Relying on a Loved One; God Send or Big Mistake?

[KT229]

I'll try to summarize and get to the question. I'm at the doorstep of a nervous break down; a long-time friend that is interested in more than friendship for quite sometime; I allow into my life; I want to say that on many occassion he was between me and the edge of a cliff; he holds me when I need to be held; tells me everything is going to be ok; he brings me back to the here and now when I'm headed for another "moment" because something or someone has triggered it. I'm thankful that he's been there for me and nothing scares me more. I think I've become too dependent on him as far as me working on dealing with my triggers, emotions, etc. I feel afraid when he's not around; I'm scared that I can't deal with things on my own. And the BIG WHAT IF he leaves and all that goes with that as well as the fact that I've relied on him so much to get me through. I feel as if I've put my life in his hands. I couldn't begin to define what is healthy in a relationship. Soooo; has anyone else done the same and if so what has happened as the result; or if you advise that this isn't a healthy thing to keep doing how should I change it?

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Yes, I've done the same thing. We used each other in different ways. I used him for strength and he used me because he was lonely. He wanted to be more than friends but I told him that I wasn't interested. He didn't care and we stayed freinds for 3 more years.

Even after he got married he still called me and we would talk about our problems and the positive things.

Eventually my husband said I can't have a friendship with him any longer so it ended.

There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a life time. When you figure out which it is you will know exactly what to do.

Just cherish what you have while you have it, as long as your both honest with each other in your motives as to why you are friends. That way no one gets hurt.

Peace
Tammy

[Nicolette]

There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a life time. When you figure out which it is you will know exactly what to do.

I agree with Tammy on this point. The reason and seasons can sometimes be painful as the person shifts out of your life but with hindsight (looking back at why they were in your life and what you learned) comes enlightenment.

[Lucky Laser]

I'm not so sure what a healthy relationship is either... I'm not sure I've ever been in one! But all I can do at this point is my best. Sometimes I feel like I rely on my husband too much... I'd known him for about three years before I could admit that I was in love with him and once that happened all my fears kind of just blew up in his face. Up until then he'd always maintained that he would stick by my side forever no matter what. I told him that being with me wasn't going to be easy... that I should come with a huge disclaimer stamped on my forehead... and after seeing me at my worst he still insisted that we would work at things together. He told me that even knowing my worst he still made that choice to stay with me and that because he made that choice that's why I don't need to run away or worry that I am too much (I trust him to tell me when I become too much).

So I guess the thing to ask yourself is why does this person do so much for you, is it for the right reasons, and does that person feel like its their choice or an obligation? From what you write, it seems like a choice and if that's the case I would say to trust him but ALSO work as hard as you can to get yourself better so that all the energy he put into helping you seems like it did some good. I know that a big frustration for my husband is thinking that none of his efforts have helped me. I assure him as often as I can that even if it doesn't seem like it, he's made a HUGE difference in my thinking.

If you are not more than friends and he wants that and you do not... that could become another complex issue so it might be good to make sure you are both aware of where you stand on that one.

I also agree with Seeking_Nirvana and Nicolette; find your reasons for things and cherish what you have right now. :)

[upstream]

I think all 4 of you are extremely lucky. I don't know what it would be like to have someone treat me as good as that, but I can't imagine throwing it away.

[pandora]

Phew......My roommame just came in....we talked for a few minutes. My IBS just kicked in with wicked stamach cramps...life WTF??

I need a break!!!!!! My body is not healthy. This is crazy Iam only 36!

[pandora]

OMG....I am so sorry....I thought I was in my diary!!!!!..What a way to embarass myself!!!! I have to laugh....or I might cry!!! Sorry! My brain is not working too well.....