How Frequently Do You See Your Therapist/Psychologist?

[Awakening]

Actually I have 3 questions;

1. How often do you see your therapist/psych? (e.g. daily, weekly, monthly, etc)

2. How often would you like to see your therapist/psych (e.g. every hour, never!)

3. Ideally, how often should a client be seeing a therapist/psych in order to best facilitate the healing process?

The reason I ask is that I was seeing my therapist weekly but at the start of this year switched to fortnightly. Ideally I would like to see her more but it comes down to time, money & the fact I don't want to be so dependant on her.

I know I shouldn't think for her, but I get the impression that she would like to go back to weekly. She asked me at the end of the last session why I was now coming fortnightly and was it a financial thing. I said in part, and she said we should discuss this further next time.

I've been seeing her now for nearly two years.

[Cindy]

I addressed this in some other thread the other night.

I see my counselor weekly. It does concern me if I am too dependent on him to live a normal life. But mostly I think I do lead a 'normal' life as best I can.

I really am alone in this world except for my therapist and best friend who this year retired and has become a vagabond (around about 1 week a month). Bev and my therapist are the only people in the world that can listen to my past and present, and recognize the struggles I have living.

I have family and an adult daughter (adult? 22). None of which bother to relate to me and my PTSD. Their token line is "just get over it" not recognizing it's impact on most of my days and nights.

Ultimately, I shrug my shoulders and think what the heck it's keeping me centered and out of the hospital. They often respond to the reactions of my family and keep it in perspective - highlighting the inappropriate responses and helping me to discard their hurtful remarks.

[becvan]

1. How often do you see your therapist/psych? (e.g. daily, weekly, monthly, etc)

2. How often would you like to see your therapist/psych (e.g. every hour, never!)

3. Ideally, how often should a client be seeing a therapist/psych in order to best facilitate the healing process?



1. I see my psych once every two to three months now, but before being stabilized on meds I seen her once a month. I see my therapist once every two weeks. We are doing safety work at the moment. Once I start doing exposure therapy that will increase to once a week.

2. Exactly how much I see them now. If I need more time I let them know, if I need less I let them know. They also do the same of me. I have no set time, just what I need to meet my needs currently.

3. This completely depends on where you are in the healing process and what route you took for healing. I am doing exactly the process as the trauma diaries. Exposure therapy. This takes place in three stages; safety, exposure, and integration. The three stages tend to hop all over the place (it is not a linear process.) For the safety stage (which is coping techniques, reducing symptoms etc.) and the integration stage (management stage) I only need to go once every two weeks so that I have a chance to implement the techniques I am learning. For the exposure I need to go every week, so that I am digging at it until it is all unearthed (being pushed basically) and being more closely monitored due to the increase in symptoms.

If you are doing CBT only, it is considered to be a short term, coping/technique based therapy that works on the here and now. It tends to run from 6 to 12 weeks long. I realize there are more methods ( I refuse to even consider blasted EMDR in my responses!) but someone who is living it should answer those.

What ever method you are doing, you should have a clear idea of what it is, what stages there are and how long the approximate times should be expected. Therapy is useless unless there is a clearly defined and attainable goal discussed and agreed upon. If your going to therapy and have no clue of what method your doing, what to expect, or a time line (remember time lines are only general, they change as you go) then you are not seeing a professional therapist that is client oriented.

bec

[Awakening]

Well I have absolute no idea what I'm doing. I feel as though basically my therapist keeps my head above water. Most of the time I'm so overwhelmed and she reduces that so I can continue to function, albeit at a reduced ability.

Mainly we have concentrated on reducing my overwhelming feelings and introduced coping mechanisms.

One of my traumas I have written out completely, yet since then we've said maybe half a dozen sentences about it (and that was about 2, 3 months ago).

I've also talked a little about my suspected trauma as a child, but very limited.

We've discussed my symptoms; nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety attacks a lot.

I came to her originally because of drama in my family, and to immediately reduce that stress which was ongoing for quite some time. The PTSD stuff came about in dribs & drabs over the course of addressing this original problem. Then the original problem (the family drama) would flare up we'd address that, then go back to PTS related stuff.

Since then I've still had some ongoing stresses namely my relationship & my job.

Gosh. I'm just so confused right now.

I also dissassociate alot in therapy when talking about trauma, so then there is a lot of time grounding.

I'm thinking maybe I've been too busy concentrating on current stresses to actually attack the past stuff. Just treading water basically.

[becvan]

Okay, I am going to be blunt here. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.. but I think you need to think about this.. and maybe look at a few things... So. this is your fair warning...

What I read is just a pile of excuses. How long have you been in therapy for? What have you accomplished in that time? Have you made any changes in your trauma or symptoms?

If all of us went to therapy and just concentrated on reducing overwhelming feelings and coping mechanisms, not a single one of us would be one step ahead of the day we came here. Your chasing your tail.

Why are you avoiding a therapy where you know what is going on, what the goal is, and how long you expect to be doing it for? What benefit are you getting from avoiding this type of therapy? Is treading water good enough for you?

Really Awakening, wake up. Your worth so much more than this. You deserve better than this.

I do not in any way expect actual answers to these, I do hope that you will think about all these questions and maybe find your path from the answers.

Meant in the best of ways,
bec

[Claire]

Hello Awakening, I think you need to get to point when just keeping your head above water is not good enough. It seems you want more. I understand what you are saying because I've done that in therapy too in the early stages particularly. From your post you sound like you are unsatisfied with progress though. Is that right? If it is, Bec is totally right. I think you need to start tackling the trauma, either with this therapist or another. Once you start doing that you will really see big changes. Life will become so much more enriched instead of running from one symptom to another.

What's stopping you?

[Awakening]

Bec, Claire - I like blunt. Please do not spare my feelings, seriously just give it to me between the eyes, I think I need it. I think I've reached that point. I've had enough.

If my feelings get hurt then refer back to this post, I will tell you if it's enough.

I really need to spend some time thinking about your questions Bec. But to answer one question - I've been in therapy for two years.

What am I avoiding what is stopping me?

I don't believe that I was sexually abused by my uncle. Whilst I do have thoughts of what I think happened it does not feel like a real memory. I still can't grasp that it may have happened. I think it's possible it didn't happen, yet not sure what other explanation there is for these thoughts that something did happen. Is this denial or logic? I don't have a proper memory of this. I've avoided asking my mum & dad if they think this is possible because I don't want them to think I've lost the plot mentally, or for them to deny it or for my mum to have a nervous breakdown.

I feel like a fraud. I don't feel I'm really a trauma victim.

I know the stuff with my ex boss happened, as it was it documented, yet still I think I misunderstood, I was never in any real danger, sure thought he was going to rape me but the reality is he didn't. I guess I'm thinking get over it.

I feel like all this therapy and trauma stuff is a big pity party and part of me is disgusted with myself. The other part quite frankly enjoys the attention & empathy my therapist gives me.

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Awekening, the fear of almost being raped is scary so I wouldn't dismiss that. I feel that some one molested me too and I called two aunts and they both verified that they heard I was molested by an uncle. I also asked a different uncle if he heard anything and he said he didn't.

I was worried having to call these two aunts up and ask them such a difficult question but I needed answers. I still don't know if it's true because it's all hearsay. But I pretty much let it go and figure it will reveal itself when it's ready to, if ever.

I think therapy is good to vent and get things off of your mind. But actually depending on a therapist might seem like co-dependency IMO.

My therapist wants to see me weekly because he thinks I was improving and then hearing about the possible molestation made him nervous, and he is worried if I don't stay in therapy I will revert because I told him I don't stay in therapy for very long periods of time.

I only had one therapist I've connected to in 25 years of trying, and I only saw her for 3 years and I felt better and stopped going (that was over 10 years ago) I only just started therapy 7 months ago after a nervous breakdown.

I don't think I need therapy every week, but that's what he wants. I told him I can't afford it so they are working with me so I can afford it. But that doesn't mean I will go every week because he wants me too. He will need to give me a better reason why I need to go every week, when I see him next time.

Some people are able to deal with their problems on their own easier than others. I don't know for sure what advice I can give to you about therapy but share my own experiences.

Take care
Tammy

[2quilt]

What's a fortnight? Is that in metric?

Let's see, centimeters to inches. Gallons to liters. Farenheit to Celcius. Okay.

Are they now doing time in metric system?:rofl:

[Auburngirl]

fortnight is two weeks- and it's British so I'd say it's imperial rather than metric!

[becvan]

I feel like a fraud. I don't feel I'm really a trauma victim.

I know the stuff with my ex boss happened, as it was it documented, yet still I think I misunderstood, I was never in any real danger, sure thought he was going to rape me but the reality is he didn't. I guess I'm thinking get over it.

I feel like all this therapy and trauma stuff is a big pity party and part of me is disgusted with myself. The other part quite frankly enjoys the attention & empathy my therapist gives me.

Ahh, yes I relate to that one. Feeling like a fraud, well said. I still struggle with this on and off. Some days I think to myself, jeez just pull your socks up lady and stop whining. Then I get smacked between the eyes with some nasty symptoms and that shuts it up pretty fast.

Have you addressed this feeling in counseling? Found ways to combat it? This is a form of conditioning we learn from secondary wounding. Just get over it.

When I get like this, I force myself to look at the big picture, not the trauma. I go through what symptoms I have, how severe they are, how stable I am, how am I functioning. Then I ask myself if that is worthy of help. Of course it is. No one wants to live like this. Perhaps try that for the short term?

I don't find that my therapy gives me attention (and frankly I haven't noticed too much empathy.. just enough that I'm willing to share with her.) I instead work on coping techniques and which ones to try or change, which ones are working. It's very focused. Really it sounds like a big part of your disgust with the therapy is the lack of direction. Sounds like now is a good time for you to start pushing!

As for the fearing to get raped, how can you say that isn't traumatic? It sure as hell is. Thinking someone is going to do something terrible to you can be just as bad as something terrible being done to you. And you know what? Your symptoms prove that.

bec

[becvan]

I don't believe that I was sexually abused by my uncle. Whilst I do have thoughts of what I think happened it does not feel like a real memory. I still can't grasp that it may have happened. I think it's possible it didn't happen, yet not sure what other explanation there is for these thoughts that something did happen. Is this denial or logic? I don't have a proper memory of this. I've avoided asking my mum & dad if they think this is possible because I don't want them to think I've lost the plot mentally, or for them to deny it or for my mum to have a nervous breakdown.


I separated these two. I wanted to discuss this one all on it's own.

I will share a wee bit of my story here first. When I was in my teens, I had this flash of a memory. All I could remember was being little and some guy was dressed in the "Freddy Cruger" style shirt with a knife. He was standing on one side of the door and me on the other. He told me he was going to kill me. I had no idea what this memory was, where it came from, if it was real. It really invoked complete terror in me though. I didn't get along with my family so it took me a few years to ask anyone if they knew what this was. I ended up asking my Dad and found out that my cousin had tried to murder my brother and I when I was just six. The whole story was told me. It's a very dramatic story actually. I was shocked to say the least. I know about all of it now, but I still only remember bits and pieces of it. I didn't want to believe it. It felt unreal and I wanted it to be unreal. It took me ten years to come to the point that it was real.

That is just one of many pieces of memory that are like that for me. I still have many traumas I feel aren't real. At the heart of this is the fact that I don't want it to be. Facing the truth is infinitely hard at times. It gets even worse when most of them are fragmented memories with few chances of verifying them. I know that the only way I am going to get to the truth of these fragments is by doing what I don't want to. I have to dig at them. Tear them apart. Face it dead on. I have to separate what I think and feel from what I remember. Not an easy task. Then put it all back together again.

In my eyes, your feelings on this are completely normal. However, you need to start facing it to find your truth.

So, you say you don't have a proper memory on this. What memory do you have? Maybe start there....

bec

[tude]

Awakening,

I can only share my very limited experience. Every two weeks works best for me. Weekly is just too much. Working three days a week in that crazy ER and seeing the doc leaves me too little time to recover and feel good. Due to scheduling conflicts, there have been three weeks in between. That just seems to lack continuity. Wow, this reminds me of a children's story of three little bears... too much, too little, and just right.

This past December, I did come out and say coping and managing the symptoms isn't enough. I have a very clear goal as to why I am there. In spite of the overly client-centered approach, it is up to me to adhere to my goal of doing CPR again. Yeah, I can talk about the day-to-day stuff but that doesn't help me achieve my goal. She doesn't push me and sometimes I wish she would. So far, I have been able to push myself.

Awakening, answering those questions about what you want for yourself and what you want to achieve in therapy, and whether you want to continue to tread water sounds like a good place to begin. Keep us posted. I'd be interested in how your doing.

Take care,
tude

[2quilt]

once a week. i have a hell of alot to fit into one hour per week.

[Auburngirl]

Awakening-I also relate to feeling like a fraud. It's a difficult thing to deal with. Have you been upfront with your therapist about your concerns?

I see mine weekly, which for now is about right. Less frequently and there's too much too remember, and I can't imagine more I think that would be too much.

[linasmom]

I see mine every 2 weeks, only because I can't afford to go every week. My Therapist, during our last session, expressed his frustration about me only being able to come every 2 weeks as he would really like to see me every week, and I would really like to see him every week. Hopefully this will be able to change soon because I know that I need to be seeing my T every week.

[Lucky Laser]

I can raise my hand for the feeling like a fraud thing too... it has been interesting to see that others feel the same way. I have even asked my parents if anything else happened to me during my childhood that I don't remember because I have those days when I just think "get over it already, you have friends that have had worse and they seem to be getting alone just fine!" Then again, the more I learn about PTSD and psychology itself, the more I realize that one, a lot of times those friends really aren't just fine and two, its pointless to compare traumas and reactions. I learned that one here. :0)

As for the therapy question, I see mine once every two weeks. I think this is about right for me because I need time to think through the session and try to apply the knowledge I have gained. The things my therapist suggests are usually things I can do outside of the office. I sort of view him as a guide. My progress is my own choice and he can direct and re-direct me as I travel that road. Its really hard and painful, but I trust the idea that it has to get worse before it gets better and I know that I have to do certain things and face certain fears if I want to live well.

How often do I think someone else should see a therapist? I can't really answer that... it really depends on where you are in your process, how much effort you are willing make on your own, and how much you can take and use out of each session.

[sessnme]

I have so many issues that I think 4 hours a day everyday would be good for me. But in reality I see him once every week and my other Dr. once a month.
It always seems that one hour isn't nearly enough. All that happens is I get to talk for 45 minutes and he responds with "well said" or "you have every right to be angry". It almost seems like a waste of my time and money.
That is why I hope that relationships can be made here and I may find some healing.

[Anonymoose]

I usually see a therapist monthly and find that to be more than enough sometimes. Of course, I don't have a therapist who, in my estimation, helps me very much.

[2quilt]

Yeah, I have heard that too, that so and so has had a harder life than you ever did, and he / she seems fine, so why can't you stop whining.

What that speaker does not know is the truth under so and so's smiling exterior!

I have also had people who don't know the whole truth about me, tell me that they are surprised to learn that I have depression, PTSD and am on an antidepressant. I seem to them to be a fraud because they don't see me on my bad days when I don't leave the house. They are casual friends who don't see me unless I have the energy to leave the house and put on that "normal" exterior to blend in with the crowd.

These are the same people who don't see what's covered by my clothes and say, "You don't look disabled." What am I supposed to do with that comment? My best response has been, "Funny, you looked like you had manners a minute ago."

It's easy for people who don't know the real you to make an off the cuff comparison between you with someone else, especially when that speaker has no idea what your life, nor that of the person you are being compared to, is like! In my opinion, that speaker's comparison is worthless.

Almost everyone wants to "fit in" and be "normal" and accepted, so we smile when we are in pain, and on bad days, we stay home. We don't want to be the subject of gossip, or have to deal with thoughtless comments.

[Shoshin]

Once a week until recently when I tried twice to go two weeks...with not so good results. I think I may go back to once a week...

[sunnydaze]

I see my T every 4 to 5 weeks. This was my idea due to the money. I just started making appointments for every 3 weeks. My T told me not to worry about the money but he wrote off over $1000.00 previously and I feel guilty for not paying. How can I say, I can't afford it when I tell him we bought a house, my husband bought a motorcycle and we paid $700.00 for our dog ect.
Does anyone feel I should allow my T to not charge me what my insurance doesn't pay?

A week ago, I brought in a list of tramas that happened to me since childhood @ his request. I typed 3 pages up after thinking about it for a month. I have had flashbacks and memories recalled that I forgot about. I just remember another one the other day. I cannot believe how many things did happened to me. In 3 weeks, I will see what he has to say after reading what I wrote and what kind of approach in therapy he will start using. I know one thing, he was totally shocked at my list. I felt like, he looked at me different like my list scared him most likely, I read him wrong and it was my imagination. He had no idea what I have dealt with all these years. I didn't either, I repressed most of them until now.
sunnydaze

I have been seeing him on and off for 12 years. He thought he was mostly treating me for chronic pain and 1 sexual abuse incident. As he wrote for my diagnosis single-episode w/ major depression. Than after my step-son was murdered 8 years ago, he added PTSD w/ panic and anxiety attacks.

[becvan]

I have been seeing him on and off for 12 years.

Okay, I've been coming back to this again and again.. 12 years? You've been paying for a therapist, that has heaped on the diagnoses, for 12 years? OMG...

I have a question for you.. how much progress have you made in 12 years.. I'm really curious to see the answer for this one...

bec

[sunnydaze]

Becvan,
As far as my T's, I have been seeing T's for about 30 years. Others have gone to other type of practises , have moved to different states or I got rid of them. If you read my 1st post about myself maybe it will help you understand how complex my situation is. I have tried many meds throughout the years to find out the effects after taking awhile no longer helped or they were not the right ones for me. Year after year of my life, I suffered another trauma. As soon as I started to heal something else would happen to bring me back down. Perhaps, I will share with you one day the traumas, I just typed out for my T than maybe one can understand.

I am fortunate to cope with life as well as I have. I came real close to many breakdowns but my T now has been there for me. If, I call him in an emergency he calls right back and helps me calm down. Like, I said I have seen him on and off for 12 years. It has always me thinking I didn't need him anymore to only go back downhill than start all over.
sunnydaze

[becvan]

Becvan,
If you read my 1st post about myself maybe it will help you understand how complex my situation is. Perhaps, I will share with you one day the traumas, I just typed out for my T than maybe one can understand.



Okay, I don't mean to sound rude here but please don't decide what I did or didn't do. Before I asked how much progress you've made with your therapist, I read every thread you started. Did you read mine?

All PTSD is complicated and complex. Your not the only one on here dealing with multiple traumas that have heaped on over the years. Really, that sounded condescending to me. I'm sorry but your not in this super special totally unique set of circumstances. Your trauma is unique, but many before you and many after you will struggle with complex multiple traumas.

I asked an honest question. How much progress do you think you have made. I didn't get an answer instead getting the runaround about how I couldn't understand. I don't care what reasons your continuing to go for 12 years or 30. Your paying for it, so there must be some reason. I really wanted to know how much progress you have made. Thanks for the reply.

bec

[sunnydaze]

Becvan,
I am sorry but you do sound rude! Remember in the healing game one has to watch how they word things and possibly think before hitting send of how this person may read what you wrote if you are on top of things. Please re-read your 2 posts to me and see if, I wrote that to you how you would take it.

Now as far as your answer, I am taking one day at a time doing the best I can. I have learned relaxation techniques and have had biofeedback therapy.
As I wrote, my T was unaware of 90% of the tramas I have been through until the week before last. I had put these nightmares in the back of my mind only when he asked me to list them a month ago did, I begin to remember. I am doing alot of reading on PTSD and depression as well.

I thought joining this forum, I would not be judged nor my T but that is a impossibility as we are all humane and imperfect creatures. I personally will go back and read all your post again. I am not saying my story is the worst ever even though my last 4 T's thought so. As stated in previous posts I made everyone perceives their tramas different and everyones emotions are different. I would like to see how emotionally balanced others would be with just alone 3 murders in their family besides sexual abuse and other things. Maybe a will start a poll on this. I apoligize
ahead of time if I took it wrong.

