, tourettes and diagnosed with my back injury and found out I could be in a wheelchair someday I creied when anexboyfriendf tather died...too similare to my Dad......that is when my PTSD went out of contorl..I cried for my brother he got married in my church,I might have been more jealous, i have cried when people threw me away like a piece of gargabe. I cried when my baby died and when my son was born....god those are a lot of things there to worry about....I cried this morning with my epiruals, nerve and joint blocks.....wow..I feel like that is a lot too crier over for real reasons.

[pandora]

Sorry about the spelling...too sedatd stillfrom my day procedure.

[Thornyrose]

I tend to cry more over other people's hurt more than I do my own. I was thinking about this today as I watched the news. I started crying over a story I heard about a family that was killed in a fire yesterday. I always seem to get really emotional over hearing such things, but for some reason, when I think of things that happened to me, I get more numb than anything else.

I am the same -I feel huge empathy for people who have gone through horrible things, but am completely numb and cut off from myself. Its almost like I get a chance to by-proxy my feelings of sadness. But I don't cry unless I am feeling utterly out of control and having bad self-hatred feelings which I can't deal with, and its frustration I feel at these times, not sadness. (If I ever start to feel sad for myself, I make sure to feel angry instead, that way I am strong enough to get on with things)

[2tired2deal]

Now that I've started back into intense therapy, I cry at the drop of a hat. My T claims it's because I'm 'allowing' my grief, from the past, to come forward. I'm in a safe place now, so I can. But darn, it's annoying.

[tude]

Hmm...how honest do I want to be?

Crying makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Needless to say, I don't cry very often. When I do, it's hidden or suppressed.

I shed tears when the Chicago Bulls won their second and third championship titles. I was overwhelmed by their achievement won through teamwork, commitment, and hard work.

I have cried at funerals. More accurately, I have cried grieving the deaths of two friends in their twenties. I shed tears at the funerals of grandparents.

I cried deeply on Sept. 11th. I have yet to watch any documentary or movie about that day.

I didn't cry or even shed tears last April when I ended a four-year relationship. Hmm?

Immense gratitude and feeling forgiven has made me tearful.

This year, I think I've cried more than I have in the last decade. What the hell?!

[2Peanut]

Maybe this sounds really weird, but even when I feel like crying, nothing comes out. Sometimes tears will come out but I'll never be flat out crying or sobbing because no noise can come out. It's trapped in my throat. I think maybe it comes from having to hold back my tears for so many years while being abused. I remember crying in my bedroom growing up but intentionally forcing myself to stay quiet and not make any noise because I didn't want them to hear me. Now as an adult, there have been many times when I have wanted to cry but couldn't do it because it would get stuck inside me.

[pandora]

Thinking more about it...I do cry now more and now understand that people NEED to express these emotions and it s healthy....I always ask my son (though, this is also a reminder because i have really had to teach him over and over proper ways to know how to deal with his emotions) i just had an aha moment..beingin the nursing field, well as a professional RN since 1994 and as a volunteer on and off for about 3 years, visited my Dad for extended periods over 4 years, "lived" in the psychiatry ward in the same hospital my Dad died in...I have seen and learned a lot of different people, their behaviours, emotions, fright, anger, sadness, grief, sorrow, hatred, death experiences, birth experiences...I met so many people old and young...My favorite was geriatric (that was where I volunteered) That me why I am so understanding........back to the reason for the post.......

I think my life has prepared me to have a child with a social disability and that I have been told I have the patience of a saint......He really is doing well considering and I am seeing concern, empathy, symapthy, typical 12 year old behaviour too....I am going to look into getting more help and give up my pride for a while...I am too exhausted. THE CRYING....gosh, i can't focus. I do cry more and have had to teach it and make emotions understood, when you don't you end up like me at 36...I have chronic gastritis, IBS, GERD...wonderful stomach ailments and bowel problems. I am thankful that my son is getting the best care and GOD gave me all the tools I need to ensure he is a well liked, caring, respected and respectful to everyone, especially woman, he needs more independence........He has no problem crying.......al least he tells me everything he soesn't need stomach problems, mine started when my Dad died......22 years ago. At least I can cry now and I feel the release, not the guilt for feeling weak and I know my son is benefiting. I used to hide it...I finally learned it was ok for him to see me. I try to make light of the situation and we kind of make it a joke...and i tell him woman sometimes act crazy...he just laughs and he will actually comment that he is happy I am not Grandma....he loves her but her behaviour is confusing to her too but for 12, he is quite insightful. Maybe there has been a reason for my life!!!! I will ensure my child will be the best he can be. I would also love it if one day we lived in the same home, in different areas or next door neighbors.....oh someday to feel safe and secure in a home i can consider mine and be so proud of....rambling I will always make him my reason.....to keep moving forward. At least I know he is ok.....he has regressed and developed more ocd symptoms, more asthma attacks, sleep even worse, routine totally screwed, more facial and throat clearing tics with constant humming or singing ( he was taking his pills without a reminder) I hope when we fnally have a place to go to....i actually really like it and can make it my home...that makes us feel safer and it will be just us again....he needs his schedule and stability back. UUUGGGHHHH....I really want to say something negative but i won't so of course my nose is burning and the tears are welling up. Time to stop rambling anyway.

