Zero to Bitch
31-03-2008, 10:13 AM
I not only suffer from PTSD but also Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder, Simple Partial Epilespsy, OCD, and Disosiative Identity Disorder.
Four years ago I went through body memory experiences of being raped by my father at the age of 13. I felt everything!! I am now 52 years old and am a raging maniac. I have been in therapy for over a year. I have no picture memory, I just know what happened and also now remember that he abused me from the time I was a baby until the age of seven. My brither was seven when I was born and he also mentally and emotionally abused me. I do not remember my childhood, most of my teens and right now most of my life. Since the body memorie experience I seem to be living in a fog and my life has gone to shit.
My memory is shot. I've lost touch with the world. I became Bipolar. I received the diagnosis of Diosiative Identity Disorder - which explains a lot of issues from many years ago. And I have become a rageaholic - hence the nickname Zero to Bitch.
Since the Bipolar began I have been hospitalized to get my moods (mania and depression) stabilized. That has been successfull. The rest is still very out of control. I find that the more time goes by the worse it is getting. I am on Zoloft, Topomax, Lamotrigine (both are also used for Epilepsy and Bipolar - mood stabilizer), and Temazepam for sleep - and I still have a difficult time getting and staying asleep.
I did a search about rage and found this site. What I read made a lot of sense so I signed up. I belong to a 12 step fellowship and have found peace for many years but the last four years have been getting progressively worse. I pray, I do my best to live by the spiritual principles I have learned and I still find myself raging out. I don't seem to be able to take that time out before reacting to respond like I used to. I am so frustrated with myself!!!
I know what I want out of life, I just can't get it within my grasp...:wall:
Four years ago I went through body memory experiences of being raped by my father at the age of 13. I felt everything!! I am now 52 years old and am a raging maniac. I have been in therapy for over a year. I have no picture memory, I just know what happened and also now remember that he abused me from the time I was a baby until the age of seven. My brither was seven when I was born and he also mentally and emotionally abused me. I do not remember my childhood, most of my teens and right now most of my life. Since the body memorie experience I seem to be living in a fog and my life has gone to shit.
My memory is shot. I've lost touch with the world. I became Bipolar. I received the diagnosis of Diosiative Identity Disorder - which explains a lot of issues from many years ago. And I have become a rageaholic - hence the nickname Zero to Bitch.
Since the Bipolar began I have been hospitalized to get my moods (mania and depression) stabilized. That has been successfull. The rest is still very out of control. I find that the more time goes by the worse it is getting. I am on Zoloft, Topomax, Lamotrigine (both are also used for Epilepsy and Bipolar - mood stabilizer), and Temazepam for sleep - and I still have a difficult time getting and staying asleep.
I did a search about rage and found this site. What I read made a lot of sense so I signed up. I belong to a 12 step fellowship and have found peace for many years but the last four years have been getting progressively worse. I pray, I do my best to live by the spiritual principles I have learned and I still find myself raging out. I don't seem to be able to take that time out before reacting to respond like I used to. I am so frustrated with myself!!!
I know what I want out of life, I just can't get it within my grasp...:wall: