Newly Diagnosed - Me and my Child Have PTSD

[becvan]

Hi!

I'm Bec. Nice to meet you.

I was diagnosed with complex PTSD about two months ago (i'm in my thirties) and to make things worse my 11 year old son has been diagnosed with PTSD also.

I'm a Social Service Worker myself and work in the same field as my therapist!!! (nasty eh?)

I'm in EMDR therapy but they had to suspend it and are going to medicate me in the next week or so. My son has his own therapist.

I feel like a crazy person!!! I'm not happy.

Anyways, that's me.

Bec

[Farmer]

Hi bec nice to meet you:) There are a few people here with two in the family so I'm sure you'll find an ear here.

[veiled]

Welcome Bec, I am sure you will find understanding here, we all feel a bit crazy. Why did they chose to suspend the EMDR and opt for meds? I had heard EMDR was successful and promising.

[becvan]

Its very promising for PTSD; however, Complex PTSD isn't that simple. The EMDR caused me to have an Emotional Break with Reality (cry jags, severe depression etc...). They are medicating me to help with this while trying to figure out a strategy..:drugs:

I have Complex PTSD from early childhood right throught to three months ago (so many events that I can't keep track) and I have been diagnosed with this THREE times!! The first time I was 15 and they didn't have a name for it then, the second when I was 23 and I wasn't told anything but a name (they never even suggested I follow up on it!!) and then lastly a few months ago. Mine is what she calls "severe and chronic" as in there is no remission (as of yet, I'm hoping though.)

So, now I'm trying to get educated, build support and manage this frickin thing. (I'm down to umm... three people for support and have become COMPLETELY anti-social. So there are challenges.. well we all hae them don't we??? :smile:

Bec

[YoungAndAngry]

Welcome Bec :)

[veiled]

I am hoping they find something that works for you! This site can do nothing but help you on the journey with the ups and downs.

[anthony]

Hi Bec, and welcome to the forum.

Now you have me curious, in that you have PTSD and your 11 year old son. How did you both get PTSD? Is your sons PTSD a direct consequence of your PTSD or is this more to do with a relationship previously?

I see you have had issues with EMDR. I am not surprised to be honest, and I have no idea why the therapist was performing EMDR upon you actually if your at the severe end of the PTSD spectrum. Why? Because from what I know about EMDR from the leading world experts who where part of the creation and implementation of EMDR, is that it is not recommended for severe trauma because of the deep mental issues that significant trauma inflicts upon our brains, thus EMDR could cause exactly what has happened for you, and even worse again, basically turning people into vegetables mentally because too much is released with no real control barriers in place. This is why CBT and other methods are used, especially for military and those who have suffered prolonged trauma, ie. childhood abuse, because the risks of damage far surpass the benefits of EMDR in these circumstances.

Bec, to be honest, before you go and get yourself into a whole nother realm of issues with medication, I would actually look for alternative methods first, as they work without all the severe implications prescription medication inflict with anxiety and depression. I would be looking at naturopathy, homeopathy and acupuncture first before pharmaceutical options are taken. Just read through this forum for an idea of the many implications people are suffering, and the benefits when they remove themselves from the medication. Medication seems to prolong the exact symptom your being medicated, and makes it much harder to get beyond the symptom opposed to just dealing with the symptom head on.

[becvan]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone!!

Anthony:

It's very nice to meet you!

As both my son and I were just diagnosed (by seperate therapists in seperate agencies) I'm not really sure. However, being a professional in the field myself, I can give it a good try!

I suspect that Matt (that would be my youngest) was suspectible to PTSD because of me. I've been a single Mom his whole life, with some very unhealthy relationships mixed in. Six years ago I was in a relationship that was very abusive (no suprise there.) Two years into the relationship I figured out he was also beating my son. I left that day. Both my son and I went into counselling for it, although it didn't help Matt much. I've been fighting to figure out what is the matter with him since. So, the preliminary diagnosis is that he has regular PTSD. So I really think it's the combination of the two. To make things even stranger, I think my step-mom may also have PTSD. I've given her this forum site to explore to see if she thinks that this might be her too. Perhaps we are just attracted to each other?

I will read about the alternatives, although at this time the medication is in lou of hospitalization ( I got all suicidal for a bit there.)

