Just Wanna Run Away

[veiled_misery]

I was in mexico for the past 6 days and I came back last night to my mom... Of course it was nice and all at first, but we get to talking about a new girl in my life and I ask her if she can stay over sometimes (i like this girl in a different way than any before, idk how to explain the feelings, we click so well, might be cuz we both have ptsd and she's bi polar and were both add.. lol, love her for it all).. and my mom said that im not 'mature' enough in other areas to handle growing in that area so 'fast'... Even though ive had sex with a few girls already many times and she knows this... along with the fact that ive pretty much been taking care of myself all year even though im still in high school, she's never around and i dont really mind it but how dare she say im not mature enough when she doesnt even know me.

The trip to mexico made me realize how stressed my mom makes me, even though she can be really nice, she also tries to micro manage and get all in my business when shes never around in the first place... Is it really that unreasonable to ask that a girl that you like a lot can stay over sometimes?

/vent

[Lucky Laser]

This is kind of a difficult question for me. On the one hand, my Mom also likes to micro manage things and I know how frustrating it can be to not be allowed to have something that seems completely innocent like that. On the other hand, now that I'm older I am starting to recognize that parents have a lot of fear about doing things right with their children and to them, high school seems like a really young age so its hard to blame them for being a little edgy on some things.

I'm 27 and it wasn't until recently that my Mom started making the switch from being really parental to being more of a guide and friend. It was (and still is) difficult for her to let me be an individual on some issues. But over time it happens.

That said, without knowing more about you and your mother I can't really say if your request is unreasonable. It sounds fair, and goodness knows I've pushed for similar things and been told I'm not mature enough, but I can't deny lately the discovery that some of the "unfair" things my parents did had good reason.

Can you talk to your Mom and perhaps find out a little more about her reasoning?

[NotDepressed]

When you get out on your own and have your own place, you can have any girlfriend sleep over. Until then, mom's house, mom's rules. Arguing about it will just cause more stess and drama. Sounds like Mexico was fun.

[2quilt]

If you are still in highschool you should really be careful of sleepovers; accidents happen all the time and you two may not be ready for pregnancy.

I was careful and the rubber broke and I got pregnant. I really regretted having sex so young, when I did it because it felt so good physically, but I really could not see myself with him when we celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary.

The urge for sex is very strong, but sleepovers are a bad idea for people who are still in school and have no "real job" or enough education to be independent from their parents. Pregnancy can happen to you! STD's can happen to you too, and they stay with you much longer than pregnancy.

[veiled_misery]

I don't get her reasoning how I'm not mature enough, it's not as if I haven't had sex before, it's not as if I haven't been in a relationship, and it's not as if I haven't already had sex with a girl there while she was sleeping.. I woulda thought she could put a few things together but I guess she never did... I get the whole, it's her house her rules deal, but saying I'm not mature enough is ridiculous... The woman doesn't even know me that well anymore, it's basically like I live separately, I'm on a side wing of the house, separate from her side.. But I guess that's too much to ask, especially with the assumption that we're automatically gunna have sex... It's not like I can't have sex in the day or somewhere else...

I can't talk to mom at the moment because we're not on talking terms right now. I'll be visiting my lady friend tomorrow so I won't talk to my mom for a while, which I'm fine with because she won't explain or budge she's just stubborn enough to expect me to collapse which I'm sick of doing. I tried to understand her reasoning more, but she just said the same stuff about my maturity and that she was done talking about it.

I guess she's just having a lot of trouble letting go, but I'd think she'd be better about it seeing how she's gone so much and how I take care of myself. I look at it as only fair to ask when I pitch in on an independent level that's much different from the relationships all my friends have with their parent(s)

Thanks for your views... and yea Mexico was a lot of fun, nice and warm, wild night life, and real nice people.

[Cowgirl]

I'm going to give you the view from the outside of this. You can take it or leave it, of course.

Having sex is not a sign of maturity. Anyone who has gone through puberty can have sex. Anymore, that means that people 10, 11, 12 - and they are not mature by any stretch of the imagination.

Going on vacation is not a sign of maturity.

Maturity is about being independent and able to stand on your own two feet. Someone living with mom, whether 12, 17, or 53, is NOT mature.

Once you move out on your own, get your own place, and have a job with which you can support yourself and any child you might create, then you are, arguably, mature. Until that point, you are immature and simply think you are mature.