[superpcp]

I cant cry. And it really bugs me, because it is so much of a healthy normal release, but I somehow cant do it. Some day I will bawl my eyes out, and I hope it comes soon!

[Cindy]

Crying is the hardest emotion for me (well, maybe second to anger) but it is so rare. If tears are ever present in therapy my therapist immediately responds with body language and intensity because it is usually a core issue.

I cried twice this week. Once for the loss I feel about a life that was or could have been. Second, total frustration of living the life that I do every minute of every day.

Both realities of now that can't be changed, not that I see now.

[dust]

Spirit,

Love this too :)

I'm such a cry baby - have cried every day for the past 1 1/2 years... most recently the tears have become a less painful experience and a source of great relief (a bit like dreams).

dust

[spiritofnow]

I am so gald that what I feel is so relevant to others'.

Thank you all so much for your responses :-)

Spirit x

[monkee]

I cry often now. It has not always been this way. I laugh at inappropriate things too, things that would make some people cry.

The night my father passed away my uncle told me not to cry because my mother needed me to be strong. I was 13 when that happened. I think it short circuited my ability to express emotions in a normal way... whatever normal is

[Roo]

There's so much in this thread that's sparking recognition in me. Needing to be silent ... the throat-lumps ... the mix of grief and rage that stews for a lifetime ... welling up over commercials and cute teddy bears and babies and new leaves in Spring while becoming numb and narcotic at the thought of crying for your own pain ... total empathy for others and none for yourself. God, it's crazy-making...

I feel like I need to have my psyche cracked open like a coconut to really cry. Often I am taken over in an instant; it's like being hit really hard on the head and I just react. It happened after the funeral visitation for my mother, when only a few close family members were present and the casket was opened. I threw out a sound, doubled over and sobbed while babbling along with my sister about how beautiful our dead mother looked. A few weeks later, I went to my now-husband (we were very new together at the time) and tucked myself into him and let howl -- the whole-body cry. I felt it building up that time.

I remember how lucid and strong I felt during that period after my mother died -- in part because I was feeling so much; the feelings were just coming and going like weather systems. I felt clear inside -- hard to put words to -- clear as in transparent and not weighed down with the usual crap.

Sometimes I just think that I'm reeeally constipated emotionally...:rofl::think:

I get such a huge laugh out of the movie Something's Gotta Give. Diane Keaton's character howls her heart out...and under the hilarity, my own heart is hammering at the bars of her cage.

I have witnessed, so many times, tears coursing down the cheeks of loved ones, and I'm ashamed to say that my first reaction is usually a thought, a sort-of question: I don't get it...how can you can cry like that...

I dunno...sometimes I just think I'm missing an ability to weep naturally. Does anyone else feel this?

[goingonhope]

I dunno...sometimes I just think I'm missing an ability to weep naturally. Does anyone else feel this?

Hi Roo, Yes, sometimes now for shorter periods of time, I am unable to cry and so I don't. Rather, I accept it and without getting down on myself about it. It's not our fault; It's not within our control. Still, sometimes being able for me to cry does pass, but I'm confident and happy with its return.

And, I had lost the ability to cry naturally, for longer more significant periods of time, but again it returned.

Many, many yrs. back I felt and believed that this ability to cry naturally was lost to me and lost forever. I was pleasantly relieved to find, it wasn't.

Take Care, Roo :wink:


Hope

[goingonhope]

I cry nearly every time I read from "Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul" aloud to my children and I. At these time I don't cry loudly or anything, but the tears simply fall from my eyes and my mouth kind of frowns downward and my lips shiver a bit. (LMAO right now). Can't believe I'm sharing this here. (funny)

Anyhow, ....so cute, sometime in the last two days, my daughter she was actively listening to the story but watching me. Later she tells me, she loves stories, because she anticipates how they end. But after I had finished this one particular story she stated this is so sad and wrapped her arms around me, shed some tears and all the while inviting my comfort. I gave her a great big hug and held her, and then we moved onto the next story. She loves me reading her stories.