Bec

[becvan]

Oh I forgot:

It really isn't the therapists fault. I'm not very "sharing" in what exactly is going on... She realized after three weeks of EMDR that I had chronic PTSD. I never told her the whole story, I still haven't.

I fear this telling. It's been very difficult. My mother has threatened to have me locked up for being crazy, and has almost succeded a few times, since I was fourteen. My reaction is to hide what is going on and I'm VERY good at it. I'm impressed with my therapist really. She can see a lot more than I'm telling. She even is dealing with my family doctor for me, since that's how my Mother attempts to "lock me up." :dontknow:

Screwy eh?

Bec

P.S. I live in a very small town. It's easy for someone like my mother to breach all procedures and actually make life hell, so these are HUGE steps for me.

[anthony]

I think what you need to do, is actually send some legal threats your doctors way, in that your doctor is obviously breaching medical in confidence, which would have their license for that, because your mother is finding things out and conspiring with a doctor to achieve things. Totally against just about every countries laws, to say the least. I don't doubt your mentality or wits, but I am just pointing this out now incase you have missed it because of all your current concerns.

Bec, because you have these concerns already, I want you to really be careful when being handed medication in regard to PTSD and depression, because for the most part, just about every sufferer of PTSD has major issues with medications increasing suicidal thoughts and tendancies, increasing the depression itself, or reacting and increasing anxiety symptoms. Very very rarely do I have someone say they have not suffered an increase in one, if not all, of those areas because of medication. If you react to them then your mother might just get her wish.

I do understand though in regard to the EMDR, although before EMDR is performed, a general scrutiny must be done first, and any good specialist in EMDR will find, shareing or not, whether a person is or is not suitable for it. I won't say anymore about that... just my opinion.

Now this also intrigues me, in that has these therapists told you that matt's PTSD can be cured and yours not? Taking into account the two different therapists! PTSD, regardless, has no cure as of yet. If a therapist has diagnosed your son with PTSD, and says that he is curable, then I suspect they have misdiagnosed him, and possibly he could just be suffering GAD and depression.... which is very curable and fixable. Many therapists throw around PTSD like its a common label, when infact many misuse it, and don't use at other times when it is required, and this is generally because from lack of experience dealing with PTSD itself. Just read through posts here about the amount of people who have been misdiagnosed, and some labelled with PTSD that don't have it at all, because they couldn't even meet the mandatory critieria for assessment.

I hope that matt doesn't have it if this is the case from his therapist feedback. PTSD is very very slim to obtain because of a parent or guardians PTSD itself... very rare indeed, and what makes me more curious, is that you found out matt suffered from an ex's beatings, which you discovered then had immediate counselling and ongoing, because of this. I am hoping from the information you have written here, than he may off just escaped the actual debilitating factor of PTSD itself, and the therapist might off over jumped the mark a little... Fingers crossed.

So then bec... why exactly is your mother trying to do these things to you then? I am assuming your mother has a lot to do with your childhood and ongoing trauma?

[becvan]

I'm sorry, I didn't make my last post very clear!

I think I have affected Matt with my PTSD, not his therapist!!

Hehe, I will clarify it later but I've had less than 6 hours sleep in 72 hours, just worked two midnight shifts and took a sleeping pill a few minutes ago. I shall zonk out first, reply later! Have a great day guys!!

Bec

[nml]

Hi Bec....Nancy here. I also have PTSD and Chronic PTSD. I am pretty sure all my sons except the youngest have PTSD. If only from the effects of me. My two oldest sons are 18 and 20. The younger 2 are here with me. My third son shows signs of PTSD and has been acting out in a recent breaking and entering and vandalism............ not so nice at age 10. Their father died over 4 years ago of drug overdose. I suspect there is a large issue there for them both. The older two do not have the same father but lived more through more hell.

