Loss of Memory

[estrella_del_mar]

please be patient if my english is not perfect.
the question is: have one of you ever lost his memory for a long long period?
i had a collapse when i was 20, i lost the 90% of my memory. now i am 32 and i can remember more than the 50%.. i feel like i am wakening up from a come..
have you a similar experience to tell about?
i need to know more... :crazy:

[She Cat]

I haven't experience this, although I don't remember a lot of my childhood. I just wanted to say Hi and welcome to the forum.

[estrella_del_mar]

hi! thank you!

[becvan]

Hi estrella.

When I was around 14/15 I lost 100% of my memory. I knew my name. That was it. Since my mid twenties, I have slowly been gaining memory back. I probably have about 20% of those beginning years.. and even some years beyond that age are fuzzy or blanks.

My memory loss is called traumatic amnesia. Basically, whatever bad happened to me, made me wipe out all recollection of myself. I have a severe case by any stretch of the imagination. We have a few others that severe here, also. With this type of amnesia, as you become better equipped to handle the memories and emotions, you begin to remember bits and pieces. Some people will end up with a 100% recall, some with only half and some with only bits. Each person is different.

Remembering and relearning things about myself is sometimes exciting, frustrating or scary. With my amnesia being an integral part of who I am and how I identify myself, it can create a lot of distress for me. Many times what I remember doesn't match what I believe myself to be or who I am. It can be very confusing. Some days I hate that I am remembering things, wishing only that I could go back to the nothingness I am comfortable with. Some things are painful beyond belief and others make me ache for how much I really missed out on. It's just a big assed mess basically. What gets me through it is the fact that this is a sign that I am getting stronger. My brain knows I'm ready to deal with it, so here it is. Someday I may be a complete person. Maybe I will stay with these bits and pieces. But I'm moving forward.

I'm not sure if your memory loss is for the same reasons, but I hope that my sharing this.. helped in someway.

bec

[veiled]

My memory loss is not the same as others here. I do have it but as I heal my memory worsens. Short term anyway. I have a hard time recalling days ago and moments. But I feel much better so I am not going to complain.

[estrella_del_mar]

thank you becvan, thank you veiled. my situation is very similar to yours, bacvan. i am a little comforted by the thing that there is someone on earth who can understand what i am feeling... even if it is not a good comfort because it's a horrible pain.
my losses of memory are of medium and short term too. for exemple, when i want to read, when i arrive at the end of the page i can't remember what i read at the beginning of the page. another example: when i go out and meet someone new, after a week i can't remember who i knew..
i can't follow the thread of my thoughts, too.
recently, i am better, because i am remembering more of my past, and consequently my brain works better.
think that i was a student of phisics, with big important results..
my brain was a source of pleasure for me..
think that i knew english as a mother tongue..
recently i met a psychiatrist who studied and practiced about ptsd. i had been looking for someone like her for 18 years! here in italy this syndrome is known by a very little number of doctors and people in general is very ignorant..
this psychiatrist i met is very good, but i am afraid she can't conceive the gravity of my situation..
from the outside i seem happy and serene, i am a calm person, i have sense of humor...
only i and my jailers know that i have been, for the first 20 years of my life, i kind of sil soldier-shaolin monach-wonder woman all togheter.
but that extreme situation, carried on for so much time, and carried on in a period of the life of a person in which the person is formed, caused many damages in me..
how could i make her understand what i lived and i am living?
could you suggest me some names of doctors who know well what i am tolking about?
thank you..:smile:

[Grama-Herc]

I too have complete memory loss. I remember nothing of my childhood, teenage years or early adult hood. Important events as a wedding, the birth of my child are just a few of the things I do not remember.

For years it has bothered me and I wanted answers. But now with the diagnosis and the therapy and medications I am slowly getting "some" memories back.

The thing that has kept me sane from all this is something my therapist said.

"Your mind is protecting itself from something. If and when your mind is capable of handling and processing the information you will remember. If you never recall then what have you lost?"

That really brought the entire condition into focus. It also helped me stop obcessing over the loss of information/memory. It is however, very upsetting and I know exactly how unnerving it can be.

[sunnydaze]

Welcome to the forum! I have hardly any memory of my childhood but as I run into people my mom knew way back I remember their names or faces. What, I did yesterday I couldn't tell you. I can remember all the times people hurt my feelings and tell the details but when I was abused, I remember nothing. My long term memory is pretty good but short term isn't. Just as you stated the daydreaming takes over and hours go by without me hearing or seeing. I cannot read and remember what was read. It use to upset me but I told myself even if I learn one thing it is more than I knew before. Many times while driving, I have no memory of how I got there.
By the way, I am half Italian.
sunnydaze

[grace5555]

I have been getting my memory back slowly for the last few years - very painful so just let your mind go at its own pace and be patient with yourself and make sure you have support.

[becvan]

how could i make her understand what i lived and i am living?
could you suggest me some names of doctors who know well what i am tolking about?
thank you..:smile:

I am very glad that my sharing was comforting. Your certainly not alone with this struggle. Unfortunately, I can not recommend a doctor. I don't even know what country your in. I would suggest you start by looking for a Trauma Specialist. One with previous experience with PTSD. Just pick a phone book and start digging to find one in your area or search the internet.

However, expecting any psych or therapist to fully grasp PTSD is unreasonable. They can empathize and apply their working knowledge of this disorder, but never have a complete understanding of it. Really it sounds like your hiding your emotions and symptoms from your psych. She can't mind read, so she won't know how your feel or how bad it is for you unless you share that. Perhaps work on trust with her and try to open up. You have to help yourself in these situations by taking that risk to get the help and being completely open and honest with them. Don't hide things, your only hurting yourself by doing so.

Bec

[estrella_del_mar]

thank all of you for your replies, and to have been so sincere, too. thank you becvan: i am from italy and my worries about my therapist are that, though she is specialized in ptsd, she could have still few knowledge, compared, for example, to the knowledge and the experience of the american ones. i will follow your suggest and i will open myself the more i can.
i thought too that the therapy doesn't resolve everything.
more, by your tellings, what i can feel is that we can understand each other, and for the first time in my whole life i feel that someone can understand me!!!! yuhu!!!! but, at the same time, i feel that each of us has a pain of his own, this absurd and diabolic loss of memory, like a kind of virus, has taken us in a specific way, different one from another, relating to one's feeling, personality and personal history...
so, all we can do, is sharing feelings, experiences and emotions, giving courage to the others, struggling to feel better.
i would like to embrace all of you!!! :Hug_emoticon:
at the moment i am at the 25% of my mental efficiency. but, can you note that i am writing in english better than the first time i wrote here? the practice is helping me to remember... :rolleyes:
for 11 years i have been imaginating nothing, i have been dreaming nothing (in the night), whereas i used to have incredible long complicated and funny dreams!..i have been having no idaes, no thoughts.. only fog, darkness, confusion.. my mind has been switched off, this is the right word. now, switch it on is not so easy.. recover the memories is not sufficient.. it's a long, hard, painful and complicated work. but i will do it. :wall:
thank you, thank you again. kisses..
By the way, I am half Italian.
sunnydaze
from where?