Disassociation: How to Lessen it!

[becvan]

Well folks.. I have some answers! Many times myself and many members have asked over and over, how to work on this! How do I make this better? How do I control it?

Your just not going to believe the answer to this one!

I now have a trauma specialist. I had to do a battery of tests and complete history. We discovered that my disassociation levels are in the "dangerous" zone. This is including episodes of derealization, depersonalization and any others similar.

It is caused by trauma and symptoms. A lovely double whammy there.

Well, in order for me to move forward with therapy (get into the nasty trauma!) I have to get this particular set of symptoms down.

Guess how you do that?

Your thinking fix the trauma? Do trauma work? Take pills? Shocks? Nope all wrong.

You have to have... routine. A schedule. What time you get up at, what time you go to sleep. How long you sleep for. When you shower, when you eat, when you clean (what type of cleaning), what ENGAGING activities you are going to fill your hours with, what your bedtime routine is.. and exercise.

That is it. A very very specific routine.. that you follow like it was written in stone. The foundation of this routine is to be engaged in activities that engage your mind and body. So you do crosswords puzzles, puzzles, crochet, knit.. paint, walk, run, jog, have coffee with friends, volunteer, go to museums.. etc..

No.. tv or video game time counts as engaging activities. TV, computer and video games are to be of short duration as little as possible. Or combine. For example.. I will watch my law and order but crochet at the same time.

Now.. this takes a long long time to implement. I have been at this for four weeks now. I've gotten my walks in this week. Bedtimes are a still completely screwy, I have supper down pat, my crochet group down pat.. basically I have lot's of work to do yet. In just four weeks, my disassociation has slightly improved with only slight improvements in my schedule.

Now if your wondering what the basis is for this... as my therapist put it.. I am retraining new neurological pathways for my brain. laymen's terms... new coping skills.

Who would have thunk eh?

bec

[empowered]

Thanks Bec,

You have encouraged me alot, I'm working out my routine for tommorrow with plenty of engaging activities.

[linasmom]

Bec,

This is really quite interesting! I've always dissociated fairly heavily and I'd love to find a way to work on it. I'm going to talk to my T about what you mentioned here and see what he thinks about it for me. Thanks for this.

Best,
Rachel

[nic]

I, too find this interesting. I have always been told to NOT have a set routine because I then have a harder time with the PTSD, especially the agoraphobia part, when I try to do anything different than what is in my routine. I have struggled with this, as my routine is my "safe zone." I also have a problem with dissociation, especially in difficult situations that are often beyond my comfort zone.

[Auburngirl]

This is interesting - I've found having a routine helpful in keeping my mood in check, but it didn't occur to me it would help with dissociation too. I have incedentally found that I'm dissociating less though (and am more or less doing what your therapist advised).

Thanks for sharing!

[grace5555]

Hey, Bec - thanks for your post! I've got questions. lol I naturally have a strong, strong routine as it is the only thing that keeps me safe as I disassociate. Somehow I usually go or do everything necessary when I am "gone" - at least I find me places I am supposed to be or things done that are supposed to be done even when disassociated and people refer to conversations they had with me, etc. I had to employ this skill during the years of trauma. But how do you not disassociate? I guess I go on automatic pilot when I am gone but how do I not leave at all? My T says I can't always stop it from happening although she hoped the schedule would lessen it but for some reason doesn't. Grounding techniques sometimes work, sometimes not. Any thoughts?

[Auburngirl]

grace - my sense is that small incremental exposure helps. Getting just to the limit of what you can tolerate without dissociating, and realising it's okay. And then over time you can tolerate more. Also, lessening anxiety and getting enough sleep have been critical for me. I dissociate way more when tired, and there are certain times of the day I can't have difficult conversations.

[Cecilia]

Ok, I am going to embarrass myself. This sounds crazy and I don't know when I started doing it. It was not a conscious decision and it is probably a very bad idea......I count. And I don't even realize it, but when I start to disassociate I start counting the slats in the venician blinds or counting the ceiling tiles or floor tiles and after counting; I start factoring.

Does anybody else do this? It helps me stay present, but it is very distracting and once I start counting I can't stop....ok, that's all I'm saying. :doh:

[grace5555]

Auburngirl - exposure has helped in some areas and not so much in others. Some areas just can't seem to be helped no matter what. I am trying to accept that and not beat myself up so much about it.