I called last week (with a loving push) to get my sons help. I knew to do it and have been procrastinating because of my shame of not being a good enough parent. I have to let that guilt and pride go to help my sons. Its strategic therapy where they come in the home. I am a bit nervous and excited for us to begin the healing process though it will be painful too. Which reminds me, I need to discuss this with my therapist so she can work with the therapist who will be coming here. The strategic is minimum 5 hours a week. From what Ive been told, it is intense and I am afraid its going to throw me off the deep end. I havent been the best parent though I suppose living through my childhood full of every form of abuse then carryng it into my adulthood attempting to change the long ago stories (my insanity), raising kids by myself, they have turned out well so far. My 10 year old, who will be 11 at the end of the month, was with another bigger kid who is living in hell right now. The few people who know my son is shocked he had a part in the crime. The charges went down to vandalism which is because I work for the town I live in and they know my son. I didnt ask themt o be be easy on him as I want him to understand the consequences of his actions. Punishment will be community service. It will go off his record by age 18 should he not get in any more trouble. I see it as a cry for help from both boys. The place they did this to is a favorite place of thiers being the baseball field where they have both been very much welcomed for 3 years. Good boys who are confused and misunderstood by confused single moms just trying to take care of thier kids. The boy my son was with has suffered much more abuse. I am hoping the therapy is court ordered so the other boy has a chance at a decent life.

Anyhow, I am rambling, just wanted you to know you arent alone in the Chronic PTSD. I have been truly blessed with having AA 12 step program as the foundation for my recovery process with PTSD also. I know if I hadnt gotten sober, I wouldnt be sitting here right now posting this.

For me, this healing will take more than all the therapists in the world to assist me. I have to have a Higher Power and this HP has led me to the exact people in my life now who have went before me on this new adventure of healing who unconditionally love me and are guiding me on this journey. The journey IS the destination.

Take care
Nancy in VA

[becvan]

Okay, hopefully I remember what I am trying to point out here!

Anthony (God I have a hard time spelling that!):

I have a different doctor now. The two that did breach are NOT allowed to even peek at my file or they lose their licsence; however, that doesn't mean I trust doctors! I'm not sure if I ever will again.

I know that no matter the type of PTSD it's not curable but can be controlled. I'm sorry if I gave the impression otherwise! Both therapists have confirmed that.

PTSD is not a common label here. In fact it's very rare. We both have had test after test that we had to do, along with numerous interviews about reactions, the situations etc... They have really taken their time with this one...

Matt did not recieve continous therapy! In fact his first therapist was a joke. The only thing they would talk to Matt about was his "feelings" as in making sure he could identify them. Therapy was less then six months. After that I fought with CAS for MONTHS over this case. They just kept repeating the mantra that without evidence (Matt refused to talk to them or the police) there was nothing they could do. Then the schools kept trying to slap the ADD or ADHD label on my son. I fought them on that. I even went throught two years of tests and appointments and had the final report sent to the school board stating " there are NO SIGNS of ADD or ADHD" before they would drop it. Ealier this year, Matt made a false report to the police and started getting in trouble at school. So, I went back to FACS and demanded counselling AGAIN. Matt's therapist just moved here from the States. He's brand new (as in no politics involved) to our area and has worked with children like Matt before. He's great! He is going to do long term therapy with Matt.

I believe that Matt living with me with uncontrolled PTSD for his entire life predispensed him to it. However, the abuse is what caused it. His symptoms began shortly after I left that abusive:cussing: . I have no idea if the therapists or anyone else agrees with that. But, I taught Matt how to react (and I don't react well.) So, in my line of thinking, with the abuse... I could be way off but that's what I think. (maybe I'm just guilting myself??? negative thinking process???)

Hope I didn't miss any points there..

Bec

P.S. Hi Nancy. I'm soo sorry to hear that. Sounds like you have your hands full right now! I hope it all goes well for you.

[Nam]

Welcome, Bec. Good to have you here.

[anthony]

that doesn't mean I trust doctors! I'm not sure if I ever will again.

Yer, I know what your saying, but I still have faith in some of them. Whilst IMHO the majority of doctors are idiots, and are out for nothing but the bottom line figure and their top of the range BMW, some are still in medicine for the patients, and that leaves us some optimism atleast.

They have really taken their time with this one...

I guess that is what I was looking for... and not the quick hand me down label to pump medication into you and gather some extra kickbacks for themselves...

Matt did not recieve continous therapy! In fact his first therapist was a joke. The only thing they would talk to Matt about was his "feelings" as in making sure he could identify them. Therapy was less then six months.

This is what really pisses me, and the reason why I always advise people to shop around for experienced and experts in PTSD and trauma therapy, not just any old counsellor or physician, because most haven't a clue.

