View Full Version : Do You Feel Guilty for PTSD Related Behaviour?
Lately my daughter feels very guilty for how she has acted in the past, when her PTSD was largely unmanaged. How she treated the family and others, and so forth. Some of what she did was wrong, yes. However. Vast majority was simply due to her being ill. Survival and anxiety related actions. The wife and myself hold nothing against her, we realize she was ill. However. She continues to berate herself. Again on the phone tonight was crying and saying sorry for something I consider minor. In any event. Curious to know if others feel shame or guilt for PTSD or anxiety related behaviours? Hope that is clear enough.
Jim.
Nicolette
27-04-2008, 04:05 PM
Hi Jim
Just wondering if Evie is feeling worse due to you being away also?
Could be somewhat making it worse. Though this guilt over her actions has been going on for about a month now.
Jim.
I often feel guilty, as I feel like I am being a burden. I know this is, at least in part, due to the abuse I suffered. However, it is difficult to keep my head straight about it when my PTSD and anxiety are in play.
Thank you Nie, much appreciated. Daughter says the same thing,that she feels like a burden. And. That she's often been unsure of the difference between what was actually her "fault" and what was the PTSD. Myself, I prefer to remove the word "fault" all together. Doesn't matter to me in the slightest. It's all part of the illness. I don't judge or blame. Just glad she is feeling better and working on herself, that is all that matters.
Jim.
Claire
28-04-2008, 03:19 AM
Hello Jim, I remember talking to Evie about the 'burden' thing before. It might be in her diary, I cant remember. I got her to list all the things that she added to your family by being around. Ask her if she remembers, it might help break the cycle. We got quite a good list I recall.
upstream
28-04-2008, 04:08 AM
I don't believe I will ever feel guilty towards my family for anything trauma related. If they didn't cause the trauma, they knew about it and failed to protect me. Or they were there with me getting traumatized. If anyone should feel guilty it's my parents and older relatives.
Marlene
28-04-2008, 06:28 AM
I used to feel guilty and wonder why my family put up with me. That was when things were at their worst. I understand now that all of those feelings I had neatly tucked away for so many years came spilling out (along with my symptoms) and I was ill. It took a while for me to forgive myself for really not 'being there' for my family for more than a year.
These days when I have a day or two of high symptoms, I deal with it the best I can and know that I'll feel better shortly. Also I know that it's just part of this whole thing and there's only so much I can do to prevent it. Sometimes I have to remind my family of this...but for the most part their still as supportive and helping as ever.
Lisa
Interesting to see everyone's comments and votes so far, thank you, much appreciated. Seems it's a process one goes through in many cases, correct? Recall now that my daughter had a bit of this about a year back too, when she was under stress. She's under some stress again now, could be contributing.
Jim.
anthony
28-04-2008, 11:30 AM
I answered, "not any more" as I once did feel guilty as I was healing, learning.... but the more I viewed my acts as part of what I have, many of which I simply just had little to no control over as I had no idea why I was doing some things... though it all clicked the more I found out about PTSD. Double edged sword... in that learning produces guilt for past acts, though this is another aspect I had to accept that I did wrong, I learnt from it and have bettered myself as a result, and all I can hope is that those I hurt have moved on and healed themselves. I simply cannot continue feeling guilty for my past acts any further, if I did... it would weight me down constantly. It was a choice for me.... for my own self preservation if you like from PTSD.
Murphy's Law
28-04-2008, 01:28 PM
... I had to accept that I did wrong, I learnt from it and have bettered myself as a result, and all I can hope is that those I hurt have moved on and healed themselves. I simply cannot continue feeling guilty for my past acts any further, if I did... it would weight me down constantly. It was a choice for me.... for my own self preservation if you like from PTSD.
I answered sometimes. My past guilt, Anthony puts it better than I could.
However, the biggest guilt I have is the burden I will put on family and friends, and even society, as my physical symptoms get worse.
But I guess that is not so much about the PTSD? and more about the physical problems I am left with.
Interesting Murphy. Daughter has some physical concerns as well.
My guess. Your guilt would be low self-esteem in that case. Somehow maybe, you don't think you are worthy of being cared for. Certainly not your fault for needing care. It's your right to have help if you need it.
Jim.
Grama-Herc
29-04-2008, 09:57 AM
Jim, as the daughter who caused pain and heartache to my mother by my PTSD actions, Yes, I feel guilty for what I put her through.
I don't feel guilty for my actions because I know I am sick and was undiagnosed at the time. It hurts me to know that I hurt her. For that I feel guilty and try daily to make it up to her.
It is the guilt of causing her parents pain and sorrow that I think is bothering your daughter more than the actual deed itself.
Believe you are correct in your guess Herc, though there is no need for Evie to feel that way. Her fault, not her fault, she's forgiven either way. Suppose the issue is, she has to forgive herself! Good to know though, you feel similarly with regards to your mother.
Jim.
ChrisB
29-04-2008, 10:31 AM
Jim- I have been living (so to speak) with this for over 8 years. I am getting a grasp on my guilt but I have been beating myself up over this for years. "What if I had stayed home from work that day? What if I did not enter that building?" etc. For me it's as if I was aware of my behavior and yet not aware at all. If de-realization and de-personalization enter in then I tended to feel at blame for many things unrelated because I was not sure what I was doing. It may be hard to grasp but at times she may not feel in control-Fear. Self Forgiveness can be helpful, in time.
Be well
I am getting a grasp on my guilt but I have been beating myself up over this for years. "What if I had stayed home from work that day? What if I did not enter that building?" etc.
Much appreciated Chris. Though believe you are speaking about guilt over the trauma itself? My daughter had that as well. However. In this poll I am asking about guilt over one's behaviour after the trauma. Guilt over how one treats friends and loved ones whilst ill. Good points though, thank you.
Jim.
She Cat
02-05-2008, 08:30 AM
Guilt is the hardest to overcome. I am plagued with it. I don't know how to move beyond it. The behavior I had while raising my daughter, was awful. She hates me, and will never forgive me. I don't blame her. I caused her a lot of misery with my behavior.
I am still in the "If only" mode. I don't think I will ever be able to move beyond it either. Just knowing the pain I caused her........
Ah yes. Parental guilt. That is a tough one Wendy. Even for someone without PTSD. Uncertain what to do about that one. Suffer from it myself unfortunately.
Jim.
cypher
03-05-2008, 10:37 AM
yes, i do. I'm usually at work and intruding thoughts creep in, smells of cigarettes, etc all get me very down. I work with very great people who help and know something is going on (they dont know what but know something is wrong). It makes me feel guilty because when this happens, I leave and throw up, or pass out. That makes me feel extremely guilty because it puts extra work on everyone else, makes their job that much harder when I'm down and out. I try to avoid that and keep things under control, but sometimes I just slip.
cactus_jack
09-05-2008, 05:48 AM
Not anymore Jim. I got this PTSD because of the stupidity and idiocy of the community. I don't really give a rats ass if my PTSD offends them. It's like digging a big hole then whining because it filled with water during the last storm. They did this to me, and while I hate it and will do what I can to make it less-affecting to me, I couldn't care less if the community doesn't like it.
Actually, the more I think of it, I hope they don't like it. I hope it bugs the living hell out of them. I hope it terrifies them.
Because for so long Jim, it has terrified me.
Lucky Laser
12-05-2008, 01:58 AM
I feel guilty for things. Especially when I snap at my husband or blurt out something mean I was trying to hold back because I knew it was irrational and PTSD related.
reallydown
13-05-2008, 05:20 PM
I said "yes, often"...mostly when I snap at family members...Good poll Jim.
FightingLily
19-05-2008, 04:33 PM
I answered yes, sometimes. Yes I do feel guiltly but at the same time, everyone knows my response to triggers, my reactions, and lack of interest is due to my PTSD. Yes, there are times when I cannot function , yes there are days and plans that get ruined, yes, at times I am an emotional mess. I decided that a lack of understanding and patience is detrimental to my success especially when I am not exhibiting destructive behaviors.
Anonymoose
20-05-2008, 12:43 PM
Yes, I slept all week and felt quite guilty about it, though nothing really suffered for it.
Seychelle
29-05-2008, 02:54 PM
I have some guilt on and off now - I know that sometimes I let things fall through the cracks at work because I'm dissociated.
In terms of past behaviour, I can see why I acted the way I did and I've mostly forgiven myself for that because I'm making amends for it now. I think part of the moving on from guilt for me is being accountable for past actions. I find it easier to forgive behaviour from the past when it was before I knew what was going on. However, recent behaviour is a bit trickier because now I know what I'm dealing with so there's this feeling that I should be able to control my reactions more.