Cecilia - not crazy at all in my opinion. I count as well...count all the time whether disassociated or not - all connected to trauma. Unfortunately it doesn't usually help me stay grounded and I don't often realize I am doing it. So if it is crazy, at least we aren't alone. lol

[Cecilia]

Oh by the way; I like Bec's idea much more because now I have to figure out how to stop counting. Perhaps a more structured routine will keep my mind busy.

[Cecilia]

grace5555,

Thanks so much for sharing. It took my husband quite a while to get over the fact that I count everything.

[nic]

Okay...quick funny story.

I have an issue with dissociation when I have sex. I often start looking at the popcorn ceiling and start imagining animals and shapes on it, the way some people do with clouds. Anyway, a few years back I was having sex and dissociating by looking for shapes. (The guy I was with didn't know about the PTSD or anything, and at the time I thought I was able to hide it.) He started saying something, but I wasn't listening, as I was in my other world. Without remembering where I was or what I was doing, I suddenly said, "Hey, look, a tiger!" He obviously didn't know what I was talking about, as he responded, "Yeah, I know I am."

[Auburngirl]

I don't count, but I name objects and sensations which is the same sort of idea I guess. Just something to normalise and try to 'come back.' But all the strategies I have sometimes work and sometimes don't .... you know how it is.

[linasmom]

Without remembering where I was or what I was doing, I suddenly said, "Hey, look, a tiger!" He obviously didn't know what I was talking about, as he responded, "Yeah, I know I am."

That is hysterical.
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Tell me you corrected him afterward and said, "no, the ceiling".

"roaaarrr"

[nic]

No, Linasmom, I didn't! I just went along with it, but man, was I cracking up inside!!! LOL!

[becvan]

Nic... that is priceless! :)

Grace: What your routine is missing is the engaging activities. Doing things that you can't do on autopilot. Learn something new. Pick up a new hobby, craft, writing..etc... as long as it makes you focus.

Cecilia and Auburn: Counting objects, naming objects etc.. are grounding techniques. They work great so don't stop them! lol Mind you don't let them become an autopilot thing either!

Remember guys, how we each apply this and what works and what doesn't is very individual. This is supposed to lessen the disassociation. Working on the actual traumas is what gets rid of it!

Glad you all liked it. :)

bec

[kers]

Working on the actual traumas is what gets rid of it!

I thought this was worth highlighting, bec. Excellent point.

[marie_bailey2002]

I count as well, especially the license numbers of cars or number that appear in a row anywhere.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

OMG this triggered me into anxiety. I want to stop disassociating but the near thought of having a routine again makes me crazy. I am so much happier and at peace now with out one, and was near suicide with one.

I had a routine once and I still disassociated all of the time. I'm not sure if this would work for me but I will ask my T about it.

Tammy

[sunnydaze]

Bevan,
Wow! I would never had thought of that. A routine huh! Sounds like you have a good T to tell you that! Please share what else this T recommends, we would all love to hear it.
sunnydaze

[kers]

I thought this could use a bump. After a long vacation, I am back at work and have found that my dissociation has improved considerably--because I have a daily routine and requires considerable focus. No wonder I love working so much--it helps me feel present in myself, grounded and focused.

[Auburngirl]

I'm finding this really helps too, though it's hard to stick to a routine. And I find I feel much better if I work, it's calming and proves I can do it, which then lessens the anxiety and the dissociation (on a good day). Of course the inability to work - stress, panic, dissociation chain also happens. It's a bit of a rollercoaster.

[trishok]

Since not being allowed to work due to "breakdowns" (my doctor last week says he has not ruled out PTSD - (he diagnosed me borderline personality disorder years ago, which discounted the previous one by a psychiatrist 30 yrs ago of bipolar)) - I have become very undisciplined with no routine. When I could go to work I had a routine, loved working and felt worthwhile.
But I have become aware that dissociation is a big issue in my daily life. I lose track of time. Just do the things that are essential for survival. Depression plays a big role too, but more and more I am thinking that I actually choose to "zone out" to pass the time and to prevent me from making decisions and even stepping out of the "zone" to start living again. I live like a recluse on acres of land in the bush and rarely leave the place.
I am too scared to start living in case I make wrong decisions and fail again. It is as though I am WAITING for something to happen, ? waiting for a rescuer - filling in time by escaping into mystery novels, sometimes one book a day. Avoiding living, making decisions, being a person.
My doctor (who I use as a therapist as he has treated me for 13 years) says I do not have any control of myself, I am controlled by externals - such as when we go to work we have a routine to be able to get there, and if we do not go we do not get paid;

Writing this is helping me think that perhaps dissociation happens (or we allow it to happen when we have insight about it) when we feel POWERLESS and therefore if we can somehow learn to take control and become EMPOWERED (the buzz word these days) then we will not have to slip or plunge into the zoned out state of dissociation from one extreme of it to the other. ?????