[morgan]

Cowgirl, that was a very judgemental statement and I resent it. I am 40 years old and live with my parents, not because I am immature but because I have PTSD and cannot work. You say you want to understand PTSD well understand this: It can be very dibilitating (SP?). That's all I can say right now cause I'm so angry I couldn't even read the other threads.

VM, We don't really know you so it's hard to comment on your level of maturity but, even I have to abide by my parents rules. Thay probably just don't have as many rules as your mom does. It really is hard to be seen as an adult at your age. We've all been there.

[Cowgirl]

Morgan,

I'm sorry if you feel I was being judgmental. I probably should not have said that a 53 year old living with parents is immature. I probably should have qualified that latter age and suggested that the person MIGHT be immature.

Clearly, though, a kid in high school who is still living with a parent is not mature enough to be sleeping with someone and potentially having children - that unfortunate (or fortunate) potential side effect of the activity.

Yes, we've all been there. We all thought we were very mature. We all eventually grow up and look back and realize we were not mature. It is the nature of being a teenager.

[sunnydaze]

I agree mom's house mom's rules. When my daughter was a teenager we had a big fight and both went to hitting each other. She had her dad call the police on me but after they saw my scratches and bruises they turned it around on her. They told her as long as you live in your mom's house she had to obey me. The Sargent said even if your 50 if your mom says go to your room you are to go.
I got married at 17 to get out of the house. I was going to show my parents how wrong they were as far as raising children. They were wrong but I was know better at that age. I was going to get pregnant right away. It is a good thing I didn't have children then. My parents agreed for me to get married because I told them, I would not stay a virgin if they didn't. Well, I never returned home from that day on that I walked out but it was a difficult life due to my immaturity. We wound up divorced 5 years later. He was basically a real good guy but my PTSD and other mental issues showed how mentally immature I was. I regret to this day getting my 1st divorce. He was my 1st love. My 3rd marriage now, I also have a good husband who is very understanding of my problems at least the ones I share with him or he knows because of the way I'm acting. I can truly say I wasn't mature to get married till I was 46 years old.
suunydaze

[veiled_misery]

I'm going to give you the view from the outside of this. You can take it or leave it, of course.

Having sex is not a sign of maturity. Anyone who has gone through puberty can have sex. Anymore, that means that people 10, 11, 12 - and they are not mature by any stretch of the imagination.

Going on vacation is not a sign of maturity.

Maturity is about being independent and able to stand on your own two feet. Someone living with mom, whether 12, 17, or 53, is NOT mature.

Once you move out on your own, get your own place, and have a job with which you can support yourself and any child you might create, then you are, arguably, mature. Until that point, you are immature and simply think you are mature.

My mom owns this house, I most of the caring for it. She leaves in the early am and is usually gone til late PM. It's pretty much my house, she isn't an involved parent anymore... Also, when I graduate in May I have a job lined up at a very reputable hotel/restaurant, which pays plenty to afford my own apartment and then some. I worked there before, I've only recently taken a break from working to focus on getting through the last 2 months of school because juggling both was driving me insane, especially with the hours of this place, and the type of school I go to.

So I'm sorry, I'm not your typical high schooler, I'm not a mooch whatsoever.

I may not be the most mature, and trust me I'm not, I f**k up a lot, but I'm much more mature than she gives me credit for.. Especially since she doesn't even know me anymore.

Also, just because she doesn't come over doesn't mean sex isn't happening, my mom knows I have sex so that's not the real reasoning...

Honestly if she doesn't want her sleeping her cuz we might have sex while she's here, then I'm cool with that, but I don't see why she can't just spend the night to get away from her environment (like I said she's got a lot of similar mental stuff as me)...

[Monarch]

I have kids and I wouldn't want my teenaged son having sex in my house, that says " I am ok with this". At least she is putting it out there and telling you that she is not OK with it because no matter how old you think you are, you are still her kid and parents don't want to think about what is going on in the other room. She might know you are having sex but it is different when it is in your house.

Honestly, and i am going to get on my high horse for a minute and I may look bad for doing this but I have PTSD and I have a stressful professional job, a house and 2 kids and I can do it because I work my ass off at healing this shit that has been put upon me every god damn day! If you have a problem you have to deal with it head on or stick your head in the sand, if you stick your head in the sand then I can't feel sorry for you.

[veiled_misery]

It is not my intent to have her sleep over to have sex with her, that can be done anywhere. Just to get her away from her environment.

Well I guess it doesn't matter, I'm being sent to a mental place tomorrow this should be great

[NotDepressed]

Mexico to a mental place in the period of a couple weeks? Bummer. Hope it helps, though. Use the time to get to your best place possible.