Andrea... after reading yours posts, the tone of the them really started to stick out to me.

What is so wrong with allowing a sufferer to have some stress recovery relief??
If you were truely concerned with his health, you would ensure that he got the quiet environment he needs to sort his thoughts out, and allow him to reach out to you.
Also, it strikes me that you seem almost angry that you have to 'take care' of him... what is the resentment for? he did not choose to get PTSD.
It's not like you will have to 'shelter' him forever...

unfortunatly guilt trips don't work that well on alot of PTSD sufferers
So Andrea, let me ask you this... what are you going to do about your own issues?
Have you joined a forum for your condition? Or researched it like you did with PTSD?
I understand you have your own issues, but you can't make your husband suffer because you refuse to get help.

I'm sure this will be taken the wrong way... but... it sounds like you are an awfully pushy angry person.
You even started this thread by telling us that you normally complain with the rest of the spouses about how hard bad PTSD days are for you... it's almost like you wanted to rub our fur the wrong way..
You need to look inside yourself and figure out why you are so afraid of him leaving you.

It just makes me so angry... I would do anything to not have PTSD... but people can act like it's a choice we made.

I must say YA, very well said and put forward of your feelings in this matter. Well done.

Y&A,
I just wanted to say that i do seem like an angry pusky person at times and i probably can be.... you read the post where i was angry...Other people were accusing me of "attacking" and "repeating" myself so in no way do you seem rude and no i did not take your post the wrong way...i can see why you would.
To answer your questions... what am i going ot do about my issues? i am looking for the right phychologist at the moment, i cant just go to anyone...but i am looking and i want to find one quick...my father was helping me with this...
What i joined a forum? well i am not sure of what i have...but i do reseach all day and i do talk to people online in which i can relate to. and yes, just like i reseached PTSD, i never stop reading about what might be wrong with me. I never said i refuse to get help...see this is where things are taken the wrong way because people put words in my mouth...i never said that. Just like i never said i didnt want to hear it from your point of view...thats why i posted in this section...because i do want to hear it... and i knew it would be hard..but its ok i am willing to listen.
Veiled,
just wanted to point this out...
DD and i talked about this last night how things that you read aren't always how they are meant... and i think you and Bec got the wrong idea, or read it in a way that was not meant and thats when all the problems started because i didnt say anything to offend Bec...i was more confused so i asked questions.. i am just very confused :( and she came back all upset!! im guessing because she talked to you....
but even in your first post you said some things that were not true and i dont think thats fair...you said things about me that were not true (you assumed) thats why i became upset. hope you guys understand how this mess happened and its ok to get angry if you dont know whats going on.
Anthony,
just like Veiled pointed out the guide you wrote up is amazing...i am going to print it up and posted near my computer so i can look at it when i need to, thank you!

I never attacked, nor consulted, about my feelings on this Andrea.. and I greatly resent the major implications you keep throwing out there that Veiled, Y&A and I are "consipiring" in some way against you. It's ridiculious. Secondly, just because I am too the point and fed up does not mean that this has even upset me in anyway. I find it interesting how I have said the same things as others in this thread and yet I am attacking you but they are not. Stop with the "I'm a victim" because bec spoke her mind.

I'm glad you see Anthony's point. as it's the same as mine.. just better put. Different words, same meaning.

bec

I do not know the internal politics here yet. I do not know the complete history of everyone involved or really have much more than a vague idea of it for anyone. If everyone can forgive me this, then I would make a comment on this entire situation.

Everyone seems to have become very emotional very quickly. Each person's typical approach for communicating hit against all of the others. Differences in how words seem to have been used, in how phrases seem to have been intended, and in knowledge about different parts of PTSD all caused responses that are primarily emotionally driven, and required massive efforts to sort out the points that were not communicated properly because of it.

Has anyone intentionally insulted anyone else? Has anyone intentionally attacked anyone else? If not, and it does seem that no one did anything like that intentionally, then what matters is what each person has tried to clarify from what they said when they were very emotional.

Have I offended anyone? I apologize if I have.

Andre, never apologize for your point of view as everyone here is entitled to it. Just sometimes you will have people challenge it is all and that is no biggie.

Good I'm glad my comments weren't taken the wrong way.
You are absolutly right about me taking quotes from one of your more angry posts, because that was the one that really stuck out to me.
But the thing to remember is, on the 'sufferers' side of the forum, people tend to give advice that is to-the-point and very blunt, it can be taken as insensitive or rude sometimes.
Also, I know when someone responds to one of my posts, many times those people don't have certain background info... so they do the human thing and 'assume' things about me... the only way to change their assumption is to give them the info.

Heck, I think most people are 'pushy and angry' at some point in their life! no one is perfect (although we can always try, lol)


Ohhh it can be so hard to find a therapist you click with.
I hope your research goes well, and by doing the research you are actively trying to fix yourself.
Unfortunatly when I had read your previous posts, I did the human thing and made an 'assumption' which was unfair.
My fingers are crossed, and hopefully once you determine what your exact issues are you can begin healing.

Yes I totally understand... welcome to the world of dealing with PTSD'ers.
Literally this is how our everyday conversations can end up if we aren't forcing ourselves to concentrate, things are misunderstood, and both parties can appear to be lashing out.

We were talking about a subject that is sensitive to both sides, and instinctively both parties got defencsive
I think that is a great idea :)
Don't forget to take care of yourself as well during these difficult times.

Andre- 10 out of 10 for diplopacy -

Veiled and Bec - yes you did "attack" Andrea - she was asking from a spouse point of veiw - correct me if I am wrong but she was in a fit of desperation asking for some "information" from your PTSDRS point of view and boy did she get it.!!!!!


In the similar vein as she is getting at home no doubt.!!

Us sufferers in different situations get shit all the time for no apparent reason nor rhyme!

Our world has been turned upside down after a quarter of a century and no it does not make sense ! because the very person who is responsible cant make sense of it !!


It is HARD and we are trying to learn - and to be "attacked " from an open thread like that is exactly reconstructing what is happening at home.

It is unwelcome and not needed.

BEC - yes you make your point and I learn from it - but it comes over so aggressive to a spouse who has already taken all the shit one can take at this time.

Veiled - you are very grammatical and visual in your address- but also very aggressive and that tone we spouses have already have had a belly full of!

I dont really want to intervene here but as we are all on a learning curve please understand that your particurlar spouse/friend/family might put up with your aggresion but it is upsetting for others to deal with.

Anthony - as ever as you are advanced your retort is very calm and diplomatic I guess thats why you are "the guy" who has brought us together to learn - god bless you.

Sorry but I relate to Andrea and her situation and we must respect that although there is a common thread each individual situation is different. thanks hannah

Hannah

I'm going to have to bite my tongue in this reply.

Veiled did not respond any differently from what she would in another thread.
Her response shed some light into how PTSD'ers think, which is what Andrea was asking for....
you would think Andrea would have thanked her... instead she said something about "the two baddest girls" teaming up?

Bec was upset when she read and responded to Andrea's post
If anything was "unwelcome and not needed"... that comment would have been it... especially when it is posted in a PTSD section.

While I understand and respect the fact that spouses may be in a "fit of desperation", I think you are forgetting that people with PTSD are always in a fit of desperation.
You may completely understand how hard it is to be the spouse, (we will probally never be able to fully understand) just think of how much stress your partner 'causes you... do you realize how stressfull it is when you are the one having the nightmares/flashbacks constently throughout your day??

If you are saying Andrea's fit of desperation to get some information 'caused her to get upset and start flaming, so it should be OK because she is stressed.
Meanwhile, Bec who has PTSD (the worst of the worst anxiety disorders) gets overwhelmed and gets upset, and she should get a guilt trip??
I don't get it

Please do not tell an editor what is and is not acceptable.
They have been choosen by Anthony for a reason.
If you want to challange a staff member about their behaviour, it would be more acceptable to do it in a PM, just like we would do for a forum member.
Or just PM Anthony.

We do not intend for either of you two to feel attacked.
As Andrea said, typed words can be interperated many ways.
You know from experience that in real-life we tend to be aggresive... well, we're pretty much the same online.

I really don't want this thread to turn into a flaming fest, or a spouses vs. PTSD'ers debate.
It's gone far enough already I think.

I have closed this thread as it is being argumentative, not constructive or opinions being taken as opinions, but instead attacking.

No more posting here until people cool off, calm down, and get constructive with their opinions, not argumentative.