Do You Know What Living In the Here and Now Feels and Looks Like?

[spiritofnow]

I have had a major breakthrough today in therapy and I wanted to share and explore this feeling.

Today was not about re-visiting the past, today was about brining me into the here and now. My T kept referring to the date, 'you are here with me now, connected, in April 2008', then she would say 'you are with me in the room'.

She is aware that I am quite intuitive and I started to frown a little. She asked me if I was Okay? 'Hmmm, I feel a bit surreal as if I have just arrived'? Yes she said, you will here me use this quite a lot! She explained that many of us don't connect with our present surroundings, with the 'here and now'. She explained that she could see from our sessions etc., that I especially did not.

Bloody hell - it seems so obvious, but I just do not! I am always living in my head, experiencing the world from the past and thinking about the future , but never in the 'here and now'!

We practised a relaxation technique to trigger this here and now feeling.....She explained that she wanted me to go home and really look at my boy's face, look at my home and all that I have in it, and think about what I have achieved to have in it to the present date. She told me to taste my food, smell the air, look at the sky, watch and hear the birds.

It felt weird to begin with as though I had just arrived behind my eyes. I am in love with this feeling now! I am here and I can see everything around me, wow!

Oh my! Where have I been all these years - I have not been here, not connected to me and what is around me.

It makes perfect sense!

So can and do you live in the here and now?
What is it like for you when and if you do this?
Do you believe you have been living in an alternate universre - Traumasville?
Do you think it is an amazing feeling to achieve, connecting with yourself and your surroundings?
Do you think this is what recovery is all about?

[harrywgtn]

wow , so close to home. I live in my head also and always think about the past and then look forward. but i never get to appreciate and enjoy what i have right now.
I have an amazing wife and a brand new little baby girl. I so wish i could enjoy the now.
Im so happy for you. Make the most of it.

[Roo]

Do you think it is an amazing feeling to achieve, connecting with yourself and your surroundings?
Do you think this is what recovery is all about?


Yes, yes yes!!! :thumbs-up

There's nothing in the world like it...just being...here.

Spirit, I salute you! :occasion:

Roo

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Yes, that is great! I read a book called "The Power of Now" about 6 months ago and started living in the present moment. That book is so simple to understand and makes so much sense. I have healed tons since I read it.

It's hard to stay in the present sometimes because I'm used to dissociating. I have to make a conscious effort to do it.

It is a wonderful feeling.

Tammy

[spiritofnow]

I have that book on my 'to read' list!

Yes being in the now is just so amazing - I feel like a dog with a new trick! And, yes it is something you have to work at! But, it is just so worth it! When I was walking home from therapy I walked through my town centre, and for the fisrt time actually engaged in seeing the peolpe that passed me. I looked and said to myself their is a man with a green tie on I wonder if he is thinking about the now! I have always been a grest people watcher, but I rarely consider the 'here and now' of the moment!

I reckon it is so key in learning to heal your trauma! I feel so relaxed and positive! I did not realsie I spent most of my time floating just above my head. We need to feel connected to oursleves so that we can experience living...Life is so much more than trauma it really is! There is a life out there just waiting and we need to do both - live and heal!!!

Thanks guys!

Spirit x

[Cindy]

Absolutely yes to it all. I can remember the day I "woke" up. It was like I was living in a Black and White world that suddenly was full blown technicolor. Everything became so intense - the smells, the clarity, the colors, and even the sounds where enhanced.

It is totally exhilerating. If I have begin to fall - I drag out that one day with the crisp blue sky and autumn leaves - the cool clean air and say this is NOW.
It works 80% of the time. As I snapped and fell in to despair; I also snapped and fell out of despair.

Isn't it great!!!! :kiss:

[Awakening]

Yes, and I hate it.

I can barely read all your posts I'm sorry to say!

My T goes on and on about notice the leaves on the trees, the sun on your face - I think that part is all a bit too new agey feel good factor for me.

The being present thing I can sometimes appreciate and recognise that I need to do. My T is constantly saying here we are in this room, you are safe and it is the year 2008. For some reason I find this incredibly annoying. I think I find it patronising? Or it makes me angry.

I'm not sure but for some reason the whole here & now thing is triggering for me. Not sure why, but it's a good thing you posted it so at least I'm aware.

[spiritofnow]

It's Okay Awawkening!

I no for a fact that there would of been a time that allowing myself to be in there here and now would of probably scared the sh*t out of me. I believe it is another coping mechanism. Our trauma makes it so easy for us to leave, you know dissociate. And, I reckon after living this way for such a long time the 'here and now' can seem a bit strange.

