Missing Friends and Loved Ones

[Nicolette]

Kathy has been away for a little while now and I know her presence is being missed. Same goes for Evie and Jim (despite Jim being out and about a little lately dealing out a good lecture or two :wink:).

Personally I have been missing someone special too as well as those above. It made me think of how often we take those around us for granted and forget to say the things we think and feel. Sadly it is sometimes when someone has left that we want to say all the things we felt before but left to say at a later time for whatever the reason.

I know I started a thread awhile ago wishing Kathy and Evie well but that was before Kathy got worse. I wanted to start another thread but didn't want to appear silly posting another one so soon even though the situation had changed. Secretly I was hoping someone else would but they never did even after Anthony publicly announced Kathy was not well.

Of late, a few of the initial/regular forum members who have been away have come back to post with everyone saying they missed them.

My point? I think we need to tell people what we think of them while they are here and around. While I know the messages to the likes of Kathy and Evie eventually get through no-ones knows you are thinking about them unless you tell them.

If Anthony is going away I give him "I am going to miss you notes" while he is home so he knows how I feel and while he is away and unpacks things he finds notes in his pocket or wallet saying "I love you" or a note saying "I miss you" - all which I secretly packed throughout his luggage. While notes may not be your thing have you done something to let someone you love or care about know how much you treasure them? :think:

[Cecilia]

Nicolette:

Great thread! I LOVE doing little things to make people I love feel special. I am a card person. I bought a card package for my computer so I can make cards and have them say exactly what I want them to say.

For out-of-towners I like to make special cards and give gift cards (it does not have to be a large amount) to their favorite restaurant or a gift card to a spa for a massage.

Another thing I like to do for those who live nearby is make gift-baskets.

The spa basket is packed with comfort things like bubble bath, mint foot lotion, heat-activated eye masks, sugar scrub, relaxing body lotion, candles and a few liquor-filled chocolates.

The movie basket is packed with a Block Buster gift card, microwavable popcorn, their favorite soda, candies like Milk Duds, Skittles, Laffy Taffy.

The reading basket is packed with a book I think they will enjoy, a Barnes and Nobles gift card to purchase a book they would enjoy, a bottle of wine, cheese, crackers, candles, and of course a little Godiva chocolate.

The fruit basket is packed with fresh strawberries, cherries, cantaloupe, grapes, sliced apples with a caramel dip and a chocolate dip.

Those are the ones I usually make. I give them on special occassions and sometimes just surprise people when I need a boost or think they may.

They are fun to make. I love filling them with pretty papers and bows...oh I could go on all day!

[Lucky Laser]

Wishmaster and I do these things on a regular basis. He sends me encouraging messages and voice mails when I have exams, pays attention to things I like and randomly surprises me with a little treat, etc., the list goes on! One specific thing that popped into my head is when he drove across town to see me with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... but the thing that made it extra special was that he only had crunchy peanut butter and I like non-crunchy so he actually picked all the peanuts out first!

Yesterday I showed him my love by meeting him at work at the end of his shift with a sandwich and a gift (a family photo that means a lot to him had been damaged years ago and I had it copied and put it into a frame).

[2quilt]

I do those same things for Darling Husband. I buy him brand new teeshirts from the thrift stores, thus he gets a gift and I save money too. I make him no-bake cookies. I ask him on a regular basis,"What have you done for me lately?" and he responds, "A bunch!" and I say, "Could be more specific?" and "Do you think you deserve (fill in the blank, an elk steak?, Ben & Jerry's?, coconut shrimp?" I had to stop the sexy emails since his company monitors everything.

[goingonhope]

Nicolette, Thank you so much for starting this thread and for its reminder, and for re-directing my attention to it's Importance.

I am guilty of not letting both many others, as well as, some friends and family know that I thinking well of and missing them;

And/or that I am so frequently thinking of them and care lots and lots about them and their well-being.

I state this of course, with my reasons at hand, and though logically they do often appear quite valid to me, my reasons simply are not acceptable to me, regardless of there validity or lack there of; I'm yet to distinguish where I can be doing better for real, and where things and/or life simply fall beyond my control; Still yet to be determined.

I have found not doing this well, and to my expectations of myself, so very difficult, frustrating, and all-around hurtful. I say, difficult not for a lack of regard for another, or in instances love, for another human being; Rather difficult as in halted or distinguished by too many a fear, insufficient time, an abundance of other obstacles, likely confused priorities and seemingly all working in collusion; Again, something I'm yet to determine.....which is which and what is what.

Nicolette, however, now that you have written here, you have helped me to a very important state of consciousness, in doing so. ......This is the second time this week, the other similar help came from a limo driver. Truly, thank you for this thread, Nicolette!

Making a big promise to myself now, ......I will better attempt to reach and communicate with those whom I am thinking of, miss, respect, and/or always will highly regard and wish well and of course to those whom I love. ......Within the forum and here back home.

As I've said, this has been my second awareness and consciousness of the importance of such, this week. The other day while riding home from my eye-research appt., the limo driver and I talked. He ended up sharing some very real and personal experience with me. It's not my place here to say what, but as the tears formed some in my eyes, he gently stated, "Now, when you go home, give your husband a great big hug and tell him how you feel about him."

Om, I'm crying right now, remembering how I felt that man's pain the other day, how he reached and touched me with his story, and how his sharing and resulting response to me was one that can only, both always further develop and also bring to the light great love.

Anyhow, ..........Here's some of what I've been holding onto, in regards to forum members, and have not either said or haven't said in far to long of a time:

ranger2 75 and CaptainR, I want you both to know now how much I miss both of you, and your heart and your prescence here on the forum. I have thought well of each of you many times and highly regard, respect and always will be wanting, wishing and praying the very best for you and your families.

nov silence, though we did not get to know each other as well as we might have, what I have recalled in me thinking of you is integrity and a real spiritual prescence. In our interactions and in reading your personal writings, I've felt and had come to experience you as one wonderful, deeply spirited woman. I miss you, and will always remember you and will be wishing you well.

There are a couple others here either presently active within or have been visiting the forum, and a few other people, whom though not around, still I think of and miss and often. Those people, may find themselves embarassed if I said anything here now, and where as there is another way to communicate to them I will.

Nicolette, please accept a great big cyber-hug and thank you, from me to you.

.............now this feels next to impossible to really post, because of my vulnerable emotions that I now feel. (Reminding myself to take a deep breath...., breath...., breath...., and now a shower, as I've been working in the garden and then food, which so often is far too easily forgotten.)


Hope

[Cindy]

All right .... Cecilia - can I be your friend? Those baskets sound GREAT!!! LOL

I learned the very importance of saying sincere statements recognizing one's worth to me personally. My father died 23 years ago, we were best friends and shared almost everything with each other conversationally. We were always honest with each other. When he died I was so relieved we had that kind of relationship as I had no regrets. My siblings were not so lucky.

I have seen the power of stating to a person the things you admire in them on a regular basis at the right opportunities. I try not to ever leave things unsaid. I have observed many people do not recognize their own gifts or see that the small things they do in a matter of course make a difference.

I often reflect how rarely in my life supported or recognized me. When I got out of abusive situations and then recieved compliments - OH Man, I didn't know where to run or what to do. Now I just say thank you and move past it quickly like it was never said. I have to learn to accept praise without dismissing it.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I'm glad you started this tread Nicolette. I was just thinking about Evie and Cathy the other day and wondered if they would be coming back. I must have missed the post about Cathy being worse? I will have to go back and check to see what is going on.

I wish them the best and really enjoyed their presence here.

Your right we should tell people we care about how we feel, even in here.

Tammy

[Jim]

Thank you Nicolette for starting this thread. Tuesday is the first anniversary of our sons untimely death. Most important to tell those you love how you feel when they are present. Not have regrets later on. Much appreciate also Nicolette and Tammy for asking after my wife Kathy and daughter Evie (batgirl). Said this in Evies diary and will copy here: Evie has grown past the stage of needing the forum. Into the management stage, dealt with her trauma, mostly good days now. Fact of life: people change and move forward. My daughter certainly has. Thats progress. The wife and I are encouraging her to spend her time more productively. It is a myth that one must stick around here and help others once one is better themselves. Not everyone is cut out to be a hands on helper upon this forum. Evie certainly is not. Gets far too wrapped up in others issues - to her own detriment. Time and again this happened to her. So. Best she stay off. She does well on her own now. That is what counts. Herself first. The rest of you need to consider yourselves first as well, BEFORE helping others. Your number one. You count most of all. End of lecture. ;-) Jim.

[Jim]

Oh and my wife! Just about got in trouble there. ;-) Kathy did suffer a heart attack however is doing better now Tammy. No worries please. She requires rest still. However - she is much improved. Anyone wishing to keep in touch is welcome to PM myself your email. I will pass the information on to either one of my girls. Take care all. Jim.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thanks Jim for letting me know, I remember Kathy (spelled it wrong the first time) stating she was upset over your son's death, but I don't remember reading about the heart attack. I'm glad she is doing OK.

I'm glad to hear Evie can manage on her own now. That is great news, however I will miss her.

Take care
Tammy

[upstream]

I didn't know she was getting worse either. I'll keep her in my thoughts.

I'd love to be able to tell people what they mean to me, but sometimes it can be hard to know what to say... When the person is with me it's so much easier to speak in actions than in words. I don't know about this online stuff.

[Jim]

Just noticed this. Uncertain where the idea that Kathy is doing worse is coming from. However. It is untrue. She is actually much improved since the heart attack. So please no worries. Jim.