Mindfulness and Flashbacks

[wolfalohalani]

Hello all -

I've been doing mindfulness meditation for a few years, and one of the things that's taught in that tradition is to turn towards unpleasant emotions and sensations. Which works really well for the normal run of things.

I'm finding, however, if I'm in the process of having one of those partial flashbacks, or the fear is welling up, that turning toward it can make it a whole lot worse. I'm wondering if anyone here meditates, and can share what you do to sit with this kind of experience without it swamping you altogether.

Thanks for any suggestions,

wolfalohalani

[dlross]

Hi wolfalohalani,

I have done a fair bit of meditation. One of the things I have had to understand is that meditation does not mix well with some things! Lately I am pretty convinced that the 'inventors' and most of the traditional teachers of meditation likely did/do not have a history of trauma!

As for flashbacks, I think that mindfulness meditation can be a wonderful tool for becoming more aware of what triggers things, slowing down the triggering process so to speak. Allowing one to connect the dots. Almost like you can see or feel it coming.

But as for 'turning towards' the experience, the best I could suggest would be 'touch and go', if you know what that means? Forcing myself to remain with any experience which is becoming overwhelming is not a kindness to myself, and is definitely not the point of any type of meditation practice.

I know in my meditation practice I used to be really hard on myself. Like everything else, it became infected with the attitudes toward myself which resulted from my upbringing. It became a tool for me to inflict pain on myself.

Be kind to yourself in this and in all things!

[wolfalohalani]

Hi dlross -

I think I see what you mean. I was thinking this morning I'm not titrating - meaning, I'm not regulating exposure, I'm just going full bore at it. Which very quickly can become too much.

What I was thinking was using sensations to ground, then be with the feelings a bit, then ground, and go back and forth. Like you say, touch and go. That's a very nice way of saying that.

Usually I can stay with things, or at least the aversion to staying with things, but flashbacks, I'm finding, are just a little different. It's good to have a way to be with things to the extent I can without getting overwhelmed.

Anyway, it's nice to meet another meditator who has PTSD - doesn't seem like there are a lot of us out there.

wolfalohalani