A doctor said to me once that everyone needs to start somewhere, and thus must take on clients, make mistakes and learn, which I understand and can agree to a certain point, however; where I draw the line is when doctors, counsellors and physicians cannot admit they are not experienced in the field, and instead just attempt to mask the client with the thought they know what their doing. The doctor had no response to that one.

I believe that Matt living with me with uncontrolled PTSD for his entire life predispensed him to it. However, the abuse is what caused it.

And I must absolutely agree with you. I know some people here have mentioned that they think their children have PTSD because of their uncontrolled PTSD... it is a fact that children of a sufferer will often display symptoms if exposed to enough of the parents problems, but that is generaly where the line is drawn, in that they only show symptoms, symptoms which can be cured with good counselling. I think sufferers do need to understand this statement, because if they believe their children are showing symptoms, they need to get the children into an experience counsellor who is both child and trauma experienced... but not actually think that their child has PTSD, because that takes a traumatic experience still, or prolonged serious parental abuse, which is the trauma to them.

I am actually really glad you have found us bec, in that I think you have a lot to share with others about your experience, and especially that both you and your child have PTSD from traumatic events. Quite rare to find and garnish that experience, because whilst you may learn to control your PTSD, you child may not as quickly, thus the pressure exerted upwards as a parent and sufferer is quite abnormal in general circumstances. I think the sheer learning ability that you have to endure in regards to not only coping with your own PTSD, but also cope with your childs in the parental sense, is going to make you one very experience person in regard to effective techniques.

I am really looking forward to chatting with you lots more bec, as I believe your experience is going to shine some very new perspectives on PTSD and coping mechanisms. Sorry... I just love to learn...

[Kerrie-Ann]

Bec,

I have nothing to add to these posts, other than welcome.

[becvan]

GRRR, I had written this nice long post and wham! I was knocked off!!

I'll think about reposting it in a bit... :cussing:

Bec

[becvan]

Okay, I'll try this again!

Thank you for the welcome Kerri-Ann!

I don't mind sharing what I'm learning. This is all new to me (well sort of.)

I struggle with how different Matt and I are with PTSD symptoms. I've been like this since my pre-teen years and I'm in my thirties now. So I have difficulty with identifying the symptoms because it's just how I am. I don't know anything else. I have no point of reference to compare this too.

Matt is entirely different. I can pin point exactly when he changed and see how it has effected him. Poor kid. Not only does he have to deal with his trauma but he has to deal with me too. That's an awful lot to ask an 11 year old to deal with!

Where I am aggressive, he's passive. I pace and snap when I'm stressed out, he holes up in his room and plays video games. We have some big differences, yet are so much alike. I have a lot to learn.

The big thing I have to do is learn how to parent differently. My old style (before his PTSD) does not work well with his PTSD. I've also learned that children deal with PTSD completly different from adults!

Somedays, it's just very overwhelming. We also have no one to turn to in our home. If both of us are just too exhuasted to get up and do chores or whatever, then they just don't get done. (Matt helps me clean the house, we share the chores.) I've gotten my Dad to start mowing my lawn for me but that's due to allergies!! So we struggle not only with the internal effects but also with just day to day living.

This is quite the challenge!

Bec

[Kerrie-Ann]

Bec,

That's PTSD for you. Somedays you can do, others you can't. Its hard without support and you will see I have said that many times on this forum. Hard for everyone, those with PTSD and those without. Its good that Matt helps out, poor mite though........PTSD at his age. I wonder how well this might be managed so that the impact of it is reduced over his life span. I guess what I am saying is that he has had it for a relatively short time compared to you, so perhaps earliest intervention as you are now doing might result in better outcomes for him long term. Lets hope so.

[reallydown]

Hi Bec...welcome. I'm sorry if I repeat soemthing others have said...I just can't concentrate logn enough to read all the posts...but, I also have trouble sharing everything that happened with my counsellor...I'd just sit there and we'd stare at each other in silence for most of the session...She still doesn;t have all the facts but...we've recently agreed to try through e-mail...I've sent a couple of e-mails to her and I found it much easier than to actually talk about it...even though it was still hard and I was freaking out as I was writing them...Still, maybe you can ask your therpaist if that's soemthing s/he is willing to try with you...Hope that helps.