Inside or Outside?

[Cindy]

I'm curious.

Reflecting on my journal and my choices I have realized on week ends when I am home and safe I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary. If I do leave, it is something really great or a "duty" like my mother. I feel safest inside.

However, I love the outdoors. The air, sky, and nature sounds. When I have the worst flashbacks or nightmares I sometimes find myself outside unsure of how I got there or go outside desperately seeking air and seeing that limitless sky - as soon as possible to ground, focus and settle down.

It seems wierd to me to have both ends be so comforting. I use to be outside more than I was in and very active. Now I have many sedentary hobbies and interests. It's like I've built this caccoon around me.

[nic]

I'm like this, too. I like nothing more than to sit at a beach during the off-season, enjoying the breeze, watching the clouds, and feeling the sand between my fingers. Yet getting there is another story. I often have to force myself to do anything more than the simple trip to the store, esp, during the weekend. It sucks that I have to take Ativan in order to do somthing that I love to do.

[Cindy]

:smile: I love the beach and your description of the sand through your fingers... oooh

I'm not at the point of taking meds to get out the door - sometimes to go to work though.:wink:

It's wierd having both ends and no inbetween.

[sunnydaze]

I like the inside more when the weather is cold, rainy or snowing. I hope to get out more walking the dog soon. Last year, I pushed myself to go in the backyard with the grandson as he loves the outdoors. I am afraid to go to the malls, parks ect with and without him. I worry of the time it takes to buckle him up in the car that someone will use this to their advantage of attacking or robbing me. Years ago the mall up the street from me a woman was killed. She had her children with her and went to get the car to pick them up by the door never to return. She was found a few days later abused and dead. I do not like being alone wandering around in case I am confronted by a weirdo.
I have gone to the mall in the past but couldn't find my car and wound up in a area unfamiluar on how I got there or where I was. I also have a phobia of getting bit by a mosquito and getting sick or diseased.
sunnydaze

[pandora]

I am planning to walk again....for some reason i love being outside too..I have to have pepper spray but I am often with someone because i don't seem to isolate so much in the summer. There are more activities and the only sport my son likes is swimming and I can do that.

[She Cat]

I am not an outdoor person, never have been. I used to love to sunbath but being old and fat, you will not see me in a bathing suit...LOL!!!! I tend to like being alone inside, and I understand not wanting to go out unless I absolutely have too.....

[Nicolette]

From what I have read on this forum over time I tend to believe the 'nomadic' or indoor type lifestyles people on here live are largely due to PTSD. This then leads me to believe the choice then comes down to coping mechanisms whether sub-conscious or conscious rather than a premeditated lifestyle choice. Take PTSD away and what lifestyle would you then choose to lead?

[Cindy]

Outside and physically active. But first I would have to lose Mega pounds and get my muscles back. Recently, I have come to a decision to try and get my physical body under control and to stop ignoring what I eat and start to walk each day atleast once to get out, try to tune in to my surroundings and listen to the world outside again. Look for the little things, the sound of the wind, a bird singing, smell the fresh rain .....

[linasmom]

If I didn't have PTSD, I would be outside all of the time. I love the beach, the mountains, even my backyard! But lately, I can barely step out onto the back porch. I just want to be inside with my pajamas on.

[morgan]

If I didn't have PTSD I'd be outside more too. I love to explore nature. Especially around water, like creeks and falls and the ocean, lakes, etc... I also love animals (dogs) and they need to run around and smell things. I love to watch them. I don't hardly leave the house anymore either.

[pandora]

Well...I was starting to write about my back...that is causing more...I really think I would be handing it better without the back injury...in fact was two return two years ado and them bam....this back.


I am relearning to train my thoughts and living with the emotional spects,,,,I deal with fifromylgia and chronic pain, with IBS, vomiting, hyerpivigelence too....more of this is controlled with deap breathing and meditation. I would have my body back..it would help with my patience with my son with aspergers, I would say I am managing it but if I think i could some how... nurse and.eel again...it would help my self esteem.....I would be totally independant....I wouldn't doubt every thought that passed through my head, I wouldn't fear everyone especially men and not want to leave home either...glad to know I am no the only one.

[She Cat]

I personally don't know who or what I would be or do if I didn't have PTSD. I have had it most of my life, so I don't know anything else.

What I would like......Would to have been a better person when I was younger, not as crazy and off kilter. I would have been a better mother without PTSD. I would have been kinder to myself and body.

I may have liked the outdoors more...Who knows????

