Triggered by Email Response

[Cecilia]

I sent an email to a group of friends as requested by a good friend of mine. Her friend and co-worker had an experience in the Metroplex and was just warning people to watch out. It was just a general info email.

One male friend found a similar but not really the same story on Snopes and "replied to all" and said it was a hoax. Of course, my other friend said this is real; and was offended because she knows this happened.

Then the male friend, who was joking, but it hit me really wrong....I considered the statement as being violent and have been a nervous wreck all day. I told my husband that I don't think I can be around this guy anymore. My husband is upset because he said the guy was just joking and he has poor boundaries.

Should I respond to the email and tell him that I found what he said as being offensive or should I just leave it alone?

[becvan]

I'm not sure how a statement that says they think it's a hoax turns into a violent one. Did you miss part of the story here?

[Cecilia]

The email was about a couple of gang members who were pulling guns and knives on people.

I didn't tell his response....this is what triggered me.....he said.....

"What do you say to people that makes them want to carve their initials in your skin."


I'm not even sure how that statment even fit into the conversation. I didn't get the joke. That makes me want to throw up. I don't see the humor.

[Cowgirl]

The email was about a couple of gang members who were pulling guns and knives on people.

I didn't tell his response....this is what triggered me.....he said.....

"What do you say to people that makes them want to carve their initials in your skin."


I'm not even sure how that statment even fit into the conversation. I didn't get the joke. That makes me want to throw up. I don't see the humor.

A hoax about gang bangers pulling knives and guns on folks and being violent? No, just more news. Hoaxes are about things like HIV needles in gas pump handles. Gang bangers really, really do violent things.

My read on this is that your friend did not like being informed that this was NOT a hoax - he did not like being wrong. If you let the entire list of people know that it was not a hoax, that it was real, and he was wrong, he may have felt publicly humiliated - he may be one of those who is NEVER wrong? Therefore, his "humor" was aggressive and threatening.

Your reaction to his "joke" is not misplaced at all. I am not amused by it either. I would be concerned about a person in my acquaintance who said something like that to me - I would believe them to be unbalanced and, conceivably, dangerous. I would not be comfortable with a person like that in a social setting after such a "joke". People who "joke" about doing violent things sometimes follow up with action.

It is not a joking matter to talk about doing great bodily harm to people. Charles Whitman, before he went up the tower at the Univ. of Texas, and in sniper fashion shot down many people, told a psychiatrist about his fantasy. I guess the psychiatrist didn't take it seriously.

Anyhow, YOU are not the one with a problem, here.

Cowgirl

[2quilt]

I agree with Cowgirl.

[becvan]

Wow. That was a very crude, insensitive response. I see why you were triggered. However I don't see it as a joke. How I would interrupt it from him would be that he neither cares nor wants to hear about, so he lashes out cruelly. Perhaps you should drop this person from your email list. I can understand your upset, considering.

Bec

[Cecilia]

He is no longer on my email list. I did not respond to his email. My husband can be friends with him; but for me he will never be more than an acquaintance and I told my husband never to expect me to invite him over or involve him in any of our family activities.

It wasn't just the fact he was violent and rude, he embarrassed me by sending that crap to my other friends that didn't even know him! I felt like he crossed a major boundary.

Then he emailed two pages of why it couldn't be true. He copied and pasted information from a school web site; police department; and newspaper articles. It was just over the top. He underlined and high lighted information and outright called my friend, who he does not know, a liar!!!

Ok, I'm ranting.....he really pissed me off.

[2quilt]

The similar thing happened to me with a male 'friend' a few years ago. He said some really terrible things to me, and i ended the friendship. We had been joking, but then the joke got to be serious and hurtful and he was no longer teasing me, but seriously trying to insult me. My husband continued to be friends with him and thought that I was just temporarily mad at him, and that he didn't do anything that wrong. (THAT pissed me off royal)
The 'friend' and i did not speak for 3 years. Then we tried again, and I think he will not say things like that ever again. I avoid that subject with him (what he said that was so horrible and caused me to end the friendship) so that he won't be tempted to insult me again.

You are doing the right thing, Cecilia. Dump the people who do not treat you with respect. Hopefully your husband will see it your way and leave that butthole alone after this.

[Cowgirl]

Then he emailed two pages of why it couldn't be true. He copied and pasted information from a school web site; police department; and newspaper articles. It was just over the top. He underlined and high lighted information and outright called my friend, who he does not know, a liar!!!

Ok, I'm ranting.....he really pissed me off.

Wow, that is way over the top. Unbalanced, IMHO. He cannot cope with being told he is wrong, and he will go to any length to prove he is never wrong. It is good that you have cut him out - he is toxic. Stand firm on your boundaries. :Hug_emoticon:

Cowgirl