This is a very tricky subject. Are repressed memories real? Yes and no. There has been a lot of controversy over therapy induced repressed memories. Many claim they are all falsely induced and never happened, many claim that of course they have to be real, they remembered it right? So what is the truth of the matter. Here are some agreed on points by both sides:

1. Injustice happens. Innocent people do get accused and convicted. Guilty parties do go free by casting doubt on the accusations.

2. Incest happens. It happens more than orginally thought. There are NO characteristic signs or symptoms of incest.

3. Forgetting happens. Forgetting past events, both negative and positive, is part of ordinary life.

4. Recovered memories are commonplace. Our memories can be and are cued by remarks, experiences etc. Everyone experiences this everyday. It is how our memory works.

5. Memories "Recovered" under hypnosis or influence of drugs are highly unrealiable. Caution needs to be used here. Any memory that is found under any type of therapy induced methods needs to be verified. (more on how to do this further in this post.)

6. Any memory of something from the age of 3 and before are unreliable. There is something called "infantile amnesia." This is caused because we can not recall any memory in the same capacity (we use a different method after the age of 3) as an adult. There is NO method to recall events before this age that is reliable. Period.

7. Memories, real or false, can be emotionally upsetting. No matter what type of memory, verified or not, they have emotions attached to them. These emotions need to be dealt with and validiated.


Now, some of you may want to argue these points. I do not want to get into how our memory works, why it works that way and everything to back it up. In fact, I'm not going to.

Okay so what is my point here? My point is that many doctors and therapists are completely irresponsible in giving this information to us. They never explain this. They can just jump the gun or ignore it completely. We need to be armed with knowledge when it comes to our memories. I have dealt with amnesia, repressed memories and memory recall for over 18 years, in my personal life. It's a hard road. Many, if not all of us, will have to deal with this at some point. So, how do we tell if our memories are real or not?

1. When did the memory surface? If your memory was recovered in therapy (not after but during), through any therapy methods or drug use do not believe that it is real until you follow through with OUTSIDE verification that it really happened.

2. Verifiy all memories recovered. Verify this by outside sources. Family members, freinds, newspaper clippings, pictures, police reports, CAS reports, etc.

Sounds pretty simple eh? It can be a very trying process. What if you have family members trying to protect themselves or others? What if they are unreliable themselves and prone to lying? What if they refuse to tell you anything or you can not bring it up? You may have to get creative. I've had this problem myself. It could be a little clue. You remember witnessing something. Your family says it never happened. Perhaps you have previously heard them talk about being on a boat and your memory was on this boat. Well, you knew you were on the boat. First indication there is something to it right? Secondly, what is the intent of the person asked to verify or not, of the memory? Are they angry, are they guilty, protecting someone or themselves etc.. Also (thanks to Nam for pointing this out) memories can be verified by the details they contain. Are they consistent with your age at the time, height, placement, smells, location etc.

Remember, this is a PROCESS. It can be a long one. Whether you can verify your memories or not, what ever you are FEELING is real. You need to acknowledge, accept and work through your feelings.

As for a nightmare recovering a memory, this is very unreliable. Our dreams are a process to working through our memories, experiences, thoughts feelings etc. This is not a cut and dried process. Our dreams could be triggered by anything from anywhere. The smallest thing can make us dream bizzare and scary events. Do not trust a dream or nightmare as a reliable memory. Use the verification process to determine if it is real if you feel this may be an actual event.

I wish you all luck with this!

Bec