hinewai
08-04-2008, 02:49 PM
Hi, I'm 33, engaged to a wonderful man, who has just been diagnosed with PTSD. From childhood to around the age of 17, he was subjected on a daily basis to beatings, sometimes vicious ones, and spent a lot of time in fear for his safety. Coming from a very staunch culture, the mental ramifications of this upbringing were never really addressed - it was expected that he should "harden up" or just "get over it". Three years ago a young girl made a false allegation of sexual assault against him. Fortunately (as I myself am a survivor of sexual assault) I was in a position to KNOW that he is innocent of those charges, as was his family and everyone else who was present on the night in question, but unfortunately we had a crap lawyer, a horrible judge, and in spite of all of our witnesses and a lack of any other evidence or prosecution witnesses he was found guilty purely on the word of the accuser and imprisoned.
We managed to get the sentence overturned by the Court of Appeal but they felt the issues at stake were too large for them to overturn the conviction, and have recommended it be heard at Supreme Court level. This battle has been going on for the most part of 3 years now... and unsurprisingly the legal battle, anguish, as well as his imprisonment and what he experienced while in there, combined with latent frustration and pain from his childhood, has resulted in PTSD. I've tried and tried to help him through this. I love him dearly and want to marry him... but sometimes I fear that we're just setting ourselves up for disaster entering into a marriage with such a huge obstacle. I've almost forgotten what it's like living without this hanging over our heads. We've got some real problems communicating with each other and this morning after a falling out I went to go to work. I turned around the car and came back to try and resolve it... I was really worried about leaving him in a bad frame of mind.
He told me that when I left that he had considered hanging himself. He's embarrassed about his condition and has a really hard time talking about it. I'm exhausted. I've had 3 years of supporting him and sticking by him and trying to understand what he's going through and sometimes I feel like an emotional punching bag. I try to keep my calm and stay focussed on the fact that he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it's getting harder and harder. This morning I threw my engagement ring across the room, and I just feel terrible about it. I don't know whether I'm helping him by being there or if I'm doing more harm than good because I just can't seem to say or do the right thing... but I know that if I'm not there for him he will definitely get worse. I'm the only person in his life that he's comfortable with knowing about his situation, and I fear that he'll just feel more isolated and may hurt himself or worse if I leave. The issue of PTSD is compounded by the social stigma of the type of charge and the fact that he has been in prison. I'm at a loss as to where to go from here.
We managed to get the sentence overturned by the Court of Appeal but they felt the issues at stake were too large for them to overturn the conviction, and have recommended it be heard at Supreme Court level. This battle has been going on for the most part of 3 years now... and unsurprisingly the legal battle, anguish, as well as his imprisonment and what he experienced while in there, combined with latent frustration and pain from his childhood, has resulted in PTSD. I've tried and tried to help him through this. I love him dearly and want to marry him... but sometimes I fear that we're just setting ourselves up for disaster entering into a marriage with such a huge obstacle. I've almost forgotten what it's like living without this hanging over our heads. We've got some real problems communicating with each other and this morning after a falling out I went to go to work. I turned around the car and came back to try and resolve it... I was really worried about leaving him in a bad frame of mind.
He told me that when I left that he had considered hanging himself. He's embarrassed about his condition and has a really hard time talking about it. I'm exhausted. I've had 3 years of supporting him and sticking by him and trying to understand what he's going through and sometimes I feel like an emotional punching bag. I try to keep my calm and stay focussed on the fact that he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it's getting harder and harder. This morning I threw my engagement ring across the room, and I just feel terrible about it. I don't know whether I'm helping him by being there or if I'm doing more harm than good because I just can't seem to say or do the right thing... but I know that if I'm not there for him he will definitely get worse. I'm the only person in his life that he's comfortable with knowing about his situation, and I fear that he'll just feel more isolated and may hurt himself or worse if I leave. The issue of PTSD is compounded by the social stigma of the type of charge and the fact that he has been in prison. I'm at a loss as to where to go from here.