Cass, before that tree there is another obstacle, what is it and please describe it in detail?

A rock. Weathered and moss covered. Large, kind of reddish in color. Solid coloured, not translucent. Warm to touch. Beats in time to my heart.

Cass, tell me what recent problem has entered your life that you feel quite emotional about? This is something that is quite unexpected for you, that most likely happened recently. For another way to look for the problem, is to find what has just dropped into your life at present, as though someone or something put this problem there for you.

Luke is it. I keep feeling like he's going to hurt me like the others. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall.
He is so sweet and nice. Surely it can't be real. I keep thinking that it's all just a mask and one day he's going to do what all the others have done.

So your pre-empting a response that you really do not actually know? Your using a negative thinking style, by thinking for him! Reality time... lets work with that. You can pre-empt the worse, or you can relax a little and see where it goes. The reality is that it may work, it may not, but only time together will tell that, not making decisions now based on a future you do not know. Unless you have a crystal ball, and can see the future, you cannot know what will happen, thus that is what you must accept. Any relationship is something that must be taken one day at a time. People get married, they get lazy and comfortable with their partner, and then it all falls down and they wonder why. A relationship is constant daily work, and they must be judged daily, not past or future.

thinks it over.

I'm trying to stop myself judging him because it isn't healthy in any relationship.
I keep doubting myself I think. I trust him and yet I doubt the trust I put in him. I'm second guessing every thought, every feeling I have and I'm hating it.

Now Cass, trust is another thing completely different here. Trust MUST be earnt, not expected. You have started a new relationship Cass, why exactly are you suppose to trust him immediately? You don't know him well enough to trust him, so why should you be dishonest with yourself, or him, that you do at this point? This is a negative emotion that causes your pain. Instead of just saying, you must earn my trust Luke, you do not get it the moment we sleep together, instead the moment you have interpreted sex with trust... not a good combination. That is if you have had sex... just a presumption, not fact. I use that as an example only Cass, not necessarily your exact circumstance. The example I raise is because this is the typical model taken, ie. we have sex so we believe we must trust, when in fact the two are very different. Sex is pleasurable, and whilst it comes with giving a certain amount of ourselves which is associated to trust, the other person may not see it this way, and even if they do, they still do not necessarily warrant immediate trust, because trust comes from knowing a person over a period of time, using best judgement of your experience in life to apply whether that person can be trusted. How that person interacts with you, and any feedback gained from his friends or family, vibes even for a word, your feelings you get from others about him. If you speak with others, and feel they are stepping around words carefully, ie. not being open and honest about him, then something is often being kept, so how could trust really be present yet? It can't, nor should it be expected.

The moment someone says marriage, then you could presume a certain level of trust is then present, but even that nowadays can be misinterpreted by many, because the other persons view point is never consulted, just assumed.

reads through a couple of times and then blinks.

I should say that I am starting to trust him. I think to me, to have let him in as close as I have emotionally, says that some part of me wants to trust him.
I think because it was a mutual friend that I trust that introduced us, a part of that trust sort of rubbed off.
This isn't to say that I trust everyone my friends do because my friends do. A good example is with another guy that I was introduced to about the same time. He made my skin crawl just being in the same room with him.

Me and Luke just seem to click. We can talk till 3 or 4 am and then go to sleep curled around each other. Yes I've slept with him, but he didn't instigate it.
Without me telling him, without knowing anything about the abuse he wouldn't push me for sex. If I tensed up around him, he would talk me down from the start of a panic attack.

I don't know what it is. He makes me feel both safe and content. He makes some of the bad shit manageable, just by being there to hold me when I cry. I just wish I wasn't so scared of this feeling.

Then that is the optimal feeling for you Cass... safety and security emotionally speaking. Great news...

Great news but scary as hell. Manageable scary though. It's like walking a tightrope, that twang of exhilerated fear that hits your gut.

LOL all giddy methinks