I did feel surreal and I know that this feeling before now would have made me feel very uncomfortable and nervous.

Being in the now means that you cannot possibly block out all of that horrible stuff we are always trying to flee from - thoughts, memories you get me right? The here and now is about being present in your mind and body and experiencing life as it happens. Instead of always standing back and looking in - I believe this is also why I have had that 'alone' feeling for so long - I was way off somewhere else, totally disconnected from me and my surroundings.

I guess it could sound a bit new agey , but it makes perfect sense for us! You are not ready for this yet? Perhaps this method of bringing you together with yourself is not the right technique? You will have to answer those questions honestly for yourself?

Triggering - well I have lived my life imprisoned by the fear of this for 26 years, and now that I am ready to 'fight the good fight' I say no more. I understand now that my triggers are not real, they are not lurking behind anything or anyone they are all about what I have created, and so I am ready to take them on! But, for a long time I feared them and would avoid them - you have done good in my books to speak up and be honest about how you feel, very good (and I am not patronising you I am giving you my honest feeling).

Think of the 'here and now' in these terms; you are fighting to take control, you are fighting to heal, fighting to reclaim your life, fighting to live in a functional manner, fighting to find happiness, restore balance??????? Well if you are then use the 'here and now' exercise as new armour. It takes away a little bit of PTSD, it takes away a little bit of how your trauama can control you and it brings you back into the driving seat!

Your thread has been important for me too, in ways you would not believe, so thanks for that! :-)

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Awakening, I have been thinking about you!

I do not want to come across as a 'do gooder', I am just trying to perhaps give you a new perspective?

Perhaps you are not ready to truly let go of the past and your trauma yet? Perhaps you are still angry about it? Perhaps you are not ready to move forwards and leave it in the past? Perhaps this is why you feel angry and patronised? Perhaps, you do not feel in a position to start to heal that aspect yet- healing means laying to rest and moving on.
Allowing yourself to live in the now could seem like you are trying to forget about what happened?
Living in the now could seem like you are turning your back on certain aspects of your trauma.
Living in the now could laiden you with guilt about living?

I don't know you personally (obviously), but perhaps these could be some questions that you could ask yourself? Perhaps, I am totally off key? Perhaps, thinking about all of this makes you feel angry? Perhaps, you could teel your T how you have been feeling about this aspect of therapy, if you have not laready? They are just my thoughts and I hope they help you to move forwards from your feelings?

Sent with love, Spirit x

[tude]

Hmm, Spirit. The here and now, eh? I am fortunate to know what living in the moment, being comfortable in that moment and in my own skin, and being in awe and wonder of it feels like. It is good.

Only recently can I say that I have experienced anything close to what you describe.I have not been here, not connected to me and what is around me...had that 'alone' feeling for so long - I was way off somewhere else, totally disconnected from me and my surroundings. Disconnected from myself lately, yes. The here-and-now Self I once was has yet to fully return. Right now I don't like the here and now. It is far from perfect and I find it far too unacceptable to be present in it. I am not sure, but perhaps connecting with my recent work experiences will help change that. In other words, I am only beginning to connect thoughts and feelings with events. At least, I hope this will help. I miss my life and who I was before this all started. I miss the peace and joy of being in the present moment. Maybe it just depends on where we are at in our recovery when it come to living in the here and now.

I am excited for you in your new discovery. It is cool, isn't it? Enjoy it. Hopefully soon, I and others here will be there too.

[spiritofnow]

You will Tude!

We each take our own route and we each take it in turns to find new pathways......26 years was mine! You just get to see me (virtually at least!),in the here and now. It has been a long old road, and as my therapist rightly pointed out to me; the 'here and now' is Okay, and it is safe. It is the past and living away from myself where I feal all of the danger, and where all the fear is chanelled from!

Thank you for your well wishes friend!

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Me again!

I guess because I have learnt this latest lesson I just want to shout it out! I want to make others' think? I know making myself think beyond what I have felt has always been a good way forwards for me.....

Our clever old; my mind told me that the 'here and now' was a scary place, because it was the 'here and now' where and when I experienced my trauma - ever since that point in time and subsequent times that I experienced more trauma my clever old mind would be like, 'Okay last time you were here in the 'here and now' you felt overwhelmed, scared, frightened for your life etc etc., so we will take a short vacation away from you for a bit, that way you can still stay alive, you can still 'be' and not become extinct.'

