What Things Do/Did You Do To Distance Yourself From Your Memories/Pain/PTSD Symptoms?

[spiritofnow]

I just read a thread on here that reminded me of something I wanted to talk to my T about.

My latest and most bleakest moments were accompanied by excessive spending and purchasing. I am in no way a materialistic person and I live a simplistic life.

In reflection I feel it was another way to dissociate from the pain I was in. A way to try to feel normal, perhaps? I understand that there were other complex dynamics going on, but I feel that doing this at the time was in an attempt to distance myself from what I was feeling. (it didn't work, obviously)........I have experienced many other things that I also feel were an attempt to block out what I was not wanting to deal with!

What have you done? And how did it affect you?

Spirit x

[lrs]

For a while I did the shopping thing, but that was some time ago. One thing I did a lot was to obsess over something that would interest me. We have talked about a racing mind. I must have done this over a miriad of topics.
I stayed preoccupied with big game hunting, African history, pistol and rifle shooting, fishing of all types, collecting firearms, motorcycles, pool, art, music, high risk investing, aviation, weight lifting, swimming, work, conspiracy theories, world war 2 history, roller skating, even unicycle riding to name a few that pop into mind.
Then, of course there was drugs and alcohol.

[spiritofnow]

Lrs,
Do you think that this is also about 'all or nothing' attititude? You know the healthy behaviours continuum and being either extremes rather than the stable middle? Do you think this is down to what was also learned in early development?

I would obsess, about thoughts, ideas, activities, friendships, la de la! I have rarely ever done anything with a balanced approach. Always 'all or nothing'.......

Spirit x

[nic]

Ouch, the shopping thing hit a nerve. I know I do this, but I try to just pretend that it is because I'm such a girlie-girl and I love clothes. I know it goes deeper than that because I tend to shop in order to get me out of a crappy mood.

I also try to stay very busy. I NEED to work on a daily basis, otherwise I start to lose it. If I have too much time to myself, I start thinking too much, and I get REALLY depressed.

[spiritofnow]

I guess it is a major concern Nic if you live beyond your means? The spend I went on was over about 10 days and was way over mine!

I totally empathise with being busy etc. Distractions serve a purpose to a point! I guess we have to learn to live beyond these coping mechanisms so that we can be at 'one' with oursleves - I am working hard to achieve this so that I do not put myself at ANY more risks.

Spirit x

[lrs]

Yeah that would be one way of phrasing it. During those days that was a pattern. I still have some of those activities, but I don't believe I obsess over these things.
for example:
I still enjoy playing music, and I will probably play up to an hr a day. If I have the day off, I might even play for a couple of hrs. And I still get into it.
Back in the old days, you could almost label that as my total identity as a person. If I was not playing, often throughout the day my mind would be racing, consumed, and just fixated on how I could play a song better, or even build a better instrument.
I never thought of this as unhealthy or distorted, because it brought me happiness to be that way.
Some might ask if I have really changed, because I still enjoy some of the same activities. It comes down to discernment and balance. I still enjoy this, but it is not who I am, and there is balance in my life. At least more than there once was.
Besides, what are we supposed to do? Sit around and watch TV all day. ( I've been known to do this )

[spiritofnow]

I guess I asked that question Lrs because I am sure that a lot of this behaviour also comes from what we learned while we were developing. I mean people must do this all of the time right? People wihtout PTSD - use the distraction method.
However, they do not live the majority of their lives this way, do they? For example, We live in a world of consumerism, 'buy the big fancy fridge that crushes ice and wipes your ass and then you will have a more complete feeling/life.'

I guess I feel that this dissociating goes way deeper than just trying to ignore the here and now of a situation, memory etc. We have learned not to have these boundaries? Perhaps, we learned to dissociate because that is what our bodies did at some point during our traumas? Perhaps, this is merely about having more resources to dissociate with? I am going around in circles - I have a feeling about this that I can't quite put my finger on!

I will ponder on this!......

Spirit x

[linasmom]

Hi Spirit,

I heavily dissociate and have been doing it since I was 8. One of my favorite things to do is shop. But I don't have to shop for anything expensive, I could have just as much fun at the dollar store as I would have at the mall. For me, it's all about occupying my mind with new things that I can touch and smell and feel. It's more of a sensory experience for me, but I always buy the products. I've heard of people taking a shopping cart , putting things in it and then leaving the cart in the middle of the store after they have done their "shopping". I still have to buy the things I feel attracted to at that moment. My husband thinks I have a "problem" when it comes to shopping.

Cleaning is another way that I dissociate. One minute I could be talking to my husband and without ending the conversation, I start obsessively vacuuming the rugs, wiping down counters, febreezing the furniture. It's absurd.

I do like to paint and write but that for me has never been a form of dissociating, those periods are always when I am very much inside of myself.

[spiritofnow]

[quote=linasmom;67293]Hi Spirit,
Cleaning is another way that I dissociate. One minute I could be talking to my husband and without ending the conversation, I start obsessively vacuuming the rugs, wiping down counters, febreezing the furniture. It's absurd.
quote]

OMG! I do this too!

Spirit x

[2quilt]

I go to quilt shops. I have a spare bedroom in my house that is so stuffed full of fabric that there's no room to walk. I am lucky to get the door to swing open all the way. I am a bad girl.

[lrs]

Sometimes, I get that too. Hey it's a good thing, it'll come to you.
One thing is, we have not yet figured out who and what we are. Even today. We have long since put men on the moon, cured many diseases, we have mapped galaxies, even our oceans. As soon as I post this, b/c of the internet, anyone on the globe with internet access can see this.
But I don't think we yet understand how our own mind works. Do you know a psychologically healthy individual? I have known maybe fewer than 10 individuals, who were PROBABLY healthy in this manner.
Here is another question:
Does any one actually know what a pschologically healthy person really is?