What I remember of your previous posts and threads you seemed like a caring person.
sunnydaze

[becvan]

Becvan,
I am not saying my story is the worst ever even though my last 4 T's thought so. As stated in previous posts I made everyone perceives their tramas different and everyones emotions are different. I would like to see how emotionally balanced others would be with just alone 3 murders in their family besides sexual abuse and other things.



Firstly thank you for your honest answer. Asking a simple question is far from rude. How that was construed as rude is beyond me. My second post was pointing out the obvious. You gave me a big runaround with the implication that you have it worse off. Which again you have implied here.

Now I'm pointing this out for a reason. PTSD isolates us. We all think no one can understand, no one else has been there. It's very very negative thinking that HARMS us. Which is exactly what I am trying to point out. So let me be blunt. Your trauma is not worse nor less than anyone else's. Period. Many of us have multiple traumas. Many of us have heard that our stories are the worst that the therapist has ever heard, or how it's a miracle we lived through it. This forum is proof enough that it's complete bullshit. This thread may be off interest although its more aligned with those who think theirs is less than: http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread6916.html

Now you can keep going with this mindset and completely alienate yourself or you can work on this mindset and come to a better and healthier place where support and understanding is available. Your choice. I have no more to say.

bec

(my apologies for going so off course.. perhaps Anthony could split this into it's own thread?)

[sunnydaze]

Becvan,
I copied and pasted one of your post just as I said in my last reply to you and you said it yourself. So where is the problem? I by far am not better than anyone else. I do not use trauma as a game, I've got one better than you or others. Please read below your own words.
sunnydaze

Becvan wrote:
How I react to my trauma and how I speak about my trauma is not wrong nor there for you to judge. My trauma itself is not there for you to compare to your own. They are not comparable. Every persons trauma is unique, as is their stress response to it.


We do not allow members to attack and judge each other about their traumas. If we did we wouldn't have a forum. No one would talk about anything.

I really don't know what your problem with me is, however, there is no justification for this treatment.

bec

[sunnydaze]

Having someone tell us we are fortunate to be alive when surviving trauma is not BS. If we were not strong deep inside ourselves many would not be here. Some would be locked up in mental institutions and others taking their lives. So anyone that has survived abuse and are here to tell about it are fortunate.
We must be stronger than we know ourselves. Some get stronger some get weaker. We somehow pick ourselves up and cross another hurdle. For whatever reason I am greatful. Perhaps God helps us deal with our stresses if so I am a believer.

I personally have read 2/3 of the posts in this forum since I joined and believe me I have cried for each one of them. When one goes through pain they can have compassion for others because only they could understand because they have been there.
I do not think I have had it worse, those who have fought in the war have seen so much more in a short period of time than the years that streched out with my traumas. At least I had a break in between. I could never survive being in a war and watching people get killed no matter who it is. I cry for animals how much more is a humans life of value.
sunnydaze

[whitewillow312]

At the moment, I'm seeing my therapist once a week and my Psych once a month.

[sunnydaze]

whitewillow312
Good for you, I hope you like them. It is important when you do and feel comfortable with them also. This way you can feel at ease to tell them what you need to tell them to progress.
sunnydaze

[Awakening]

I'm hoping it is okay for me to post my answers here, and that I'm not dominating, because I think this is quite long. If it needs to be moved to my trauma diary then that of course is fine.

I really appreciate all those who have responded, it's been interesting reading.

For the life of me I can't do multi-quotes so I've bolded the questions posed to me.

How long have you been in therapy for?
Initially, I was referred to a fertility counsellor because of a disorder I have.

The disorder is also known to cause depression. I saw her for around ten months.

We of course focused mainly on fertility, self esteem, the disorder & the subsequent miscarriage I had.

However, amongst these discussions we discussed the sexual assault at 18.

She asked me to see a trauma therapist. I didn’t want to but said I would consider in the future.

Two months after finishing with her a stressful event took place. I have not discussed this stressful event on here mainly for legal purposes and for fear of being judged. It was not a trauma, although it was incredibly stressful. I may consider discussing it in PTSD if that is safe or PM. I’m not sure about that yet.

