Hi - I Think I Need To Start Over

[Grama-Herc]

I have been here on the forum for 14 months, but, I feel I need a fresh start.

I am Grama-Herc and was doing very well here in slowly getting myself together when something went wrong, very wrong.

I wish I knew what triggered my complete failure as a member of this forum. My intention was never to cause hurt or harm. Yet, something sent me into a form of vengeful spite.

I have Ptsd, panic/anxiety, severe depression and agoraphobia. I was diagnosed in 1997 and was hospitalized for 2 months. I continued CBT with a private theapist for 2 years until I lost my insurance and I've been on my own ever since.

I am basically a good person with a difficult problem. I manage it most of the time like the rest of you, but somethings things get out of hand.

My name is Grama-Herc and I screwed up.

[sisu]

We all "screw up" from time to time.....its called being human. You have ackowledged it, accepted it and are working to find the cause. Way to go Grama Herc! I am cheering for you from the sidelines.

Take care and don't beat youself up about it. Just move forward in a positive direction from here!

Sisu :Hug_emoticon:

[Lucky Laser]

There is nothing wrong with a fresh start! :occasion:

[nic]

Glad to have you back :-)

[Cindy]

Don't beat yourself up :wink: . The point is you acknowledge the transgressions and then move forward more mindful as you proceed. Don't give up on yourself or us. Stick with it and move forward into the light. :thumbs-up

[NotDepressed]

A good friend once told me, other people think about your mistakes alot less than you think they do. Even if you're the topic of conversation one minute, something better will come along to take your place the next minute. (But she said it more eloquently)

I don't know your past history with the forum and there seem to be many new people lately who won't know it either, but welcome back. Have a good fresh start.

[Grama-Herc]

A fresh Start! An interesting concept for someone who has been here for as long as I have.

I've been through many ups and downs here. I have received quality support, advise and even a few kudos too.

So why do I feel like such an othsider? Yes, I screwed up big time in my rude hissy fit. But where did I cross the line? At what point did I stop expressing my opinion and become the grinch who stole christmas?

This is a seriuos question that I need to ask. I know the fit was anerror in my judgment, but when did I loose control? At what point? I am seriously asking this quesion for some constrctive input from the people here

[sunnydaze]

Grama-Herc,
Welcome back,
Just call it a slip down one step,regression or alittle rebellion but you seem willing to help yourself and we are here to help you also. I have always had a problem with authority but it's part of life. We all have to answer to someone unfortunely. If you need someone to chat with email me. Maybe we can help each other.
sunnydaze

[Cowgirl]

So why do I feel like such an othsider? Yes, I screwed up big time in my rude hissy fit. But where did I cross the line? At what point did I stop expressing my opinion and become the grinch who stole christmas?

This is a seriuos question that I need to ask. I know the fit was anerror in my judgment, but when did I loose control? At what point? I am seriously asking this quesion for some constrctive input from the people here

Good for you to be examining your actions and looking for answers! BRAVO, Sister!

I didn't follow the threads closely enough to be able to answer that question anywhere close to definitively. But I can say that from what I read, I felt you had been triggered by the re-statement of a forum rule in some manner. Perhaps you have an issue with rules - a power and control issue from your past trauma, perhaps? Too, as a former English major, I know that there are several definitions of the word "sympathy" and that it is possible that originally you misunderstood what was being said and were triggered by a misunderstanding. Only you can know, after a bit of reflection, what it was about that exchange that so triggered you, but I think it is wonderful that you are ready to examine that.

My DH threw nothing short of a complete temper tantrum yesterday. It put me in a bad place of having to let him know he'd seriously crossed the line into unacceptable territory. He's never seen me fierce before, but he learned there are boundaries to bad behavior, and consequences.

I wonder if he needed, somehow, to know what the boundaries are? Regardless of his need, he did so and he learned from it, I think. At least to this point it would appear that he is struggling to understand what happened, as you are.

We ALL make mistakes. Me, you, my DH, all of us. The big question is what we learn from those mistakes, and how we take those lessons forward in life.

Good for you!!!

:Hug_emoticon:

Cowgirl