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I can't stand to shop. I hate things cluttering my house.

I order self help books off of e-bay. I watch a couple of movies a week. This helps with the PTSD. Also, I get online and come here, or go to other groups that have the same interests as myself.

I'm learning to play the piano and I'm going to be signing up for a yoga class.

Tammy

[upstream]

Yeah I do the self help book thing too, my brother thinks they're ruining my mind. I've put them aside the past few months.

It's rare that I actually try to distract myself from my symptoms. Usually I confront the memories and feelings head on by analyzing them, thinking critically about them, or trying to re-frame them into a different perspective.

What I noticed help me escape from them was exercise. If I'm overwhelmed with physical pain I don't notice the emotional pain. Swing dancing helped too, though not sure why.

Then about a year ago when the symptoms got bad I found I could escape it by watching television drama. I started watching reruns of Brothers & Sisters, Battlestar Galactica, and other drama's online. Losing myself in other people's pain helped me forget about my own.

[linasmom]

Here is another question:
Does any one actually know what a pschologically healthy person really is?

Hmm, that's loaded. First, who is setting that standard? Secondly, what is the standard? Thirdly, can everyone agree that said standard is the truth and agree upon its place in some objective reality?

[upstream]

There's such a thing as a psychologically healthy person?

This psychologist on YouTube claims that it is impossible to exist and not be diagnosed with some sort of disorder:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb5F58OFTis

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hey upstream, why does your brother think those self help books are ruining your mind? Did he give you some examples of why he feels that way? Are you behaving in a way he doesn't like since you have read them? I hope he isn't the type that sees that as a weakness and is preventing you from getting well.

Those books have helped me a great deal.

Would you mind telling me about this a little more?

Thanks
Tammy

[upstream]

Hey Tammy, he didn't say. Not sure, perhaps I'll ask next time I talk to him.

[insomniakat]

Shopping/Buying actually effects your brain chemistry and gives you a mood boost. That's why if you're depressed you can actually feel "good" when you buy something.

There is also a potential to get addicted to the feeling.

[Murphy's Law]

My phases, as I like to call them, usually include shopping, tearing down/renovating (I love the destruction aspect of it):wall:, and of course the alchohol. And they always go way beyond my means, and abilities.
Thankfully now few and far between. Definitly all or nothing though.

[2quilt]

When I meet a perfectly psychologically healthy person, I will let you all know. It doesn't exist. It's a continuum between 'more mentally stable than I am and less stable than I am' and I try to associate with the 'more stable' group.

[Shoshin]

One of my numbing strategies has always been smoking and drinking...god I love it, and I still fall into it...like yesterday!

I did not learn this at home at all. My parents were straight arrows who never drank or smoked. They did not even swear.

I cuss like a sailor when I am away from work, love my ale, stout, wine, tequila, bourbon, whisky, gin, calvados, port...ride my scooter too fast, flirt with women...

My T says I am an adrenaline junkie who likes risks. At the same time I have been "covering" for soooo long that I am smart. Never been caught! I can go weeks or even months with no booze or smokes. Always have a plan B, an alibi, a cover story, an exit route...Perhaps that is the thrill that takes me away from the pain, the memories, the truth and reality. When none of these strategies works, I head to the woods and just hit "reboot".

I would like to say I am past all of these things now that I have been in therapy for three months and on meds...but that would not be true. I think my bipolar and my stubborness and my ego all complicate things.:occasion: :wall: :crazy::doh:

[spiritofnow]

When I meet a perfectly psychologically healthy person, I will let you all know. It doesn't exist. It's a continuum between 'more mentally stable than I am and less stable than I am' and I try to associate with the 'more stable' group.

Great way of seeing things :smile:

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Does any one actually know what a pschologically healthy person really is?

Drum roll please........................................and the answer is; a foetues! :rofl:sorry I was being faceitous. Perhaps it is the closest we will ever get though? I guess the beauty of human nature is that we are imperfect? Our imperfections are what make us uniqiue from each other!

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Okay I am going to be really brave and list all of mine, past and present.

Cleaning, rearranging the house, painting (the house until some ungodly hour), alcohol, food, drugs (illegal and socially accpetable), sex, spending, internet, music, thoughts (obsessive and on the surface stuff), workaholic......I guess that means that I should just read books and watch t.v ;-)

I have already left the majority of these behind me..................

Spirit x

[upstream]

Anyone seen Black Snake Moan? The main character compulsively deals with her memories through sex... I found it odd though since her memories are of sexual abuse as a child.

[spiritofnow]

There is a link here..................I have experienced similar!

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Trauma Reinactment Syndrome

Spirit x

[spiritofnow]

Book 'women who hurt themselves'.....

"Drinking and using drugs are similar to dissociative techniques used by the trauma victims to shut off the pain, fear, and rage experienced during the abuse. The abused child learns to evoke the numbing and disconectedness necessary to endure the vilolations. The adult survior, wishing to create this experience of escape, searches for other avenues to this state of oblivion".........

I do not mean to dismiss any men on here or any other trauma survivors. I just thought this was exactly what we were all thinking! It applies to both men and women in my opinion.

The TRS explanation - I guess if a woman has experienced sexual abuse as a trauma then they would have learned to dissociate while that was happening (as above outlines). So for a woman to partake in this activity in order to dissociate makes sense. It is a perfect scenario in which to disconnect. There are also other dynamics here, wanting to be loved by inappropraite means. Diminishing aspect to who you are by doing something that may rasie disgust in themeslves..........

We are complex beings eh?

i hope that was not to uncomfortable for some of you to read? This is just about educating oursleves!

Spirit x