Starting a New Relationship by Disclosing PTSD

[nic]

I am starting to see a guy I was dating a couple of months ago. I was sort of ignoring him all this week because I didn't know if I really want to start a relationship with him or not. We have different schedules which makes things difficult, but my doc. said that I was just making excuses, so I decided to just go for it and see what happens.

Anyway, he came over last night. After hanging out for a bit, we ended up being intimate, but (as usual), this was difficult for me. He was really good about it and stoped early, even though I told him everything was okay--(he could clearly see this wasn't the case).

I decided to tell him that I have PTSD. I didn't go into detail or anything, but he just said, "Did something bad happen to you," and I nodded. He then said that he would never hurt me.

That was about it for the conversation, but I'm glad of that since I am not ready to share any details and I don't want to overwhelm him or anything. I feel SOOOO relieved! :smile: I have been told that I need to discuss the PTSD when I'm in a new relationship, but I never know how to go about it, and I typically say nothing until it's too late and the relationship ends. I have no idea of this one will work out or anything, but I do feel like this will help me to be able to disclose the PTSD early on and perhaps be a bit less ashamed of it.

[anthony]

Well done Nicki.... a really great experience shared. This is a positive step forward for yourself.... congratulations. Great to hear about action being taken....

[upstream]

Awesome nic! I'm happy for you!

[Nicolette]

Good stuff Nic! You should feel very proud of yourself.

[Claire]

Well done Nic. That's a very brave thing to admit to someone in the early stages of a relationship. Sounds like he could well be open to hearing more when you choose to tell him. Good luck, i hope it works out well for you.

[linasmom]

Hey Nic,

I'm so happy for you! It's relieving starting things out on the right foot, I remember when I decided to make that same decision and it worked out much better for me than when I used my previous method of saying nothing.

Congrats!

Best,
Rachel

[cherryblossom]

Hi Nic

Congratulations on telling and getting a positive response. I have tried that approach a couple of times and had them run a mile (both with friends and 'boyfriends'). Whilst that response hurts - it shows I chose the wrong person to 'tell'. To be honest the responses I've had, have really put me off disclosing too much information about myself. But that is me and not you. It's great to hear a positive side of things. I wish you well, it sounds like you have found a good 'un there!!

[sisu]

I wish you the best Nic!

As a person on the carer side I just wanted to say that I would welcome as much information as the sufferer could give me. Even just a book or pamphlet on ptsd could be a start. I had no idea what ptsd was when I started dating my ex-BF. When he had a trigger and spiraled down I had no idea what was happening and probably did all of the wrong things. I tried to contact him a lot instead of just leaving him alone. His came on so suddenly that I didn't understand.

It would have been much easier to have understood ptsd and how it effects him. Just like your man would probably benefit from understanding how your ptsd effects you and what are some of your triggers. It will ultimately benefit you too!

Take care,
Sisu

[nic]

Thanks for all the responses and positive feedback! I am still going to try and not get my hopes up (about this relationship) too soon, but at the same time I am hopeful that this will help pave the way for more open communication (esp. on my part). The guy I'm seeing is a doctor, so I feel like at least now he knows what he's getting into, if he so chooses.

Well...on with the rollercoaster of my life!

Nic :-)

[anthony]

Sounds like level headed decisions with a commonsense approach Nic.... well done.

[linasmom]

I know it's a bit off topic, but kudos on a Doctor, Nic!!! :occasion:

[nic]

Thanks, Linasmom, lol!!! I have actually dated doctors before, and my last relationship (that actually lasted a while) was with a doctor. I SWEAR, I don't search them out or anything! I just happen to live right near the hospital district in Boston, and many of the guys my age are residents or fellows. I actually tend to hate dating docs because their schedules are insane and they never know where they're going to be living in a few years. Oh well, at least they're good for when I need an antibiotic or something :-)

[spiritofnow]

I decided to tell him that I have PTSD. I didn't go into detail or anything, but he just said, "Did something bad happen to you," and I nodded. He then said that he would never hurt me.


I have a warm feeling after reading this. :Hug_emoticon: I am happy for you! :clap:

Spirit x

[pandora]

Very inspiring Nic.....How are things going?????

[nic]

Well, I'm no longer with C. He just didn't have time for me, and I'm not about to be at someone's beck and call. Oh well...on to the next one.

[Nicolette]

They say you have to kiss frogs before you find your prince. I guess the up side is that you've kissed one more frog Nic which means you are one step closer to your prince :rolleyes: