New Here...I Have No Idea What To Do

[es9404]

Hi all, I need some sound advice and well-wishes, because I don't know what to do anymore. My husband of 3 and 1/2 years is in the army, and has been back from Iraq for 6 months now. He has been diagnosed with a "slight" case of PTSD, to which he replied "it's not a big deal, I'm not even going to go see anyone about it anymore." This was fine for a while, he has always had little outbursts of anger and temper tantrums, which I used to know how to deal with. Lately, his outbursts and temper tantrums have been more and more frequent, and recently he "shut me out" for about 2 weeks. He had never done this to me for this long, and I didn't know what to do. Some days he deals with everything perfectly, while other days, the smallest things set him off. Sometimes he hangs up on me when I call him, he doesn't answer my texts, and only tells me he loves me when I tell him I love him. I don't know what to do, what to say, or how to deal with this. I love him more than words can say, and want the best for him. I feel he should see someone, but I feel like I should not be the one to tell him this, and he should realize this on his own. Please help me.

[CaliSparrow]

Dear es,

I'm so sorry. This must be so painful for you and for him. When I was suffering, I refused to go to therapy as well. But my parents had a referal to a good therapist who they themselves went to see. When I became fed up with a predicament I was in, my Mom said, shall call and make an appointment for you? I was ready because I wasn't pushed, and I said yes.

Perhaps you will find the best way to handle this from seeing a therapist yourself

Good luck! CS

[Cowgirl]

First, it is VERY difficult for people still in the military to seek help for PTSD. Yes, help is available, but then they have THE LABEL. THE LABEL can harm careers. It isn't fair, but that is the perception and the reality.

You might try it this way. See if you can find a marriage counselor who has some experience with PTSD. Talk to the counselor about the situation. See if the counselor would be willing to see you as a couple and individually without applying THE LABEL to your DH and potentially harming his career?

Even if you never got HIM in to see that therapist, you could benefit from going, as you could learn how to cope better.

Just a thought.

Best wishes,

Cowgirl

[CaliSparrow]

I'm in agreement with Cowgirl's strategy. It sounds like she's familiar with military politics. I can imagine that anyone who works/lives in the "protective" mode might benefit from this.

I too have a call into a marriage councelor to inquire about PTSD. I think of it as killing two birds with one stone as it definitely has a huge impact on my husband as well.

Keep us posted. We can learn from your experience!

CS