[dlross]

I am also most comfortable alone at home, or alone deep in the wilderness. I never quite relax if there is even one person around. I am always keyed to meeting whatever needs / requirements they may have, even if it is just to converse with them. And when I do relax, I mostly just cry my heart out.

When I am in the forest, I know my place in the universe and everything makes sense. I know I am a part of everything I see hear smell feel. Cities are alienating at the best of times. Feeling alone in the midst of a world of people is crushing. Being alone with no one around is effortless, and feels natural to me. I enjoy my own company at least some of the time.

I am feeling like I am sliding away from even those I am most connected to at the moment. I don't even want to see my niece and nephew. It is an effort to communicate. Time to get my meds checked I guess.

I am 47. I don't actally believe my social deficits can be compensated for at this point. I just need to learn to get by. Sorry if some of this is off the point...

A life other that what I have always known remains quite unimaginable.

[Portabella]

When I am having a normal day I like inside. However when I am PTSDing hard, I cannot stand to be inside. I have learned to sleep inside, I used to lay outside to sleep. No, I am not kidding.

[Cindy]

Some of my worse nights, I survived by dragging my sleeping bag out onto the pool deck and curling up under the starry sky. I would at least get 1 or 2 hours of rest before the sun rose. Out under the sky you are free to run. Inside you can get trapped.

[Shoshin]

When I was a teen and even younger I self-medicated by disappearing into the woods for hours at a time, sometimes all day and even a couple times sleeping out...I grew up in the country, camping, river floating, hiking, so the outdoors have always been a refuge for me, unless there are people around--then my defenses are up and I am like a soldier on guard duty.

I no longer live in the country. When I am at home and cannot escape in my truck to camp or hike, I like to be holed up in my office, at least lately...and that's where I am now, in my fortress of solitude...

[linasmom]

I personally don't know who or what I would be or do if I didn't have PTSD.


That breaks my heart because I feel the same way. I don't know about you, but I've always felt that I was supposed to be someone else, and instead I'm me - full of PTSD. Because all of my traumas happened during my childhood, I feel like I was never given a chance to become what it was that I was supposed to be or do in life. It really saddens me.

[Cindy]

I understand feeling the many identities within ourselves. I also grieve for the person I once was before knowing she will never return the same. As someone said on here, something snapped or got broken, and will always be that way.

Accepting that and looking at what is left and making something up from there is a piece of the recovery. Determining who you are now and what you can do for yourself and others is now the question. What is it you really want for yourself? We all have to choose despite where we came from or what you carry within. Picking a job, lifestyle, living arrangements all reflect our needs of who we are today.

[2tired2deal]

That breaks my heart because I feel the same way. I don't know about you, but I've always felt that I was supposed to be someone else, and instead I'm me - full of PTSD. Because all of my traumas happened during my childhood, I feel like I was never given a chance to become what it was that I was supposed to be or do in life. It really saddens me.


Exactly. That's the club I belong to. Exactly. :Hug_emoticon:

[sunnydaze]

To even think about going into the woods myself or sleeping out at night by myself, I couldn't imagine. My stomach turned as I read some of these replies of doing such. That is the difference between us as individuals, some find comfort and some face fear of just the thought of it.
sunnydaze

[Jet]

I love being outdoors. I am happiest when I am hiking, camping, fishing, at the beach, gardening or some such thing. When I am outside my spirit feels calmer...more at peace.

I really can't stand to be inside...I always feel caged and trapped, sort of claustrophobic (no matter how large or small the space is). Sometimes it is ok, can be nice and cozy but for the long haul...yuck. Unfortunately inside is where I spend most of my time. Being outside is wonderful...getting there is the difficult part. I even have trouble getting my dog out for a walk. Being in the city does not help as I always feel like I am on overload.

We are talking about buying a home next year and are seriously considering going east of the mountains (or more accurately, to the mountains), almost to the Canadian border. About 20-30 minutes outside of a mid-sized town. We both like the idea of being able to go outside and see nature as opposed to skyscrapers.

[Cindy]

When I'm outside I feel free and part of the cosmos. I tune into the sounds around me. It always gives me a global perspective outwards rather than an inward focus.

But there are times I prefer the smallness and safety of indoors to reflect inwards. Honestly, and sometimes brood or marinate.

One of my favorite things to do outside is go to a State Park near home and sit next to the stream at a picnic table with a large coffee and write in my journal. It is so peaceful. :wink:

[Anonymoose]

Sometimes I don't want to leave my bed; other times I can't stand to be at home. It depends on how my symptoms are affecting me. I do observe that my symptoms sometimes make my decisions for me.