Identifying Your Needs

[tude]

Excuse my lack of sophistication on this topic of mental/emotional needs. I hope you might be able to clear up some confusion for me. I don't know what my needs are. I didn't even know I had any until recently. As for meeting those needs, what can I rightly expect from others?

I would assume my confusion stems from not getting my needs met in early development. I guess, I just stopped having them? Also, I stopped needing anything from anyone.

I understand physical needs- sleep, food, water, exercise, sex, etc.

A member here suggested I too have a need for care and compassion. I have yet to digest or accept that one.

What does ring true for me... I have a need to be unconditionally accepted and respected and loved. I need honesty. I need to be safe.

Through recent conversations with friends and my therapist, I am learning that I also need someone to just listen.

These needs I can identify seem to be reasonable. More so, they seem reasonable to expect from others. Short list, no wonder no one has ever considered me needy. LOL

Can you help me further explore my own needs? What are your needs and how do you get them met?

[Cindy]

This is a great thread. It is something I need to think about. In reality, I have never considered my needs and they are always last to be filled it ever.

First, I guess I would break them down into physical, social, and mental needs. I also think I need to think about what needs can be met alone or require someone else. Another consideration is what means are accessible to me to meet my needs.

Now, I'll go off and think on this and respond later. Good thinking question :wink:

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I think if I could find inner peace I wouldn't need so much.

1)I need love and compassion
2)I need to always feel stability
3)I need to feel safe
4)I need alone time to work on my healing.

That is all I can think of right now and I seem to have these things most of the time.

Tammy

[Lucky Laser]

All of those needs ring true for me too. Unconditional acceptance is a big one.

I will also add for myself the need for good communication. I have had trouble in the past communicating what my needs are to others and without that getting the other needs met is more difficult. It might sound strange, but I also need to meet the needs of others... for example if I feel that I am not meeting my husband's needs or can't quite figure out what they are, I feel terrible.

[spiritofnow]

This is an art in itself!
It has taken me a long, long time to even realise that I do indeed have needs. Needs that do go beyond the primitive physiological one's as outlined in Maslow's 'hierarchy of needs'.

I guess my needs now are based on what my wants and desires are. And they would be:

To be the best mum I can.
To be the best I can (well at least learn to keep striving for this and not allow any knocks to take me right back down).
To live in a functional manner.
To have an outstanding career.
To have a love like no other.
To like and love myself.
To understand me.

So I guess the biggest need I have is acceptance - of myself! I reckon all the rest goodies in life will follow once I have learned this trick!

Spirit x

[upstream]

I'm with you on this one tude, I had no idea those were needs. The physical ones alone weren't always there growing up. The only emotional need I knew about was the need to not be abused.

[Grama-Herc]

IMHO, every need listed here can be condensed down into "1" single need.

The need to be loved. We equate this need into many, many different areas of our life and describe it in many different ways.

People want to be accepted--that's love

People want to be useful--that's love

People want to be heard---that's love

[Anonymoose]

I need:
Financial security
Money to spend on pleasure
Relief from my symptoms
New people

[linasmom]

Beyond the basics (btw,tude, I love that you included sex in that category - ha! you rock!)

I need for someone to share in my definition of love.
I need time and space to do art.
I need silence.
I need to feel safe.
I need support from friends and family.
I need to always know that I have a choice.

[upstream]

I need to know that I'm not dependent on any one else for my survival and well being.

[morgan]

I think I need to be understood. There is a serious lack of understanding in my home and it hurts like hell! Other than that I have to think about it. Most of what has already been said here rings true for me too.

[Cindy]

As I said, I'm going to break this down into physical, social, and emotional needs.

Physical:

I need regular sleep with appropriate length.
I need to be sure I eat.
I need to get outside to BREATHE.

Social:

I need safe gatherings of people I know.
I need to be respected and treated kindly.
I need clear communication in both directions.
I need sincereity and frankness.

Emotional:

I need to be accepted for what and who I am.
I need to be understood.
I need security - financially, physically, and emotionally.
I need to be independent.
I need alone time and quiet.
I need open space and exits.

Well, that's a stab at it anyway. What I found interesting as I thought of this was defining a need instead of a desire. I've basically shut the door for relationships, though I have the desire to be loved unconditionally, I don't know that it's a need? I did manage to open the door a crack this year but it was slammed in my face. I may get there one day soon, who knows.

[sunnydaze]

I need to accept that I am loved
I need to move forward with my life
I need to accept myself as I am
I need to have relationships with people who tell the truth
I need to not always put others needs ahead of mine
I need to recognize what my needs are and help myself. All my life, I have been there for others no matter what the cost (not referring to $) and neglected myself
I need to put myself than family first
sunnydaze

[Grama-Herc]

As time goes by and I step further out of my self, I am discovering that I need someone in my life. I'm not quite sure what this actually means, but I am feeling an emptiness in myself that I am not familiar with.

I feel alone or is it lonely? At this point I am not sure. I do know that there seems to be a need of some sort that I am missing. Identifing this need will be my next journey.

It is somewhat confusing because I don't feel that it is a mate I'm missing. I am just not sure what this need is that I feel