It's the good old learned behaviour theory. We used this technique originally to keep us from further harm - only it no longer serves a purpose! Now we have 'learned' to believe that the 'here and now' is something to fear, something to avoid, so we continue existing in our alternate universes'. The only problem is that this is not conducive to allowing us making all the valuable emotional and intellectual connections concerning how our trauma is affecting us and controlling us.

Q; the here and now is about experiencing this exact moment? Right then, if we are only experiencing this exact moment what have we got to be afraid of? It is what we bring into the 'here and now' that stops us from living in it? Wouldn't you agree?

Crossed wires
That is all this is! The 'here and now' is safe! The 'here and now' will give you all the nourishment you need in order to make those valuable connections and come away from where your trauma holds you a prisoner.

Just think about it Tude..................

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Bloody hell this is it...........

You are living in your head? you are reliving the experiences that have caused your trauma? This is not the 'here and now' the 'here and now' can give you a break from that place. The 'here and now' is not what you are thinking about! you are feeling all of those heightened sensations of fear and disconnection etc., because you are not in the NOW!

I have finished now!

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

There was some self talk going on there!

Spirit x

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Wow, I hope you get that book soon. It sounds like your ready to really feel it. That books goes more in depth on the present moment and on how to heal the compulsive thinking that keeps us stuck in the past or the future.

People tend to think we are our past (all the bad things that happened), and live to think the future will save us. But this is a lie. If we live today that is what will save us.

The past has no part in our life now, and the future is an illusion. The only time is "NOW"

If a bird could talk and you asked him what time it was. He would say the time is "now" So we should let go of the internal clock, except for practical purposes.

Such good stuff in that book.

Take care
Tammy

[Awakening]

Thanks Spirit, I appreciate your postings, food for thought for sure.

Warm Regards,
Awakening.

[spiritofnow]

People tend to think we are our past (all the bad things that happened), and live to think the future will save us. But this is a lie. If we live today that is what will save us.

The past has no part in our life now, and the future is an illusion. The only time is "NOW"
Tammy

Abso-bloody-lutely!!!

I agree and I hear what you are saying and it is so true, so very true! It is a gift to know this!

Thanks Tammy :Hug_emoticon:

Spirit x

[Cindy]

Once you have that moment or day in the "now" it is so hard to hang on to it.

We are some comfortable in the cycle we have created in our lives. We are so afraid of change and the unknown. In a sense it is losing control of what's next and letting go of the familiar. But to continue to live and grow into the people we were pre-trauma we have to let go of the familiar.

I don't think we come out the other side of all this work the same person at all. I think the trauma's have changed us for life and how we view the world is a lot different once we have repaired the emotional and physical damage.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an empty shell.

I do believe for us to respond to the now, we have to be willing to see it for what it is and limit our past coloring on the now. The past experiences can influence how we live in the now but we are in control of how they influence it.

I recognize it takes a lot of work to limit the pasts influence on living now but the first step is recognizing how our choices today reflect our experiences of the past and we do not have to respond in old safe patterns but can create new safe responses.

[spiritofnow]

I absolutely agree with everything you stated :occasion:

I get the living in a shell feeling - I once explained this feeling as if I was a walnut shell only the walnut inside was withered and had lost all of it's miosture. I felt like I was rattling around in that shell, helpless and withered.

Not anymore, I can feel the moisture coming back.......

That was a good insight Cindy and I connected with your words.

I do ask myself this though; what if your trauma happened at an essential part of your growth and develpoment (at an early age)? How does this change you? I feel like my traumas have always coloured my perception of the world and I guess they have defined who I have been for along time. I guess who I am inside, who I crave to share with the world and express is who I really am. And, yes I reckon I will come through my healing a different person, but for me it will be the person that I have always wanted to be, not someone that was lost! I was never really given the chance to find me in the first plalce. So is who I becoem who I would could of been? Am I finally defining myself? Does it really matter? Does that make sense?

Spirit x

[Cindy]

Spirit - thanks for identifying with me. My shell is empty.

As far as defining ourselves. That is where I am at. Sometimes I feel I don't really know who I am. Other times I have a sense of who I am but not a whole picture.

Most the time I feel like a cue ball playing bumper cars just reacting to life as it hits me. But no over all plan or path. I get so wrapped up in daily living (survival) in a positive way that I loose sight of the big picture often.

Part of the reason I think I don't develop a plan is because all I am is my work. I have tried to pick up hobbies over the last two years to distract me from my work and to give me something else to focus on. I have been a little successful.

I find it frustrating regularly to try and get it all together so all the pieces have a flow and are not disjointed occurences. Still working on it. I always wonder if this is so hard for just us or does everyone go through these struggles?

I guess it doesn't matter either way because it is what it is for me.