I Don't Want to Hate You, When I Love You

[amisick]

I feel so miserable, I am here crying and typing this shit. My poor boyfriend, who is always at the mercy of my irrational abuse. Sometime, not even I know why am I so angry, so easily. I feel really helpless and overwhelmingly cruel. Somedays I feel like I worthless, and I shouldn't be around wasting people's time. I will never be good enough for university, despite you telling me I am...

I just want you, my love, to save me from myself. I am scared and I TRY so hard to tell you, help me! help me! But you don't seem to care... or probably just can't understand. So all I want from you is a sincere hug till the pain pass. But even that's hard because you tell me you can't sit still and just hug me. I'm so scared... I don't want to go mad.

Sorry for the incoherence.

[spiritofnow]

Beautiful, beautiful girl,

I have shared your journey, I have had the same thoughts and said the same things. I have psuhed away my love because I did not feel worthy of him or of his love. Because my constant thoughts were an anchor to my past, I only lived here!

I learned the most valuable lessons through experiencing my love and I am on my way now.....I am on my journey to healing.

You are not alone and I am hugging you, I will hold you while you feel alone.

You will be helped, but it has to start with you! You have to help you! No one can save you except your beautiful self.

You are not going mad I also know that feeling all to well, jyou just gotta get all of the thoughts and memories you have inside of you OUT!

I know my words maybe to soon for you? You may not connect with them yet? You may not be ready for the fight of your life, just yet? But, when you are my words will hopefully be a comfort to you, as you will know in your heart that the love you seek has to come from within and then outisde of you to allow wnother's in.

You are not alone in your feelings many of us have experienced this!

Please be kind to yourslef, please try to give yourself the love you asking for, just try!

Spirit x