My son on the other hand, and this was another time, story and day, found himself steadily gazing into my eyes at the stories completion. He has these great big, lovely, brown eyes, but he is generally so active that those present moments then of his long ...I mean long, steady gaze of his felt brandnew. Yes, tears had silently been flowing down my face, but again so long, intense and him speechless. I remarked, what is so interesting that you're looking at. Giving him a smile and trying to be humorous, is there something on my face. He said, No Mommy, I see Jesus. He's living in you. Om, his words though they made me feel happy and believable, were also hard to believe at the same time, and made me want to ball my eyes out, ......but I didn't.

My husb.'s a member of the forum and I know he won't mind me saying this here, but sometime in the last week or two, he really surprised me and said that a movie I had rented brought him to tears. Him telling me this made me very happy.

IMHO, tears are a beautiful thing. Yes, at certain times they need to be contained, as in many places of employment and professionalism, but at home with family, or out with family and friends, or even places of worship, they need to be allowed to naturally flow out.

There were those yrs. however, I did not do much crying. Very little, perhaps for that matter; Sometimes still months return like this. It wasn't/isn't my fault at these times. Yet, now I can do something about it. I can consciously choose to look beyond and beneath my fear, sometimes terror and anger that to easily can freeze my tears and effectively render me helplessly numb. I not only give others permission to cry and can witness and be there for them, but I've given myself permission to look, to see and to cry.

Crying is a beautiful gift that can belong to all of us. Generally, I accept and receive this gift, but I can't and I don't make it happen. And, in certain instances I do still hold back tears and postpone perhaps hoping for a better, more suitable time.

Now, those tears and crying that are forced and are made to happen, as if on timing, at convienece, will and decision those, IMHO, seem to seek to serve a different purpose. I mention these, because they do exist and I've witnessed them in action in prior yrs. and have since learned to see right through them for what they are.

In addition, making mention of this here now, has reminded me, even yrs. later of some of my past, ....Real sadness, grief, illness, fear and trauma, where I was ridiculed, humiliated, accused of making believe and demanding attention and consequently attacked simply for asking for sincere help, direction to help, and all while in helplessness and tears. The chief one responsible then for invoking such feelings of degradation and despair then was my mother, who by the way, seemed rather able to cry at will depending, what then felt to me like, upon the amount of guilt she was willing to instill.

[Trent]

I have buried my emotions for so long that I do not cry about the things you might expect. I put the emotions in those little memory boxes where all the bad things are stored.

The tears come when one of those memory boxes is disturbed. If your story bumps up against one of those boxes .... tears.

If I try to tell part of my story .... tears, panic, and shaking

If someone says a kind word and a time when a box is open ... tears.

I have distanced myself from almost everyone emotionally to protect against the pain of loss. I stay away from the places of abuse ( a long way away, like not even going into those states). And I've developed certain safe ways to talk about events ... but sometimes the emotions get out of control if I'm in my "safe way of talking" and I see a note of empathy in someone's eyes ... tears.

Women can find excuses for the tears, but it makes people suspicious of guys. What a wimp.

[spiritofnow]

Trent,
You are brave and strong in my books.

To cry shows much bravery and compassion for yourself. I do understand the dichotmoy between gender expectations and specific emotions. Irregardless, of gender you are a human being, and are designed the same way as us females. You are designed to release your emotions in this way. Forget about the social norms of society, and join me on the sofa with a good old weepy film, and a box of tissues :-)

Let us all cry and get all snotted up!

Spirit x

[graebrahm]

Hi - I find that if I am on an anti-depressant that I can't cry and when I am completely off them I am able to cry when I need to release. For this reason, I am off my anti-depressant but could really use it for the positive side of the drug. Anybody else notice this?

[harrywgtn]

This week i can cry at the drop of the hat. Had the church people knock on my door todat telling me how i can be saved. Then they went on to tell me there are alot of bad people in the world now. and continued to Tell me about a pedophile leaving next door to her and that she had kids etc.
i burst into tears and shut the door. Is was just to close to home, its now runined my whole day. It has shaken me so much.
I also seem to cry for other people

[Bulldog36]

I well up at my T sessions every now and again, not really a good cry. I cry when I am set off by a trigger, well actually I ball like a baby. I have to say as aweful and frightening as it is for me, I get a strange sence of relief once its over. The total energy drain actually feels good, this happens to me on my meds however in situations where I would have cryed before I dont on my meds.