Here are the most destructive people in my life:

Here are the most destructive people in my life:


My mother- She is paranoid schizophrenic; Her not being able to provide love or attention really to either of her children caused more issues than even I think I will ever understand.
She was pretty text book with her illness, she had delusions of grander and just plain old’ delusions as well. She heard voices and very often spoke back to them (around anyone at any time). She had pretty bad hygiene, as she could not take care of herself really at all.
She could be pretty verbally abusive to me and at times physically. My mother was pretty much unable to be treated correctly due to the severity of her illness, she has been too many different hospitals and treatment centers and nothing really has helped. My mother went missing when I was about 12 I guess and that left my father and my sister and I. She was gone for about 3 months and where we really still don’t know. Although, we found out she was being housed by another very mentally ill boyfriend of hers. During that particular time my father decided we should get the hell out of Maryland and go to Florida where things perhaps might be better. We went and my mother ended up being found and followed us down to Tallahassee, FL. She was ok for about a month and then she lost it again and stopped taking her med’s. She was taken away for assaulting my father and more than likely a few other people and maybe some animals as well…who knows. I have not seen her since that day. It’s been almost 10 years. I have no clue where she is or if she is alive. But, **** it, that’s my mother is her truest form.


My father was a horrid alcoholic. I feel compelled to say he is currently trying to stop now. I hope this is not another failed attempt…for both him and me and my sister.
I don’t really know where to start with him because I love him and feel a massive amount of guilt when speaking of him. But, that is part of my problem with PTSD and BPD…etc.
When I was younger (until the age of about 14 or 15) he was very emotionally and physically abusive also. I would be smacked or punched for no reason at time simply because he had a bad day at work. That in and of it’s self caused me to be tribally scared of men. More than anything however, it was his emotional abuse that caused the most issues I would have to say. I was over weight in the latter half of my childhood and he made sure he let me know this fact. I was called everything you can think of. He has such anger issues and most of it was taken out of me once my mother was gone. He had to find someone else to take out all of his pain and anger on. So, I was the older one of Anastasia and I. It worked out I guess. My father was also at one point addicted to crack and other things….he almost right in front of both myself and my ex girlfriend due to his addictions. He has caused so much pain and so many mixed feelings within me.
There is more but…eh.


My sexually abuser- His name was Mark and he was my dad’s best friend. He was such a good friend that he molested me when I was almost too young to even speak. He also had an affair with my mother, which my father walked in on. That particular situation landed my father with an assault with a deadly weapon charge and jail time. I don’t know much about Mark as a person really other than what I remember at a very young age.
I remember his smell and the way he told jokes all the time. He was a really tall guy and he had a limp from a car crash when he was a kid. Oddly enough I don’t feel much anger at Mark, because I have not tapped into that pain yet. I do not like men however and I am certain he didn’t help that point out much. I wish he was alive; I would want to talk to him……or bust his face in. Either way.


Ah..this will be continued soon enough, I need some time to think.