Is This Normal?

[blownaway]

i have so many questions about some of the things my husband has told me. he has had sexual relations with 1 other man and sexual thoughts of teenage girls, is this common with PTSD or is this something else? he was abused by another man as a teenager. I just don't know if this is ok, the therapist tells me that he did it to make himself feel bad, and it happened years ago. Has anyone else going though this?

[Cindy]

No I have not experienced or heard of this.

The only insight I may be able to give you is that teenagers are very vulnerable to sexual identity issues. I teach high school and often have students who are 'experimenting' on both sides of the fence. I believe it is for many reasons.

Experiencing a sexual trauma at this age, I believe could put anyone in a tailspin about their own beliefs and tendancies at that age. Maybe, if currently he feels unsure, he should persue these topics in therapy. This is a tough issue for both of you.

You should feel good that he was willing to share this with you. If it were me I don't know that I would be able to share it with anyone ever other than my therapist. Somewhere there is a reason he shared it with you. Let time take its course and unravel this slowly. Do not take his choices or behaviors personally because they are his issues, in my opinion.

[blownaway]

thanks you for the encouragement, it is really hard at times, but i am trying to get through it.

[2quilt]

I agree that it's so very good that he was willing to share these events with you. It means he trusts you with very dark secrets that he can't tell other people. This took alot of courage from him, and you must mean alot to him. Treasure that trust you have earned and never violate it, please.

I knew my husband ten years before i told him some of the most gory details of my trauma, things I am embarrassed about or things I have done that were just stupid.

I understand that a person's sexual identity can be anywhere on a continuum between heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. That identity can change throughout life, also but I don't know why or how that happens, personally.

Yes, your husband may have had relations with a man to make himself feel bad; I can understand that. We don't know if he did it because he wanted to, he enjoyed it, or because sometimes we do things that we see as 'self-destructive' because our self esteem is low at that point in time.

How do you feel about it?

[Jim]

Quite a different scenario. However. My daughter was molested as a child and she can be sexually inappropriate at times. Mostly in her words rather than actions. However. It is quite pronounced and disturbing to see. Believe everyone who is molested reacts in different ways to what's happened to them. Not a professional so I can't say what's "normal" or not. However. I would hazard to guess your husband's behaviour is somehow related to what happened to him. Take care.

Jim.

[flyable6string]

I dont believe that every teenager questions their sexual idenity, because I know what I felt when I was a teenager, and I never thought about having sex with another guy not once. I think kids have a lot of pressure on them today, there are a lot of sick child molesters who use and abuse them, maybe thats what makes them feel confused, and those of us who have been fortunate enough to have never been abused sexually, maybe we're not as likely to confuse our sexual identity.