Maybe you all know this anyway, and I am a slow learner. This powerless v empowered sense of self may be the aha moment I have been waiting for to make sense of myself.

Any comments please?

Trish

[trishok]

I should have followed this thread before I got before I wrote a quick reply to a thread on dissociation just a few minutes ago.
Thanks for this discussion... It is reinforcing what I am discovering about the necessity to have a routine, and thereby "take control" and become "empowered", in order to "live" life.
Trish

[Dylan]

Hi Trishok - Have you read "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman? She poses the possibility that BP disorder may be part of the (C)PTSD continuum. I found that interesting and very relevant as, apparently, many PTSDers are first dx'd with BP disorder (I was), as well as DID sometimes before getting to the root dx of PTSD.

This routine thread is interesting. If I get too much routine, not enough novelty, I go into that passivity/numb/auto pilot place. I need some routine, certainly, and if there is too much novelty/newness stress my symptoms skyrocket, but I have found that it's a very delicate balance - one that, if mastered, I think would greatly reduce symptoms.

Thanks for highlighting this subject. If I make 'balance' my priority, I do much, much better. I'd lost sight of that....

-Dylan

[trishok]

Dylan, thanks for stressing the "balance" - I can relate to the passivity/numb/autopilot place from too much routine now that you mention it, and can see how it does stem from too much routine. It seems I am becoming aware of the almost compulsive habit of my routine and therefore feel uncomfortable and "out of place" , particularly in the mornings, when I don't "perform" the automatic things I do, such as turn the jug on, make coffee, have cigarettes, and do the same at least 3 times before thinking of anything else.
I will seek out the book Trauma and Recovery, thank you.

From this forum I have found comfort in learning that dissociation/depersonalisation/derealization is so widespread and common - I was thinking I was a real "freak" and quite ashamed about it before the forum.

So, thanks everyone for sharing.

Trish

[Annie]

Cecilia - that's called grounding...and it is NOT insane, it is an actual coping skill.

Bevcan - I am in an Acute Partial Hospitalization Program, or as I like to call it, Crazy Camp.

It's a 4 week out patient basis program. For 4 weeks I go there 4 days a week and learn all kinds of life coping skills. The number one thing they centre on is ROUTINE. On Mondays we have to set a weekly goal and then say how we will achieve that goal by taking specific actions that are measurable. the following Monday we rate our week's performance by whether or not we were able to get tasks done, etc... On Thursday's we also have a weekend sheet that we fill out our schedule.
Every morning we have a 'therapy' session with our group- this is usually 6 people. The whole program only has 12 people at a time.

Anyway, where I was going with this....LOL is that it is as simple as ROUTINE...I am in week 4 of the program and will be discharged on Thursday, if not for the routine, setting a bedtime, getting up at the same time, no matter what my plans for that day are, I would be more lost than I am.

It works, if you truly give it a try, you will be shockingly amazed!

Annie
:)

[Auburngirl]

Annie that sounds like a really good programme. I had a friend in Ottawa with depression and she also attended an outpatient programme that was really helpful- and a really nice alternative to being an inpatient, or just having an hour of therapy a week (both for her, and for those of us who were living with her and trying to support her)

I wonder to what extent I can construct something similar for myself. I'm trying to set up meetings and tie goals and deadlines to them.

[ruby]

hi

I am interested in your information re dissociation and find it very hard to form habits at the moment. I feel like I am suffering from my agoraphobia or something cause I am staying in the house alot and feel afraid to meet up with people without creating conflict.

any way thanks for your post

ruby

[cyndi]

The routine idea is a good one-hard because my work schedule is all over the place...I have been wearing a hair rubber band on my wrist to remind me to stay present. If I catch myself starting to disassociate, I pop it. The physical sensation brings me back to earth. My therapist suggested it.