Molested as a Little Boy

[harrywgtn]

Just found out I have ptsd as 33 years old. Have had problems all my life.
Now since seeing seeing a counciler i keep remembering more details of what happened to me. im just freaking out a little. smoking pot which seems to help me.

[samsara]

Welcome Harry.

Pot does feel like it helps. But you should be careful -- it is a form of self medication if you are doing it to block out pain and emotion.

I used to self medicate with pot, and two years later I was a much more depressed young lady and became quite manic without it.

I had to clean up completely and then I had to deal with my issues all over again.

Excessive use while depressed can also trigger other side affects if you are depressed such as drug induced psychosis.

If you relate it to moderation and are able to be moderate, it can be OK. But self medicating is never moderate.

In my opinion, if you are having a small joint every 1-2 days, after your days tasks and responsibilities have been fulfilled, well maybe that is OK, akin to one glass of wine with dinner. But then, I still don’t think it is good to be under the influence of things like drugs or alcohol when dealing with psychological issues.

My advice:

Get exercising. Swimming or jogging or long brisk walks if you are unfit are best.
Counselling – ensuring you are open to it and doi9ng whatever homework you are told to do in between sessions.
Keeping up a neat and easy routine in your life, with a few little challenges that are fun and engaging.
Use this site and the caring wonderful people who frequent it as your mentor, your friend, your collaborator. Read around, create a trauma diary, interact in threads, and read, read, read and research as much as you can. Best advice any one ever gave me:

You have to do exercise until you get to the point that all you are thinking about is the next breathe, how to get that breathe.

Anxiety makes us feel like we can’t breathe, it stuns us and makes us feel paralysed when we are depressed. It’s purpose is quite the opposite, it’s telling us to get moving, both mentally and physically – it’s telling us to align our mind and body together to work as one. Depression tells us to stop all of that. So it can get very confusing at best, if we don’t do some simple things about it.
Exercise teaches you to breathe again and alleviates anxiety. Anxiety is a very special human indicator that tells as it’s time to speed up and fight or flight. Exercise allows you to nurture that instinct and give you time out from excessive thinking. If all you are able to do is think about where to get your next breathe from, there ‘aint much time to think about anything else. So while you are physically tiring your body you are giving your mind a rest. And by doing this you are teaching your body and mind to work as one. This will not be the answer to all your problems but it will certainly help you alleviate anxiety, giving you space to concentrate on your healing. I promise – so try it.

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Best wishes. x

[Roo]

Welcome, Harry :smile:

Samsara, your words re: anxiety/depression and movement/breath...WOW. I've long wondered what's been going on with my body --> feeling both frozen/paralyzed in will, and revved up like an engine on overdrive with the emergency brake on! Thanks so much for helping me to make sense of this! :thumbs-up

[upstream]

Welcome Harry!

[harrywgtn]

Hi
Thanks so much for you messages. Im in tears, to think im not really going crazy. Has been a shocker week , so many emotions. Seeing a counciler is just bringing out so many more memorys that i dont want.
1 minute i want to make the guy that did this to me pay. I get so angry , he has ruined my life. 1 guy could do this to me. sorry if this does not make sence but my mind is racing. Its so unfair this happened , its so wrong. my life could have been so much better.
I have had to fight to keep normal for so long.
I have a wonderfull wife and and 13 month old little girl and a great job.
So in the big picture i think im doing well. But once again im at home and my wife is out as i just cant leave the house today.
i just want these memorys gone. I dont want to remember.