Basically due to this stressful even I then had a "breakdown" and went to my current therapist. This was two years ago in May.

So this is my long way of saying I have been seeing my current therapist for two years.

What have you accomplished in that time? Have you made any changes in your trauma or symptoms?
During this time mostly I’ve achieved awareness. Awareness of the truth of my childhood & relationship (as opposed to everything in my life is perfect).

I’ve become aware of my thought patterns & the defences I employ. I’ve also become aware of some of my positive attributes. I’ve started being honest with myself & my therapist.

I’ve become aware that despite my protests that I’m fine, I’m actually in a lot of pain. I’m not denying the existence of my symptoms (flashbacks, nightmares, depression, anxiety etc).

I’ve identified my maladaptive coping mechanisms and swapping them with positive ones with moderate success. Still got a way to go but have stopped SI and reduced alcohol intake.

I have written out in full the details of the sexual assault at 18.

I’ve written down one ‘scene’ from the suspected sa as a child.

Why are you avoiding a therapy where you know what is going on, what the goal is, and how long you expect to be doing it for?
Strangely it’s never occurred to me to ask or have expectations. I have simply submitted myself over to her, trusting that she is the expert. I have only recently recognised that I don’t assert myself or ask for my needs to be met. We are working on this.

What benefit are you getting from avoiding this type of therapy?
I don’t have to feel the bad feeling.

Is treading water good enough for you?
No, not anymore

What's stopping you?
Fear. Fear of the bad feeling. The bad feeling exists in my nightmares and flashbacks. So whilst I feel bad anyway because of symptoms, because I’m depressed, because I’m anxious – well all of that is still a better then the ‘bad feeling’ I get in my dreams and flashbacks. I believe this is the bad feeling I had when it was happening.

What's a fortnight? Is that in metric?
Oh my gosh, I had no idea they didn’t have a fortnight in America. Are you pulling my leg? That’s like not having a ‘month’. Yes a fortnight is two weeks.

Thanks for breaking up the intensity of this thread!

It reminds me of when I was on tour in Europe and the majority on tour were American. We pulled over to a ‘roadhouse’ to get some lunch. I came out to go to the toilet and bumped into a couple of American girls from the tour and warned them ‘that there is a really big queue in there’. Well they were just baffled. When I came back in they were looking up and down and asked me “Where is the big Q?”. I was equally confused and said “You are standing in the queue?!” It was then that I learnt that "queue" equals "line" in US speak.

Have you addressed this feeling (feeling like a fraud) in counseling? Found ways to combat it? This is a form of conditioning we learn from secondary wounding. Just get over it.
No I haven’t, I kind of didn’t realise I felt that way until I posted. But I realise now it’s a big deal to me and probably a big hurdle that’s been stopping me, so I will discuss this feeling with my therapist.

What memory do you have?
Memory is the wrong word. I always get hung up on it because it feels nothing like all the other memories I have. I feel that when I say "I remember x" I'm not being truthful because I don't remember. It's not memories that pop into my head - it's just stuff. So I have to clarify and say what are the thoughts I have about my uncle. And they are; (God I hate this)

-him exposing himself
-me touching him
-sitting on his lap
-flirting with him
-my uncle & aunt fighting about me
-blanket over my head
-the back garden behind the bushes
-keeping a secret at a family picnic

THE END.

[harrywgtn]

I see my counsellor once every week. Ay the moment i would like it to be everyday.

[spiritofnow]

I feel that I am in a very fortunate position. My G.P referred me to my therapist, Consultant Counselling Psychologist. She is fantastic! I respect her and have a great rapport with her.

I see her once a week. We spoke about therapy and the structure that they use. They initally provide sixteen weeks of intergrative psychotherapy. She has spoke about this and wanted me to be sure that I was ready. I told her that I am not in therapy just to be heard. I am here for bloody hard work. She was pleased as she said we are not in the habit of giving people therapy on a on going basis - you can sometimes achieve in three weeks what you can achieve in 3 years with the right therapist and the right client attitude.

I do not want to be in therapy for years I want to learn what I need to learn and live a peaceful life. I am ready to kick ass and face whatever I have too! Bring it! ;-)

I have already had CBT - for six months.

Spirit x