How Do You React to Tense Situation / People Snapping at You?

[Lucky Laser]

I'm not sure if its because I grew up in a calm household and just wasn't exposed to much fighting or because of PTSD, but any time I see anger in someone else it terrifies me!

Just a few examples:

1. I was at the gas station recently and my husband innocently pulled up to a pump that someone else apparently wanted. The person pulled up to a different pump and got out and started yelling at my husband and thankfully my husband didn't react but just hearing that person get mad made my heart race and my head fill with thoughts of getting shot or worse.

2. I was at a hotel recently with my parents and they started discussing something and it got a little angry. I wouldn't say it was even a fight, or anything unhealthy, but I suddenly felt really angry myself (heart racing again, etc.) and I angrily shot out with "If you don't stop that I'm going to leave!"

3. When my husband gets frustrated with his computer, dying too many times in a video game (hehe), or other things completely unrelated to me it scares me if he gets loud. I find myself going into another room and then I feel bad because I know he needs to get those feelings out. Then he feels bad. He says its like his frustration moves over to me and I internalize it and make it even bigger, lol.

[2quilt]

It depends on the situation for me. If I see that the person is yelling at me because I really did something wrong, I will apologise sincerely and agree with the person that I should not have done that, that I was not thinking, and say things that will hopefully calm them down.

If they scream at me for some strange thing unrelated to me, I would say, "I understand, I am having a weird day too, and I don't feel good. It's been the third Monday this week. We both need some chocolate, doesn't that sound good?" and hopefully the person will realize that his anger is misplaced, without embarrassment. I can usually smell someone else with PTSD, who is angry about something that has nothing to do with me, but is venting in my general direction.

I never tell the screaming person to calm down or lower their voice because when some stranger tells me that, it makes me angrier. It's about as successful as stopping a burp or fart midway. That person needs to get it out. I just look at the person and nod my head yes. I know that when I get upset and yell, all I really need is to unload my anger for a few minutes, and just seeing that one other person sees my point of view is satisfying enough to make the anger leave me.

I am talking about yelling only, not hitting walls with fists, or throwing things.

When I get angry and loud, my husband speaks to me in a quiet voice, very calm as if we were in a library, and for some reason, that makes me lower my voice too. I can't hear what he is saying over my own yelling, so I have to be quiet. He's really good at 2Quilt management.

[linasmom]

My blood boils when someone snaps at me. My family knows NOT to do it - it's not hard for my husband since he never raises his voice - he is a very stoic individual. My mother screamed and yelled at me my entire life so when someone yells or snaps at me, I am totally triggered. I tend to see red and I usually say nothing in return because if I do, the situation will only get worse by my verbal attack against it.

In the past, I wouldn't hold back, I would lash out immediately if someone snapped at me, but I've learned as I've gotten older that by staying quiet, the situation ends much sooner than later and I can move forward with working it out in my own head, rationally.

Best,
Rachel

[Cecilia]

Any yelling makes me really jittery. When my husband and I first married, I would cry if he yelled or even if I thought he might be mad at me. I was ultra-sensitive. Strangers yelling would make me very nervous and I would leave immediately.

Now I still get nervous, but I have learned to talk myself down from running or crying. Sometimes I have to block out the incident and just talk to myself the whole time...so I go into a stare; which my husband finds quite frustrating, but at least he knows that if he wants my attention he needs to stop yelling.

Seriously, I never lift my voice.

[NotDepressed]

Not well. I usually completely lose it. It's not pretty.

[Lucky Laser]

Another frustration for me in relation to this is that I recognize the need for others to let their feelings out. I certainly do it... but its hard not to be afraid of it. :(

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I used to get mad and start yelling and swinging but I have worked on that.

Sometimes anger and yelling bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. I'm learning not to take on other people's anger so it depends on what type of day I'm having.

If I was around it everyday, like I was at my last job, I would most likely have another breakdown. eh

Tammy

[becvan]

The slightest of slight disagreements and I fall apart. I start violently shaking, my heart races, I sweat.. etc.. I go straight into a panic attack. It's just one of those terrible triggers for me. If I even think about any type of confrontation, I will go into a panic attack... So far, no luck on exposure therapy for this one.. it's a slow road...

bec

[Lucky Laser]

bec, how does exposure therapy work for that?

[becvan]

Like all exposure therapies.. slowly exposing yourself to that situation.. at the same time.. I also need to do the trauma work.. where the root of this trigger lies... As this is probably my absolute worse trigger, it's take much longer than the others.. lol


bec

[nic]

As long as it doesn't have to do with my particular trauma, I think I handle tense situations pretty well. I've had students go off the wall and call me every name in the book, including an "f-ing little C," and I just nod my head and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way; now please go down to the office."

[Cindy]

I lose it behind the mask. Heart racing, desperation to flee, panic, ...

Ever seen a deer in the headlights - that's me!

I also freeze up and shutdown, if it is real bad - I'll disassociate.

Like Becvan, this is a major trigger for me and I still haven't worked it through. Avoidance again.

Any sex person who has an abrasive personality totally intimidates me.