hi vcc,
The thing is with PTSD, what so many people dont understand, is that is has a "ripple effect", it dosnt just "happen" to one person but to everyone who has contact with that person in some way. It is a social problem, not just an individual one. I loved the metaphor of the tree, the original root seems to become less important as the branches grow and we are dealing with the ripple rather than the point of impact. Residual damage. Maybe thats a positive sign, not a negative one, that we are getting on with the process, i dont know.

I know that my relationship didnt survive it when my PTSD hit, many dont, its just too hard. But we need, as a society, to start getting comfortable with dealing with mental health problems as groups, not just as individuals (who in the end feel guilty for bringing up the problems). vcc, you are using the language of guilt "feeling bad about that", but it isnt just you this is about your entire family/friends/society even. We all need to learn to heal each other. I know the guilt, i worry most about the ripple effect on my boys, how much do i tell them etc. Its hard, but dont take all the responsibility on yourself. If that particular counsellor isnt able to help, just keep looking. Many dont get it. I wonder if anyone who hasnt had it could really "get it". Its hard having to be the one to inform all your family about how to deal with your own PTSD issues. Mine dont get it, and my bro's a shrink, my parents academics. Hah! I've stopped expecting them to, i just keep it simple in that i tell them the bare bones of how to deal with me.

What we need as a society are the public experts who can teach us all to recognise and support those who have been through trauma. Like most social changes, this takes time, but hey, look where we are now, on the internet, talking about it. Even if we are all treading water.....surfing the ripples....

better than being back at the original point of impact, hey?

im hoping that both of you find some relief from the pressure soon vcc :). i keep telling myself that this is really a learning experience, an opportunity for growth and strength.....in a way, this can bring you closer together if you are a team. Or maybe you both need to have some "time off" from it to get perspective, time thats pleasant and fun together or apart. What's worked for others? i wish i had had the tools to deal with it when it happened to me, but i didnt and neither did my partner who just "freaked". Even recently he said to me that he still thought of me as "damaged goods". Yeah, thanks for the support, dear. Oh well. Relationships and PTSD go together like oil and water.
Hope you can make it into a good salad dressing!

Catatonicky.. thank you.. I've written so many things on here within the last few days.. I appreciate what you've said.. I'm trying to get a grip. :frown:

Hey VCC, my wife Tig is a member here. She posts and responds to other posts in the spouse section. At first I lurked in the spouse section but just decided to leave it alone. In this case "what you don't know, won't hurt you" does apply. Encourge him to use the spouse section and just don't go in there. Just my 2 cents.

Hi Vcc and thankyou for the lovely posts you put nder mine in the spouse section. After now reading your history I am even more thankul for the post you put in. In regards to your own situation, all I can say is from a spouses perspective it is REALLY scary when the person you love and thought you knew like the back of your hand changes so radicaly, and close up and there seems to be nothing you can do to help. You kind of go through the whole grief process of denial (pretending things are normal) and anger directed at the perso to try and make them 'snap out of it and get back to normal'. You sound like you are doing all the right things...going to counselling, on meds?, not turing your angre blame on people you love. Please let your husband know how much you still love him and that under your pain is still the strong, fun and loving wife he married and loves. It just scares the SH*T out of us, it's like losing someone who still lives in your house as an empty shell...in my case and angry, nasty, empty shell !! LOL....small attempt at light heartedness. Hang in....YOU are still in there and will come back to yourself and those you love. XX

Thank you.. I hope I was able to offer some insight or help of some sort. My husband just joined the forum.. I think its under the 'intros' still.. his logon name is 'ubu'.. We've had a rough week, but done alot of good talking and understanding.. I think having him on the forum will help us both too. You should give him a chat.. he's great & I'm sure he'll know EXACTLY where you're coming from. Hang in there.